Tal parece que mi amor crece y crece
Pero tú desvaneces
Y me ofreces tu amistad sin otra excepción

Her smile fills his heart with familiar warmth, the sound of her laughter is like his favorite song that he hasn’t heard in a long time, and Jongin wishes just for a second she would turn his way so he can at least pretend her smile and laughter are his again. That she was his again. But the world is cruel to him and Jongin drowns himself with champagne.

“Woah~”, Chanyeol takes the wine glass from Jongin’s hands, “The night is still young to be drunk Jongin” he tells the younger as he puts the bottle of champagne far far away from them.

They’re at their annual reunion with their classmates in college and everybody always attend the event.

Everybody.

“Hyung”, Jongin starts with his eyes strain on the only person he wants to see tonight, “Do you think if I go up to her she will remember me?”

Chanyeol sighs as he follows Jongin’s gaze to see who has he been looking at ever since they came inside, “What are you talking about? Of course Kyungsoo will remember you. She was your wife at one point” as soon as the words came flying out of his mouth, Chanyeol grabs the bottle of champagne and drowns himself with the drink for opening his big mouth.

Jongin laughs bitterly, “Hyung, do you know what she offered me when we signed the divorce papers together?” the sound of his voice is calm yet there’s a hint of pain in every words.

“Jongin…”

“She offered me her friendship”, Jongin looks away when looking at his ex-wife was too much for him and he feels his heart tightening, “And I was ing stupid to take it Hyung. I didn’t realize how much I love her until she walked out of the door but I couldn’t say anything because I’ve hurt her soo much already and if her last wish was for us to stay friends and nothing else, then I should respect that at least but now I wish I was selfish just for that moment. Maybe then I’ll be the one dancing with her right now.”

Jongin stands up and Chanyeol follows his movements but the younger stops him and giving him a genuine smile, “You don’t have to go Hyung. I’ll just be out to get some fresh air and I’m sure Luhan Noona is looking for you already” with that said, Jongin pushes the two doors as the night breeze welcomes him.

His Chanyeol Hyung and Luhan Noona has been with him whenever he feels like there’s no reason for him to live anymore. They’re always there to remind him of the accomplishment he’d achieve and how proud they are of him but they all know if somebody doesn’t have anybody to share their achievement with, then all the hard work seems useless.

Exactly five years ago, Jongin and Kyungsoo attended the same reunion hand in hand with smiles on their face. They were soo excited to see they’re old friends and catch up with them. They danced through out the night and nothing could be more perfect that day. They even promise to attend the reunion for it’s 10^th anniversary but like what the saying says, promises are meant to be broken.

Fresh out of the college the two decided to get married in a simple wedding with just their family and friends in attendance. People already knew the couple are going to get married so it wasn’t much a surprise when Kyungsoo was sporting an engagement ring and within a week the two said their vows in front of their love ones.

Of course they weren’t perfect and they head once in a while and most of the time their argument always falls on the same problem, what would their future be like with Jongin’s job as a dance instructor?  And Kyungsoo is bringing the most money as a teacher?

Kyungsoo loves Jongin but was constantly worried that they won’t have a good future and won’t be able to create their family together.  Or better yet, the family she always dreamed off. Jongin, on the other hand, keeps promising his wife that he will get promoted soon and he will built his own dance company and to just believe in him.

Kyungsoo did believe in him but people have their limits.

Their constant argument and promises that were always broken lead them to getting a divorce. You could say it was a mutual choice. Kyungsoo still love Jongin but she can’t stay with someone that will not give her a good future. Jongin knew this. He also knows how much he put his wife through and if she wishes to divorce him and seek a better life without him, then he had no choice but to respect her decision not because he doesn’t care about her or he doesn’t love her but because Jongin felt bad for putting Kyungsoo through hell during their five years of marriage and he knows Kyungsoo deserves someone far better than him.

Though his ex-wife offered friendship, Jongin couldn’t face her. He was embarrass at himself to the point he made it his goal to accomplish everything he promised to the woman he loves and get her back.

Three years later, Jongin made his name known together with his own company, as they house some of the most famous dancers in the world and his company always win first at most dance competitions.

By the time he was ready to face Kyungsoo again and show her that he made all of his promises come true and to ask for her hand again, Kyungsoo was already married to a businessman named Kris Wu.

Sé que hay otro hombre
Que ha logrado lo que yo jamás a ti te di
Un hogar, una familia, un buen porvenir
Perdón por hacerte daño

Jongin thought going to the reunion wouldn’t be a bad idea and for once, he can have a good time with his old friends. He thought he would be ready to face everybody, he thought he was ready to answer people’s questions as to why Kyungsoo is with another man and not with him, and most importantly, Jongin thought he was ready to face Kyungsoo.

But as soon as his eyes lands on his ex-wife, Jongin’s wall crumbled down to nothing. He wasn’t prepared. No matter how many times he reassured himself that he would be fine, Jongin knew he wouldn’t be. The worst part is not being able to take his eyes off of Kyungsoo no matter how painful it is for him to see her smiling to Kris, to see her smiling like that way.

Kyungsoo still looks the same except her once long hair is now cut short to her shoulder with her fringe pin on the side and he notice that it’s now dyed to what seem like a dark red (Jongin doesn’t have the guts to see her up close). He remembers when she said she will never dye her hair and that her long black her is her signature look.

Jongin remembers a lot of things just by looking at Kyungsoo. He wishes he didn’t though because it is wrong for him to think about her when she’s married to somebody else now.

