“ It’s very  beautiful tonight, huh? “ Yongguk said as he approached me, holding a glass of wine on his right grip, his left hand was in his pocket.

 

I smiled, my gaze was still fixed on the ocean view. It was very beautiful, the view was very enchanting with the starry night sky and the overwhelming soft breeze; it was almost magical.

“ You’re beautiful, too, “ he whispered to the air, avoiding any chance of eye contact with me while saying that.

Maybe he was hoping that I did not hear him say that to me. But I heard it well.

Averting my sight towards him, I observed this man standing next to me. Pitch black hair combed backwards with a perfect tux framing his absolute man body and that gummy smile, what more can I say?

I was facing the sea again.

“ Thank you. You are good looking yourself, “ I said as I took a sip of my drink.

The moonlight highlighted his crimson red face. I could tell.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

“ I have nothing to do with him. Why are you here asking me regarding his whereabouts? “ I snapped at the question of this, woman, in front of me.

Her expression explained everything she felt at the moment. She was stern looking again, and it was very different from before when she urged to my secretary, demanding to see me right away. She turned to a professional-looking businesswoman instead of that lost-looking child when she entered my office. She radiated the scary aura but I was not shaken.

“ Look, Jane. Yongguk and I have nothing going on between us, if that is what bothering you right now. We have nothing, NOTHING going on between us, okay? Why are you jumping onto conclusions without-“

“ I don’t care, Marilyn. I don’t want to. Stop fooling around and please. Get out of my office, “ I said, pretending to be busy reading the documents, scattered on my wooden desk.

When I called her using her real name, she knew I was damn mad.

She was dumbfounded; she knew she would never win against me when it regards to speaking because I was known as the iron lady; when I spoke, it felt like bullets, sharp and straight. I inherited the sternness from my dad, a lot of people said. He was the commander of the navy.

I took my phone in my drawer, looking so occupied with my own world. I huffed, remembering that I had not recharged my phone for days, hating the fact that Yongguk would repeatedly contact me. I threw my phone back inside the drawer, slamming it hard.

Marilyn huffed and smiled idiotically to the floor, before she looked at me in the eye and said, “ If you don’t know where he is, I bet you don’t know that he had left for the war. Just want you to know that, and I am sincerely worried about him. You should, too, and don’t tell me you don’t know how dangerous this war he’s involved with. Go asked Uncle Tom if you don’t. Your dad should now about this, am I right? “

For a slight second, she had got me static.

 

War?

What war?

What is she talking about?

 

But again, my ego was just too precious for me to let go. I continued reading although it was positive that I did not know what I was reading.

Marilyn stood there for another second before she decided to leave.

 

“ You know what? I felt sorry for Yongguk. I felt so sorry for him that he had fallen head over heels for a woman that possess a heart of stone. It’s not too late if you still want to see him, though. He is leaving the country at 9 sharp tonight, “ Marilyn said.

 

Twisting the doorknob, she managed to blurt out, “ He fights for his love. Can you please fight for the love he treasured so much just for you? “

As she walked out the door, I was still reading.

My secretary immediately rushed in a second later.

 

“ Again I’m so sorry, ma’am. Miss Marilyn insisted on coming in, “ Kate  explained.

“ Nevermind that, “ I said and ordered for her to continue her work.

 

I sat on my cushioned seat and took a deep breath.

Relax, Jane. She was bullting you.

The air was suffocating me. Why?

You don’t have anything to worry about. It’s his problem. Their problem. Let them be.

I sweated so much in my fully air-conditioned room. Why?

Yongguk cheated on you with your best friend. You and him were over. Get over him.

 

…

 

I could not think of anything right after. My mind was literally blank.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

30 minutes before, my secretary informed me about the meeting held to discuss about the company’s plan for the upcoming year. It was still October and they were discussing about next year’s planning. Sitting in the meeting room, I swore I knew nothing about a single word they had uttered.

A few hours later, the meeting ended and all I recalled I did was nodding and saying yes.

It was 7 in the evening.

And my mind right now was officially full of Bang Yongguk.

I drove home slowly, knowing that I had no one waiting for me.

After I had parked my car, I suddenly remembered that I had not checked my mailbox. My life was so miserable after that night when I saw them lying on top of each other, at her apartment. I was so speechless as I ran out, throwing away my 5 inches heels. Why was he doing this to me? That question kept on repeating in my head.

I entered the elevator and pressed the button 5. I held a stack of letter on my left grip. I decided to not miss anything in my life anymore just because my love was unrequited. Just because I was loving a cheater. Just because he had me fooled. He had his fun, and now I lived my life, my way.

I hope I was not trying to convince myself. I hope I was right.

