“You should’ve told her how you felt,” Jimin scolded a silent Jungkook.

            Absentmindedly, Jungkook twirled the chain bracelet around his index finger. To Jimin, the boy looked lost. He sunk back in the worn out rolling office chair with left ankle perched on his right thigh. With a loud and impatient sigh, Jungkook pulled down his snapback so his eyes would be out of view. He wanted to be alone.

            “What are you going to do now?” Jimin questioned.

            Without a response, Jungkook spun in the chair and turned his back to his hyung. He didn’t think it was any of Jimin’s business and he’d rather confide in someone else. In the background, Chris Brown’s ‘Loyal’ was on full blast. Jungkook would pick a different song to listen to in a time like this, but it was the only song that would prevent him from thinking about her.

            “Kookie-ah,” Jimin exclaimed, almost pleadingly. Jungkook felt a hand on his shoulder and he shrugged it off, earning a grunt from Jimin. “Don’t do this to hyung!”

            Frustrated, Jungkook cocked his head to the side tiredly and let out a loud sigh. “When will you stop bugging me, hyung?”

            “Kookie-yah,” Jimin walked over to stand in front of Jungkook. “She’s not just another girl; you do realize that, right?”

            The maknae avoided eye contact and looked down at the bracelet in his hand. “She’s just a fan, hyung,” he murmured.

            “See!” Jimin pointed at Jungkook as he jumped in the air with an accusing stare. “That’s exactly why she’s not with you now; you always claim she’s just a fan!”

            “Well, she is…” Jungkook glanced uncertainly at Jimin.

            “Nooo…!” Jimin’s hand flew to his head as they clenched into fists and his expression was pained. He was so frustrated with how Jungkook was acting. The boy just didn’t understand girls! And he was way too innocent. “If you feel warm whenever you think about her, it means that she’s not just a fan.”

            The boy’s eyebrows knitted together in concentration and slight confusion. “But Hyung, I feel warm towards every ARMY.”

            Jimin’s clenched fists pumped into the air in irritation. “Jungkook-yah, why are you so clueless?!” Jimin started pacing in front of Jungkook with his hand under his chin and concentration etched on his face. He was thinking of ways to tell Jungkook how to get the girl back.

            “Jungkook, when you meet the perfect woman, you just know it,” Jimin paused to get a reaction from Jungkook, but when the boy looked questioningly at him, Jimin continued. “She makes you feel differently every time you’re with her… Like, you feel lighter and happier around her,” he tried to find the right words to describe it and when Jungkook looked at him with those big, clueless eyes, Jimin expanded his arms in the air and tried to demonstrate. Jungkook raised his eyebrows and Jimin sighed in the middle of his demonstration as he decided to give up. “Here, let me make you relive those moments. Close your eyes and relax.”

            Jungkook did as he was told as he clamped the cold bracelet in his palm. He relaxed his shoulder and took a deep breath. He didn’t know where this was heading, but it was something that took his mind off her.

            “Think back to the first time you saw her. Now, not the first time you talked to her, but the very first time you laid eyes on her.”

            Jungkook was thumping the pen against the table as his head was bobbing along to the music. It was Bangtan’s fan sign held in the Philippines and Jungkook was quite nervous earlier that day, but as the fan sign progressed on, he was glad and excited to meet so many good-hearted fans. On either side of him, s were taking their time conversing with the fans and Jungkook had nothing to do as he waited.

            “Jungkook-ah!” a fan called out.

            His head snapped up and as he scanned the crowd trying to find out who called his name, his gaze met a girl making her way through the throng of people. Her attention was somewhere else and she looked to be in a hurry. With hair flowing in the breeze and footsteps hurried, she looked flawless. For a moment, her head jerked and Jungkook got a clear view of her face.

            “Oppa,” the fan in front of him exclaimed and Jungkook looked down at her with a forced smile as he greeted her.

            In the midst of talking to the fan, Jungkook kept glancing behind the fan, trying to catch a glimpse of the mystery girl, but she was no longer in view.

            “Do you recall how you felt back then?” Jimin asked, intent on hearing Jungkook’s answer.