That’s why he needed some fresh air. If he stays inside, his heart will only ache whenever Kris would say something to Kyungsoo and she will laugh or whenever he would randomly kiss her from her shoulder to her cheeks and his lips ends up on her heart-shaped lips he used to trace with his fingers at night when Kyungsoo falls asleep on his chest.

“It’s fresh out here”

Jongin freezes at the voice. The voice he has been longing for years is just mere feet away from him. He turns around and was met with Kyungsoo. She’s smiling to him but Jongin is having a hard time to return it.

“What are you doing outside?” Kyungsoo asks, walking to the spot next to Jongin.

They stand there for a while looking at the night view. The lights from the city are flickering like stars. “I felt like I was suffocating inside so I came out for a bit to get fresh air” Jongin replies after a minute.

He doesn’t dare to look at his ex-wife again. Jongin knows if he looks at her way, there’s no stopping him and the least he wants is to make Kyungsoo feel uncomfortable.

“Was it because of me?” Kyungsoo continue to ask questions and to be honest, Jongin doesn’t want to answer any of it because, again, it will only make things between them awkward.

“How are you Kyungsoo?” Jongin asks instead, hoping his ex-wife gets the hint of him avoiding her question.

Kyungsoo faces the view again, her small hands grip hard on the railing, “I’ve been good, life has been good to me” she admits.

Jongin feels a stab on his heart. Of course her wife would be good. The last news he had about his ex-wife (courtesy of his sister Baekhyun) was after she got married, Kris provided her with everything she needed and that she’s definitely well provided for her future and the future of her family.

“That’s good” Jongin quickly replies, not noticing the hard breathe he just let out.

Kyungsoo reached out and touch Jongin hands, which was also holding on the railing, “I thought I said I wanted to be friends after our divorce but I never once heard from you again.”

Jongin looks at their hands. Her soft skin contrast with his tans ones, somehow the touch calmed him but it also hurts him knowing this is as far as they can get to being this close with each other.

“We both know we couldn’t be friends”, he says bitterly because it is true. People who breaks up and stay ‘friends’ are either friends with benefits or they’re were better off to being just friends but for their case there will never be ‘friendship’ between them, “I had no face to show you Kyungsoo. I couldn’t even make you happy and I’m soo sorry for hurting you” Jongin squeezes her hand, still not looking at her directly.

“Jongin stop saying nonsense. We were both young and immature. We both tried but we weren’t each other’s soulmate—“ Jongin releases his hand from Kyungsoo hold “I—I didn’t mean it that way Jongin” Kyungsoo says immediately.

“It’s okay. You're with Kris now. He can provide you with a good home, a family, and good future. I was your cries and he is your smile now. That’s all that matters right?”

Y por ti
Vivo aniquilado en el despecho
Reprimido, ardiendo por los celos
Lo odio aunque él te haga feliz

A mí nada me intimida, pero entiendo
Que él ganó la guerra hace tiempo
Y se me olvida que ya te perdí

Just as Jongin was about to walk to the door, Kyungsoo pulls him by his elbow and he was engulf in a tight hug. Jongin tries to pull away because if somebody sees them, it will definitely create a drama that he doesn’t want.

“Please Jongin” Kyungsoo sobs on his chest.

Jongin doesn’t know why his ex-wife is crying. If anything he should be the one crying, she’s being unfair.

“I know you’re still going through a tough time but trust me the right one for you will come. You just have to wait Jongin” Kyungsoo tells him as she pulls away..

“You don’t know anything about me” Jongin looks straight into Kyungsoo’s eyes. Those eyes he dreams of looking every night when he goes to sleep.

“I’m sorry that I put you through hell when we were married but you don’t have the right to say everything will be fine because it’s been five years and nothing is ing fine Kyungsoo. You left me when I needed somebody to believe in me. The pillar that I thought would always stay next to me left me, my soul mate that you’re talking about? I found her already, she’s standing in front of me right now” Jongin let’s his tears falls down as he makes a grab for his ex-wife’s hands and filling the gaps with his.

“If I tell you all the promises I made to you came true, will you comeback to me? I can provide you with everything you want now Kyungsoo.” Jongin waits for Kyungsoo to reply but she just stand there and does not utter a single word out of her lips.

Jongin let’s go of her for the second time.

“I know you wouldn’t because I can see it when you look at Kris. I can see by the way you look at him that you love him more than anything in this world because you used to look at me like that” says Jongin as his fingertips leaves Kyungsoo’s for the last time, “I’m burning with jealousy and I hate it because he makes you happy. I know from the moment I saw you guys together that he had won this war and I already lost you.”

Nothing hurts Jongin more than finally admitting he lost this battle. He will never be with his soul mate and although he may love another woman in a few years, Jongin will never love them as much as he loved Kyungsoo.

Jongin steps back from his ex-wife, still facing her and he can clearly see her tears falling down her cheeks. He stops and walks toward Kyungsoo, his thumb wipes away her tears.

Just for this moment I’ll be selfish

Jongin holds Kyungsoo’s face with his hand, he looks at her in the eyes before placing a kiss on her lips. They don’t move but just stands there with their lips connected with each other.

Kyungsoo pulls away first and Jongin knows his time is up. “I wish you well Kyungsoo” with that, Jongin leaves Kyungsoo this time around.

Perdí tu amor, soy un pobre diablo
Sin tu amor, yo no soy nada, nada