“Chae”

“Chaerin”

“Chaerin-ah”

“Rinnie”

“YAH LEE CHAERIN!”

I sat up in surprise with one arm supporting me and the other force opening my eyes. Dammit. I slept at the living room…again. The room was messy with clothes and empty beer cans dropped on the floor. You could say I have gotten a bit like Minzy. “Argh” I whined as I brought my hands to massage off the banging in my head.

“Aigoo”, she sighed as she started picking the beer cans on the floor. “I knew I shouldn’t have left you for a while even” she continued. “Sorry Ajumonni” I joked tying my hair into a pony tail.

“Mwo!?? “ She stopped picking up to shoot a glare at me with her hazel eyes. “It’s Eda for you” She pointed a warning finger before she proceeded with the picking. 

You know in those movies where you run away from home; cutting all the connections, after a disaster strikes you? Just like my aunt? Well I tried that. And by ‘tried’ you could pretty much guess how I miserably failed at it.

Eda is apparently my mom’s friend (whom I have never heard of before).  She is around my mom’s age but she prefers to be seen… young. Hence, the rule of just ‘Eda’ for her. Not that she looks old for her age. She does look young with her dyed raven black hair falling up to her chin. Her fashion is also on point but I wouldn’t be surprirsed considering that fact that she is living in New York City.

Yes. I am living in New York City as well. I maybe away from my parents but I am definitely under the watch. I just wanted to come live here, in New York City all by myself. And all I did was ask my mom for a teeny tiny help in paying for the ticket but my lovely mother had other plans rolled up on her sleeve. She insisted that I go stay at her friend’s place if I ever wanted the ticket and well….I had no choice so here I am

“Why are you up so early in the morning?” I asked noticing the clock that read 8:13 am. Eda usually doesn’t get out of the bed until it’s 10 am. She stopped once again and straightened herself. “My daughter called”

I couldn’t help but pause myself to what she had just said. “Yes I have a daughter” Eda added quickly noticing my surprise. Eda has never, I repeat NEVER talked about her family. I am usually the one who pours out all my problems and Eda just listens to all them. She has stood awake comforting me throughout several nights in which I would find myself dwelling in the past and crying. She had to find me and bring my drunken to home some nights. She deals with all my mood changes. And even though I don't talk about it, she would just be there comforting me. 

There are times I do feel bad because I keep troubling her with my problems and not vice versa. It’s not like I don’t give her space to talk. She just chooses not to. And to see that she is talking about one for the first time is quite surprising.

 “Not that my daughter doesn't call but I finally chose to speak to her” she let out a nervous chuckle as she placed the cans on the coffee table.

So…What am I supposed to do? Is this a good thing? Or a bad thing? HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW IF SHE JUST TELLS ME 1/3 OF THE STORY?

Let’s just…hug. Yes.

I got up and pulled her into a quick hug over the table. “It's gonna be alright” I patted her back, awkwardly. I felt her laugh before she squeezed me. “It is”

“Now, don't you have to go somewhere today?” she reminded me; pulling away from the hug. “Argh. I almost forgot” I groaned, realizing. I shouldn't have gotten drunk last night when I clearly had work today. “You should have stopped me” I whined grabbing my sweater off the couch.

“Don't blame me. You promised me half a can and by the time I got home, you had already chugged down six. “ She shook her disapprovingly.

It was one of those nights where I missed my whole life in Seoul city .Those nights where I miss being pregnant..Those nights where I miss being with my family. Those nights where I miss being with friends. Those nights where I miss being with Jiyong.  Those nights where I miss seeing him.

“Breakfast has been already made so come soon” I heard Eda’s voice as I closed my bedroom door behind.

I am ed. “Argh why why why” I stomped my feet regretting last night. I really shouldn't have gotten drunk. And what am I going to wear even? Why didn't I think this over last night?

““One hour to get ready. Wow!” Eda exclaimed as she saw me get out from the room in a white tank top and blue jeans and a yellow cardigan over my shoulders.

"One hour to get ready. Wow!" 

A small smile curved my lips as I was reminded of the time Jiyong said the same thing; the day we woke up in bed together.

“Here's your hangover cure soup” Eda placed a bowl  on the table and gestured me to have my breakfast. I smiled a ‘thank you’ and walked over to have it.

“Here you go” I passed the money before stepping out of the cab. I then heaved a sigh looking at the sign placed near the gate. Eda’s hangover cure soup better have a fast effect on me even though my head does feel a bit lighter now.