            Jungkook nodded his head. He remembered the feeling well, he was curious and a little awe-struck. He wanted to know who she was, but it wasn’t anything serious. Of course, through his time as a singer, he’d seen many pretty girls so she was just another one of the pretty girls to him. After that was what started it all.

            “Now think about the first time you talked to her and how it felt.”

            “Jungkook,” the voice caught his attention and he averted his eyes from the table to the fan in front of him.

            When his eyes landed on her, Jungkook was a bit surprised; he hadn’t expected the mystery girl to be one of their fans. Immediately, he felt a smile rose on his lips. The same monotonous greeting left his lips as he took her album and started to sign.

            “Name?”

            “Monique.”

            “Ah, that’s quite an uncommon name,” he noted, but his eyes never left the album.

            “I finally meet you,” she muttered under her breath, but Jungkook heard it and he looked up.

            “What’d you say?” He pretended he didn’t hear as he expectantly looked at her.

            She shook her head. “Jungkook, will you be coming here in the future?”

            “Ahh, I’m not sure.”

            “Hmm,” she perched her arms on the table and leaned forward. “If you can’t, I’ll go to Korea then.”

            “Hm?” Jungkook looked up and instantly, the closeness of their faces caught him off guard. For a split second, his eyes traced the perimeter of her face and he realized that she was really beautiful. Feeling warm and a little uncomfortable, he leaned back and turned his attention back to the album.

            “I mean it,” she started and leaned back as she glanced at the sky. “I’ll make enough money and go to Seoul so I can meet you again.”

            He finished the last of his signing and pushed the album towards her as he studied her. “You don’t have to, just focus on studying, okay?”

            Her eyes met his and she furrowed her eyebrows. “You don’t seem to believe me… But Jungkook, I’ll make sure to meet you again.”

            He bit his bottom lip. Deep down, he knew it was just something majority of the fans said; half of them never accomplished it. Even with his doubt, Jungkook decided to go along with it. Nodding, he held up his hand. “Okay, good luck with that and I’ll see you soon, okay?”

            “I promise we’ll meet again.”

            She grinned and her hand met his. The moment it did, Jungkook felt a shock up his back. As she gathered her belongings and walked to the next person, he stared hard at the empty space in front of him. It might be the last time they meet and Jungkook didn’t know how he felt about a promise that was broken in the first place.

            “Depressing,” the word escaped his lips a moment later and Jimin stared at him in confusion.

            “What’s depressing?”

            “The first time I met her… You asked me how it felt when I first met her.”

            “Right… Anything else?”

            “Strange, shock up my spine, empty promises, confusion, and determination.” His eyes snapped open and he groaned. “Hyung, why are you making me do this?”

            “Jungkook, I told you why we’re doing this. Hurry, close your eyes before you lose momentum.” Jimin quickly covered Jungkook’s eyes, trying to get the boy to close them. As soon as Jungkook’s eyes were closed, Jimin began. “Think through all the moments that affected you the most and after each one, just say whatever that comes to mind like how you felt, what you thought and such.”

            Jungkook was running through the night storm, trying to go to the dorm after staying longer than he should’ve at the training center. If he knew that it was going to rain this hard, he would’ve never decided to practice longer. With hands in pants pockets and eyes on the ground, he ran passed people. The night was chilly and breezy, making him want to be in the comfort of his bed.

            “Ah!”

            Somebody slammed hard into his chest and he stumbled back, almost falling down on his . Surprised, he looked at the person. The girl’s hair was a mess as it was drenched in rain and matted onto her forehead. Her mascara was running along her cheeks and Jungkook could see her shivering beneath the thin fabric of her shirt and shorts. She was definitely not dressed for the weather.

            “I’m so sorry, I didn’t look where I was going.” She bowed and Jungkook shook his head.

            “It’s fine.”

            He watched her pick up her grocery bag that fell on the ground when they collided. She rummaged through the items and that’s when he felt like he’d seen her before.

            “Is everything intact?” he asked. She looked at him in confusion and he nodded to the bag and formed an oval.