Walking a few distance from the elevator door, I finally reached my apartment. After I came in, I placed my bags and the letters on the table. I took out my phone and recharged it before I went straight to the bathroom. I need a full clean-up.

25 minutes later, dressed in my short and sleeveless, I jumped on the sofa after I took the letters on the table. I scanned through it and noticed this one, particularly attractive envelope. The others were all white and plain, but this one was very pink and golden. I wasted no time and started ripping the envelope carefully.

I read the first sentence I saw. It was so glimmering golden.

 

“ With love, we would like for you to come and witness the Holy ceremony of the wedding of Marilyn and Joe- “

 

I continued reading it in silence.

What did this supposed to mean?

 

I glanced at the clock.

08.30 p.m.

It’s not too late if you still want to see him, though. He is leaving the country at 9 sharp tonight, Marilyn’s word echoed through my brain.

I could not process anymore data twirling in my sane mind as I grabbed my car key and rushed downstairs. I did not even bother to take the elevator.

 

Yongguk ran before me and hugged me from the front, preventing me from escaping with his tight grip on my body. I pushed him with all my might but he was not letting me slide off easily.

“ Jane, listen to me. This is a misunderstanding. We didn’t do anything that you are thinking right now, so please listen- “

SLAP!

And his hug was still not loosening. It got tighter.

“Shut up! Let me go, stupid! Let me go! “ I yelled and hit his chest so hard and repeatedly I could hear the thumping sound.

And he still did not let go.

“ No, I won’t let you go. I’ll never let you go. I promised you, remember? “ he said softly.

I was not listening and kept on hitting him.  He bear so well and secured his hand on my waist.

I stepped on his right foot and I was sure it hurt so badly because instantly, his hug was gone, off to hold his injured foot.

 

“ Was it really a misunderstanding? Is it my fault? Please, God. I need to know, “ I yelled, driving like a crazy lady.

 At the last junction to the airport, the damn traffic jam. The damn traffic jam.

 

“ This is not a damn movie! Why is there a stupid traffic jam here?! “ I yelled again.

 

08.45 p.m.

I must leave right now or else. Doing something very not thoughtful  had never happened to me but here I was, abandoning my car in the middle of the street, stuck in the traffic jam, running with my fluffy home slipper, a baby blue sleeping short and a dowdy sleeveless, my hair flew on my sweaty face. And it was not even a movie.

I ran everywhere looking for him, from this side to that side, earning unwanted attention from everyone in the airport.

You better be here, Yongguk. You better be.

In the middle of my struggle, the announcement was heard.

His flight had departed just as I arrived.

09.02 p.m.

I sat in the middle of the airport and cried stupidly.

 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

Marilyn was the prettiest bride I had ever saw. The wedding was so beautiful and most of the guests were from the Navy. Joe was an officer and a good friend of Yongguk.

That night, it was really a misunderstanding. Yongguk was in Marilyn’s apartment to discuss about her’s and Joe’s wedding because they had to ask for their best man’s opinion on stuff. I was too busy to know that I was going to be the bridesmaid, on my bestfriend’s wedding that I did not know, too. The moment I saw Yongguk on top of Marilyn, actually they slipped while Yongguk was pretending to be Joe to guide Marilyn to do the bride’s dance and they landed on the wrong way. While Joe was on the kitchen, drinking because he was too tired dancing for 25 minutes. And it was not even a movie.

He departed  a few minutes too early or I arrived a few minutes too late.

I did not stop crying that night when he left. He called me hundreds of times but I did not pick up, leaving me hundreds of missed calls.

He left hundreds of messages. I read every single one of it.

 

I’m so sorry. It’s a misunderstanding.

Forgive me.

I love you.

I’m off to your house.

Baby, I’m outside the door. Open up for me please?

 

I was at my parents’ house but they did not suspect anything.

 

Janey Janey, I love you.

Good morning, precious.

Forgive me, please?

I love you.

Happy birthday, Janey.

Let’s celebrate together. I have a cake here~

Happy birthday to Jane, happy birthday to Jane, happy birthday to Janey Baby, happy birthday to Jane~ ~ ~

 

I celebrated my birthday alone at home and lied to my parents, saying that I celebrated it with him.

 

I left you a present on your door. You’ll like it.

 

It was a big, brown teddy bear, five times my size. I kept it in my room and kicked it several times till I panted and named it Yongguk.

 

Hey, let’s have lunch together.

We’ll order your favourite, okay?

Where are you? I went to your office but you weren’t there.

I left your cupcakes with Kate. Eat well, alright?

 

I avoided him, hiding in the washroom for an hour.

 

Good night, dream of me. I love you.

Baby, I dreamt about you last night.

 

I dreamt of him every single night.

 

Baby, I’ll be leaving the country soon for work. Let’s meet up. I really miss you.

