Flowers are the expression of frozen beauty, vulnerability and change. Yuna's room is full of them. She captured their scent on her canvas, only for her to feel. When her big brown eyes land on Hyunseung's satin skin, she sees carved flowers. In a daze, she wishes she could memorize their colors, their shapes and their exact positions. She wouldn't dare wanting more, like getting a taste of it. All she wished for was turning what only she could see into a concrete truth. These flowers exist, if only she could paint them all - one for every inch of skin Hyunseung possesses. Maybe later on, she could unveil the mystery of jang hyunseung - what's inside that envelope of flesh. 

When Hyunseung held Yuna in his arms, she was in a flower garden only she could enter. It had its warm and its breeze and she couldn't tell where Hyunseung's being started and ended. Forever is such a lie. The prospect of living in the moment disgusted her because then, she would never know what each flower felt like under her touch. Time is such a tease. It goes on and on. who was she to stop its flow? She knew very well that Hyunseung and she weren't ones to live long. It was clear in their eyes that saw more than what Earth has ever held, in their hands that endlessly attempted to reach for pieces of heaven and in their words that remained feeble translations of their inner thoughts.     

'Yuna, open your mouth!'

The gardens faded as her eyes shifted to the boy in front of her. The scent disappeared and was soon replaced by the smell of porridge. Yoseob has never seen such an expression of resentment in Yuna's eyes - in anyone's eyes but those big deer eyes of hers made it worse. It got to him but he refused to show it. 

'Please', he pleaded, 'it'll give you energy to paint more flowers'. 

She remained expressionless. Yoseob put down the bowl and spoon on the table, tired and discouraged. Yuna stood up, pushing Yoseob to the side. She stopped in front of one of the paintings, her eyes glued on the flowers. she was lost again in gardens Yoseob didn't know of. 

'Eat. you like these beautiful flow... um... FLOWERS, DON'T YOU?', he didn't intend to but his voice broke and he ended up screaming. Even that didn't manage to get Yuna's attention.  

'She doesn't want to eat, leave her alone', Junhyung said, frustrated. He didn't want to watch Yoseob's failed attempts and he didn't know either what to do to help.  He slammed the door behind him and left, his blood boiling. He let himself fall on the floor, knees first. Soon, he was followed by Yoseob who sat next to him. 

'Do you remember our senior high school year days?', Yoseob asked. 

'What for?', Junhyung closed his eyes, 'memories are all useless now because all they could ever be are...memories'.  

'I thought Yuna's voice became the theme song of my life back then. she used to follow hyun everywhere and she talked a whole lot. even when we were all studying, she wouldn't stop telling him stories."

Junhyung remained quiet. 

'You always ended up leaving and dragging dongwoon with you. Doojoon laughed it off and tried to make her shut up. He used to cover with his hand and she would bite him until it hurt and made him stop. Gikwang would just put earphones on. I threatened to sue Yuna if my grades went down but Hyunseung...he always listened'  

Junhyung crossed his arms over his chest then, he burst into uncontrollable laughter, his shoulders bouncing at the sound. Tears welled up in his eyes. 

'Her voice was high-pitched but it felt like a spell that warmed me up', junhyung said, a sad smile on his face.

'It wasn't just h-her voice', junhyung continued but he was soon interrupted by a round of laughter, 'do you remember the drawing she made of Dongwoon?'

'The arabian prince', they both said at the same time and Yoseob let out a chuckle.

'I think it scarred him for life', yoseob added, 'who would make a sketch of their friend ?'

'Yuna would', junhyung smiled, 'I can remember Hyun's face so clearly. it was the first time I saw him jealous' 

Once they didn't laugh anymore, silence grew heavy between them. The words echoed in their minds and gave birth to other words that would remain untold. Remembering hurt. There were at least hundreds of memories they've made together. Hyunseung, Yuna, Dongwoon, Junhyung, Doojoon, Gikwang and Yoseob. They've been together every day for years. Junhyung was right, Yoseob thought. Xhat makes memories so miserable is that they can never come back to life. No matter how hard you try to reminisce about the past days, you don't get to live it a second time. What yoseob regretted the most was not listening back then. He tried over and over again but he could not grasp the exact tone of Yuna's voice. She hasn't talked to them since weeks.

'I regret it now', Junhyung slowly said, lost in his thoughts. He stood up, arms supported by the wall. He felt so abnormally weak like all of his strength was swallowed by Yuna's eyes. 

