I'm so tired.

So...very tired.

Physically, maybe not. But emotionally...I can't move a muscle before I get hurt.

We've been together for...damn. I forgot. It's been so long.

I think it's going on five years next month. Time does fly.

But I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired.

We both have jobs that pay well, and I even get off work later than he does. Yet I'm constantly the one to be sitting in the living room couch - watching whatever is on - and waiting for him to come home.

As I sit on one of the high stools in the kitchen, I look up at the clock. It's going past midnight now. He gets off at ten. Our apartment is only a fifteen-minute drive from where he works.

I sigh and wipe my moist eyes for the hundreth time again. I must look a sight. I can feel my eyes are swollen and predictably red from all of the rubbing that I've been abusing it with.

My ears perk up whenever I hear the door quietly open and then close, as if whomever is entering is careful not to wake me up. But I never slept in the first place.

I hear shoes beeing taken off, and then soft footsteps make their way to where I was. I continue to stare down at my fiddling - and slightly shaking - hands as I hear him turn the corner and stop at the sight of me.

"You're still awake?"

I don't look at him - if I do, I'm afraid that I'll change my mind - but I can still see him in my peripherals. He takes off his black jacket and sets it over another high stool. He moves to the fridge, and that's where I was brave enough to look at his back.

"Himchan, what're you still awake for? Hmm?"

His voice is husky and sleepy. I hear him take out something from the fridge before he closes it and turns around. I quickly look back down just in time to not see his face.

I clear my throat, feeling my eyes swelling again, "Yongguk..."

I clear my throat once more as it breaks and quivers.

"Yongguk, I...I'm tired, Yongguk."

He walks towards my direction, so the kitchen island is the only physical thing that's in between us.

He asks, with curious eyes, "Why? What's wrong, baby?"

Don't call me that. Please. I'm trying my best to be strong right now.

By now I can feel my tears trickle down my cheek and I sniff, "Do you love me? Yongguk, do you love me?"

Hearing that question, Yongguk sighs and takes a long drink from the bottle of water that he took out from the fridge. That fuelled my frustration as well as my courage to finally look up at him for the first time that night.

After his drink he walks to the living room that's connected to the kitchen by an arch, "Himchan, I'm exhausted, alright? I've had a crazy day at work and I just want to sleep, okay?"

I don't answer him.

That must've caught his attention because he walks back into the kitchen, a focused look in his eyes. He walks closer to where I'm sitting but this time, he walks to the other side of the kitchen island. His breath hitches.

I look down beside me to where he was looking and I see two large duffel bags.

My eyes drag up to meet Yongguk's, "Do you love me or not, Yongguk? It's the most simplest question I can ask. Please just answer it. Because I'm so tired of trying anymore."

Yongguk's voice becomes defensive, he approaches me, "And if I don't answer your 'simple' question? Hmm? What're you gonna do? Leave me? Is that it, Himchan? You're gonna leave me?"

I can feel myself becoming more and more intimidated, but I force myself to stand my ground. I have to stand my ground...for once.

I stand up and stare at Yongguk in the eyes, mine all watery, "Y-Yes..."

Yongguk's eyebrows knit together; I can never do read him. His mind is intelligent and creative, and so I can never fully predict what he's thinking of, especially now.

After a few moments, he asks in a stronger voice, "What did you say?"

I quickly answer him, "Yongguk, I'm not happy anymore. I just don't know what you want from me anymore."

I can see that Yongguk wants to say something, but I won't let him. I have a load I need to get off my chest before I leave him...forever.

"You come home so late every night, and then you just go to bed like nothing's wrong. Are you seeing someone else? Please just tell me! It's much better if I know than you having to do it behind my back. And you...you've changed, dammit. Five years ago, I was willing to follow you everywhere and anywhere. I was willing to do everything for you. And...maybe I still am. But can you honestly say the same thing to me now? It's as if I just...exist. In your eyes, I'm just here. I'm not anything else. So...I made a decision that will benefit both of us. I'll leave. We can both get on with our own lives, and have a fresh start...a new life."

I breathe deeply afterwards as I don't feel as if I've taken a breath in between what I said.

I wait for Yongguk to react in any way. But...he doesn't.

