its been 5 years since the accident happened…im still heartbroken…im still in a terrible trauma of that incident…

~FLASHBACK 4 years ago~

“ughh! I hate you!its been 2 month..why don’t you reply me? Why don’t you answer me?i love you…i just want to talk to you and confess…but why do you did this to me?i just want to hear your voice..i wanna see your dorky texts..” my voice is crooked as I burry my face into my palms… I wanna cry but I cant…althought my heart is broken and sad but I just cant…never in my life I will cry again…

“yah…” my voice is so weak…I called out to my cubemate… “yah..Choi DaHae…” this time a little bit louder… “huh?nae? what is it yonhae-ah?”she answers… “help me…im totally depress now..i just want to kill myself…” I cried… “YAH! Michasseo?! Who do you think you are? Someone that could die and live again?!” her eyes bulged out of her eye sockets while shacking me like crazy… “I don’t find a reason to live anymore…I’ve missed him soo much…I didn’t even get to say I love you to him…” suddenly I’ve made of my mind…I take my Samsung S5 open the cover..pulled out the sim card and closed it again…leaving it with no sim card so that no one can contact me again… “wait wha-“ she ask in confusion..

  “Nothing much I just don’t want anyone to contact me till the end of this year….i’m in soo much pain…with the bullying and all…I just want to live normal with my friends and families….” “oh..well I think is better than killing yourself right? You know maybe someday something can happened..like a price with a white horse coming to purpose to you here ?” I laught at her statement… what prince want to come and make me his? Aigoo this girl… but little did I knew…there IS something gonna happened…but the different was…it was not good as expected…

      5 month passed and it was July already…time goes quicker than expected…

“hey…did you already forget him?” dahae asked.. “huh?who?” I asked “I guess you really did forget him…” she said… but the truth is I still remember him…he was the one I love…and I could never replace him…you were wondering who is he right? Well let me introduce for him…Zhang Yixing…we called him lay.. a normal and not so handsome but well looking type of guy that studied in my school..he is not the talkative type…he is just a simple guy…he has his own charms..he is funny..but in messages,he is super talkative..i always laugh when I message with him…easy to say..i love him…no matter what he looks like..he is 3 years older than me…at first he text me..i didn’t answer much..but after we knew we’re gonna go to a school trip to Japan…we started texting as much as we could…but at the trip we didn’t even talk or text…he is just shy like that…well he is the shy type so it is cute!

       but now he ignores me and I miss him so much… “hey” dahae elbowed me softly.. “huh?” “you alright?”  “yeah like that…” “co’mon.. no more sad thoughts okay? I know you’re still remember him and always be…” “yeah”..
lets go out…I heard the town has open up a new store…and it is super delicious!” “hmmm okay!”I beamed…we went out as that day was our outing day for girls…after a long day we decided to fell asleep…tomorrow we had a voting ceremony at the hall so better get ready…

       “finally…that was over..i hope the person I vote can be choosen..”I said..”yeah me to…I wanna go back so I can sleep..”she whimper “well to bad cause you cant!” I pinch her nose and stick out my tounge…and I make a run for it..people see us like a four years old but I don’t give a damn about them..
       
        after fooling around for a while…I was super hungry and ask her to join me going to the shop….when I got there…it was packed with people…with my slim body,I manage to slip through them easily…and I went to the second row of foods and I was checking the snacks when I turned to walk and my eyes caught something tall…it was him. He was standing facing me and accidently our eyes meet…after one second I turned around..not wanting to face him anymore…I walk to the counter,paid and go… “d-dahae..” I whisper… “wae?” “i-I just saw him..i just had to ing saw him in there and our eyes meet!” I said in disbelieve… why out of all times did he had to see me that time?? “hey forget it…com’mon lets go to the dining hall hmm?? Its almost night and we wont want to waste any dinner right?” she said  “Oh..nae..”

        time pass by as we eat through fully…suddenly at night.. ”yah I left my work at class..can you please follow me?i don’t want to be eaten by miss gahee..”I said “ughh…jinjja?right now? Cant we go tomorrow? After all tomorrow is Saturday after all…”… “no..tomorrow I want to go outing..” “tomorrow evening after you get home arassao?” “nae arrasao” I scoffed…

TOMORROW…I didn’t know boys and girls can go outing together… and right where I don’t want to..i saw him…I just want to kill my self…why didn’t I follow dahae words? He walked pass me and I can smell his perfume….how I miss that smell…after I went home and have a good night sleep..i went to class and do my h/w at Sunday till night and sleep again…im a heavy sleeper and I can sleep anywhere even in the bathroom…Monday came and I get a shocked news that boys can go in the girls hostels anytime that day…im just like whattt??? I haven’t clean my locker… Iron my clothes and all…and the teacher also says that girls can go to their hostels as well..i was super happy but she also said “but you cant go in when learning time arrasao? If I caught you I will chomp you down!” and that gives me shivers…

            I want to clean my cube but it was learning time…and I realise that the teacher won’t come as they have some kind of meeting at he hall….and I get this opportunity to go back…and to my surprise..lots of boys were at block A and B…I was just like..wow…and then I want to go further when I saw ‘warning..electric spark..do no come over..death or fire may occur’….i don’t give a damn so I just went in there and to my block..and little did I know..he was following secretly behind me….

            as I was cleaning I have the urge to iron my cloth since I got the chances of to… then I remember the sign…but I just pushed it away as I remember that it may be a prank…I plug in and the iron and iron my clothes…as I was ironing the electric stopped and I was so annoyed I kicked the plug so the electric will flow through It but it don’t… I looked into my locker to find something and then when I turned around I was surprised to see him there.. “you know..you should follow the sign..i don’t want to see some girl burned into ashes..” I was stunned as that was the first time he talked to me face to face and I cant believed his voice is so husky and deep and y…different from his face..but he mad his serious face and it turned out I was stunned by his face..he was so handsome..i just erghh forget it!

          “what do you want?” my voice was stern as I turned around and continue to search something… “I just wanted to protect you”.. “well lay I don’t need that anymore”.. “what do you mean anymore?” he asked in confusion.. I breathe in and gritted my teeth.. “you’ve been ignoring me for month…I needed you that time but you didn’t even show up or even text me back…I was in pain for many month and you just had to be one of them…my classmates shunned me..i’ve been aimed by seniors..boys seniors…they just accused me like that without even investigate…and you know my classmates…is not enough they shunned me but also they only come to me when I have something or go somewhere like the trip to japan…they have no shame and asked me to buy them…and after I bought them some souveniours… they don’t talk to me anymore..im just so in pain..and when I need you you weren’t there…I suffered for many month..and my pride….i don’t have to say it…you already knew it..so conclusion…I thought I couldn’t live without you…but I can…I don’t need to hear your reasons anymore…cause it only makes me sick..” he was stunned.. “i-i..” “no need if you don’t know what to say” I turned around to walk back to my locker but suddently I felt a hand slid up to my waist..i jumped slightly at the touch and tried to free my self but I cant..he rest his head on my shoulders and said “Dahyun ah..” he’s voice were deep husky but crooked “I cant believe you just said that..i don’t know that I had hurt you so bad…its just..i’m so lonely…why did you pull out your sim? Have you even read my messages?like I said im lonely”he said.. I gasped and slapped him..
 
               he was so shocked and so am I but I put my ego face on but cant stop my eyes being teary eyed… “stop..dont say anymore” “but-“ “I said stop!!” I sniffed “yonhae if you just listen to me..i can explain” “don’t make such  excused!i’ve been hurt…two times! I once used to love..yes I know how to have a crush on someone..i know how to love!… I liked this boy…but th