Concealed:

To keep from being seen, found, observed, or discovered; to hide.

 

 

Love:

A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

 

Together is Concealed Love meaning the person with your affection and solicitude towards is either hidden from ones by them or you are hiding them from the lime-light of others around.  It's not just because of the judgment of ones around them, but the thought of not being acceptance from loved ones or just feelings in your mind. The thought of concealed love is more brought together towards them or their type because of one thing:

 

 

Of them being Gay.

 

 

9 months ago…

 

“Welcome to the Golden Dragon. My name is Lay and I will be your waiter for today. What would you like to start off with on this fine Monday Evening?" The dark haired boy said cheerfully to the man sitting at the table that was still looking at the menu and not him. He was still deciding on what he had wanted after he was pushed to be here by his friend saying that it was 'the best restaurant in China'. He just had to see, and so far, he didn't see the difference between this restaurant and Lily's.

 

He sighed as he looked at the menu and then up at the male that was waiting patiently for him to say his order, smiling politely at him. Before he could say something, Lay hurried and said with a laughable expression, “I forgot to say that if you want an Appetizer first before ordering, if you haven't decided, then you can do so."

 

 

The man in grey looked back down to the menu and searched for the appetizer list, but couldn’t see where it was located on the page. Lay came close to him and turned the menu listed to its back and pointed towards the list of appetizers on it. He nodded and mumbled thanks to him as he looked on it to make a decision of what he would like to eat from it. He scanned the menu once again to make sure that he didn't want anything else and then looked up to see the dark hair boy waiting with that same smile on his face.

 

 

"Um, I would like the Fried Meat Dumplings for now."

 

 

"Good choice! That is the most likable appetizer here everyone says. I will be back in a sec with your order, until then, finding something to eat here." Once that was said, Lay gave toothy smile and walked off to the back.

 

The man at the table alone now, whose name was Kris, grabbed his phone from his coat that laid beside him and started to text his friend, Xiu Min.

 

 

Xiu Min, at the restaurant right now, you coming? - Kris

 

 

Not even minutes later, he felt his phone vibrate with a message from Xiu Min.

 

 

I'm not going to be there till later- Xiu Min

 

 

Wow, you tell me to come and you’re not even going to be here till later on. I hope you know that you’re paying for this crap that I'm ordering right now up until the time you get here and... You’re going to pay for both of our dinner, that sounds good too. Doesn’t that sound good? I know it does to me. ;) - Kris

 

 

Your rude, Kris, and to think that I thought that we were getting on good terms with each other now, you have changed my mind L. - Xiu Min

 

 

Before he could message his friend back with a sarcastic comment to make him even madder, a plate was set onto the table with freshly cook dumplings on it with steam coming from them knowing that they were just done. He looked up from the plate towards the waiter once again and smiled to him having the waiter do the same showing his dimples off the sink into his cheeks making Kris look back down towards the food on the table so that the shade of red across his cheeks wouldn’t show.

 

 

Why was he doing this and mostly towards someone he had just meet? He thought to himself.

 

 

"Um, sir here is you Dumplings. Would you like to order anything now?"

 

 

"Well, I could go for the Pu Pu Platter right now." He said as he read the name off the menu. Lay took his pen out and wrote it down on the pad that was in hand. He looked up making Kris think that he was done writing down his order. Lay turned to walk away but then stopped himself from doing so, making a complete turn around to face Kris again. Kris felt the presence of the young man standing there and looked up to meet the boy with the notepad still in hand.

 

"Is there problem...uh..?”

 

 

"It's Lay and no I just wanted to ask you something if you didn't mind."

 

 

"Shoot me a question then."

 

 

"Well sir, you ordered another appetizer other than a main course and I was just wondering...was there something wrong with the food that isn't on the appetizer list?"

 

 

"Oh no! That's not it at all, “He said to Lay trying to find words to say to him that could change his mind, “I was just ordering more cause I'm going to be here for some time by myself. I don't want to order till they get here."

 

 

Lay laughed a little, “I feel stupid, I'm sorry for disturbing you. I should have just left it alone-"

 

 

"It's okay. I would have done the same thing or certainly thought that I was weird or strange."

 

 

They both looked at each other; Lay was the first one to say something to break the silence between them, "Um, so you’re waiting on your girlfriend to show up?"