'I regret so much not listening to every word she had to say back then. We let hyunseung too easily be her whole world'

'Junhyung...' Yoseob whispered but he didn't know what to say. He opened his mouth and nothing came out. He wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault. What could they have possibly do to prevent all of this from happening? Even if Junhyung had listened to Yuna back then, it wouldn't have made it any less possible for Hyunseung to be hit by a car.    

' I hate myself for convincing her to join art school. She wanted to follow hyunseung and enroll at the same university as him but I talked her out of it. I want her to have her own ambitions. If she had followed him, she could've had more days with him and I took that away from her. And now, what if-'

Junhyung couldn't get himself to say the words and Yoseob didn't want to hear it anyway. He thought of it every second of the day and dreaded that single phonecall that could change his life forever but saying it aloud or hearing it wasn't the same. He's never admitted this possibility, never let it stay longer than seconds lingering on his mind. It crossed his mind over and over again that their friend could leave them but never for too long. He believed in Hyunseung's will to stay. god is fair. He listens to prayers and answers the most earnest. Why wouldn't he offer a pure soul like Hyunseung's more days to live? 

'What if what, junhyung? what if WHAT?', Yoseob screamed, angry that Junhyung would break the silent vow they made not to speak of the worst scenario.   

Junhyung went back to her room. She didn't move. It wasn't exactly a smile on her face but it looked like it. She seemed pleased and peaceful, eyes lost in the gardens of flowers.  Junhyung wondered if she even realized what happened to Hyunseung. 

'It's not real', he said, pointing at the paintings, 'none of this is real'.

Slowly, her eyes drifted away from the flowers and rested on him, watery, warm.  Somewhere between the iris and the pupils, Junhyung lost it. Yuna let out a scream as the gardens caught fire. Hyunseung's arms were now cold flesh that she embraced anyways. The fire, the cold, she didn't know anymore what to hold and what to escape from. She just wanted to warm him up with her whole being even if that meant being dragged to lands that only knew winter. Birds were no longer singing. a dark symphony filled the space between her and the shattered flowers. The monster was screaming words she barely understood. None of this is real. None of this is ing real. Hyunseung's eyes were empty. For once, she could not see what only she could see. He did not hold beautiful landscapes behind the veil of his eyes anymore. It was all emptiness and ice. so, she screamed and screamed and screamed, hoping to cover the words with her own. She wanted to be left alone with him. She wished she could embrace him for a lifetime and pray. None of this is ing real, Yuna. 

Yoseob quickly rushed into the room as he heard a commotion inside. His eyes widened as he saw Junhyung kicking over and over again the canvas, restlessly tearing up anything his hands and feet could reach. 

'Get to your ing senses. none of this is real' 

Mechanically, he repeated the same expressions.

'These flowers are stupid' 

'You are stupid' 

'None of this is ing real' 

Yoseob would have rather never heard yuna's voice again. Her strangled screams were inhumane as if her home was taken away from her. Suddenly, the boy's energy left him. He did not stop Junhyung. He wanted these flowers dead just as much as junhyund did. He could only watch and cry. He did not hold Yuna in his arms even if he wanted to. His body was not big enough, strong enough to be a barrier between Yuna and her demons.  

The door opened and silence settled again. Doojoon's face woke Yoseob and Junhyung from their daze. Even Yuna stopped screaming and they waited. They've already known from the look in Doojoon's eyes. 

'He woke up. Hyunseung woke up!' 

Junhyung, Doojoon and Yoseob looked at each other. It wasn't a dream. Yuna jumped as she heard his name. It's been so long since she hasn't. 

'Can we visit now?', Yoseob asked.

'Is he alright? What did the doctor say?', Junhyung inquired, worried.  

'They'll make him better in a few months with treatment. Let's see him', Doojoon smiled. 

Junhyung stopped in front of Yuna and bent down, grinning.  

'Get on. You haven't eaten for days. How do you walk to the car in your state?'  

Yuna hesitated and spared a last look to the destroyed paintings. She placed her arms around Junhyung's neck and jumped on his back. She knew her flowers' garden opened again. 

'Forgive me', Junhyung whispered for her to hear, 'everything is alright now'.  

His shoulders were soaked in her tears. For a fleeting moment, he felt it again, lighting every piece of him on fire - jealousy.

Yet he was very happy.