            “Oh, yeah, everything’s good.” As he was trying to figure out where he’d seen her before, her face lit up. “Are you Jungkook?”

            “Um,” he stepped back and looked a little unsure as he pulled the hem of his cap down and glanced around them.

            “Don’t you remember me?” her voice was full of hope and he looked at her. Her face was familiar, but he couldn’t remember where or when he’d seen her before. “I’m Monique from the Philippines. I told you I’d come to Seoul to meet you!”

            Images suddenly flooded his mind and his jaw dropped slightly when he recalled her. He was slightly amazed that she didn’t break the promise.

            “Right, I remember now,” he scanned her figure and concern took over. “Do you have a place to stay? When did you get here?”

            “Oh, I’m staying with an elder a few blocks over there.” He followed the direction she’s pointing and nodded his head. “I got here this morning.”

            “Um, you should go back, it’s getting late.”

            She looked stricken and disappointed for a second before it all vanished. Nodding her head, she fiddled with the grocery bag handle. “Are you heading back to the dorm?”

            “Yeah.” Jungkook shifted in his place as he looked around them in awareness. He didn’t want to meet any other fan at that time of night.

            Sensing that he was in a hurry, she nodded and stepped aside. “Have a good night then.”

            He nodded and out of the corner of his eye, he watched her walk in the opposite direction. Feeling desperate whatsoever, he spun around. “Monique!”

            Turning, she looked at him expectantly. “Yeah?”

            “Will you be at the fan sign tomorrow?”

            A grin lifted up her face and his heart felt warm as he found himself smiling back. “That’s why I’m here.”

            Relieved, he walked towards her and took off his jacket as he handed it to her. “The dorm is near, I’ll be fine.”

            After a ton of hesitation, Monique finally accepted the jacket. Jungkook watched as she wrapped it around herself and he didn’t understand why he felt so happy seeing her wear his clothing.

            “It has to be infatuation,” Jungkook stated. “Otherwise it’ll be a crush and I don’t crush on people that quickly.”

            “Whatever you say, Kookie,” Jimin replied.

            “It’s no longer an empty promise, surprise, jacket, rain, night, grocery bag, disappointment, desperation…,” he sighed. “Hyung, I can go on and on, can I just skip this?”

            “Fine, but remember to say the most important parts.”

            “How long will you be staying here? Hasn’t it been a week now?” Jungkook questioned, glancing over at Monique.

            It was during the evening when he happened to spot her walking down the street. Jungkook hadn’t seen her since the fan sign and he had thought that she already left for home. For some reason, he was relieved to see her again.

            “Didn’t I tell you?”

            He shook his head and pursed his lips. “No, you didn’t.”

            “Oh, well I’m studying abroad for the year.”

            “You are?” He was surprised and a bit glad.

            She nodded her head with a smile. “I guess we’ll be seeing each other more often… Isn’t that wonderful, Jungkook?”

            “Considering that you’re a fan, yes, it’s great!”

            “I thought it wouldn’t matter as much because she’s just a fan. I didn’t think I was capable of those feelings,” Jungkook mumbled. “If she wasn’t studying abroad, maybe I could’ve hid those feelings until I forget her and hopefully they’d fade, but it’s not like that.”

            “Are you blaming this on her?” Jimin pestered as he leaned forward, studying Jungkook’s face.

            He shook his head slowly. “No, it never was. It never will be.”

            “The showcase ended with a success!” Jungkook yelled as he slung an arm around her shoulder.

            She was carrying her book bag and with a book in her right hand. Monique had just gotten back from school and she scowled at Jungkook.

            “Did you see how awesome I was? Oh wait, you weren’t there because you had school!” He smirked smugly at her and she groaned.

            “Stop rubbing it in my face.”

            “Aww, come on Monique. What’s the fun in it if I can’t rub it in your face?”

            “Jungkook-yah!” She abruptly stopped and turned to face him with a glare. He looked at her with slight amusement. “If you don’t stop it this instant, I’m going to hit you!”

            He laughed and wrapped his arm around her as he pulled her on. “There’s always a next time, don’t be so angry about it.”

