It’s been more than a year since I learned the news that she had been reconciled with her former highschool lover. I was devastated to say the least, but what can I do? I guess fate really is not friendly sometimes.

She had been my co-worker since she got the job. We may not be on the same department but I always see her around the lobby or in the cafeteria.

It was love at first sight when I saw her get to the elevator on our first day of work. We were from the same batch of new employees. I get to work with her for a few months but then never get to talk to her, face to face. When we were dispatched on our respective departments, I was saddened to know that we are not of the same department, but then I cannot imagine myself drawing dresses and picking colors.

At one point in a certain year which I cannot anymore remember, I get to work in their department as the supervising head. It was actually a dream come true for me; talking to her, having coffee breaks with her even though we are just talking about work and getting to be with her during overtime.

I sighed as I look at the frame picture of hers on my desk. It was a stolen picture given to me by one of her co worker when he learns that I like her. It has been my inspiration since then but as what I said earlier, she had been reconciled with her high school lover.

I don’t know anything about their past. All I know is that she loves him and he loves her too, but living across their apartment is something I soon regretted. I would always witness them arrive together, getting sweet with each other and all. I want to strangle the guy but who am I in the first place to do that?

But for the past month, things appeared to be bad for them. I would hear them yelling at each other. Often times, I would see her run out of the apartment in the middle of the night, slamming the door with her. Other times, it would be him who would walk out of that door. At our workplace I would get surprised to see her all smiles, but I know her too well to see the sadness reflect in her eyes even though she is smiling.

I looked over my window when I heard some breaking sounds and exchange of loud voices. I saw their shadow casted on the window of their apartment. Ever since I get to hear their endless fights, this is probably the worst among it. I saw their front door being opened as Baekhyun walked out going on the right, looking like he is very mad and angry. After a while, he saw Sung Ah get out, going on the opposite direction, wiping off the tears fiercely from her face.

I grabbed my jacket and got out of my unit and run to get to Sung Ah. I get to see her on the playground near our condominium. She was crying, loud sobs echoed on the silent ground. I slowly moved to get near her. I was torn on comforting her or leave her on her own, but the pain of seeing her cry made me stay.

“Sung Ah,” I reached to tap her shoulder. She whipped her head, shock and tears evident on her face. “Are you okay?” I added, sitting beside her.

She looked at me, not anymore holding it back and moved to hug me, “Daehyun oppa,” she cried.

 

The feeling of her tears on my shoulder, her crying voice and her trembling body broke my heart to pieces. “What happened?” I dared to ask.

“I don’t understand it. I tried everything to be perfect for him, but why? Am I so useless? Am I so unworthy? Why? Why leave me?” she cried.

I was speechless, my mind swirls with things I want to tell her but none of those fits her current situation.

I just rubbed her back till she relaxed, enough for her to speak in clarity.

 

“It’s weird to see how your relationship bloom and then crumble in a flash. It’s like the spark just disappeared. Is this the reality that we are never meant for each other in the first place?” she looked at me, her eyes welling with tears again.

“I’m sorry,” was all that I could tell.

 

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I thought everything will be fine after that, but I was wrong. She changed. The all smile lady I fell in love to change into a sad, silent one. She was not the lady I met before. It broke my heart to see her vacant or staring into space then wipe off the tears from her eyes. I was moved on their department as the supervising head.

 

Whenever her co-worker would ask her to join them for a dinner, she would refuse and leave earlier than expected. Sometimes, she would pass her portfolio with some errors and unnecessary pages. It’s good that I am their supervising head or else she would have been fired by now.

 

I saw her on the playground, tonight, as she pushes herself on the swing alone. She looks so dazed, so lost and completely broken that it pained my heart. How I wish I can remedy that pain she feels; to make her smile and cry happy tears instead; make her be herself again. But I cannot just do that this time. People may think I am taking advantage of her being broken. But then I am also tearing up inside when I see her like that.

 

With slow steps, I moved behind her to push the swing myself.

“It’s getting late; you should be home by now,” I said.

She would have been startled if she is herself but no, she was not even moved by my sudden gesture.

“I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, and I can’t just be myself without him. Just what would I do without him?  Tell me where have I gone wrong?” she sobbed, her shoulder shaking form her cries.

“Come on, you should be home now,” I held my hand to help her up, but she didn’t moved. She just cried and this is not the first time she did. For the past month, she had been like this and it scared me.

“You are not the only one hurting,” I said, feeling my chest tighten from holding back the tears.

“But why didn’t he come back? Why?” she looked up at me, tears streaking down her face.

I wiped it off, fighting the urge to pull her in a hug.

 

“Come on,” I said and helped her. We walked down the way as I held her close, feeling her too weak to even walk. She stopped by her door and turned to look at me before she bowed her head, “Thank you,” then she disappeared on the door.

I looked at the door, fixing my eyes on the sign board hanging on the door. ‘Mr. and Mrs. Byun’ I read it silently then turned it before I left.

 

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“Thanks for the treat!” I waved to my co-workers as we all parted on the door of the restaurant. The cold wind made me sigh as I paved my way home. The streets were quite deserted as I stopped on the pedestrian lane waiting for the light to turn green. I checked my watch and it read 10:36. She must have been home already.

 

As I was waiting for the green lights which proved to be a bit longer than I expect, I saw a lone figure by the opposite road, walking across the road where the rushing cars were passing. I tried to strain my eyes, trying t identify the figure that it made me move to see it clearly.

 

My eyes widened when I recognized it. The same blank, dazed and tired woman I have been helping to cope up walks in there, amidst the rushing cars and loud honks of the cars. My heart started to beat wildly as I tried to get to her. A bright flash of light on her right made me gasp as my feet works on getting to her.

 

It was very quick, very sudden that I only get to realize what happened when I am already holding her body on the side of the road. I tightened my hold on her, feeling my tears falling from my eyes. I wiped it off before I parted, looking at her dazed face, still lost, unaware from what had happened.

“Don’t do that,” I whispered, my voice trembling from fear of almost losing her.

 

She slowly looked up at me, her eyes immediately welling up in tears. “Baekhyun oppa,” she whispered, crying once more in my arms. It broke my heart, again. It broke first when I saw her crying for him and now when he mistaken me as him.

 

I let it be that way, let her believe that I am him. Just for now, just for this moment.

I may not be him, but I am willing to be him if it’s the way to have her with me.