I can't fight the feeling... Why does it have to be him? Couldn't my heart decide to love someone else?
Why is it that hard...a crush shouldn't be like this. I'm pretty sure, he doesn't even know, that I'm a girl.
Even if he does...this wouldn't work out...I think...He is my friend... kind of...
Now it is dark...like my thoughts. I can't help but to feel down...All happiness I felt this day, is suddenly away.I lay in my bed and just have to think about him...no matter what I do to forget him. Every song I have in my mind, is so sad... all of them almost scream: “nobody wants to love me...”.Even though today I felt pretty...now I just want to be better...for him. Always for him. No matter how mush weight I lose...it's not good enough.I'm pretty sure he wouldn't notice it anyways.
I know he isn't the kind of guy I always dreamed of...but now I can't forget him. He doesn't have my heart...yet...but all of my thoughts are his...because it is always about him.
No matter what guys I meet...he is always better. Not like me...just look at my friends. Sure...I'm smart...but I'm pretty sure a guy doesn't think:”wow....this girl is great...she is so smart”. Why can't I be like them?
It is the first time I'm in love. I don't know what I should do...I can't even talk to my best friends, because they all know him...it would be just weird.
I have to become prettier...and I have to become the girl, that is always on his mind...like he is in mine.I don't have any ideas how I should do that...but I have to be better...because now I'm not goood enough. He doesn't have have to say it...I know it.
I will do everything I can...I don't want to be without him...even though I don't know him that long...he is the right one... in this part of my life...

But now, I'm still not good enough...

...no matter what I do.