There’s a lot of things about Jiyong you’ve got to learn, and what doesn't feel like nearly enough time to learn them in. You're both busy people, and you don't exactly have all the time in paradoxical space. Jiyong is an entity of his own, an entirely unmanageable case study, but he's not as flighty as some idols and moderately sociable, unlike Seunghyun. You'd actually like to get to know Seunghyun too, but he's the type of supermassive blackhole that away everyone's attention even when he's gone, and he's gone most of the time anyways, so you really can't say the both of you are the best of friends. More like acquaintances, really. 

You learn a lot of things about Jiyong. You observe him a lot in the times Nuthang hangs out together, or when you're modelling for some big label and he's invited. You watch his eyes, mostly, the way his eyes grow dark and sharp when he's pissed about something, and the way they brighten into a clear brown when there is something or someone he likes, like music and fashion and Pharrell Williams and Seunghyun. 

You learn that his eyes are always brightest around Seunghyun. Everytime the both of them makes excuses to slip away from a get together, you know that they're actually having a quickie in the bathroom. You know this because you once accidentally walked in on Jiyong blowing Seunghyun when you went to take a piss. You think they should've been more careful, what with their careers at stake. 

You learn that Jiyong has more bad days than good ones. This is fine, everyone has bad days. And he doesn't actually ever tell you that. But he never liked telling people things, and if you touched him he would squeeze your hand so hard it bruised for exactly four days. But some days he looks so tired and lonely and sad that your heart throbs, and he wraps himself in his insecurities into a tiny little ball and glues it together with the last shards of his shattered dignity. It hurts to look at him, but it hurts more not to. 

You find ways to spend more time with him, just calling up and dropping by at the YG building, sitting quietly and listening to him work, bringing him food because you know he forgets to eat, forcing him to drink water because he needs to stay hydrated, and even if it doesn't make him feel better, it makes you feel better, being able to catch your breathe with someone that isn't a singularity from your work. 

It's not like you don't like working. You do love your job, but sometimes you also need people to understand that you are wholly human, and you love your fans, but sometimes judgement comes a little too harsh, and people will go on with their lives without ever noticing the hurt they bring into yours, or maybe they just don't care. It's okay, though, for you. You're just worried about Jiyong and his self-destructive work policies, and sometimes you think you'd rather spend a hundred and one days with him holed up in the recording rooms than step out into the world where your privacy means nothing. 

You learn that Jiyong does this little side-nodding thing when he's sleepy, and he'll just get off his chair and blink slowly in the direction of the couch before heading towards it. He never bothers to check if anything is on it; you could leave a bag of potato chips and a bottle of water and just pile a cushion and a jacket on top and he'd still flop down on it, even though his face smushes against the bottle and not the cushion or the jacket. 

You learn that he will sleep on your lap, too. 

It's nothing short of a tragedy, the way his bony shoulders hunch together like a bad dream, the way he still fidgets in his sleep, and the on-and-off waking up and going back to sleep routine he does, and the noises he makes sometimes. 

Sometimes he dreams about Seunghyun, and he will call out Seunghyun's name in a voice so tiny you have to strain forward to hear him. You know that Jiyong hates it when Seunghyun goes off to film a movie- long distance relationships never work. But somehow Seunghyun is still worth all of that hurt and loneliness, and you know that you'd never want him to leave Seunghyun when he's so breathlessly happy around him. It's just, sometimes you wish Seunghyun was around more, because you know it hurts, and you hate seeing Jiyong sad. 

It's funny though, because when you his hair, the tension will bleed out of his shoulders, and he will go limp against your legs in a loose curl. You scratch through his hair gently, and he breathes out a high musical note, and he opens his eyes 

and he stares right

at

you. 

The way your heart seizes in your chest is halfway romantic and nowhere as painful, but he's smiling now, eyes crinkled in the corners and teeth showing, and you think he's beautiful, the fuzzy look he's giving you, and he plops his head down right onto your thigh. 

"Hi," he mumbles, face squished against the denim of your jeans. 

"Hey," you say as gently as possible, and then you scrape your fingers through his hair. He lets out an audible sigh and presses closer, nuzzling your thigh with his face. 

"I like you," he slurs, eyes still closed and head still nudging against your fingers. The way he says it makes it feel right, even though he already has Seunghyun. It feels clean, like a part of you has been found after years of searching, and you say, "I like you too." 

He sits up then, palms pressing against yours, and leans his head on your shoulder, feathery hair tickling your neck. This time its your turn to sigh, gently with the rise and fall of his chest. 

He turns his head and kisses you, soft and sweet and clean, plants them all over your face and nose and cheeks and lips. It's nice, the two of you sharing a quiet moment without the buzz of the unstoppable force of the world and your audience. You part, breathless, and he smiles so effortlessly at you, so beautiful. 

"What are we?" you ask quietly. You keep his hair, never stopping your fingers. "What is this?" 

"We're friends," he says, cheeks flushed and eyes bright, and you accept it. You aren't lovers and you'll never be lovers. "We're... platonic soulmates." 

"And Seunghyun is your unplatonic soulmate?" you say. You poke at his cheeks and squish them together and laugh at his expression. He looks back at you with bright eyes and the widest grin, and he nods with the cheekiest expression. 

"Okay," you say, and you tangle your fingers together, his elegant piano fingers between your own bony ones. The contrast makes you feel happy, and you think it makes him happy too. 

You learn that you love Jiyong to pieces, every single bit of him down to his dramatic flair and y moods, and you can't ever imagine life without him, your overdramatic superstar. 

You tell him that, and you learn that he will kiss you when you say it, and it makes your cheeks hurt, and you don't even realise it's because you're grinning too wide, because he is a miracle in this gray lukewarm world, the light of the first star in your life. 

You learn that Seunghyun loves him just as much as you do. There is that one rare time where the three of you are just sitting at the VIP room, making small-talk, laughing at stupid inside jokes that you've been repeating for years on end. You observe the way Seunghyun looks at him, the familiar fondness that you have when you look at Jiyong too. You see how Seunghyun's eyes go soft and stupid at Jiyong, and you're probably no better, and you're both crazy in love. 

When Jiyong gets drunk enough, he will pat the both of you on your faces and demand kisses, and Seunghyun will lean in accordingly and you will hesitate, because Seunghyun is right there, but Jiyong will hold his arms open and say please, and you kiss him too, on his lips and nose and cheeks and hair, and when you catch Seunghyun's eyes, he gives you this tiny little private smile that Jiyong can't see, and he looks so ing happy, and somehow you feel like the two of you have gotten closer too. 

Seunghyun kisses Jiyong again and again, and you take Jiyong's hands and kiss his knuckles, his fingers, every single joint, and your cluster of a relationship is perfect and beautiful and you wouldn't swap it for anything in the whole ing world. 

You'll be okay.