Story: My Little Collection
Author: xxhunhan101xx
Status: Ongoing- 2 Chapters
Characters: Sehun - LuHan
Rated?: No
Summary: 
Luhan likes collection confessions, he accepts hearts, yet never treasures them. What happens when a handsome boy named Sehun becomes his next "toy?" Will Luhan enjoy his toy, or will it be the other way around...

Title:

The title is mostly bland, frankly. Story titles are tremendously vital because it’s what would generate expectation, eagerness to read and down with that,  lack of interest. ‘My Little Collection’ could open up a lot of possibilities in the reader’s mind but not all the possibilities are as good as the real idea behind your title. (Actually, a friend of mine thought it would be a drabble collection xD) Although, of course, sort of interrelated with the story judging from the foreword’s introduction but one will have to read the foreword in order to get that first.

Foreword:

The foreword seemed pretty much inviting but not as much as it could have been. The bolded questions were exactly the same questions I asked myself when I read the paragraph previous to it.  The second given question about who his first target would be has the obvious answer lol.  Whilst the first bolded question, I really want to know the answer to and I hope it’s not the cliché storyline that’s been forming in my head. The quotation is so sweet, damn fluff <3

A suggestion, try requesting for a poster and other stuff that would give your foreword more appeal in the eyes. Plain is good but plain is bordering on the boring safe lane.

Plot: 

 Just from the foreword, I kind of had the gist of how the story will go. I have a lot of things to say but I’ll shorten them into 3 words, I love it. I love your story to be honest. Just like in the foreword, there were little hints dropped into the first quarter of the first chapter, ‘What made LuHan like this?’ and jealousy was the answer. That’s a good twist, I honestly thought it would be some other guy who hurt him before and all that drama.

Goddammit the Chapter two’s cliff hanger has successfully left me anticipating Sehun’s answer.

Character Development: 

Lu Han is described as a devil disguised as an angel but from what I’ve read, I have a feeling he’s just a wounded angel that’s pretending to be the bad guy. At least you didn’t make LuHan’s character a ‘’ where Sehun would be the one to change him. No, his character was made deeper and with more mystery.

I wonder how Sehun would trigger LuHan to change or if he could do it at all.

Grammar: 

Bravo! I found no mistakes and if there are mistakes, then I must have missed it. The vocabulary is also exceptional, I’m not fond of repetitive words so I enjoy that yours didn’t. Nothing more to say here because yeah, it's all good.

Originality: 

In my opinion, it IS original because there are a lot of stories where Sehun is the cold guy and all that drama. And as I’ve mention in the character development I am THANKFUL that you didn’t played out the most used storyline when it comes to hunhan pairing, the whorexsweetguy or the coldsehunxshyluhan. Honestly, I’m starting to vomit everytime I read those.

Personal Enjoyment: 

This is one of my favorite reviewed story so far just because it depicts with realism as much as did with fiction. I really like stories with deeper plots that don’t just revolve with young true love but also with other emotions that humans feel, just like sibling jealousy, attention seeking and the need of someone to care. You managed to capture all the feelings well and jar them perfectly.

And LMAO @fwydag whut in all the s given HAHAHA

This fic needs all the attention it could get so I hope it would.

Anyways, there’s my review and apologies for taking all the time in the world xD
If you have questions, ask me.
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