“Let’s do this” I encouraged myself as I walked past the sign which read; Safe Heaven Orphanage.

“CL!”, head of the orphanage, Kelly greeted me as soon she saw me walk in. “Hey” I greeted her back with a hug. “I was just about to wake the kid up” she reported. “Well what are we waiting for then” I dragged her upstairs ready to show the morning lights for the kids.

This is what I do; working in the orphanage because it helps me with dealing kids. Also because I get to be a mother; something I didn't get to be for my own kid. These kids here are adorable, fun loving and more. They are what makes me happy and what keeps me sane during these months.

“I miss Dodo so much. We always have to focus on waking him up before we try to wake others” Kelly laughed walking in to a bed room where four kids lay asleep soundly. “I know right” I agreed. Dodo was one of the most memorable kid I’ve across from this orphanage. He was so chubby and stubborn yet very caring and gentle to me and Kelly. It’s been a month since he was adopted by a stable good natured couple. “I’m sure he is happier now”

“Rise and shine babies” We sang in sync as we slowly threw off their blankets. Whines and cries were heard from bedrooms for cutting off their sleep but that was normal.

“Ella, I’ve got a bunch of candies downstairs waiting to be eaten by everyone after breakfast. Do you wanna miss out on it while others enjoy it?” I asked Ella who was currently standing on bed with my support, eyes still closed. “Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!” She cried shaking her head. I smiled. Plan worked!

“So are you going to be a good kid and wash up with me?” I asked to get a lazy nod from her. “That’s my girl” I ruffled her hair before picking her into my arms to take her to the bathroom.

It’s not only me and Kelly who works here. There are about ten volunteers to help out these twenty five kids sheltering themselves under this home. Ages differ. It’s mainly kids at the age of 1 to 7 that needs more help with. The kids aging to 10- 16 usually just does everything without much complaining. It’s the little cupcakes that are stubborn.

“LIA STOP IT!”

“What’s happening?” I burst into the art room to see Gunther glaring at Lia. “She ruined my work that I had been working on for two days!” Gunther raised his voice pointing at the canvas which was now splattered in pinks covering the sunset scenery he had painted. It wasn’t a second later when Lia bursted crying.

Oh dear. I hate this part where I am supposed to chose a solution that benefits both. Like what do they expect me to say here?

“Come here” I first approached Lia to stop her loud wailing. “Gunther, it’s wrong of you to scream at a kid” I scolded the 14 year old lightly. “BUT IT’S HER FAULT!” He pointed it out.

AAAAAAAAAAARGH.

“Lia that was very wrong of you to ruin Gunther’s work” I scolded her next. Gunther better appreciate what I’m doing and stop making a fuss. “But…I wan-wanted to paint” Lia managed to say,  “Why don’t you do this?” I spoke as an idea crawled into my mind.

“Why don’t you let Lia paint that and start a new one? A better one that this?” I asked. Perfect!

“Are you saying my painting was ugly?” Gunther looked offended. Wrong turn Chaerin. Wrong turn.

“Obviously not!”

“But you did mean that!” Gunther just couldn’t let go of it.

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Hey Eda” I said pcking up my phone.

“Done?” She asked.

“A-Almost” I say as I zipped my hand bag.

“Good. I came to pick you up”

“What’s the occasion?” I asked feeling a bit suspicious. It’s very rare of Eda to pick me up.

“Surprise!” I could picture a mischievous smile on her face.

“So what’s the surprise?” I asked making myself comfortable in passenger seat.

“Oh..that. I am not too sure about it.” Eda smiled.

WHAT?

“My daughter says she’s got a surprise for me. And I think I’ve got an idea” Eda drove.

“What’s that?” It definitely caught my interest because here she is talking about her family. And it made me happy.

“I think she is going to make a surprise visit here tonight” Eda smiled concentrating on the road.

“I hope she will” I smiled getting a look from her. “It’s time you finally bond with your family and get whatever things sorted out. And I am really happy that you are finally sharing stuff with me” I gave her a thumbs up.

“Aww thank you honey” Eda chuckled. “Well Supermarket, here we come!”

So yeah, I am stuck at this lovely supermarket till Eda finds the necessaries for her daughter. I wonder what’s she like. Pretty and young like her? Sweet? Rude? Argh whatever she can be whatever she is. And I need to go home and rest as soon as possible because my head is still aching.

