Climbing the hill with Fluff following behind him, he carried the wooden box in his arms. He didn’t know what’s inside the box, he didn’t know if she purposely left it there, he didn’t know what awaits him once he opened the box, he only knew that it’s from her. From Son Naeun, the girl that he’s been missing so badly. Once they reached the top, he sat down on the grass and the dog followed.

“Fluff, this is from Naeun right?” he asked the dog

Softly touching the engraved letters on the box, he started to open it. Inside the box were letters, photos and other familiar things. One by one he gets the photos, those were photos of him and Naeun, 10 photos that showed the ten summers spent together since they were 8 until 18 years old. Every summer they would take a photo but he never knew that Naeun took effort to print those photos and put them together. The first photo is when they were 8, with ice cream on their hands, and the others are also like that, they were together, either on the hill or at the park or just at their houses. The 5^th photo, which was taken when they were twelve included Fluff, which doesn’t look good back then. Jongin didn’t realize that a tear already escaped his eyes.

Putting the photos aside, he took the folded letters inside. He didn’t know if the letters are for him or what. There were 8 letters and in each are written years of summer, from summer 2010. He took the first letter and started to read.

Summer 2010

Jonginnie! Annyeong Hasaeyo! Do you know what time of the year it is? Summer! Yes, summer. Our favorite time of the year. But you know what, it’s not like any other summer for me. Because this summer, is the first summer where I became sure of what I feel for you. This summer, I realize that I really like you. Those fluttering feelings, the butterflies in my stomach, the reddening of my cheeks and the constant skip of my heart beat whenever I’m with you, all of them is because I like you. Yes, I like you and I’m writing it here because I just can’t tell you directly, like how can I? 

Oh, I actually want to say thank you. Earlier, you complimented my drawing. I don’t know, you always said that my drawing is good, but earlier I felt different. I felt like I should do better and be better, for you. Ah I’m still a bit confused, yeah they said that when you’re at this age like us, we will really undergo some confusing changes, and I’m experiencing it now. How about you? Are you the same?

I draw you yesterday, when you’re sleeping. I really like it, you look so handsome? I’m not really satisfied with my drawing of you, so what do you think? Aish why am I even asking you here and even writing this when I won’t even show this to you? Oh I hear you calling my name now, you’re already outside.  I have to go keke.

Jongin didn’t know how to react on what he read. Naeun likes him? She likes him all this time? He folded the letter again before grabbing a drawing in the box. It was what Naeun have mentioned in the letter, the drawing of him when he was sleeping. Summer 2010? They were 15 at that time.

“Naeun-aaaaaahhh!” Jongin called for his bestfriend. He was outside Naeun’s house, it was summer and they will play again at the hill. Well not really play, because they were already 15, but just to hang out with Fluff and play with the dog. He sat looks up to the window if her room, waiting for her to peek and finally she did. She opened her window and smiled at him. The wind blew her hair in a beautiful way and Jongin didn’t realize that he have been staring at her face for a while. Naeun is so beautiful. She’s not ugly in the first place, but it doesn’t really affect Jongin. But this time is different, Jongin felt an unfamiliar fluttering of his heart as she stared at the girl.

“Yah! I’m asking you, why aren’t you answering!” Naeun shouted from her window that pulled Jongin back to reality.

“Oh? What is it again?” He asked, but instead of answering, Naeun closed her window and after a few minutes she’s already in front of him.

“Pabo Jongin! I’m asking if you have your bike with you, you know that mine just got broken and appa is still repairing it”

“Oh that, yeah. Just hitch”

“No!”

“huh?”

“I mean, can’t we walk?” Naeun said, which made Jongin confused, usually if one bike is not working, they will ride on one bike.

“But you’ll be tired” he said

“I want to exercise”

 “Seriously? At this hour?”

“Yeah, fine. You bike and I’ll walk” Naeun said and walk past him.

“Hey!” Jongin ride his bike and followed Naeun, he slowed down when he’s already beside her “Come on Naeun, the farm is not that near, you’ll be tired. You’ll be sweating non-stop and you’ll smell, I know you don’t like that” He said trying to persuade Naeun

“Aish fine” Naeun said and joined him on the bike

Jongin felt glad that he succeeded but he finds that it’s not really a good idea for Naeun to hitch. When Naeun’s arm wrapped around his waist, he felt electrified with the touch and his heart started to beat fast

“Something wrong?” Naeun asked when she noticed that Jongin is still not accelerating

“Nothing” he said

Summer 2010, Naeun finally realize what she feels about Jongin and Jongin just started to feel what Naeun felt.

