Title: For Now

Pair: Hyuk/Hongbin

Summary: Hyuk's has a "little" crush on his big brother.

Requested by: lionpinks 

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A/N: I'm not too sure if this is what you were looking for, but I tried my best. Hope you like it! It took me a bit longer than expected for reasons unknown to me because it's pretty short. Anyways, enjoy!

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The alarm cut through the thin, silent air, breaking me from my sleep and causing me to sit up with such a start, that if I had been any taller, I would've hit my head on the ceiling. I heard a groan from below me and knew the alarm had also woken my older brother, Hongbin up. Yes, we slept in bunk beds, but only because this apartment we lived in was too damn small for seperate rooms and our mother told us it'd be easier this way. Hongbin said he guessed this was what a college dorm felt like. Honestly, I hoped not.

He was leaving for college after he finished this school year, so he'd find out soon enough. I, on the other hand, was going to college two years from now. I was a sophomore and my brother a senior, if that wasn't obvious enough already. Sometimes it was good to have my brother go to the same school as me. For example, most of my teachers were his teachers, so he would always help me with homework. He was a straight-A student even with his soccer practice every other week night that lasted until the sun sunk below the horizon. By the time he'd get home, he'd be worn out and sweaty, but he would still put a smile on his face and annoy me, which I really appreciated nonetheless.

The school year was closing in fast and we only had about a month left. Hongbin had been accepted into a major college and was getting ready for his move out. I was only preparing for finals, which I guessed I was not going to ace. School was trouble for me, which I'm not going to go into now. That was a story for another day.

One day, when the whole family was eating dinner (Hongbin didn't have practice that night, due to some recent events in the coach's life), Hongbin wouldn't stop talking about the college he was about to attend. Any normal brother would go along and support his elder's decisions, but something was tugging at me. I couldn't tell what it was either, but I wasn't going to listen to Hongbin blabber on about his upcoming departure—I felt sick, almost, listening to him. I finished my dinner quickly and went to my room, climbing up the overused ladder and plopping down on my messy bed.

I stared at the ceiling where the paint was peeling off and unconsciously thought about how dangerous that was to have right above my head. Maybe I should get Hongbin to look at that sometime. Then it hit me. Hongbin wouldn't be around anymore to give me advice and take me out, kick a few balls around and then buy me some ice cream. Well sure, even those days were quite over, but I would still miss them. I rolled over and covered myself with my blankets. There was something else bothering me, but I couldn't put my finger on it... maybe some sleep would fix it.

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“Hyukkie, wake up. It's Saturday, let's do something.”

“Five more minutes. School can't be that important.” I groaned, flipping over in my small bed.

“Silly, it's the weekend. And it's 11:20, so you've had your sleep. Get up!” I blinked my eyes, adjusting to the sunlight streaming into my room. Suddenly the light was blocked by my brother's head. I, once again, had to adjust my eyes to this sudden change of brightness, or lack of, should I say? When I finally did adjust, I was greeted by a wide smile and pretty face—wait, what? How did I think my brother was pretty? When did this happen? I shook it off and continued to gently push my brother away and craw out of my bed.

I got dressed, brushed my teeth and stuffed a pop tart in my mouth before meeting Hongbin at the front door. He was still smiling and I was still complimenting his good looks in my head. He walked quickly out of the door and I shuffled after him, still thinking about last night and my sudden interest in his attractive face. Sure, I knew he was handsome before (who wouldn't), but it never was so... obvious.

As they were walking, Hongbin started a conversation, asking about my school life and if anything interesting was happening. I enjoyed this. I enjoyed being able to just have a casual conversation with my brother, without anything weird going through my head. As we reached the park, Hongbin pulled a ball out of his blue backpack he was wearing.

“Wanna throw it around?” the older asked. I looked at the small ball in my brother's hand. As much fun as I have when I does play a game of catch with him, I wasn't really feeling it at that moment. I shook my head and couldn't help but notice the small pout which formed on Hongbin's lips. “What do you want to do then?” he asked. I always liked that his brother was so calm, compared to my usual, hyper personality. We were complete opposites but somehow made it work as a family. I sighed. I didn't want to make Hongbin feel bad, but I couldn't really get into the mood I thought I brought with me. Maybe I dropped it somewhere on the way. Nevertheless, I suggested we just walk around the park.

We found ourselves once again having a casual talk until I couldn't help but ask the question that had been sitting on my tongue.

“Hyung, have you ever loved someone you couldn't have, no matter what?” I asked. Hongbin looked at me and saw the hint of sadness in my dark brown eyes. He took a deep breath before answering.

“Yes, I guess I have.” he said simply. I couldn't help but wonder who it was. I guessed it was probably some girl Hongbin met at school—he had quite a few girl friends. Hongbin's eyes suddenly mirrors mine and I noticed this as well. Was something wrong? I guessed his brother was just thinking about the girl who stole his heart.

“Who was it?” I ventured, unsure if Hongbin would answer. Hongbin sighed and shook his head.

“I can't tell you,” Hongbin muttered, his voice dropping significantly.

“Can I tell you something?” I asked. Hongbin nodded, hoping this would change the subject they were stuck on.

“Of course, tell me anything.” Hongbin said, the tips of his mouth raising a bit, showing slight dimples. I breathed in. I knew this would be a bad idea but I had to say something or the words would be sitting in my head forever and I would've regretted it. I felt him mouth go dry and suddenly I forgot what I was going to say. I felt his brother's eyes on me and I opened my mouth, willing the words to flow out of it. I started stuttered, trying to re-word the sentence I was going to say.

“Hyuk, are you okay? What's wrong?” Hongbin's curious expression turned into a concerned one as he watched his brother freeze from nervousness, though he didn't know that. I started talking, just letting words fall out of my mouth, like a waterfall. I didn't really know what I was saying as I just kept going on and on. I rambled to my hyung about how the person I loved was someone who I was really close to and ended up asking if he could guess who it was. He stood in front of me, silently, trying to guess. In the end, he came up with nothing. I sighed.

“You,” I finally said, so quietly I hardly heard myself. He raised his eyebrow and asked for me to repeat it, louder this time. “You,” I raised my voice only a little bit, but he heard me. The smile fell from his face and he stared at me with huge eyes. I bite my mouth, scared that I was going to get a long speech about how wrong I was for liking him, especially since I was his brother, but instead, I felt his arms wrap around me. I buried my face in his shoulder and hugged him back, but it didn't last long as he pulled away.

“Hyuk, let me tell you a secret,” he leaned in a little closer to me, smiling again. “I had a little crush on you as well.” he confessed and I gasped, not sure if he was lying or not. Usually I could tell if he wasn't telling the truth, but today I couldn't find anything giving it away. Then I realized, he wasn't lying.

“You're serious?”

“Yes, I guess it could happen to anyone, though. We spend so much time together, we become friends more than siblings and it just goes from there, but, Hyuk, as much as I love you, we couldn't be together. If we weren't related and I wasn't leaving for college, it would be different... I suppose.” Hongbin said and we started walking in the direction we came. I nodded. He was right. Maybe my crush on him, no matter how big or small, was just due to the fact he was the one I was with most of the time and I had just become so attached to him that way. I smiled and thanked him because even though he didn't say much, I felt much better. I decided that I'd just push my feelings aside for a bit and when Hongbin moved to college, I could move on, but for now, Hongbin was all mine, and I was totally happy with that.