Jane, I love you.

Please pick up my call.

 

Miss you so much.

Don’t you miss me?

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

 

I love you too, stupid.

 

I’m leaving the country soon. I really need to see you. Please ..

 

 

And his last message was this.

 

Wait for me, okay? I’ll come back for you, I promise. I love you, Jane.

 

I waited for Yongguk everyday since he left. I could not contact him and vice versa because that was what happened when you are serving in the middle of the war; you lost contact with the outside world. And all I could do was to wait and prayed for the safety of their battalion.

When dad returned home months later, although bandaged on his right arms and scarred on his face, I was more than happy to see him. He was helping the other country with his battalion and they fought bravely till the end where their services were not needed anymore. Dad told me that it was a very risky task and they were ambushed repeatedly, in the middle of the sea.

And dad said it ever so carefully, “ A few men were killed, some were badly injured and there were missing men, “

“ Have you talked to Yongguk? “ I asked straight away, more like pleading.

He averted his gaze. I waited patiently. Mum was in the kitchen to prepare drinks for us three.

 

“ Honey, there were a few missing men I told you right? Yongguk was in Team A and his team was on the first line defence. That day, the enemy  attacked with several bombs and it hit the Team A’s ship- “

 

“ It hit the Team A’s ship “  

And I went deaf.

 

“ Let’s go get ice cream, shall we? “ Yongguk said as he hold my hand and swayed it front and back.

I could not believe he was stuck with kids around him just to get my favourite peppermint chocolate chip flavoured ice cream. I was smiling like an idiot, watching my stupid, beloved boyfriend fighting for an ice cream. Just for me.

 

 

My hands were shaking, heart was shattering, lips were sealed, and two pools of tears flowed. My cheeks were wet.

 

“ Honey, please calm down, okay? I am sure he doesn’t want to see you like this, “ dad coaxed me gently.

 

 

“ Can I .. Can I kiss.. you? “ Yongguk said, holding his knuckles in embarrassment for asking me an embarrassing question.

I looked at him straight away and he was staring at his knuckles, which had turned pale white. I laughed and palmed his cheek slowly, as I pressed my lips onto his.

He was stunned and crimsoned.

“ Yes, you can, “

 

 

Mum saw me cried and rushed towards me. She hugged me tight and patted my head. I hugged her back. But I felt Yongguk.

Dad stared at the floor and went dead silence.

 

“ You promised me you’ll come back. You promised, “

 

Marilyn and Joe’s wedding was postponed but I insisted for it to be carried out. They needed to move on.

I needed to move on.

……………………….......................................................................................................................................................................................................

 

It was February. Marilyn’s wedding was on a cruise. It was like the first time when I met Yongguk. It was the cruise for the Navy and their families.

On the same cruise ship. With the same theme. But celebrating the lovely couple’s wedding, my best friends, Marilyn and Joe.

I smiled and laughed happily with them, just to show them that I cared about their wedding, their happiness and that they should not be worried about me.

Do not get me wrong though; I am happy for them.

 

Never one night slipped away without the thought of him. I saw him everywhere. He even spoke to me. But I was still sane enough to accept reality. I was hurt but I wanted to carry on as far as I could so that Yongguk would not be hurt if he saw the way I lived. It may sound crazy but I was still deeply in love with him till now.

 

Marilyn was dancing with Joe, her forehead rested on his chin. He was hugging her so tight and I knew that he would never let go of her.

And soon, everyone was slow-dancing with the bride and bridegroom. I walked to the side of the cruise ship and did what I do best every night; staring at the night sky.

With my glass hanging on the handrail, I tilted my head upwards and appreciated the glimmering stars that once witnessed our first encounter.

I deeply, truly miss you.

 

“ Hey there, “ someone greeted me but I was too occupied with my thoughts.

“ It’s a beautiful night, right? “

 

What?

 

I turned my face almost instantly.

An unknown guy was standing beside me, his drink hanging on the handrail as well.

I could hear myself sighed but I smiled anyway.

 

“ Yeah, it is, “ I said and viewed the sea again.

“ Are you alone here? “ he asked.

“ No, I’m with my family, “

“ Oh, you mean you are married? “

“ No, I’m with my dad and my mom, “

“ I see. May I know who your dad is? “

“ My dad? Tom Cortez, “

“ You mean, Commander Cortez? “

“ Yeah, “

 

And he was silenced for a few seconds before he excused himself. I laughed silently right after.

 

“ It’s  very beautiful tonight, huh? “

 

Really?

I just chuckled and nodded. Let’s see how many people could say that line to me tonight. The man stood beside me, his hand hanging on the handrail.

And it was breezy, but I felt warmth.