Summer 2011

Jongin, it’s summer again. This summer I’m still hanging out with you, just like the other summers and all the years that we spent as bestfriends. I actually want to say sorry, have you noticed that I’m changing? I’m sorry if I’m not like before. I’m sorry if I’m not hanging out with you that often and I’m not that open with you as before. I don’t have another bestfriend like what you think, I just realize that I can’t tell you everything that I feel. Especially if that includes you. For the past year, I tried to push away what I felt for you. I told myself that it’s better to forget this and just be friends with you. I know you are slowly changing too, but you’re a guy and I don’t understand how you act. Sometimes, you’re so cheerful and nice to me, but there are times that you’ll suddenly get mad. Or I don’t know but I felt that you’re annoyed. Am I annoying? If I am then I’m sorry. I promise I won’t be annoying.

Remember when we went to the mall last month? I bought a couple phone charm. I don’t know, I actually want to give one to you and one for me. It doesn’t really look like for couple, it can pass for a bestfriend. I already wrapped it, but then I heard you talking with one of our classmates and you said that you don’t like those stuffs, so I decided not to give it.

As I wrote above, this summer I’ll still hang out with you. I wish that we can spend this summer happily just like the summers before. I’ll try my best not to be annoying.

Naeun is drawing something on her notebook while Jongin is talking to one of their classmates. The teacher can’t attend the class so they do whatever they want.

“Jongin, look at this” A boy classmate said, Jongin turned to the boy and to what he is showing

“Keychain? Oh a couple keychain” Jongin said, the boy showed him a keychain that looks like a half heart with a girl’s name, it’s the name of the boy’s girlfriend

“Yeah, isn’t it cute?” the boy asked

“Ah, it’s okay”

“You don’t like things like these?” he asked again

“No, I don’t really like it. I mean why do you need to have couple things, and it’s too girly I think” Jongin explained

“tsk tsk, you know I said that too, but because I live her, I learned to like this too”

“Tsk gay” Jongin teased his classmate, but deep inside he wondered and imagined himself having couple things with Naeun, like wearing couple shirts on dates, eating icecream and Naeun hugging him while calling his name sweetly.

Naeun heard their conversation but just remained quiet. The cellphone charm that she bought is just inside her bag, ready to be given to Jongin, but because of what she heard she decided to just keep it to herself. She continued her drawing but when she’s reaching for her eraser her hands kinda pushed it making it to fall. She bent down at the same time as Jongin and they picked up the eraser at the same time causing for their hands to touch. Sending electricity to not just Naeun but also to Jongin. Jongin immediately sat straight.

“Yah! You should just let me pick it up” He said

Naeun looked at him with a confused face. Is he mad? But why? “What’s wrong with you?” she asked

“Nothing!” he answered loudly and stormed out of the room, he wnt to the washroom and look at his face at the mirror

“There is definitely something wrong with you Jongin!” he said to his reflection “Aish, why did I act like that?” he really didn’t mean to sound mad at Naeun, but because he wants Naeun to not notice his growing feelings for her, he tried not to act sweet around her but ended up acting like he’s mad.

Summer 2011, both knows their growing feelings for each other, but both of them decided to push it aside.

Summer 2012

Jongin you’re so ugly sleeping! HAHAHA Attached with this letter is a drawing of you drooling hahaha, bleh! Fluff is so cute but you beside him make you look bad, okay I’m just kidding. You’re cute too while sleeping. I remember when I sleep before and you drew not me but on my face, ah I really hate you that time. Jongin, can I confess something? Do you know that I like you so much? Not just as a friend but more than that. Okay I already wrote that on the previous letters, I just want to repeat it.

I wish you knew, but still, I’m too coward to say it directly to you, to confess to you. I’m afraid that you’ll back away from me. So it’s better to remain as bestfriends right? This year, somehow, we became okay. I don’t know, maybe because this year we are not classmates anymore, I don’t see you that often. It actually helped me a little, because I don’t get to see you every time at school, my heart remained calm.

Jongin wiped his tears for the nth time, as he read her letters, the more he felt his regret. Regret of not telling him what he feels. Regret of not confessing. Of not noticing.

Summer 2013

Hey Jongin! It’s summer again, our favorite time of the year. Usually we’re together buying icecreams right now, or biking to Mr. Jung’s farm, playing with Fluff and having a race in reaching the top of the hill. We always do that together right? Every summer. But I think, not for this summer.

Right now, I’m here at the hilltop, and only Fluff is accompanying me. You? You’re with Soojung at the moment. Don’t worry; I don’t blame you for not being with us right now. You just fall in love, and of course you need to spend time with your girlfriend.

I’m imagining that you’re so happy right now; you know you get to spend your summer with someone you love. I know that feeling, because I already spent summers with someone I love, but the sad thing is, he didn’t know that I love him. You don’t know.