Ooh chocolates. I walked over the chocolate sections and grabbed a few. I miss eating.  I miss eating like I used to. Now I just eat to survive. I don’t really enjoy it. The first few months I didn’t even eat a full meal a day. Eda would make types and types of foods In hope that I would eat but it went to waste. She repeated this and I had no choice but to eat because I felt bad. The effort she put in trying to make me not starve went for waste. And I didn’t want that to happen any more.

Brrr….

I groaned reaching for the phone in my pocket knowing exactly who was calling. “Hi mom” I spoke in. “Chaerin-ah!” Her voice seemed just as cheerful as any other day.

“What are you doing?”

“I'm just shopping with Eda. Why aren’t you sleeping?” I pointed knowing it would be midnight over there.

“I was working on my design. Dad was waiting to talk to you as well but looks like he fell asleep”

I chuckled picturing the scene that would happen right after this phone call ends. Mom would definitely scream at him; trying to wake him up from sleeping at the couch. I miss them.

“Chaerin…” Her voice changed all of a sudden.

“Ye?”

“You really to need come back…now” I sighed hearing the words. “Mom, adding a ‘really’ and ‘now’ is not gonna make me do that” I rolled my eyes. “But at least come for a day. Please? Jiyo-“

“MOM!” I stopped her. “Can you please stop bringing him up? I am trying to move on mom! Can each of you stop mentioning his name because that's not helping.” I got annoyed.

But seriously! Even bom unnie who called yesterday was gonna bring him up but I stopped her.

I heard her sigh. “Alrght. If that’s what you want”

“Where’s Minzy?” I asked trying to change the topic. “Hold on. She was here a few seconds ago” I heard her foot steps.

“Minzy! Your sister is on the phone!”  she called.

It wasn't later when I got greeted by a high pitch squeal “UNNIE!”

“Oh my ears” I tried to sound annoyed when in fact I was happy to hear her voice. “How’s stuff?”

“Stuffs…okay. What's up with you?” I asked taking one more chocolate bar from the stand.

“Eh..me?” She sounded nervous.

“No. I am asking the devil” I rolled my eyes.

“It’s okay” She replied simply.

“What are you hidhing from me?” I narrowed my eyes with a doubt.

“Nothing!”

“Sure” I said sarcastically.

Minzy would go on and on each time I ask her what's up with her. She would give the full  report but this time It was just two words. I am not believing.

“I-…” I could imagine her nervously playing with her red hair.

“You…?” I added asking her to consintue.

“I think I like Taeyang oppa” she finally said with a glimpse of guiltness in her voice.

…what?

WHY? WHY? WHY WHY WHY

I placed back the bars and walked out from store knowing I am going to make a scene in there.

“Unnie…I said I think I like Taeyang oppa” She repeated.

I stood outside in the hot sun, my mouth agape; lost for words. My sister is crushing on my used-to-be crush.  And he is….

“I know I know! I am not supposed to do anything with Jiyong and his friends but….it just happened, okay?” Minzy tried to defend herself.

“What the hell Minzy!” I could feel anger taking over me. “Look I’m sorry! Plus what’s the big deal? You are over him!” The annoyance on Minzy’s voice started to surface.

NO I AM NOT OVER HIM!

“The big deal? The big deal is that he is Jiyong’s friend. The big deal is if you two ever work out it means I’m going to be seeing Jiyong every now and then and I think I made it clear to you on how I don't ever want to see him again!” I scolded. I really don’t. But it still kills me that I don’t get to see him every day. Something’s wrong with me.

“Oh so this is about you now?” She scoffed. “When did my dating life have to do anything with you and your ?” she shot.

“You are my sister! That technically does involve me!”

“Why do I have to look out for you?! Sure you lost a baby but hey thousands of others have already experienced a miscarriage too! Get over it!”

And it struck me.

“Minzy!” I snarled trying to push back my anger.

“And also get over whatever the hell you are feeling for Jiyong if you are going to be a coward and stop seeing him for the rest of life!” She continued completely ignoring my warning. “What did the guy ever do to you except being a supportive partner?”  That’s exactly what he did!

“SHUT UP!” I screamed interrupting Minzy and her ramble; not being able to handle the anger any longer. I did earn a few glances from the stangers walking by but I was least bit concerned about that. “THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS SEE JIYONG AND THEM. I CAN’T ING IMAGINE HOW IT’S GOING TO BE ANYMORE. IT WON’T BE THE SAME. “, I cried; literally. I won’t be carrying a baby anymore. “AND DON’T ING TALK ABOUT MISCARRIAGES IF YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT HOW IT FEELS!” I hung up on her as I felt anger rush to my face with a few tears gathering up in my eyes.

