That Person, You

 

Is this what love is?

Does it hurt the more you do it?

The more I get closer to you

My feelings grow bigger

It scares me

 

When I see you my heart skips a beat. When I don’t see you, my heart misses you… and it starts to make me wonder.

Is this what love feels like?

Do I love her?

Is she important to me? Am I important to her?

 

“Ahh Sica! You’re here! But… you’re late!” the girl pouted in disappointment.

“Sorry Taengoo-yah, I got held up. Did you wait long?” The brunette girl asked after she settled into the seat next to the shorter girl.

“Taengoo~ don’t be mad at me please. I promise I won’t be late next time. It’s just the hair dresser took so long with my curls. OH! By the way, do you like it?”

 

I should’ve taken you into more consideration back then. I was too focused on myself to worry about you. When we grew closer…

I was scared… scared of what everything could mean. What it could’ve meant.

Isn’t that right, Sica-yah...?

 

Such a precious person to me

That person, who won’t ever come again

That’s it for me, that’s enough

Just the fact that I love you

 

I should’ve known that I was the one hurting you. I should’ve known how precious you were to me.

It’s too late now, isn’t it, Sica-yah…?

 

“Taengoo~ what are you doing?”

“Huh? Oh… nothing…”

“Are you mad at me again?” she pouted.

“No, I’m not. I’m just busy right now, Sica…Can we talk another time?”

 

I still recall that moment, my heart stung. It still does now. I had never meant to push you away because of my own fears; my own uncertainty.

 

“Taeyeon-ah, look at this. Isn’t it cute?”

“Mmhmm…”

“Taeyeon-ah, let’s get this for the apartment.”

“Sure, Sica… pick whatever you like.” She replied, with a weak smile.

 

You were always trying to make me smile. You were always quick to come protect me.

 

“Taeyeon-ah! Watch out!!!”

 

It should’ve been me. Not you. I should’ve paid attention.

 

The one person who can’t see me though I am looking

The one person who can’t hear me though I am calling

Do you even remember me?

Do you even think of me?

Just once, please

 

Silence. Emptiness.

 

That day the world sank. My world sank.

 

“I’m afraid it’ll be impossible for her to wake up.”

“Isn’t there something you can do? Anything…” she pleaded.

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Sica…Can you see me now? Can you hear me now?”

I knew that it was futile.

That you can’t hear me. That you can’t see me.

But this was all that I could do. Call out your name, and hope maybe, just maybe you’ll respond.

Just once.

 

The only thing I can do is cry but

Like a fool, I am waiting

Please come to me now

Come to me just like this

My last wish is that one person, you

 

*Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Bleep.*

 

The sound has become monotonous while almost deafening to hear.

But at least it lets me know that you’re still “here”.

 

To you, I’m a small person

Just someone you know

That’s it for me, that’s enough

Just the reason of love

 

In your eyes I was always that little kid that you wanted to take care of.

Never mind the fact that I’m older than you…

 

“What are you doing…?”

“Making tuna salad. Doesn’t it look good?”

“Ermm… well, at least you tried, Sica.”

“What does that mean, Kim Taeyeon?!”

“UHHHH…I would love to stay and explain, but I’m late for work.”

“Kim Taeyeon! TRY IT!!” she yelled and shoved a cracker into the girl’s mouth.

“Mmmphhfff…”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, Taeyeon-ah…”

“How is it?? Is it delicious?”

“Mmmmm…” was all she could muster with being full of food.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” She replied, feeling satisfied with her cooking skills.

 

You were always so proud of your cooking skills. Even though you never excelled at it, you still try.

Because you wanted to do something for me, something to show you cared.

But, to be able to eat the food that you “cooked” is all I want to eat.

 

That one person, you

You are my only love

My heart can’t let you go

Just as much as I love you

Each minute and each second hurts so much

 

“Ms. Kim… I know this is a hard choice, but it’s one that you must be able to make. We just don’t have the sufficient funds to keep her alive in the long run.”

“Can’t I have her discharged?” she asked.

“Well, I don’t advise you do that…” he sighed. “It’s just… how do I put this delicately… there is no brain activity…”

“I understand…” she muttered.

“I’m truly sorry… Please let the nurses know by the end of the day. I’ll give you some time.”

 

Sica… I’m sorry.

 

“Taeyeon-yah… don’t be sorry. You did your best. I know that, you know that.” She said, with a hand placed on the head that lay in her lap, fresh tears wetting her skirt.

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to be…”

“Maybe it’s for the best?”

“But… I can’t let you go. I don’t want to let you go…”

“Do you love me…”

“I…”

She smiled weakly.

“I understand…”

 

No…you didn’t understand…

I was weak. I was selfish.

Your smile broke my heart.

I should’ve told you the words that were long overdue.

 

The one person who appears even when I close my eyes

The person who is next to me even in my dreams

Do you even remember me?

Do you even think of me?

I miss you, please

 

The only thing I can do is cry but

Like a fool, I am waiting

Please come to me now

Come to me just like this

 

My last wish is that one person, you

 

“Our deepest condolences to you, Ms. Kim.” he said.

The prolonged sound. The one long, flat, line.

That moment of silence.  That moment of realization.

You’re gone.

I’m alone.

Jung Jessica, I love you.

I have loved you.

I will always love you.

 

 

You are My person.

 

 

 

Song: Jessica - 그대라는 한 사람