Seohyun's POV

I can't hold on anymore. I don't have the strength to hold on anymore. I'm letting go.

Yonghwa. My idol husband. My fake husband. My husband.

The first time I met him on We Got Married, I didn't think I'd fall for him. But as we spent more time together, I was moved by his effort. He tried so hard to make me feel warm, he tries so hard not to make me feel awkward. I found myself falling for him.

I told him I like him, and his reply? A light-hearted "I like you too!" I'm pretty sure he didn't mean in the same context as I did. I'm not even sure if he knew I was confessing to him! Anyway, he changed the subject successfully. That was what Yonghwa did. He always manages to change the topic everytime I find a chance to confess to him. It's as if he doesn't want to accept my feelings.

When I got to meet his band members on We Got Married, I became friends with Jungshin and we kept in contact through smsing. We became so close that I would share with him my feelings for Yonghwa and trusted him not to talk to Yonghwa about it. He was always there to listen to me when I failed to confess to Yonghwa.

I was tired.

I've tried to give up on Yonghwa so many times before but to no avail. Everytime we filmed We Got Married together, I fall for him all over again. But when Jungshin told me to give up on Yonghwa, I decided to give it a try with his help. When he asked me out, I agreed. I told him I needed time to get over Yonghwa, even though we never started and you can't let go of something you never had, he was understanding.

The times spent with Jungshin were carefree, and I began to forget about Yonghwa. There was the occasional blushing and heart racing, indications that I was falling for Jungshin. Jungshin decided that we should announce our relationship to Yonghwa.

I was hesitant. I was not very sure I was over Yonghwa. We Got Married filmings were normal, as much as I don't fall for Yonghwa over and over again, I sensed a change in him. I was not too sure what it was, but it didn't feel like it's the right time to tell Yonghwa that I was going out with Jungshin.

Jungshin disagreed with me. He said things will turn out just fine. He said I had to trust him. And yes, I did. I had no reason not to. Jungshin was by my side everytime I was down. He was always there for me. He's accepted me at my worst, he's seen it, and still wants to be with me. It's rare, and I've decided to hold onto him.

( Goodbye, my first love. This time it's for real. )

Yonghwa's POV

I like Seohyun. She's a nice girl. She's polite and respectful, the kind your mother would want for a daughter-in-law. She's cute and naive. She's unique (in her thinking) and she's very matured for her age.

But I don't love her. At least I didn't think I'd fall for her.

During We Got Married filmings, I thought it was my responsibility, and an obligation, to let Seohyun feel at ease. From the start, things were awkward between us. Even as time passed, we were still awkward. The Western sort of greeting we make when we meet is awkward, no matter how I see it. Unlike Jokwon and GaIn, we don't hold hands. Unlike Nickhun and Victoria, we don't help each other tidy their appearances. We barely have any skinship. Perhaps because we don't have feelings for one another.

When Seohyun told me she likes me, I was taken aback. I appeared nonchalent about it, and pretended I didn't know what she was talking about by replying, "I like you too!" in a I'm-your-friend-so-I-like-you tone. I didn't think I was escaping my own feelings that way. I realised during her confessions, I was always changing the subject because I was afraid to face my true feelings. I was afraid that when I face my true feelings, I will find that I've fallen for her too.

It all came to me when Jungshin told me that he was going out with Seohyun.

Really? Jungshin and Seohyun? I knew they were close friends, but lovers..? I was dumbfounded. I hadn't thought Seohyun would go out with Jungshin. Inside, a part of me fell apart and that was when I found out that I loved Seohyun. I was so adamant she would continue to love me forever that I took her affections for granted. I'm not sure when I started to like her but now, that fact that I was heartbroken to hear that Seohyun's going out with Jungshin is evidence that I've fallen for her.

Stupid variety show. It makes a fool out of people. First, Seohyun, at least I thought that way. Now, me.

When Seohyun's with Jungshin, she's all smiles and looks very comfortable. When Seohyun's with me, she's awkward, and it seems, as much as I try to make her feel at ease, it doesn't work. Skinship was minimum between us, even when we're supposedly a couple.

When Seohyun came to me and told me that she had fallen for my best friend, Jungshin, I was trying very hard to hold back the urge to tell her I love her, to tell her to stay, don't go. It wouldn't be fair to her and Jungshin that way... But it wasn't fair to me either. I knew her first, Jungshin knew her later. Besides, I was the one who introduced them. If only I hadn't done so.

When Seohyun apologised to me for falling for my best friend, I felt more sadness than heartache. I tried to leave, and it was either me being stubborn, or trying to be selfless, but I found myself turning back to say, "The both of you must be happy forever.. You did no wrong, you are free to choose who you love. If you're not happy together, I'll be sad."

With this experience, I've learnt that to let the person you love love someone else is not to see her lonely, but to see her happy. The bitter past will make you smile sweeter, but it does not have permission to make you hesitant about loving another. Although it's sad that love has its own season, mine came after yours.

( If I cannot be the wind, I shall be the most graceful fallen leaf. )