JUNE 4, 1998, Thursday

             “Can we hang out tonight?”

            Yuri his dry lips and sighed. Although he and Jessica have been friends for three years now, it suddenly wasn’t easy to say yes to her request. He’s not particularly busy on anything; in fact, he could even stay at home all day doing nothing without being judged. However, many things trouble and sadden him, and he lost energy to do many things, especially hang out with someone who knew TaeYeon, his closest friend.

            For the past few weeks, he had been drowning in a sea of desolation. He did not have many responsibilities and that slowly drove him crazy. His parents were currently somewhat in a financial crisis, and all they could send to college for now was his older sister. So at the moment college was far from his mind. The only thing that made him anxious was that he was required to enlist for the military this winter. He was happy with the fact that he was enlisted while nothing was particularly happening in his life and that he was still very youthful, but being physically weak made him little nervous. He may have a build that seemed firm and steady, but looks can deceive for he was not tough at all. He wanted to gain a bit more muscles before doing so but it’s hard to exercise when he has no energy to do anything at all. But at this time when nothing ever happens, what was he to do? He has to use his time on something productive somehow. He felt so useless not being able to do anything at all.

            To add to that, after TaeYeon woke up to the time that his family moved away, he became distant from the friend he loved so dearly—Jessica. Since she became Tiffany’s caretaker 24/7 and almost abandoned every feeling that didn’t relate to her, Yuri felt like he was thrown out of her life. There were times when he called her just like this afternoon to ward away the loneliness TaeYeon left, but she was too engulfed in many other things. Many times he tried to understand her situation, but after she declined her request too many times, he felt like he was nothing to her anymore. He only needed at least a day to be with her but she never made time for him.

            Now the tables have turned and she was the one personally trying to make time for him. He had the urge to give into her again as he had always done because of his undeniable feelings for her since day one, but the hurt he had gone through was finally warning him. Through rejection, manipulation, and insincerity throughout their friendship, he didn’t know whether it was okay to let her win this time. It was wearing his heart out trying to grant everything she wanted. Even though he was finally needed for something, being needed was not what he wanted their friendship to be about, at least not anymore.

            Trying to convince himself that she’s harmful was not easy though. Every time he puts the phone down after making excuses, his heart burns up like hell more than all of the things she did to him combined. It just wasn’t like him to turn her down. He could never deny that although she was cold as ice and had amazing control over her feelings, her heart was timid and warm, and she was actually very affectionate towards those close to her. Even though she was sometimes careless of his feelings, he cannot brush off all the times she made him feel special.

            He cannot deny all the times they enjoyed being together, all the sweet nothings they said to each other, and all the affectionate touches they timidly drew to. They once indirectly confessed their feelings to each other and both wished they could be something more if only TaeYeon and Tiffany’s relationship did not scare them. They were almost more than friends—and that’s why everything hurts even more.

            “I’m sorry, I can’t tonight,” he replied while feeling dumb over the fact that he doesn’t even have a good excuse to give.

            “Why? You’ve rejected me so much this past few weeks. Do you even care about me anymore?”

            “I’m sorry but I just can’t.”

            “Then when can you meet me? You are not avoiding me and everyone else like how SeoHyun did, are you?”

            What was Yuri supposed to reply? What Jessica said was painfully true. He was avoiding her.

            “Please... I miss you.”

            The moment she said those very words with a timid, trembling voice, his own stubbornness annoyed him. Whenever Jessica claims she misses someone, he knew she gravely missed them. He ended the call, grabbed his coat and planned to run to Jessica’s house as fast as he could.

            However, when he opened the door to his house, Hara was there about to press the doorbell. She was flustered for a moment but her pretty face and almond-shaped eyes dazzled at the sight of him. It was as if she saw the sunshine for the first time.

            “Oh, Oppa!”

            Hara was a girl he met a few weeks ago at a nearby seven-eleven. He was purchasing a cup of Shin-Ramyun only to realize he was short in money. He told the cashier that he’ll run to his house and comeback to pay for it, but Hara, who was waiting in line with the same cup of noodles, stopped him and paid for both of them. Flustered by what she did, Yuri conversed with her and they both ended up bonding over eating Shin-Ramyun. As they ate on the tables outside the store, Hara told him she was just staying at her grandparent’s house, which was right beside his own house. They also discovered that they both didn’t want to go home at that moment because of they both felt useless to their families. Being able to sympathize with each other, they drew close after that day. Since they were neighbors, it was easy to meet up and hang out. In less than a week, their hearts drew closer together, and their days grew brighter being together.

            Hara was a very petite and quirky girl, carefree as a cloud. With those captivating large eyes and a wide cheerful smile often plastered around her face, she was bound to be bit of an energy pill. And even though her jokes were awful, the corniness of it all made her even funnier. Everything she does made Yuri feel so alive. Without knowledge of TaeYeon or any of his friends, nothing about her made him sad at all. It was as if the atmosphere of his life started fresh again. No more grieving and confusion—just Hara as clear as the deep blue sky.