IT.

I threw my phone into the bag after cutting my mom’s call for the sixth time. Pretty sure she is calling to lecture me.  A second later it beeped with a message and I took it back to read it.

‘Minzy says sorry. She is just a kid. Don’t mind her’

I scoffed at how ridiculousl it sounded. Looks at her trying to defend Minzy. Minzy.. a kid? ‘a kid’ my .

‘She is 20!’ I replied.

I honestly had no strength to call and listen to her talk about how sisters fight and stuff. Definitely not in the mood for that.

“Ja! Let’s go!” I turned around to see Eda carrying a few bag towards the car. Wow. She bought a lot.

“This is all for your daughter?” I asked giving her a helping hand.  She nodded excitedly.

“I am going to makea huge feast tonight because she said to wait up tonight. She even took the address so pretty sure she is coming.” Eda exhaled after placing the shopping bags in the trunk.

“Looks like someone’e going to a have a long time” I laughed getting in to the car.

“You will join us, right?” She narrowed her eyes at me.

“Ofcourse!” Is that even a question? I can’t wait to know about Eda’s life because she is like second mom to me.

“Whaaat?” I dragged the question in disappointment.

“I am really sorry but no one’s free” Kelly apologized.

“Plus! Dodo loves you! You’ll just have to look after him till his parents get home after the meeting which is said to be really important. AND, AND we get more profit!” Kelly added trying to concinve me.

“How long will the meeting take?” I sighed giving up.

“Till 11 pm maybe?” She assusmed.

“Alright. I’ll do it”

“You won’t be here?” She asked disappointed.

“I am sorry Eda but I’ve got work. I’ll be back late. Anyways just have fun with your daughter okay?” I hugged her.

“You both can spend the entire time bonding”  I gave a toothy grin assuring her it’s going to be fine.

“Come back soon okay” she hugged me bye.

11 pm? It’s ing 2 am now. The so called important meeting ran late and I had to stick around Dodo.It was tiring. He wouldn’t sleep. He wanted to play. But fortunately he decided to doze off half an hour before his parents came back. The house was massive. They sure are rich and happy. Dodo was happy too. I could tell. He wouldn’t stop showing me the things they bought for him and wouldn’t stop  talking about the good times. It was warming to hear them. But he didn’t forget to show me his stubborn side. I had a hard time trying to feed him even because he kept running here and there. His parents apologized for troubling me and that was enough for me to forgive what Dodo had put me through tonight. It’s not like I had any other plans tonight except the dinner thing. I wonder if Eda had a good time.

“I’m home” I said stepping in to the house. Light were out and there were luggage lying around on the living room. She really did come back.  I smiled sure that she had a good time.

I peeked at what Eda cooked and it seemed damn delicious But I just had dinner with Dodo. I’ll try these tomorrow. I put the lid back on the pots and made my way to the bedroom.

I walked in to my dead dark room to be greeted by cold. Ugh. Don’t tell me I forgot to turn off the A/C before I left…again. You see if my mom was here, she’d be lecturing day and night about saving electricity. But thank god she isn’t. I threw my bag on the floor got on the bed; ready to doze off. Too…sleepy…to.. even change. It’s been a long day.

I got under the covers , my brain already dozing off. The cold was just enough to get me to a hearty slumber. The only thing missing was my pillow. With a small grumble I turned to the side and grabbed on to my pillow... it was hard, to say the least. What happened to my soft fluffy heavenness? I pulled on it again while hitting on it to diffuse the cotton evenly. How in the

...

It's not a pillow

It moved

It groaned

It sure as hell is not a pillow

What

In

The

Is

That.

And then my pillow-turned-alien grumbled, "stop hitting me, ma!"

As weird as it sounds, the voice was oddly familiar.

The pillow, with its extended hand reached out to the switch.

CLICK!

And then I knew why!

"CHAERIN?!"

I groaned before covering my face with my hands.

"Why couldn't you have been a pillow? Or an alien?" I grumbled at Jiyong.

*BOWS A THOUSAND TIMES* Sorrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

On the first week of April as promised lol . (Just ignore the part where I am updating on the last day of the week) 

Not the very best but hopefully I'll get in to more now that Jiyong's back. A chapter without Jiyong is just like...Bleh. The whole Chap feels so empty... 

Anyways! I am back you guys! 

My new semester's starting let's hope they won't drag me down to hell again.