 

“ You’re beautiful, too, “

 

Static.

Glued on the floor?

High gravitational force?

 

I do not know.

I was scared but I needed to know.

I was paranoid.

I was afraid.

I was frightened.

But why?

He was everywhere.

And I deeply missed him.

 

Take your chance, Jane. No harm at all.

 

And I averted my face. My heart dropped because he looked so real. So real that I started to hope.

 

“ Is it really you? “ I whispered to myself.

Yongguk looked at me, gummy smiled. I was tearing but I managed hold it in. I smiled back. Here I was, standing next to my hallucination that looked crazily real but I did not want to let this go.

 

“ I miss you so much, “ Yongguk said as he hugged my waist from my back.

 

It felt so real.

 

“ Don’t you miss me? “ he asked me in return as he rested his cheek lightly on the right side of my ear.

 

It felt so real. Why?

 

“ I will come back for you I said, don’t you believe me? I will never let you go because I promised, remember? “

 

 

Along the seashore, we held hands and walked barefoot. Yongguk smiled brightly and tightened his grip. I smiled sheepishly and he smiled idiotically. We were a match of heaven and earth, I would say.

 

“ Jane, can I promise you something?”

“ Mm hm, “

“ Can I never let you go? “

 

I laughed and he smiled gummily, scratching his head. How could a man that works in a navy be as innocent as this?

 

“ Yes, you can, “

“ May I seal this promise? “

“ Yes, you may, “

 

He pulled me slowly and connected our lips together for the longest I could remember.

 

 

My hands were shaking once again as he took my glass, placing it on the table behind us. My imagination was way beyond real right now.

He was facing me, I was facing the sea.

 

“ Jane, I am sorry for everything that had happened. I am sorry that I made you cry, I am sorry that I hurt you and I am sorry for leaving you for too long, “

 

“ No. No, Yongguk. I am sorry for everything I did, for my stupid mistakes and my shallow thinking that made us apart. I am sorry, “

 

My voice shook so strong and my barrier would never hold me longer. I tried my best to hold it in, the hope that piled up high to the sky.

 

“ Jane, forgive me please? For everything? I promise you that I will never make any mistake anymore, okay? “ he promised.

 

I nodded and the barrier broke. I cried again. He hugged me tight. I did not have any more strength to hug back. I closed my eyes and felt him.

At least this time, Jane. Just this time, forget that he was gone. Forget that after this, you had to live your life without your beloved dork.

Then I felt his hug disengaged. I slowly opened my eyes and I saw him kneeling down.

 

“ Jane Cortez, can I never let you go? “ Yongguk said as he pulled out a ring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No.

I cannot.

We lived in a different world.

As much as I wanted to say yes, I could never.

How come your eyes looked so real?

Why was I so full of dream and full of hope?

 

“ No, Yongguk, I can’t marry you, “ I said as I walked away, my sight was so blurry because of my overflowing tears.

 

My phone rang a few steps later. I read the sender’s name.

Stupid Yongguk <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I read the text message.

 

Can I please…….. never let you go?

 

I covered my gaping mouth with my left hand. My pouch and my phone dropped to the hard floor.

What was going on? How come..? How come? How come? How come? How come? How come?

 

I turned around and I can finally see Yongguk walked towards me. He stopped a few inches away. He looked at me. I looked at him.
 

We were staring into each other’s eyes.

 

“ Are you .. real? “

 

He reached for my hands and put the left one on his cheek, the right one on his chest. He was warm and his heartbeat pounded crazily. Yongguk smiled and said,

“ I am as nervous as ever to propose the one and only woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with, “

He knelt once again as he presented his ring, my ring, his eyes never left mine.

 

Thanking God so much, I cried an ocean.

 

“ Can I never let you go? “

 

I guessed all I could do was to nod. His gummy smile was too perfect this time. As he stood up, he pulled out the ring that turned out to be a necklace and put it around my neck.

He remembered it when I said I did not like to wear rings. He faced me and showed a necklace he wore. An exact duplicate of the one I was wearing.

 

“ Thank you, Mrs Bang for the second chance, “ he said as he hugged me tight just like everytime and this time, I was the one who turned crimson.

 

A loud applause was heard.

I was dumbfounded as he released his hug. Everyone was eyeing us and he smiled shyly as he held my hand.

I saw dad, Joe, mum and Marilyn (who shed tears together)  clapped along.

Then, logic strike my mind. They knew this all along. They planned this.

 

“ You planned this, don’t you? “ I asked with a serious expression.

 

He looked worried and nodded. As fast as lightning, he hugged me again.

 

“ Please don’t be mad, “

 

I disengaged his hug and looked at him in the eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ Stupid, “ I said and knocked lightly on his head.

 

I heard sigh of relief.