Here I am sitting by my windowsill
Waiting for the rain again
Do you understand?

It's been so long
They carry on like they don't know me
I'm invisible
Gotta stand in the rain
And let those tears fall

In this world, I didn't expect someone as bright as you to notice someone like me. Growing up, I was known as the daughter of a crazy man. After years of torment from his superiors, my father broke down when the bank dismissed him for a younger individual who knew nothing about what his job entailed. My father must have been worried about paying the bills and affording my mother's expensive medical treatment. Before I knew it, the police were charging through our home charging my father of murder. I was five back then and my mother passed away soon after from her lung disease. My childhood friend, Jihoon, was my first love. We'd write messages to each other at school until my father lost himself and I became the "freak". After my father's incident, Jihoon ignored me like all the other children did. Once I moved to Seoul, I marveled at the city lights and the lovely houses. I was blessed to grow up in a beautiful neighborhood depite being surrounded with the cold people that occupied it. She may have took me in, but my aunt treated me more like a slave than a niece. Instead of letting me play with my cousin and the children around the block, she had me carry in her groceries, clean the house, and do whatever it was she requested. 

I would cry and cry in the laundry room until one day she heard my cries over the washer and dryer. She yanked my hair til I pondered at the possibility of my hair falling out from her strong grip. Her screeching voice still lingers in the rim of my ears, "YOU CAN'T CRY AS LONG AS YOU LIVE UNDER MY ROOF!" When Jaebum, my eldest cousin, reached legal age, he took me away with him. He noticed I had a knack for making up my own songs and humming tunes away, so he helped me attend music school with him. There, I learned how to properly compose music and was surrounded with the thing I loved most: music.

Music has never failed me or drenched my shoes with ink. Girls my age wouldn't talk to me for long. "", "boyfriend stealer", "b*tch", "ugly", "stupid" --- the list went on for miles. Despite the things they said, there was not a single guy I slept with. I didn't understand the girls squealing over being "intimate" with a member of the opposite . I hadn't dreamed of receiving a hug from anyone ---- especially not from a guy. I certainly didn't appreciate it when boys instigated things with me. They would try to kiss me or feel me up, which I didn't want. The only guy I trusted was Jaebum Oppa and that was because everywhere he went, a light shone out of his smile --- and he's my Oppa! Although his mom didn't like me, he grew up well under her care and I wished with all my heart that she would care about me the way she cared about him. She couldn't have been bad if she treated Jaebum Oppa with such care. It dawned on me that I must be bad and undeserving, so I tried my best to follow in Jaebum Oppa's shadow where I belonged.

Until I met you.

When Jaebum Oppa told me he would debut with Got7, I was happy. His dreams finally were coming true! PD-nim allowed me to run into the practice room to give Oppa his lunch, but I didn't expect to see anyone else but him. As I turned the doorknob, I startled you. Of all the attractive guys out there, you shine the brightest. There you were, sitting quietly. You didn't demand attention by being noisy or goofy, but for some reason --- I couldn't take my eyes off of you. As soon as I saw you, I flinched. You looked up at me and smiled the brightest smile I ever seen and you gestured for me to have a seat beside you. "Must be Jaebum's dongsaeng. He carries your picture everywhere." I inwardly sighed. Jaebum Oppa...of all times to dote on me...it had to be in front of him. It's not like I didn't know who you were. You're Tuan Yi-En. A handsome and talented Chinese guy who resided in Los Angeles, and here I was: daughter of a murderer, Jaebum's dongsaeng he totes on all the time... Nothing I could do would ever be based on my own accomplishments. All I've got is my music and it's nothing. There are tons of people out there who compose. I'm one of the million...not one in a million.

"I've been watching you, Cheigh Suhyeon. Everyone that's listened, loves your music and I'm a fan of you."

At that moment, there was so much I wanted to say, but didn't know how to say it or what to say first. I was stunned. Even if it were a lie, someone other than Jaebum Oppa smiled at me and complimented me. I was honored because I knew you weren't a nobody like me. You were and always will be a somebody. Maybe that's why your pursuit of me never felt real - like a dream I didn't wish to wake up from. Perhaps it was all a cruel joke, but I know you. Your heart isn't tainted like those malicious people out there. That's what attracted me to you - like a moth to a flame. Your eyes held wisdom - I knew you knew of the ugliness of the world, but you didn't let the darkness seep into your heart. It's not your fault that Ha Jeong-eun stole your heart long before I did. Of course I couldn't have been your first and only love. We're mismatched.