IM SORRY BUT IM WALKING AWAY

I walked down the street, stopping , and waiting as the traffic light flashed a bright color of red for pedestrian. My eyes wanders through the opposite street , where another group of peoples waiting to cross over too. My eyes then stop , catching the figure of the love of my life –once . Our eyes met and he’s the heartbeats of my heart –the one that I can’t ever control . My heart rushes and did he too ? . His face is emotionless , and  so do I.

“Yeol , you said we’re going to visit my parent house..when will we”

For a brief second , I feel so shock when he asked that. Slowly I turned over to him , gently taking his hand in mine.

“baby..we just got back from there”

And for a brief second , fears tainted his flawless face , before I gave a small peck to his forehead , to his eyelid , to his nose , to his cheek , and lastly a tender kiss to his lips , smoothing his worries away.

“Yeollie , im sorry I forgot”

“it’s okay baby”

I smiled and he gave me a soft peck to my cheek.

He start to decorated our loft’s wall with a pictures and a memos . And he draw a cute emoticons on each memos –he’s so cute I could die !

It was a picture of us , of his family , of my family , of our friends , and of his preschooler students , but mostly it was a picture of us , of our first date and the following dates , of thousand of our occasions. I caught him , sometimes , standing infront of those pictures –almost everyday , and reread all the memos , and sometimes there’s a flash of confusions on his face , that when I call him out , he look at me , and when he do , there’s a fears pooling in his eyes and that make me feels so scared , so so so scared.

Is the time finally comes?

But then he look so confuse , so scared and I really don’t want him too . And even I felt so disappointed , so angry , I couldn’t  help but wipe the feeling away , slowly make my way to him , slowly pulled him into chest , and ever ever so slowly draw a comforting circles on the small of his back.

“its okay baby..its nothing”

He eventually will calm down , and when he did , he always give me that small smile , the one that assures me that everything is fine now –im sure that’s what he want to tell me. But it is not okay , and I want to slap him , because how could he do this to me , I love him so much , but why ?!

It was after that –meeting with Dr. Nam , I started to pays attention to him , not like I’d never before , but I just want to watch him all days , monitoring his every delicate moves , stealing a kisses each time my heart is beating , and just , just be with him on each second. But I can’t . As much as I want , works always calling , and I will ended up pulled him in a lips lock and bid him goodbye , only to promise him I’d be back later.

Because of that , I watched him each morning when I woke up , savoring the fews minutes appreciating his angelic features ,his flawless fugures.

God I love him too much that it’s hurt!

After taking a shower , I walked to the kitchen , to watch him , again , making us a breakfast . Sometimes , his eyebrow furrow and his fingers is shaking , like he doesn’t know what to do. That was when I will walk to him , slowly sneaking my arms around his waist to reach his hand , chin resting on his shoulder , and start guiding him making the coffees.

“first , you put a coffee onto the cups”

My hand moves his to scoop a little of coffee powder .

“then you pour in hot water”

I move my hand to make him hold the thermost’s holder and pour in the water

“put a caramel or sugar , and stir it”

I moved his hand to a circle , stirring the coffee as I shower his neck with a small kisses.

“thank you Sungyeol”

That’s what he said . And im so happy at least he remember my name.

By the time I reached home every night after works , he would always waited for me on the couch , watching a tv. He is just like that , sliding on the bed and fall asleep cuddling with me was his total favourite. But sometimes , when I reached home , unlocking the door –locking him in , I would found him staring , yet , at one of the thousand pictures in the living room’s wall . When I eventually called out his names , he jump a little , shock.

“sungyeol” he would said ,

“sungyeol , sungyeol , sungyeol , sungy….”

I slapped him , because I damn tired and this is not happening , this can’t be happening! I’m so mad so disappoint..just ..this is way to much!!

“what is wrong with you ?!  you promise me ! you damn promise me!!!”

Unable to control my actions , my emotions , my words , myself , I grabbed both of his shoulder with the strength that im sure will leave bruises , I shakes him backs and fords roughly and continue snapping at him. It was only when I heard a broken sobs , that I stop , froze altogether.

Everything coming back snapping at me.

“gosh baby im sorry , I didn’t mean to”

“no Yeol , im sorry im sorry im sorry”

The chanting of ‘im sorry’ make my heart cleched with guity. Im so stupid its not his fault , I promise myself to be patient , but sometimes it’s too hard , the moment where he forget is the hardest.

I pulled him closer , and his hair , and kisses the top of his head as we slowly slide down , sitting on the floor , the luls of my fingers in his hair making his slowly fall asleep in my embrace. When his breathing finally steady , I slides my arms on his back and the back of his knee , carrying him in my arms to our bed. I lays him down , sliding next to him , throw a comforter around us and intertwining out fingers –kissing the back of his hand and promising a better tomorrow.

Except tomorrow doesn’t get any better.

It clenched my heart , each time , when I woke up feeling all giddy and happy and just so so happy , because the night before , hovering over him , marks his blemish skin with my kisses , make him whimpering and pleasured , only the next day waking up with no him next to me.

“baby”

I called out but there’s no answer.

It was when I finally get off of the bed , I found him on the floor next to the bed. His knees close to his chest and his head drop low on the knees. I squatted infront of him , the shirt he wear is a little big –its mine , making it hanging on his shoulder , revealing his collarbones. The marks from the night before making me blush –its too red, blue , purple , just too obvious.

“baby”

My hand reach him , and before I know, he pushed me , harshly.

“who are you?! I don’t know you so don’t come near me!!!!”

That’s words stabbed me right into my heart ,

What is he saying?

This is all nonsense?

I tried to pulled him into my embrace , its works all this time to calm him down , but he didn’t. He continue to hits my chest , calling me names , and finally finally I snap. For the second times , I slap him , he–the person I promised I’ll never raised my hand to , the person I promise to love , the person I promise to take responsibility.

“baby..listen to me..”

Yet he pushed me again . I grabbed both his wrist , holding it tight with one hand. My other hand reach his cheek , brushing it with my fingers as he keep squirming in my hold.

He keep on saying harsh words to me that finally in order to shut him up , I kissed him , full on the lips. Only to draw back from him as he bite my lips , making it bleed.

I had have it enough. I pushed him to the floor

“fine! If that’s what you want, I’ll go!”

I grabbed my clothes , my wallet , my car keys. Looking back to him –he look so broken that all I want to do is to mend his broken self , but no.

i blink , one , twice as the people around me swarming to cross the road , i look to the front . He's getting closer to me , but too far for me to reach . By time he walk pass me , his fragrance lingers in the air -my favourite. With the image of his smiles , i manage to force a broken smile , forcing my tears in.

"im sorry Myungsoo , im walking away"

i'll write myung's pov in the next chapter using

the line of "just let me go" pls look foward to it

i hope you understand this chap and enjoy it,,

kindly point my wrongs and carpe diem         !