 

 

"No, um I don't have one at all. I'm meeting Xiu Min, that’s my friend."

 

 

“Oh, sorry, you might think I’m so noisy right now. I'm going to leave you alone to your dumplings while I get your Pu Pu Platter. Sorry Kris." He said bowing and starting to walk away, but Kris gripped Lay’s arm making him turn to look back at him with a confused expression.

 

 

"Your company was fine. Don’t worry about it. I would love to talk to you again."

 

 

Lay smiled towards him and nodded at him. He turned around and walked to the back where a brown hair man stood waiting for him to come back there. Kris started eating the dumplings as he waited on Xiu Min to get there. He really wanted some company and he felt kind of cold without Lay there talking to him, he kind of enjoyed it. It was strange that he liked the boy's company for the short while that he talked to him but it was more relaxing than ever to Kris.

 

 

He liked Lay and wanted to talk to Lay more, it was weird, but he didn't question it.

 

 

Present…

 

“I have to go back.”

 

“That’s not possible, Kris.”

 

Kris walked back and forth with tears in his eyes that stained the shirt he had had on. He couldn’t sit there and watch anymore of the scene from the first time he had meet him, it wasn’t even an option to do so, he just couldn’t. The other male just sat there with his head faced straight towards Kris, he wanted to help, but he just didn’t know how to do so without messing up something. Kris was a wreck and he didn’t know how he could get him down there without making things worse than they already were.

 

“Kris, Lay needs sometime to himself and I don’t think him seeing you any good at this point.”

 

“You got to be kidding me right now, I need to see him, he deserves to know the truth and what happened was a mistake. I was so stupid then, but I know now. I know that I was wrong for the way things were going on, but I didn’t see it till now. You got to let me see him, one more time.”
 

The other male looked down; he knew he couldn’t reason with him at all, it wasn’t even a discussion with him that he couldn’t go down there: it wouldn’t work. He walked over to him and grabbed Kris’ arm making him stop his pacing and crying. Those eyes stared deep into the man’s and the tear leaked down his cheek so swiftly that the man didn’t know what to say anymore. He looked off to the side so he could get the words out that had to be said.

 

“Kris, look, I know that this is hard-“

 

“You know nothing!” He said strongly, eyes turning hard at him with a glare insight. It was no changing his feelings: He wanted to go.

 

“I guess there is no changing your mind about this?”

 

“No there isn’t so just let me go.”

 

The man knew he couldn’t let it happen, he just couldn’t let him see him, but he wasn’t going to fight with him about it either. He let go of Kris arm and stared down to the ground in defeat. He rose his hand up and swiped across the white air to make the earth appear in that one part.

 

“If you really want to see him for yourself and be with him, then go. Go out of here in to that,” he said pointing at the earth through the hole in the air that he had made,”This will lead you to him. I hope you get what you want out of this, Kris.”

 

Before he could get his name out, Kris hugged him hard, crying into the man’s shoulder tears of joy, it was all he could do with himself. He was overjoyed with happiness that he couldn’t speak; he couldn’t even breathe like he was before. The man didn’t wrap his arms around Kris till he felt the hot tears fall down his neck to his shirt from the male.

 

“Thank you so much…you just don’t…you don’t understand what this means to me and what he does means to me. Thank you so much.” He said right into his neck with hiccups coming as he talked.

 

The man pulled back, but still had a hold of Kris and said to him in the calm voice that was never shown before now, ”Kris, whatever happens..,” He stopped and looked back into the red rimmed eyes of Kris and said slow after a sigh, “ Whatever happens down there,…don’t fight it. Do not change what is to happen. Go with the flow of things, you don’t know what has been going on down there. Do not change what is to happen; just watch… Just… do not…just go through it and be safe.”

 

Kris stared and nodded slowly towards the man, still not sure of what the last part was, but forgot it when he let go of the man’s body and looked towards earth itself.

 

He walked through it and said softly that only the man with his head down would hear, “Lu Han, promise me that this won’t kill me emotional and that I’ll be back.”

 

He looked up in shock with eyes wide and shook his head quickly, “I want to, but I can’t…”

 

“…I’ll be back.”

 

After that, he walked into the hole and once inside it closed instantly and making a tear slide down quietly on Lu Han’s face.