When Jongin told Naeun that he already had a girlfriend, he tried to look directly at her face and look at her reaction. He saw that she’s shocked, and expected reaction, but he also saw sadness. He wants to think that it’s because she’s jealous, but after a while when she smiled and said that she’s happy for him, he knows that she’s just shocked and nothing more. Jongin really tried to forget his feelings for Naeun because he’s so scared that their friendship will not be the same anymore. He met Soojung and he really liked her. He forgets about his feelings for Naeun. Soojung is a good girl, she’s nice but she’s easily gets jealous. He loved Soojung. That’s the truth, he learned to love her and is happy that she’s his girl. But loving Soojung means losing Naeun.

Summer 2014

Hey, how are you doing? We’re already college students now, so how is it in your university? Are people treating you nicely? I’m sure you’re already famous with a lot of girls eh? Haha. Do you miss me? Because I do. Oh yeah, during the class first day, our introductions include a talent. Aside from saying our name, we need to show our talent in front of the whole class! That’s literature class by the way. So I said drawing, but the professor said that it’s boring if I’ll just draw in front of the class, so I danced. Remember the dance that you thought me before? I danced that! Omo you should be there, I was so freaking embarrassed of myself HAHA.

Anyways, Yah! Kim Jongin! I didn’t broke the promise, it’s the first summer, we promised to get back together right? But where are you? Summer will be over soon and I had to get back to Seoul, and you’re still not showing up :(

P.S I’m sorry if I’m not contacting you. I always say that I’m busy and ignored your calls but now look at me, missing you so badly. I’m sorry, it’s just you know, me and my hidden feelings for you. Oh right you don’t know, only Fluff knows and this letters I wrote for you, that I doubt if you’ll ever read them

That year’s summer was not good for Jongin. Soojung just broke up with him, saying that she can’t keep up with their long distance relationship anymore. He felt hurt, Soojung is a beautiful part of his life, but mostly, he felt relieved. It didn’t took him long to move on from her, but he’s still struggling at Seoul. He had 2 part time jobs that summer and he can’t get back to their hometown. He needs to save up money and needs to pay his bills, so even if it broke his heart, he can’t do anything but broke his promise to Naeun.

Summer 2015

I don’t know, why I still came back this year’s summer. I don’t know why am I still waiting for you. I understand that you might be busy, so it’s okay if you can’t get back home, but I’ll still wait for you. Oh I met this guy at school, his name is Kim Myungsoo, and he’s so handsome! Sometimes he’s cute and is also nice and talented, also did I mention handsome? Hey you said to call you if there’s a guy hitting on me right? But I can’t contact you now. Did you change number? Oh I should blame myself in the first place, I’m the one who lost contact with you first. How about you and Soojung? Still together? Or already have another girl?

Summer 2016

Kim Kim Kim Jongin Jongin Jongin… What should I say this time? Oh yeah I came back again, I told you I’ll be waiting. Me and Myungsoo? Are you curious about what’s our relationship? Then guess, I’m not telling until you call me okay? Fluff is sick and I’m taking care of him, also I decided to let Fluff keep this letters for me, I really kept this box at home, but I’m hurt every time I saw it, so I’ll just let it be with Fluff, that way I won’t see it every time, and I won’t miss you so much.

Three summers had passed since he last saw Naeun. After breaking up with Soojung, Jongin tried to date again, but cut it off after just a week. Naeun is filling her mind every time. In every girl that he met, he’ll saw her face. He can’t just date someone else while thinking of another girl. How he wished that he can meet her, he also wondered if she’s waiting for him. Did she come to the same place every summer? He missed her so bad. Every day, he will stare at her only photo on her phone, and that’s when he realized that her feelings for Naeun never left. He pushed it aside, but all this time, it’s still her. It’s still Naeun that he loves.

Summer 2017

Why am I still coming back every year? I don’t know. Maybe because I made a promise and you’re my best friend after all, and also my first love, it’s hard to forget you, but I’m trying.

Jongin stared at the last letter, it’s dated last year. Naeun haven’t written a letter for this year’s summer. Jongin folded the last letter. Naeun’s trying to forget him, maybe she already did. He didn’t know, but he felt like amess. Did she already found someone else? Is he already late? Can he still get Naeun? Does he still even have the chance?

Under all ther letters and things that Naeun kept in the box, Jongin saw another set of photo, four photos, photos of the past four summers that passed. The first photo, Naeun is with Fluff, with a big smile on her face. The second, she’s with fluff again, but her smile is small. On the third photo, Naeun is sitting beside Fluff, the background tells that they were inside the doghouse. On the fourth photo, Naeun is alone, sitting on top of hill, without a smile on her face.