••••••••

            Luhan is starting to get restless.

            He paces the house whenever he’s there, and he’s started texting Sehun random things again when he’s not. Most of them are something along the lines of, Jongdae won’t take me out. He just sits around his apartment being boring. HELP ME.

            Tao isn’t much help for him either, apparently. He’s always out of town on some urgent business or another, taking care of the arrangements to leave and meeting repetitively with his manager. Luhan stresses his betrayal even more than Jongdae’s.

            Sehun is technically not allowed to respond. (He does anyways.)

            He decides after a couple weeks of text smalltalk, badgering grievances, and nearly getting caught on the phone by Kyungsoo multiple times a day that he’s had enough, so he wakes Luhan up one morning as he’s on his way out to work. Luhan rubs his eyes, blinking against the lights billowing from livingroom lamps. He smiles tiredly when Sehun’s face swims into view.

            “Kyungsoo,” he yawns, stretching his arms out. “What do you need of me so bright and early in the morning?”

            “You wanted to go to work with me one day,” Sehun says, shifting to tuck the wrinkled bottom of his uniform into his pants. “Today’s the day, scout. Let’s go.”

            “But I don’t even have time to get ready,” Luhan complains, flopping his limbs out in protest. Sehun thinks he’s a lot more Luhan when he’s sleepy. He’s missed that more than he’ll admit to himself. “I can’t go meet your co-workers looking like a slob. They’ll hate me.”

            “My co-workers hate me already. They’ll hate you by association.” Sehun pulls Luhan up by the wrist. Luhan makes tiny grunts of resistance, but Sehun knows that the attempt to wrench his arm away will be half-assed at best, enervated at worst, so he holds on. It doesn’t take much for Luhan to begrudgingly agree to his terms with a small yawp and a scowl that melts into laughter when Sehun sticks his tongue out at him.

            By the time they get in the car, Luhan has thrown on a sweater that’s been laying on the floor for weeks and a pair of Sehun’s blue jeans that he’d mistaken for his own, a size too big. His hair has been brushed, but it’s got cowlicks jutting out that he couldn’t quite tame, and his eyes are still crusted over with sleep that he hasn’t had the time to pick out yet.

            Sehun looks down at himself. He’s mostly orderly, his hat covering hair that can be perfectly fixed with a flick of his head and dress pants that belie his lowly cash register position. They’re a little short, riding up past his ankles, and his socks are bright orange, but he still thinks they’re okay. He feels pretty sharp.

            He also feels like he pales in comparison to Luhan.

            As he drives, Luhan watches him. It’s not like it’s anything particularly new – Luhan is a watcher by nature, and Sehun is an exceptionally consistent target of his – but there’s something different about his fixated gaze today. It’s expectant, as if Luhan is waiting for an explanation for this sudden demand of company. They haven’t really been together since their red-letter day, choosing instead to converge at the apartment whenever they feel like making up for lost time, so Sehun supposes his curiosity makes sense.

            He doesn’t want it to, though. He wants to be able to just do things with him at his own will.

            He wants to be Luhan’s friend.

            He wants to be Luhan’s best friend. Like he was before.

            He wants it so bad that it actually constricts his chest sometimes.

            He pretends he doesn’t see Luhan’s inquisitive stares. He also pretends that his stomach doesn’t drop a little further every time Luhan turns away and back again, away and back, like a boat being cast along by errant waves. He’s so completely unsure of Sehun, so completely in the dark about everything, and Sehun doesn’t know how to give him a spark without starting a fire. He’s rubbing sticks together in his mind, but never hard enough to ignite.

            Predictably, Sehun forgets about Kyungsoo’s entire existence, so when he’s expected to introduce Luhan to everyone, he’s reluctant to bring him too close.

            “Hi,” Kyungsoo says pleasantly, holding out his hand. “My name is—”

            “Baekhyun,” Sehun finishes for him, and Kyungsoo looks taken aback by the interruption. Sehun shoots him a warning glance. “His name is Baekhyun.”

            “Nice to meet you, Baekhyun,” Luhan returns with a bright smile, eyes wrinkling at the corners. Kyungsoo looks a little dubious, but he accepts the name without any further complaints, telepathic or otherwise, to Sehun’s complete and utter surprise. He bustles off to start cleaning after that, and Sehun breathes a private sigh of relief until Luhan turns to him and pulls at his sleeve. “Am I allowed to get free food?”

            “I don’t care,” Sehun replies dismissively. “Just make sure…er, Baekhyun is supervising when they make it. He’d never let you get spoiled food.”

            “Then how did you get spoiled food?” Luhan asks with a wry grin, turning his eyes repeatedly towards the grills in the back.

            “He doesn’t like me,” Sehun says dryly. Luhan laughs, and this time it sounds like cats fighting. Sehun catches Kyungsoo looking up, irritation clear and vivid in his eyes.

            Sehun lets Luhan fill a little more of his heart, just for that glare.

