“…yeonghwa sogeseona isseul

geotman gatdeon geu saram

baro neoya…”

“…You’re someone who

only exists in the movies

It’s you…”

Love is such a playful thing, isn’t it? It makes you feel heaven and hell at the same time. I felt heaven for a day and felt hell on the next day. Learning how stupid I am, I can’t help but to let out a bitter laugh. Looking at my phone, reading texts from two of my most treasured friends, I can’t help but to feel pain on my chest.

From: Ai Mei
                OMG! Taetae asked me out and I said yes! >///< You’re my bestfriend so I thought you have to be the first one to know but he said you helped me with all of these. Thank you and I love you Suji-ah! <3333

From: Kim Taehyung
                It was successful! I finally managed to ask her out and be my girlfriend! Thank you for helping me yesterday! I am so happy to have a friend like you!
 

Friend. Ouch.

Holding my chest as I felt something squeeze inside, I let my tears fall as I replied a short message to the both of them.

To: Kim Taehyung, Ai Mei

                I didn’t saw it coming though until Taehyung told me. So I guess you’re a couple now. Congrats to you two! I’m happy for you. :)

Hitting send, I threw my phone on the side not caring if it breaks. I have been crying my eyes out since last night when I read the message written by the person I love.

“… Thank you for everything Suji! I want to tell you that, I will be confessing to Ai Mei tomorrow. I asked for your help because she said you both have the same interest. Thank you once again and wish me luck!”

When I read the message, I felt my heart broke into pieces. I looked at the rose, that yellow rose that signifies friendship. “So I was just a friend after all of these years.” I bitterly scoffed before looking at the photo of me, Taehyung and Ai. Tears won’t stop as memories of us flashback in front of my eyes. How Ai tells me that Taehyung and I makes a good couple. How Taehyung tells me that he loves me. It was all a lie after all… or was I just taking everything wrong? Because I was head over heels at the guy that everything he does makes me think differently. Why didn’t I notice the smile that he shows Ai is not the same as mine? I’m so stupid.

Love does makes you feel and act stupid, I guess? I’m mad at myself. I’m mad at myself for thinking badly over Ai and Taehyung last night. I can’t get mad at them for feeling being in love. The fact that Ai didn’t do anything and have always stayed by my side ever since. The fact that Taehyung fell for her charms without even her doing anything. It’s pure love. And the bitter fact that he only sees me as a friend and nothing more. I should be happy for them, but why can’t I? It’ll take some time, I know, but still it hurts. Is this how love is? You get happy then all of a sudden, feel sad.

Moving on.

Easy to say, hard to do. I have to move on on something that I didn’t even put an effort to. I regret not confessing to him. If I did, will it turn out differently? Will he like me back? But then again, it’s fine that I stayed quiet. Bipolar as it is, I am quite relieved that I stayed quiet. I don’t want any awkward feelings over them, I’ll just bury those feelings until it was forgotten.

The love that is and always be one – sided.

The love that is and always be a secret.

My unsaid love for Kim Taehyung




… will be forgotten.