Our nights are filled with playful banters, witty insults, harmless light punches on the shoulder or a gentle slap on the thigh as we wish each other goodnight, finally exhausted for the day and are ready to face the world of dreams.

Good night, Yeoda.

Good night, Baek.

We are a walking pair of antonyms, the only thing we have in common is our bubbly personality that would always clash – because opposites attract and likes repel.  But we were so alike and so different that when we’re supposed to cringe away from each other, we instead found ourselves naturally gravitating to one another. Where he was short, I was a giant; where his eyes are small, mine are huge; where his ears are relatively normal, mine are sticking out from each side. And maybe when he dreams of a stage full of songs and crowds, I was dreaming of a petite male who looked breathtaking with eyeliners.

And I didn’t mind.

Because by the time I was about to think twice about it, I would be waking up with a gentle good morning with a hard slap on the shoulder, I’d be opening my eyes to be greeted by a devious grin and angelic eyes as I hear a wake up, giant somewhere in the distance.

Breakfast

Rehearsals

Lunch

Rehearsals

It was a cycle of food and work, a struggle to juggle and cramp the endless schedule in one day, leaving us with a few moments to ourselves to catch some breath – which is literally a few minutes to chug down some water.

And I didn’t mind.

Because as I tried to catch some breath and refill the body fluids I sweated out, there’s that melodious voice filling the room as he teased the members and blurts out jokes that are so lame I couldn’t help but laugh. Just like that, the gloomy and tired aura in the room lifts up, and as the rest of us are almost ready to go at it again, he’s just about to drink his water and catch his breath. And I would smile in his direction as our eyes would meet.

And I will always find myself energized more than any water or energy drink could make me as the smile is returned warmly.

Go and practice Yeoda!

Whatever you say Baek!

But there are times, when having a naturally bubbly and optimistic personality isn’t enough to keep yourself awake. His head would be constantly falling, eyes forever drooping as he fights to keep himself awake, holding onto that thin line that separates the real world from dreamland. And I would be there, because I know for a fact that he’d do the same, and I’ve never been happy to be naturally tall, lean, and muscular. Because he could lean his head on my shoulders to catch on some sleep when we’re sitting, I could be his pole if he feels like sleeping when standing.

And I didn’t mind.

Because everyone would do the same thing for the person they love, right?

Thanks Yeoda.

You’re welcome Baek.

The sun sets and the moon rises, everyone else dozes off for the day and we’re both again left to our own little world of playful insults and hyena laughs and lame jokes, as if we weren’t together for the whole day doing the very same thing. He’d be throwing a bad joke, I’d end up laughing at how lame it was, and he’d be laughing because if it’s so lame then why are you laughing and twitching?

And I didn’t mind.

Because I’d do anything just to keep that smile on his face, to continue hearing that laugh bouncing off the walls. Because despite the very busy day and feeling drained, it’s through those little things and huge smile that I feel like everything would be fine, that at the end of the day all our hard work would pay off. It’s like being brought back to my childhood; the goodnight kiss of my mom, the warm hugs through a storm, a gentle caress on the head to assure that everything will be fine.

It’s warm, calming and caring.

It’s Byun Baekhyun.

It’s love.

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Mornings filled with loud snores and awkward limbs tangled up in the sheets greets my morning. He looked so silly; it’s unbelievable to see him standing so handsomely and confident everyday. I wake him up with a slap because there’s nothing else that can wake him up and I end up grinning at him because come on, who wouldn’t? Oh with a face like that? It’s hilarious!

Morning, Yeoda!

Mmm… morning Baek…

I could still remember how he helped me the last time where fatigue has finally decided to catch up with me. Sleepiness became something I couldn’t withstand anymore no matter how hard I fight it. I remembered how subtle he was when he scooted closer to me and nudged my shoulder, making my head drop onto his awaiting shoulder and I immediately dozed off, remembered how he’ll stand straight and whisper a take a short nap when we were standing as we wait to board and I didn’t have to be told twice to do so, remembered how quick he was in thinking of a way for me to nap under the table with a tissue roll as a pillow through a recording.

Thanks Yeoda.

You’re welcome Baek.

And maybe because I was closer to him than anyone else, but I could actually feel him exhausted at every five minute break. Though feeling as exhausted as everyone else, I couldn’t help but try and cheer him up, throwing a few lame jokes and teasing some of the members, and as seeing that derp smile and slight twitching he does when he laughs I know it’s worth it. And so with a few seconds left before the five minutes are up is where I begin trying to rest.

And I didn’t mind.

Go and practice Yeoda!

Whatever you say Baek!

Because what’s a happy virus if he’s all gloomy and exhausted?

It’s an endless cycle, something I didn’t mind getting stuck in for the rest of my life. All the laughter, the shy and full blown smiles, the gentle and hard slaps, the innocent and double meaning insults – almost everything we shared everyday screamed of comfort and familiarity, something we all needed to forget the loneliness and emptiness we feel when homesickness gets too much to fight and familiar voices are missed. Because someone can only take so much before he finally snaps and succumb to all the negativity and challenges life brings.

Despite everything being too much to carry – all the hate and love, praises and negative comments, wins and losses – the only thing we could do is to everything up and show off a strong persona and try to cheer each other up behind the camera. Because who else knows about the hard work we’ve done but ourselves?

Aside from the members, he was something closest to family, a best friend. So it’s natural instinct working when I try everything to cheer him up when his smile starts to falter, when his laugh starts to waver.

And I didn’t mind.

Because I’m able to smile when he smiles, and I’m able to laugh when he laughs.

Because when I myself start to lose the energy to keep going, he was there. When I just wanted to breakdown and cry because it’s exhausting to pretend I’m strong, he was there. When I was too caught up in the moment and feel myself float to cloud nine, he was there, keeping a gentle and tight hold on my hand to keep my feet on the ground.

Always, because he’s there, I fly the highest without wings.

And I spend the night basking in his twitchiness of laughter and seal clapping of air gasping and recharge myself in his smile as it displayed the set of perfect teeth he’s so proud of.

Good night Baek!

Weird as it may be, he and I are a walking set of antonyms. Where I’m short and ordinary, he’s tall and handsome, where his eyes are expressive and huge, mine’s normal and natively Korean. The only thing we have in common is our clashing personalities. Oddly enough, we were alike enough to repel each other and different enough to attract each other.

Because he’s the gentle and strong support we both needed, because he’s the very familiar constant I needed, the calm I need when the world is too noisy that it hurts.

It’s Park Chanyeol.

It’s love.

The warmth and care I needed and I’m willing to reciprocate. And so I shut my eyes with a smile and dream of giants with a pair of elf ears and huge eyes that twitches when he laughs.

Good night Yeoda.

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063014 - beta'd <3 thank you CAMI! <3