            “But you don’t understand! I’m only staying until next year, you guys probably won’t have a comeback until I’m gone,” she complained.

            “Aish, why are you being this way? Fine, I’ll take you somewhere special tonight to make up for the showcase,” he offered as he gave her arm a gentle squeeze. Her heart skipped a beat as she looked at him with wide eyes.

            “You will?! Really?!”

            He nodded. “Yes, I’m being completely honest.”

            “Jeon Jungkook, if you lie to me, I’m going to beat you to a pulp!”

            That night, Jungkook took her to a private karaoke room where he planned to sing for her. He handed her a microphone as he got one for himself.

            “What song do you want to sing?” Jungkook questioned, flipping through the track list.

            “But Jungkook, I can’t sing with a throat like this.” She motioned to her slightly sore throat and he frowned.

            “Come on Monique, we’re supposed to have fun!”

            “How about you just sing for me?” She gave him her puppy eyes and Jungkook sighed as he ran his hand through his hair, messing it up.

            “What’s the fun in that?”

            “Everything!” she exclaimed. “Oh please, please, Jungkook. Sing for me?”

            “Fine, but next time you have to sing for me.”

            She nodded her head enthusiastically and Jungkook picked “Just One Day”. As soon as the music came on, Monique started squealing as she sat on the leather seat. Jungkook felt a smile on his face, but his back was turned to her so she couldn’t see. As he sang, he started to dance comically, causing her to burst out laughing. He was smiling as he watched her tumble over in laughter.

            After singing a bunch of other songs, Jungkook grew exhausted. The music was still playing in the background when he walked over to her. “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be singing!” she shouted.

            He hunched over her and her eyes got wide as she slowly sunk into the seat, but he kept getting lower. “W-what are you doing?” she whispered.

            “I don’t want to sing anymore,” he whined as he tossed the microphone to the side. He gently shoved her to the side as he sat on her spot and crossed his arms over his chest.

            “Hey!” She playfully shoved him and he looked at her with a serious expression. “But I want you to sing.”

            “I know what we can do,” he suggested.

            “What?” Monique suddenly became interested.

            He leaned closer to her and whispered, “You have to give something to me in return because I sang for you for over three hours. This is even longer than the showcase, if you haven’t noticed.”

            “But what? I can’t sing if that’s what you want.”

            His eyes scanned her face and then fell on her eyes as he was merely inches away from her face. With his hand, his fingertips lightly brushed along her neck and Monique gulped down her saliva. She was getting nervous and her breathing was increasing.

            “You’re stunning, Monique,” he merely whispered. His warm breath hit her skin, giving her goose-bumps.

            She sat frozen in her spot as his eyes traveled down to her lips. With his fingertips, he lightly traced her lips. “I’ve always wanted to know how your lips taste.”

            His heart was beating loud in his chest and he was a nervous wreck, but he couldn’t stop right then. If he did, he knew he would regret it for the rest of his life. He could hear the blood rushing to his head and his nerves were driving him insane, but he tried to ignore it.

            His fingers found their way to her chin and traced along her jaw-line. “For some reason, I find your chin cute.” As he said that, he let out a small chuckle, but Monique was too focused on the way his touch felt that she couldn’t comprehend most of what he was saying.

            His touch was electricity to her. It felt as if she had been electrocuted, but in a good way. His touch was gentle and a little playful, making her lose her mind. She didn’t know that his touch could erupt emotions she didn’t know existed.

            “I’ve always wanted to do this.”

            He leaned down and brushed his lips against her neck, causing her emotions to jumble together. The peck was light and gentle, but enough to make her want more. Everything dispersed from his mind the second his lips made contact with her skin. All the worries and stress was gone. He didn’t care that dating was off limits and he didn’t care about the consequences if they got caught, all he cared about was that he liked her. And that was all that really mattered.

            Trailing kisses along her collarbones, he felt her hands running up and down his back, causing his stomach to become queasy. Her touch was prominent and slow, but it was enough to give him goose-bumps. His hands found a stable hold on her waist and with his thumbs, he caressed her sides. His lips traced the side of her neck to the end of her ear and he kissed along her jaw. He pulled her closer to him as his lips met hers.

