If only I can stop the time

I want to hold you here

There is this moment I want to stop and reply it over and over again

She walked on the pathway leading to her apartment. It’s winter. She bundled up with red scarf around her neck, three layer clothes under her blue coat, black skinny jeans, and brown boot. A brown leather bag slung on her shoulder. Her long brown hairs frame her face beautifully. She rubbed her palm to emitted heat to her body. She forgot her gloves. Again.

“Yixing”

She turned her face to the source of the voice. Kris. Her best friend. He waved enthusiastically toward her. She over her bright smiled to him showing her dimple on her right cheek. He jogged his way to her.

“I thought you said you will come over on 5?” she asked when he got nearer.

“I did. It’s 5 already”

She pulled out her phone from her bag to check the time. She forgot her watch.

“Oh” she smiled sheepishly toward him “Sorry”

She ruffled her hair lovingly, “It’s okay. Where were you going?” he asked and began to walk side by side with her.

“Library” she said as she showed the book in her bag.

“You and your love for those book.” He said dramatically. She just grins at him.

She rubbed her palm again then-

“You forgot your glove again?” he asked in disbelief “if your ears can be detached I won’t be surprise when you forgot one”

She pouted at his accusation tone missing the red blush on his cheeks, “I left in hurried” she tried to reasons.

He waived his left glove and put it on her left hand. His bare hands grab her right hand and hold it tightly. The heat creeps toward her face and spread to her whole body. She lowered her head and smiled shyly. He almost missed it if he didn’t side eye her. He cleared his throat-

“Hurry up its cold” he said and pulled her hand to walked faster.

They were best friend, they were happy even without the three sacred words,

Or so she thought.

If only I can turn back the time

Will you still be here with me?

There was something I should do but I didn't…

“WHERE YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING!” he held her wrist.

“I’m going to live with my Dad. What’s wrong with that?”

“You said you will stay here with your Mom and me. You said you will never leave me.”

“Forget it Kris. You already have someone and-” and I don’t want to be here when you decide you don’t need me anymore.”I just miss my Dad” she yanked her hand from his grip to walk to the door in front of her.

“This is bull. You’re mad at me aren’t you?” he turned her body and held both of her shoulder.

“What?”

“You’re the one who keep me in your friend zone when all I want to be is more than that. I know you knew that I lov-”

 “Stop it Kris. You’re going to get married” she said. Truthfully she just afraid he will said it in the past tense, Loved.

“Yeah, married after a month in relationship, have you ever wondered why I did that? How I met her?”

She answered him with her silent. Head hung low. Her grips on her luggage tighten.

“You didn’t come. That night, I was waiting for you” he inhales shakily.

The tears have threatening to fall. It’s too late. She doesn’t want to be selfish. She doesn’t want to ruin others happiness. So without word she let go. She stepped back from his hold. She turned around to hide her tears from him. She walked to the door and turns the door knob-

“Why?”

 His voice sounds so broken.

Why asking now? After a month of silent, why now?

He was the one who give her cold shoulder after that night and then suddenly she receive an invitation. his wedding invitation.

Her heart shatter in to pieces. She wants to leave but suddenly he won’t let go.

She really wants to confront him, but she can’t believe her own voice. She is afraid; one word from her will make her break down. 

She opened the door and left, fully aware that the moment she walks out from that door she walks out from his life.

All the reason left unsaid.

And his last words left unheard.

‘I still love you’

Oh time

Give me your mercy

For the word left unsaid

Give me a while

To say and to hold

If only…

If only she brave enough to confront him

If only he ask sooner

She wrote a letter.

She really wanted to let him go but the tiniest part of her heart couldn't do it. So she drop in post office and sent him a letter.

Call her a coward or a hypocrite, she won't care anymore.

When she sent him a letter she thought maybe it can fix things between them. Maybe he will come after her. Maybe there is a chance. Maybe it’s not too late. Maybe she can bring back the love. Maybe there will be happy ending.

When she wrote a letter to him, she never had idea it will be the last thing she left for him.

Now, when she sits in the airplane hearing the bitter apologize from the pilot, the letter that seemed to be a great idea became a nightmare for her. Or for him.

It’s too late.

She shut her eyes tightly ignoring the heat that burns her skin painfully. Some murmuring their pray between their sobs. The scream and the weep go through her ear piercingly. 

Flash of his smile and his laugh curling the corner of his mouth in to smile.

Tears flow on her cheek washing her regret and her agony.

I’m sorry.