            Usually, a big smile naturally comes out every time he sees Hara, but this time, only confusion and hesitancy painted his canvas. Suddenly he is in a crossroad he didn’t even know existed. Two girls suddenly wanted him at the same time. Who was he to choose? Should he forget about Jessica and spend time again with his new friend, Hara, who might possibly leave soon since she doesn’t exactly live here, or should he give in to the girl he has been in-love with for the past three years one last time?

            “O-oh, Hara,” Yuri exhaled raggedly. Hara noticed him blink his eyes as he stood there frozen and it worried her.

            “What’s wrong? You seem a bit uneasy,” she said, taking out her hand from her orange cardigan’s pocket to touch his cheek. Whenever Yuri worried over something, Yuri would find comfort in her hand’s warmth, but apparently not today. He managed to grip her wrist before her fingers even touched his skin. Hara was slightly taken aback by how swift and tight his grip was since Yohan had always been soft on her. Now he was just acting unusual.

            “I’m sorry but I have to rush,” Yuri awkwardly cleared his throat while gently letting down Hara’s wrist.

            “To where? You want me to come with you?”

            “No, I… Come inside. I just need to go somewhere quick.”

            “…Alright,” Hara tried to read him, but she didn’t know him enough to realize he was rushing to the Jungs’ house.

            As soon as Hara came in, Yuri dashed at the speed of light passing two blocks to reach Jessica’s home. He made sure Hara was expelled from his thoughts the closer he got to his old friend.

            When he was about to bang on the door, it swung open. Surprised that someone was in front of her, Jessica looked up only to find that the boy standing right on her house was none other than the one who literally hung her up a minute ago. She didn’t expect him to be there, turning her heart to ice without a clue in the world what to do or say. She was only planning on having some fresh air since Yuri rejected her request but now look who’s here.

            She wasn’t sure whether to be finally happy that he’s here or annoyed that he just suddenly showed up after a long period of avoiding her. Mixed feelings and emotions of love and hate—she didn’t know which one to show.

            Yuri quickly pulled her into his warmth and embraced her like there was no tomorrow. Seeing her after all these dark weeks was a breakthrough of relief. Now there was nothing he’d rather question. He was now in her presence and he’ll stay on it for as long as he could.

            Jessica didn’t seem to share the same thought, though. She squeezed her arms between her and his chest and gently pushed him away. A ragged sigh escaped her lips as she tried to calm her beating heart. Did Yuri expect her to accept his warmth so easily after abandoning her on her loneliest times? Did he think she’s an easy girl to obtain just because they’ve been friends for a few years? She does love him, but not like this when he’s hurt her unknowingly.

            “What are you doing here?” Jessica coldly said, not even wanting to look at his eyes.

            “What do you mean?” Yuri, who had a very warm heart and a naïve spirit, couldn’t understand why she was acting this way all of a sudden.

            “You come marching here and start hugging me after all this time? Are you really sorry or what?” Jessica angrily spat. Yuri was taken aback by her stubbornness and couldn’t really find any words to say. He thought they’d be in good terms as long as he’s finally come over, but seeing as she’s not smiling, he must’ve come too late. He chose not to talk back for now, trying to understand Jessica’s sensitive temper.

            “Where were you?” Jessica breathed out. She was about to cry but she didn’t let her tears fall—not in front of Yuri. “I’ve tried to call you so many times, pleaded for you to come, and all you always say is you can’t? You didn’t even give me reasons! I could’ve gone along with any silly excuse but you just kept on leaving me questioning our friendship. ”

            “Hey, calm down, I’m sorry,” Yuri frantically said. “I-I just didn’t—”

            “I’m sorry’?” Jessica scoffed. “Do you know how painful it was to keep on waiting for you? TaeYeon left, Tiffany left, and all of my other friends have given me space because they think that’s what I want. But you know me more than anyone else—even more than Tiffany sometimes do—and that I need someone like you. Why did you never come to see me? I was having such a hard time but you never bothered to care how I was holding up after TaeYeon and Tiffany went away.”

            Yuri suddenly raised his voice, feeling hurt that Jessica thinks she was the only one who suffered. “You think you’re the only one having a hard time? You’re talking as if TaeYeon and Tiffany weren’t my friends, too. Don’t you realize that I’ve felt all of those things you said even before you did? I was so depressed I couldn’t even look at SooYoung since I’m always reminded of TaeYeon when I’m with him. In the end, you were the only friend I hoped I could go to, so I kept on asking and waiting for you, but it’s like I was nothing to you. Now, you’re suddenly so desperate for me? Do you really just run to me when you need me? Back then I always ran to you without delay, but when I finally needed you, you didn’t do the same. I tried calling for you on the first months after TaeYeon got into a coma, right? But what? You basically made Tiffany your first priority as if she’s the only one who was affected.”

            “Tiffany was pregnant with TaeYeon’s child!” Jessica tried to argue. “How else would I act? Should I have just left her when she needed me the most or did you want me to go ahead and be there for you instead because you’re crying about not being able to spend any more time with TaeYeon?”

            “That’s not what I meant,” Yuri pouted. “I get that you care for Tiffany. If I was in your place, I would’ve done the same. But if anything, you could’ve at least made time for me.”

            “Well then I should’ve just written it down on my schedule to satisfy your aching little heart,” Jessica scoffed. “At least you don’t have much problems of your own bu