 

He could do no more now. It was all on Kris now.

 

 

“Lay, get up, we got to go.”

 

Kris heard a light voice from inside the bedroom that was his. He looked around before starting to the door; the room still looked the same as he left it: clean white walls, white carpet on the floor, his clothes in the closet set up neatly and red sheets and spreads on the bed where he slept. It wasn’t dusty like he had expected it to be at all, it was fairly shiny to him. He walked to the door and walked out to see the living room where a lifeless body laid on the loveseat and a man walking around saying to wake up.

 

“Lay, we are going to that concert tonight, we got to see them. But if we’re going, you’re going to have to get up.”

 

He wasn’t paying attention to Lay at all, but Kris was and he didn’t see him move at all. He knew that Lay was a light sleeper, he always was and anybody that knew him knew that he was. He walked over to the couch that Lay laid on and looked at him. His face was light and pale; the bags under his eyes were so black and heavy that it could be seen from a far. He wasn’t getting any sleep. He paused there once he saw the friend walk over to the boy on the couch and lean over in his face.

 

“Lay, I know you hear me. LAY!”

 

He grabbed his arm and started to shake him, but it didn’t wake him. Kris eyes grew wide as he saw the sight, his mind chanted no over and over, it just couldn’t be. He reached out a touched his lovers face; it was cold and lifeless. The tears that had once faded came down his face again hard. He didn’t want this, when he said he wanted to come back to see him, this was not what he asked for, he didn’t want to see him like this, not this way.

 

“Lay no! I can’t do this, you can’t just die! Lay!” His friend said to him as he sunk down to the ground with his head in Lay’s chest. The cries from him could be heard outside the house from him, he couldn’t even help himself. Kris could only cry silently as he watched the scene. He couldn’t be heard or seen, he could only watch and that was the hardest part for him to do.

 

He looked around to see what caused it; he just needed to know what did it or how he had done this to himself. He looked down at the floor: nothing was there that could have caused it. He looked on the table in front of the couch where he laid: there was water and pills there. He walked over to the table and crouched down to look at the things on the table. Anti depressants pills from the drug store down the street with his name on them for it; a glass of water half empty and a paper with Lay’s handwriting on it. He picked up the paper pushing the glass out of the way and started to read over the words on it.

 

Dear to whom finds this,

Don’t you dare get upset with me; don’t ever get upset with me about the things that I have done and what is going on now. If you are reading this letter or whatever this crap is to you, you either crying on me as I lay down or your probably back at the house from dropping me off at the hospital that is trying their very hardest to get me back. The thing is:

 I don’t want to come back.

I was better off alone and when it’s time for me to go, it is time for me to go. I have nothing else to live for as you see. I was always at the house, singling myself off from the world because I wasn’t happy about things. You guys didn’t understand what was going on and I’m going to tell you now what happened step by step. The first and probably only thing that was kept a secret was that:

I was gay and wasn’t ashamed of it either.

I was gay the whole time and you all might have suspected it, but I wasn’t sure so I didn’t tell you all. I didn’t know what I was and what to do so I thought if I was sure enough, I would tell you all. Then I meet someone, someone at restaurant I use to work at call the Golden Dragon. His name was Kris, and there was just something about him that made him different than all the other people or hook up’s I had in the past. He was nice at times, but knew what he wanted and got it. That is what made me want him so much an adore that about him, cause I wasn’t like that at all. I was shy, but at the same time outspoken and didn’t care what others though about what I did or said. But in every person, there flaws in them and he did have some, but one in particular. See I notice it when I wanted to show him to my friend Tao and as I tried to introduce him to Tao, he cut me off and said that we were just friends making me question him afterwards. He said nothing of it and that it didn’t matter, but he didn’t tell anyone of his friend about me and if he did I was a girl  as he said or he just wasn’t with anyone meaning that I didn’t exist. He sent me some flowers one day and the we’re Motherwort he said with a smile on his face, I had never heard of them so that night while I sat alone, I looked them up and the meaning behind them were that symbol concealed love. Meaning our relationship and our love were concealed and I guess that was a message to me to keep it a secret that we were together. So I went along with it, but it was worst because it hurt to sit and watch the truth not be told to others that deserved to know and him be okay with it. I was a secret and I felt soiled and not wanted at all by him cause I was ready to tell everyone about him because I started to fall in love with him, but he made it clear that he didn’t want others to know. So…I didn’t say anything, I went along with it, but someone found out what was going on between us, knowing that we were not just friends and they didn’t like it at all. So they cornered us once we got out of the movies that Tuesday night in the walk back to the house. They started to taunt me and trying to hurt me, but Kris…Kris wouldn’t let that happen to me and he jumped in, trying to protect me from them. He fought against then all of the except the ones holding me down started to jump him and I tried to help him the best I could, but they held me back and made me watch them beat him up. I started to cry out and scream for them to stop the hits and the names calling that they were doing, but they didn’t hear me at all, they just laughed at it. When he screamed out in pain and drop down to the ground, I looked at the guy behind him with eyes wide open and saw that knife in his hand. They had yelled at the man that stabbed Kris and ran of after they had let me go, I went straight to him and held him into my arms as I cried into his shoulder. I grabbed the phone minutes later and called in an emergency, but he was gone nearly by now, I could feel it in me that he was. When they had got there and put him into the ambulance, he dropped the ring that was in his hand that I had gave him and I knew then that he was gone, forever this time.