            To his surprise, her hands traveled to his stomach and went up to his chest, each touch driving him crazy. She gently pushed him away and his eyes snapped open. Confusion washed over his face as he stared at her. His stare was intense and made her uncomfortable as she mustered up the courage to keep eye contact.

            “If you kiss me, you’ll get sick too,” she reminded.

            Relief flooded his face. A second ago, he thought she was rejecting him. Ignoring her reminder, he closed the small gap between them and leaned down. Her eyes widened and she began to speak, but he motioned for her to be quiet as he nuzzled his face in her neck.

            “It doesn’t matter if I get sick as long as I get to kiss you.”

            “First kiss,” Jungkook started. The memory brought goose-bumps and his body became warm. He recalled that night clearly, even better than all the other memories.

            “Ooh,” Jimin teased. “I remember this!”

            Ignoring him, Jungkook continued. “Karaoke bar, affection, ‘Just One Day’, electricity, nervousness, and her perfection.”

            “I told you she’s just a dancer for the song!” Jungkook exclaimed.

            Monique shook her head, jealousy and anger was soaring in her chest. She didn’t believe a thing he said to her. She’s never with him 24/7 and she was often closed off from his life. She was clueless to what he did when she wasn’t around.

            “You’re always with her though. Wherever you are, she’s always there and you never have time for me!”

            “We’re in the same company, it’s bound to happen. We’re just working together, what part of that don’t you get?”

            They were in a private area at the entertainment. Monique wasn’t supposed to be there, but she had enough of seeing him with somebody else. If it was once or a few times, she’d understand, but majority of the times she meets up with Jungkook, the other girl was always clinging to his side. She didn’t understand why Jungkook would let some other girl cling to him as if they were dating.

            “I understand clearly, Jungkook, but when you’re at interviews, roaming the entertainment, or eating lunch, she’s always there. She’s not a few feet away or even across the room, but right beside you. Do you honestly think I’d understand? She’s not even your girlfriend.”

            Behind her, Jungkook noticed the clock struck evening and he could hear the others packing up their belongings, getting ready to go practice again. Frustrated that she didn’t trust him and impatient to get it over with, Jungkook glowered at her.

            “You’re not my girlfriend either, you can’t tell me who to be with and who I shouldn’t be with.”

            His tone was cold and harsh, making the words pierced through her heart. Her fists clenched by her sides, after all that they’d been through she didn’t understand why he could push her aside so quickly. They’d spent almost every day talking to each other and she was the one he leaned on when he was stressed or upset.

            Her heart clenched and pain exploded inside of her. Disgust and betrayal flashed across her face. “Then what am I to you, Jungkook?”

            “You’re just a fan, Monique.”

            The response was enough to break her heart to pieces. She felt like she was suffocating and she couldn’t breathe. The world was spinning and she felt dizzy, but she stood her ground. Pain was not enough to describe how she felt at the moment. She couldn’t believe he dared kiss her and claim that she’s just a fan. Idols don’t kiss their fans like he kissed her.

            “And you’re someone I never want to see again, Jeon Jungkook.”

            He stood frozen in his spot as he watched her stormed out of the room. He couldn’t find the words nor the courage to try to stop her. Maybe he’s right after all, she’s just a fan.

            “I was a jerk,” Jungkook said. “But regret definitely stands out more along with the pain in her eyes.”

            “What do you regret most?”

            Outside the room, Jungkook could make out the yelling from Taehyung and Hoseok and he could hear Seokjin scolding the two. The bracelet in his hand started to turn warm and he began twirling it again.

            “Not talking it out with her,” he answered without hesitation.

            “What did you feel after the fight?”

            “I don’t think it was a fight, hyung,” he muttered. Just then, he felt a smack on his head and he blindly kicked the space in front of him, but couldn’t find Jimin.

            Jimin laughed in the distance. “If you guys argue, then it’s a fight.”

            “Well, I felt bad and sort of empty, I guess.”