            Sehun keeps Luhan tamped down to a low simmer until after lunch, instructing him to sit like a good boy at one of the tables while he’s on duty. Luhan is remarkably impressed by his job, and Sehun makes sure to stand extra straight in front of the cash register, just to look more official. Kyungsoo, of course, comments on the state of his attire, offering to buy him an iron for his birthday – “offering” being a loose term, as it comes out more of a demand. Sehun simply nods in response, cutting his eyes to Luhan, who is watching in awe from his place in the corner. Sehun laughs and claps Kyungsoo on the back while Luhan observes. (Luhan turns away long enough to grab a napkin and Sehun immediately apologizes to a wide-eyed Kyungsoo, who doesn’t hesitate to warn him never to touch him again.)

            He asks Junmyeon for an extended lunch break, and thanks to Luhan batting his eyes from the table, Junmyeon grants it without much protest. In fact, the only protest at all is, “Will Kyungsoo get mad?” to which Sehun replies with, “Nah, it’ll make him work harder anyways.”

            Kyungsoo graciously watches over their cooks as they prepare their food, giving Sehun meaningful looks whenever Luhan calls him “Baekhyun” but still choosing to keep to himself about it. He serves Luhan with a flourish and Sehun with a resentful clatter of his tray before whisking himself off to other tasks. Luhan eats his food slowly, looking excessively pleased.

            “This is delicious,” he says as sauce dribbles down his chin, managing to make it to the hollow of his neck before Sehun can reach over with a napkin and mop it up. As Sehun takes a bite, he is incredibly surprised that he actually agrees with that statement. The burger is juicier than any other he’s had at the establishment, and the vegetables are astonishingly crisp. Kyungsoo had really outdone himself. Sehun is very suspicious as to why he’s been so compliant. He’s not sure if he should question or accept it. He decides to do neither.

            Luhan his entire hand when he’s done, grease pooling in the creases of his palms and the lines of his sandwich wrapper. Sehun neatly wipes himself off with the napkin mountain he’s accrued from the dispenser on the adjacent table. He offers the last few to Luhan, who affably accepts, dabbing at the corners of his mouth and the spots on his shirt where burger residue has accumulated.

            Sehun buys him an ice cream float afterwards. He flashes Kyungsoo a wicked smile when he hands it over to Luhan. Kyungsoo looks wary, but he’s definitely unprepared for the next few hours ahead.

            Luhan is a hyperactive nightmare. As a kid, sugar had been his Popeye’s spinach, giving him what appeared to be a mixture of superspeed and unpredictability, and years haven’t stripped him of those superpowers. He runs around the kitchen like a whirlwind, watching people cook without permission and sneaking fries straight from the trap. He escapes nimbly whenever Junmyeon makes rounds, but it wouldn’t have mattered, anyways, because he’d charmed Junmyeon so thoroughly at their first meeting that Sehun is surprised his boss hasn’t proposed yet. Luhan terrorizes Kyungsoo, stealing his hat off his head when he’s busy making an order or sitting on the counters that Kyungsoo has just cleaned. Kyungsoo looks about ready to pop his head off his body, but he somehow keeps his cool so long as Sehun calls Luhan over to reprimand him. It feels rewarding, being the responsible one for once, even though he’s secretly incredibly gratified by watching Kyungsoo glower at someone else. By the end of the day, Kyungsoo seems almost cordial with Sehun, as if he’s nothing but the well-intentioned mother of the spawn of Satan. Kyungsoo pulls him aside at some point, looking a level of tired that Sehun hadn’t even known existed for him.

            “Calm your pet down,” he growls, but it’s more of a general anger than one meant solely for Sehun.

            “I’ll get him under control,” Sehun promises, even though he fully plans on smuggling more chocolate chips to Luhan as a reward. Kyungsoo stares at him, maybe to stress his point, maybe to figure out if Sehun is lying, but he ultimately releases him, making to leave. He turns back suddenly about halfway through the door. Sehun nearly bumps into him, caught off-guard by his hasty stop.

            “Why did you tell him my name was Baekhyun?” Kyungsoo demands.

            Sehun shrugs, peering down at his scuffed dress shoes. “Baekhyun is your roommate or something, right?”

            “That doesn’t answer my question.” Kyungsoo is steadfast in his scrutiny. Sehun feels like a table waiting to be cleaned. “Are you hiding something from him?”

            Sehun speaks a nothing that tells Kyungsoo all he needs to know. Kyungsoo turns again, then stops.

            “I’m playing along because you’ve been acting differently.” Sehun is a bit bewildered by this, but he has no time to gather his bearings before Kyungsoo continues. “I’m guessing you’ve been acting differently because of him, somehow. But whatever you told him, you’d better untell him fast, before he figures it out for himself. You can’t be friends with someone who lies about who they are.”

            “I know,” Sehun whispers, but it’s to an empty room. Kyungsoo has already left to oversee the rest of the employees.

기억 – X

상기하다 2005-5-5

“The foster homes are getting worse.
They make me clean a lot,
even though I like the bugs that I find in the corners.
They remind me of Jongin.
He liked rolly pollies.

The kids here don’t like me like Jongin liked me.
They don’t like rolly pollies,
so I don’t like them much,
either.

What was my house number?
I can’t remember.”