— hello.
# you & maybe me.
okay, let me start with a quick story.
once upon a time, there was a really stupid boy named chanyeol, with really big ears and a really tiny heart. and one day, he sat down in front of his computer and cracked his knuckles and adjusted his hat. he really likes hats. almost as much as he likes you.
he was thinking about the imminent arthritis he was going to suffer from this, but he was okay with it. wow, i must really, really love this one, he realized. and that's the truth, nothing fancy to it. the truth is, he really, really does.
once upon a time, there was a really stupid boy named chanyeol, with really big ears and a really tiny heart. and one day, he sat down in front of his computer and cracked his knuckles and adjusted his hat. he really likes hats. almost as much as he likes you.
he was thinking about the imminent arthritis he was going to suffer from this, but he was okay with it. wow, i must really, really love this one, he realized. and that's the truth, nothing fancy to it. the truth is, he really, really does.
hello, princess.
i'm really nervous right now, because i'm awful at english and at attempting to put together my conscious thoughts, but jesus, okay. i will try it for you. you're an oddity. i can't really figure you out, but you kindle this small bud of courage in me, so i can try for you.
today, i was thinking about how odd humans are. why do we kill each other, why do we go chasing love, why do we do things that hurt us, or other people? it's funny, because i really hate all human beings. and i didn't like the thought of labelling myself as one, too. but things got really weird after i'd met you.
before you: idiot who's always tired and sad and angry. after: idiot who's always tired and angry and confused.
i'm confused. i didn't know i was capable of being able to feel things. the cynics are the cynics and the romantics are the romantics. that's the way it is, that's how it's supposed to be. that's the rule.
but then, every now and then, i get this tiny whisper in my head, this intrepid whisper. it tells me, don't you wish you could hold her hand? don't you want to kiss ? and then i have this little heart attack and i have to scold my head, tell it to stop thinking such ridiculous things. but maybe i've always been fighting with myself, because now the thoughts, the audacious whispers have become more and more frequent and i'm so scared.
i've never wanted to hold someone's hand before. never wanted to interlace our fingers and watch tender brushing of skin.
never wanted to wrap a person up, like a present, in my arms. never wanted to sing someone to sleep, or hide under the blankets with them when the thunderstorms are too loud and too scary. or bundle up daffodils in a blanket of damp newspapers and leave them on a person's doorstep. adjust a lover's overalls, because she looks so cute and tiny and look at her little girl shoes. kiss each of her fingertips and listen to her tell me how her day was.
but i want these things now, i want them really badly, and my own desire frightens me.
i told you, i really hate all people. and you weren't supposed to be any different, but you were, and now i'm miserable because i don't know how to deal with all of this 'wanting' and i don't want to deal with rejection and i'm scared of myself, all the time.
but i think you're good for me, and i initially didn't believe people had been meant to be fixed, but little by little, you're making me okay. and i'm going to need you to stick around for a long time.
i love you. i really do. i don't like people, i don't like getting attached, but you already have me six feet under this ocean of you and i think i'd like to linger here a few thousand years longer. i love you. love me, too. don't stop loving me.
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