            “When was the last time you saw her?”

            “Last week.”

            Jungkook was heading to the store that night. The air was humid, but it was drizzling a bit. Although it was drizzling, it felt refreshing and made the humidity less tormenting. The orange streetlamps flickered and the night was silent except for the sound of his footsteps and buzzing from the lights. He was lost in thought when he saw a familiar figure exit from a shop down the street.

            He immediately recognized the hair in a bun, the curve of her figure, and the way she walked. Instantly, his heart started hammering inside his chest and he froze in his spot. A tight squeeze in his chest made him realize he hadn’t seen her for so long and reminded him of how much he missed her.

            Coming to his senses, he realized she was getting farther away. He picked up pace and began to jog in her direction. She seemed lost in thought as she walked, constantly looking at the sky or down at her feet. As he slowed down behind her, he caught a whiff of her scent and it made him warm.

            “Monique,” he said in a barely audible voice. He was afraid to talk to her especially after what he’d said to her. He didn’t think she’d hear him, but she automatically stopped in her tracks.

            Nervous, he stepped in front of her and she averted her eyes. “I told you I never want to see you again.”

            “I remember, but let me explain.”

            “There’s nothing for you to explain, Jungkook,” her eyes met his and they were so cold that it saddened him. “I’m just a fan; I don’t deserve your explanations.”

            “No Monique. You don’t understand, it was a mistake.”

            “Exactly, it was a mistake, Jungkook. It was a mistake for meeting you in the first place. Gosh, with that money to come here, I could have bought a car or give to charity! If I knew you would toss me aside like that, I would’ve never come here in the first place!”

            He knew she was angry and no matter what he said, it wouldn’t calm her down. So Jungkook did the only thing that came to mind at the moment. As she began to talk again, he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her towards him. He smacked his lips against hers and slid his arms around her.

            Engulfed in her scent and with her in his arms, he felt at peace and somehow safe. He drowned in the moment and wrapped his mind around her. He missed the way she felt in his arms as if his arms were made to hold her. He missed the way her hair smells and the way her lips felt on his. Jungkook missed everything about her.

            With a push, she was out of his grasp. Her eyes were shooting daggers into his skull and she wiped her lips with the back of her hand. “After what we’ve been through, you think a kiss will make everything the same again? It’s not that easy, Jungkook.”

            “What do you want me to do then?!” He yelled in desperation.

            “Forget about everything, Jungkook. It’s my last night here; I’m going back to the Philippines.”

            Jungkook watched Monique turn around and walked away. He didn’t know what to do or say to stop her and make her come back. He didn’t know a thing about love, what was there for him to do? It was obvious she made up her mind and he just stood and watched as the girl of his dreams walked out of his life forever.

            A glint against the moonlight caught his attention. He looked at the ground to find a bracelet right where Monique had been standing. He picked it up and twirled it in his hand; it was the last reminder of what he had lost.

            He still remembered the look in her eyes that day. They were fierce and sparked with disgust. She wanted nothing to do with him. Jungkook could live with the pain, everyday was getting harder, but he knew one day he would forget the feel of her lips, the touch of her skin, the sound of her voice, the way she laughed, the glint in her eyes, the kindness in her words, the scent of her hair, and the way her touch affected him. One day she would become lost to him, but at the moment, he would have to try to not dwell on what could’ve been.

            Every time when he’s reminded of her, he would brush it aside and hide the fact that she meant more to him than he could ever imagine. She taught him a few lessons that he wouldn’t have learned at school and he wanted to thank her for that, but would never get the chance to. Jungkook made a vow to himself that if anybody asked about her and who she was, he would tell them that she’s just a fan.

            He opened his eyes to see Jimin staring at him with hope. He didn’t understand the point of the activity and couldn’t believe he wasted his time recalling all the moments he could never get back. Jungkook looked at the bracelet in his hand and flipped it in the air as it fell to the ground and made a thump. He looked at Jimin and shook his head once.

            “Hyung, she’s never coming back.” 

- - - - - - 

A/N: I'm sorry if this wasn't what you hoped for, but I hope it was okay...? :D