Since then, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I didn’t want to see anyone or be heard from. It was done, I knew I didn’t know him long, but the bond we had was stronger than any other, I know that. The long talks we had and the short glances at each other from a far, it meant something to me if not anything to him. So that what I was hiding and that is why I left you guys, I have nothing else to live for, I have done my job here on earth and it was time for me to go. I know you all are thinking that I made a mistake for man that probably didn’t love me, but you don’t realize that I had done my job. I gave someone love and loved was brought back to me, I wish he was here with me now, smiling like he always do with that stuff animal he held while on a movie date. I did my job and I made the decision and no one else can change that.

So if you’re reading this, know this:

Love is something you can not change; you can not break until it is willing to do so. I fell in love and lived my life to the fullest with no regrets except for one which is open now.

Love Lay

 

Kris dropped the letter and put his hand on his mouth covering his quivering lips of his as the tears flowed down his face. He knew what Lay thought now after reading the letter and it killed him, he killed Lay. He knew that he didn’t physically do it, but he knew that he caused this boy to go into depression and harm himself because the person he loved was too scared, to afraid, of what people though of him. He heard a noise in the back of him making his raise an eyebrow, but didn’t think anything of it, he saw the friend grab the paper that he had once held and started reading it with red rimmed eyes and his cell phone in his hand dialing for emergency.

 

 

“I didn’t know that being dead made you feel more…I don’t know, more relaxed.” Kris turned around to look at a standing Lay staring down at himself from the wall. He couldn’t even do it, how could this happen?

“Lay…Lay your-“

 

“Yes I know, Kris. I guess this is where I leave and go to that far away place in the blue clouded skies people always talk about.” He said with a tiny smirk.

 

 

“No, this is where you stay with me now.” Kris said to him getting up and walking over to the boy with the dark hair that wouldn’t look him in the eyes. He reached out and gently gripped him chin and brought his face to look him in the eyes even though Lay didn’t want to. Kris red ringed eyes couldn’t say that he was happy or sadden about seeing Lay especially like this, in this way.

 

“I not staying with you I don’t think…Not this time.” He said shaking Kris’ finger tips off of his face and smiled weakly at the taller male.

 

“Why not, we both didn’t get a calling from the up above because what we were living for or died for wasn’t fulfilled so were stuck in that in between place that I was at till it is.” Kris said joyfully making it known what was going on to Lay, but Lay shock his head and pointed to the light on the other side of the room where inside was a pretty lake and animals doing things freely.

 

“Like I said before and you read before ‘Love is something you can not change; you can not break until it is willing to do so. I fell in love and lived my life to the fullest with no regrets except for one which is open now’ now I have to go. I will always love you Kris, always,” And as he said that, he leaned in close to Kris face and lightly pushed his lips to his. Not letting it last to long, he pulled away and wiped a forming tear off of his lover (if he could still call him that) face and walked away from his with his head down. Kris didn’t even turn his head to see Lay walk away from him and leave him. He wanted Lay to be with him, but he didn’t even have a moment longer than 5 minutes with him.