He continues to stare at me with those insatiable, dark eyes. I feel my own heating up again. Why doesn't he say something? Anything?!

After what seemed like forever - with the ticking of the clock the only thing I can hear - he opens his lips and he breathily asks, "You don't think I love you? Is that it? That's what all this is about?"

I shakes my head and make a move to grab my bags, "You're ing impossible."

Yongguk grabs my wrist when I stick my hand out to grab at a bag. I gasp as he pulls me up to stare at his eyes, "How dare you think I don't love you? Kim Himchan, you are the one who's 'ing impossible'."

My heart beats louder as I get more nervous; I can feel his grip on my wrist tightening, "Yongguk---."

"No, shut up and listen to me. I've been coming home so late every night because I genuinely have overtime all of the ing time. My boss won't get off my about his projects so I can't do jack about it. I do not have to strength to see someone else because there is no one else for me but you. I pick you, no one else. Baby, five years ago - and five years after that - were the best years of my life. I got to spend it with you. I guess I've been recently because I did give you the idea that I was cheating on you, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me. When I met you, I promised that I'll never neglect you, and always shower you with everything I am. And I broke that promise, like a jerk. I'm sorry that I pay too much attention to my work and friends than I do you. But...but I'm thankful. I'm so thankful that I had you in the first place. You made me believe that I can do anything. I mean, Himchan, you gave me the strength to get the job that I've always dreamed of, when I was too scared to do it before. You think that I'll have a new life if you leave me? Himchan, every morning that I wake up beside you is a new life - a new adventure - for me. In my eyes, Himchan, you're the one."

I'm openly crying now. Yongguk is right in front of me, our faces inches apart as I look up at him. He continues, his voice still rough, "Himchan, in my eyes...you're the only one that exists. You can't leave me. I don't know what I'll do if you leave me. Please, I'm begging you. Don't leave me."

I begin to look down at my fingers but Yongguk catches the sides of my face and tilts it up delicately. He starts to give me soft kisses over my cheeks, continually whispering, "Please, don't leave me."

I don't know what to say.

I should stand my ground. I shouldn't let his words get to me. Because...

"You'll hurt me again...", my voice openly breaks, and I sob.

I repeat that sentence over and over again, hoping that it'll drill into Yongguk's head. And maybe he'll leave me be. Because...

"I'm not strong enough for you to hurt me again..."

I look up to meet his eyes, and I see that he's crying as well.

He wraps his palms around the sides of my face, and he rests his forehead on mine. He sobs, "I'm so sorry, baby...Please...Don't leave me. I can't...I can't live without you."

I take his hands and gently pull them away from me. I sniff, "Are you just saying that so that you won't have to sleep alone tonight? So that you can just show me off to your friends? Are you---?"

"So ing what?" He pulls me into a tight embrace. I unconciously close my eyes - out of instinct, I suppose. Yongguk always smelt of freshly-brewn coffee, with vanilla. It's so...addicting. I hate it.

He whispers into my ear, "So what if I'm so selfish? I love you, Himchan. You're my weakness. I'm addicted to everything that you are. I can't help it if I show you off to everyone that we meet. It's because I know that you're too good for me. I can't help it. I love you. So much."

I find it in myself to let out a small chuckle. Is this guy for real?

I gently pull away from him.

That's when I see Yongguk. My Yongguk.

The Yongguk that I met five years ago. The Yongguk that I told all of my problems to, and helped me solve it. The Yongguk that...that I loved.

I glance down at my bags, then slowly back at him.

He was following my eyes, knowing what I was thinking.

I sniff before I rub my eyes and give him a weak smile, "But you're gonna unpack those, okay?"

Yongguk lets out a breath - as if it was one that he had been holding in since he came in the kitchen. He rubs his forehead and then looks back down at me, "With pleasure. And don't scare me like that again, okay?"

I look down at our entwined hands, "I scared myself."

Yongguk sighs and he pulls the smaller in for a tight hug once again. They stay like that for what seemed like forever, and neither of them minded.

I'm not perfect, Himchan, I know. But you're perfect for me. You didn't overlook my flaws, instead you helped me to face and accept them. And I thank you for that. I love you, to the moon and back.