“C-can anyone play the guitar for the contest?” I stuttered asking the class. I’m no good with large audiences and yet I was made the class representative.

 

No one answered, “Kathy, can you play the piano?”

 

“I don’t know how.” She groaned. I just sigh.

No one is listening to me.

 

 

"Why don’t you?” she says as her eyes laser to me. Everyone knows I don’t know how to play any instrument.

Before I can even answer the whole class settled for me and they slowly left for break.

 

I am now a first year in High school. I’ve got to tell you this, High school it’s hard.

I’ve been having the hard time in fitting in. I don’t talk a lot, I don’t know on what to talk about.

 

“H-hey…” I said awkwardly with them. They are my friends, Sarah, Louie and Kathy.

 

“Oh.” Sarah said as she twirled her hair and looked at me for a second. Sarah is very beautiful and always pursued by many guys.

 

“Sarah, you know what? I discovered this cute store downtown, you wanna check it  out? Kathy?” Louie babbled. Louie is talkative and she’s friendly with everyone.

 

“Guys! We should ask Seoyeon to come with us too!” Kathy said as she smiled at me. They wanted me to come? I jump for joy.

 

“But…” Sarah said as she looked at me. I smiled at her nervously.

 

“But don’t you have student council meetings after class? You can’t come!” H said.

 

“Oh, I don’t have one later! I-I can come!” I said stuttering.

 

“ah…” for a second they looked at each other.

 

 

“Heeey!” Suddenly someone patted my head.

And it made my heart skipped a beat.

 

It was Hoya. We’re childhood friends. His family has always taken care of me since my mother and father died when I was 10.

 

Now, I’m living alone and I do part-time jobs since I can no longer be a baggage for their family.

And yes, this guy, I’ve liked for the longest time.

 

“what are you chattering about? Let me join.” He grinned as he sat down near Kathy.

 

“We wanted to go to this cute store downtown, wanna come?” Louie said.

 

“Yeah. Are you coming too, Seoyeon?” he asked me.

 

“I’d love to..” I said in a very tiny voice.

 

“Yeah me too. But… I have this damn homework and I have practice in basketball.” He said looking at me. Tyrone was always good as sports but I think somehow he was exhausted.

 

“I-I can do that for you.” I said nervously.

 

“Really?” he smiled. And I unconsciously smiled too.

 

“I can!” I said.

 

“Thank you!!” he smiled again which somehow made me feel very happy.

 

It was 30 minutes after class and there’s still a lot of students in the school. Some of my classmates already left, Sarah, Kathy and Louie did too.

 

Too bad, I can’t go to the store with them.

 

I’m doing something my teacher asked me to do since I’m the class representative when I suddenly heard the sound of rain. I looked at my umbrella.

 

I suddenly thought of Sarah and the others. They might  not have brought their umbrellas.

 

I run quickly down the halls, when I bumped into someone.

 

I apologized. That someone smelled of fresh paint.

 

I quickly got up, apologized and ran again.

 

I gasped for air when I finally in the entrance.

Thank God, the three is still in there.

 

I was about to call them when I saw Hoya. Didn’t he say he have a basketball practice?

He was holding an umbrella for Kathy.

 

The both of them are laughing and when Kathy pushed him a little,

Hoya blushed.

 

I see. It was that.  That view was very painful.

I turned my back on them.

 

My chest quickly tightened and the feeling of not being able to breathe came over me.

I gasped for air as I ran as fast as I could into the classroom. I just looked at them for a second and yet it’s as if that view was burned in my memory.

 

Slowly, the number of students lessened.  And the only sound I can hear inside the classroom is the ticking of the wall clock and the sound of raging rain.

 

           When I was 14, I watched a movie wherein two childhood friends fell in love with each other.  But I guess, Hoya and I don’t count because that movie’s leading lady is the complete opposite of me. She was beautiful, bright and lovable.

I’m not like that. I’m boring. I don’t have self-confidence. I’m always awkward. Why am I like this? It’s painful and yet I can’t cry. It’s like I’m staring into a white space where there is nothing but me, sitting alone in a corner. And it’s like I’m just a part of that boring white space, slowly fading with them.

 

I thought my feelings will be frozen forever. I thought I would live my life like this.

But then I heard a beautiful high note strung from an acoustic guitar.

 

Little by little, The notes came together and formed a melody.

A beautiful melody.

 

This was never new to me, my classmates always asks for favors so I always the last one to leave.

And even though, I was depressed, whenever I hear that guitar play, My mood lightens.

 

 

“It must have been a beautiful soul.” I thought.

 

 

That day, I didn’t know that stepping out of my classroom and searching for the source of that harmony, would change my life.

 

 

My heart quickens as I step by step walk on that  room next to ours.

 

The smell of paint and the sound of rain drops gives me that strange ambiance.

 

When I walk-in the door, When I think about it now, That might me the simple moment I fell in love..

 

The soul of that music was a gorgeous man.  The way is fingers taps up and down like its dancing with the melody, and the way his hair swings naturally.   It’s like he’s lost in his own world of emotions.

 

I hid behind the door. It’s just like the rain or the smell of paint in that room didn’t bother him. His music is blending in with them.

 

The music was Sad, Beautiful and Tragic.

 

It captured the feelings of a hand trying to reach out for someone.

The feelings of wanting to be loved. The feelings of wanting to cry.

The feelings of wanting to be happy.

 

 

The smile I’ve been constantly faking disappeared, and the tears I’ve been holding back

Fell down.

 

I don’t know why but his music saved me.

It’s like someone understood how I felt.

It’s like someone saying, “I understand.”

“Just cry it out.”

 

Because the music he is playing, is the same of what I feel.

It’s just like He was the music in me.

 

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Some myung soo fan there might already know who the guitar player is.  :) I hope i made the girl a likeable character.