 

Lay stopped at the light and didn’t walk in, he turned to see his lover looking the other way, not at him and it made his heart break.

 

“Kris-“

 

“No, just go, that is where you belong.”

 

 

“Kris, I’m not going anywhere without you with me.”

 

Kris turned to look at him and shook his head, “I’m not in you life anymore.”

 

“Silly, I died because I didn’t have you there with me, do you think I’m going to let you get away twice.”

 

He walked over to Kris and grabbed his hand and pulling him towards him, “Kris, I’m not going to go in without you. Come with me, please.”

 

Kris leaned forward and placed his hand behind Lay neck bringing him closer so that his’ lips could meet Lay’s. He pulled back with a smile and nodded towards him, “Well, what are we waiting for then.”

 

Lay pulled Kris by his hand right through the light along with him. The light around them turned dark and they couldn’t feel or see each other making Kris close his eyes to himself and breathe in and out. Once he opened them, he was sitting down at a table. He looked around and blinked again with a confused expression on his face. It was like he had been here before, but before he could start to think about why and how, he felt a presence near him.

 

“Welcome to the Golden Dragon. I will be your waiter for today. What would you like to start off with on this fine Monday Evening?" Some boy said cheerfully to him as he was still looking at the table and his surroundings trying to figure out why he knew this. He paused; he had heard that voice before.

 

“Um, I have to go, um, Have a nice day Lay.”

 

 

“Sir, can you please wait.” Stopping Kris from getting up, “Okay, this is my second day here and I would really like your opinion on the cooking that I do in the back for the customers. I would really love your opinion. Please stay.”

 

 

“Lay, I have to go, it’s just not right, I come back tomorrow, I promise.”

 

He looked at Kris confused and then let go of his hand, “How do you know my name sir?”

 

 

“I…I just, I don’t know if you would believe me if I told you.”

 

“You owe me so, you sit here and I will bring an appetizer for you. I’ll ask my boss can I have some minutes to talk off for break and I’ll come back and we can talk about it.” Lay smiled at him and Kris nodded to him and said okay.

 

As Lay walk to the back and Kris sighed to himself, he knew it was Lay and to him, this was a second chance at life with him and it made him happy. He saw a man slip into the sit across from him making Kris jump back with a curse word spilling out at him. The man took the black hoodie off and smiled at Kris.

 

“So how are you with your second chance Kris?”

 

“Lu Han, what the heck man, you don’t just show up like that.”

 

“Well, I had to get to you, so how does it feel?” He said leaning over with a smile on his face.

 

“Good, how did this happen? How did you do it?”

 

“I can’t tell that, but you owe me.” He said leaning over to the side as Lay came over to the table with plate.

 

“Oh, I see you have comp-“

 

“No, I’m just leaving, bye Kris and also don’t screw up.”

 

Lu Han got up and walked out of Lay’s way and made it to the restaurant doorway. Kris watched him the whole way till he was out of the door, “Well, I brought Meat Dumplings for you, I hope you like it.”

 

“It doesn’t matter, I’m glad to be able to talk to you.” He said as Lay sat down in the seat that Lu Han was just in with a smile on his face. He set the place down and cross his arms on the table as Kris picked up a dumpling from the plate. He’s phone went off during him eating the dumpling. He set it down back on the plate and took the phone out to see the message that was from Xiu Min.

 

I’m going to be late, sorry Kris.-Xiu Min

 

It’s cool; I have some company that you are disturbing right now. Ttyl.-Kris

 

 

He put the phone in his pocket and turn back to the boy that was waiting patiently than ever for him to get done. Kris pick the half eaten dumpling and smiled at Lay again.

 

“Now, we won’t any interruptions till you have to leave.”

 

“Okay.”

 

This second chance was a second chance with the person he loved and he wasn’t even going to past it up this time. Nothing could stop him and he wouldn’t let it if it tried to do so. Things were going to be okay.

 

 

Love is something you cherish other than push off like it is nothing. Do not second guess it, it is not something to play with it. If you push it away you can lose it and it might not ever come back. Do not regret what you do if the main half of you does not regret it or see anything wrong with it. Love is strong and once it is gone, it might not come back because not everyone gets a second chance.

 

Motherwort