Eun Ae stared at herself.

 

Her hair was disheveled, and out of place. Her shirt was falling of a shoulder showing her bra strap.Her eyes were dull; almost dead. Her lips chapped and her face lacking radiance.  

 

To say bluntly, she looked like crap. She sighed before opening the medicine cabinet next to the sink. She took out that familiar; once dreaded yet now her addiction; bottle with little white pills. She poured two out before popping them in and swallowing it. She looked at herself once more in the mirror. She shook her head and sighed. She shed her clothes off effortlessly as if it were nothing. She tossed them into the laundry basket at the corner. She entered the shower and let the water run as she waited for the water to warm up.  

 

Eun Ae occasionally placed her feet or hand under the water for a temperature check. Once she found the temperature favourable, she stepped under the running water. The water wet her hair; sticking onto her face and back.  

 

She turned off the tap and squirted a fair amount of shampoo into her palm. A faint smell of peach and vanilla reached her nose. She rubbed her palms together and lathered the soap into her hair; forming foam. She rubbed the soap into every inch of hair. Not letting a spot go untouched. The smell intensified as she lathered the soap in. It was calming for her. The whole reason why she got it. Once done, she rinsed off the soap; her back facing the shower as she let the water run endlessly against her hair and back. Down her spine, to the tailbone and then down to her legs. She ruffled her hair just for ensurity. Once she figured the shampoo was thoroughly washed away; she turned off the tap again. This time, she squirted a good amount of body soap on her palms. The same scent as before. She rubbed her palms and began her ritual of 'top-to-bottom'. Her ritual was rather meticulous. Starting of at the neck. Down to her shoulders and back. Then down both her arms. Her armpits, s then stomach and subsequently her sides and back. Then down her waist and hips. In between her thighs and down both thighs. Her calves then her feet. Right down to each toe. Eun Ae was a meticulous one. Never missing a spot. Once satisfied, Eun Ae let the water run again. This time she let herself melt into the warmth of the water.  

 

After what seemed like eternity, Eun Ae emerged from the shower.her hands and feet like prunes. And steam in the small toilet.  She wrapped herself in the baby blue towel she adored so dearly. She made a beeline to her cupboard. She pulled out her underwear and wore it quickly. Tossing her towel to a chair nearby immediately missing the warmth. It was raining and despite her heater being on, she felt cold. She took out a peach coloured sweatshirt and black jeans. She hung her towel to dry; flopping down onto her bed right after. She had to let her hair dry. While waiting, she pulled out her book and made a mental note to go out by 8am.  Halfway through her book, she took a look at the wall clock. 8:10am. Her eyes widened to the size of saucers.  

 

'Well crap' she thought. 'I'll be late,' 

 

She shoved the book into her bag as she pulled on her sneakers. She left the house and locked it quickly. Dashing down the stairs. She ran to the bus stop. Thankfully it had stopped raining.  

 

When she reached the bus stop, se saw a group of boys. Well 6 boys to be specific. They were huddled looking at something. She overlooked them as she tapped her foot impatiently.  

 

Eun Ae sighed loudly as she prayed her bus would arrive anytime soon. Mira glanced down at her watch and took note of the time. Oh she'll definitely be late. She looked up only to be shocked by a face. Too close for her liking. She made no face but took a step back. 

 

"Personal space," she said eyeing the guy. Now that she took a step back she could actually see him properly. He had black hair that was swept to a side; falling just before his eyebrows. Eyeliner rimmed his eyes, making him look as fine as hell. He had a perfect nose and thin, pink lips. He was wearing a white dress shirt which showcased his lean body and black, skinny jeans that fit him perfectly. Eun Ae had standard and sure as hell, this guy made it into her list. The 6 men did.  

 

Eun Ae frowned as she studied him. He looked so familiar. So familiar her heart started aching and Eun Ae longed to take that bottle of pill out but she didn't. Enduring the growing pain in her heart.  

 

"Sorry, I. I mean, we, were wondering how to get to this place?" he said with a smile; turning his phone towards her. Eun Ae squinted at the words and recognized the address. It was her school.  'They must be transfers or newbies,' she thought. "Yeah. I do. Course I do. It's where I'm headed to as well," Eun Ae replied; tucking her hands into the pocket of her sweatshirt. It wasn't that she was cold, she needed to hide her shaking hands. "Woah, I guess we're in luck then," he replied; beaming. Eun Ae couldn't help but notice the way his eyes formed crescents when he smiled and the way his lips formed the shape almost similar to a rectangle. She raised and eyebrow and gave a small but quick smile that disappeared as fast as it appeared. "Get on this bus," Eun Ae said just as a bus arrived.  

 

The boys followed her like little ducklings following their mother. In the bus however, Eun Ae sat by herself; the boys sitting together; talking amongst themselves. The bus ride that day felt longer than it always had been. Eun Ae sighed and felt her head spinning; thus taking out that little bottle, hands shaking. She took two out and like that morning, she popped it into and swallowed it; quickly covering the bottle with shaky hands. She stuffed the bottle in her bag and stuffed her fisted hands into her pockets. She breathed out shaky breaths as she tried to calm down. She saw her signal and got ready to get of the bus. She turned behind and gave a nod to the guy earlier. He beamed at her and told his friends. They nodded and followed Eun Ae quickly. Once off the bus, Eun Ae made a beeline to the school's gate. What was supposed to be a noisy and chaotic foyer was now quiet and peaceful. That can only mean one thing for Eun Ae.  

 

She was terribly late. She quickened her pace. Today is Friday and she missed a good 30 minutes of literature. Her favorite subject. Just as she was about to enter a voice called out to her. "W-wait! Could you, take us to the principal's office? Please?" asked the same guy earlier.  

 

Eun Ae sighed. She felt dizzy and faint, and had a headache. She decided to overlook the pain and nodded slowly. She walked to the opposite direction of her class. Straight towards the end of the corridor and took a right turn. Located at this corner was the principal's office.  She heard feet shuffling behind her. She raised her hand and knocked firmly thrice. "Come in," said a lady's voice. 

 

The principal's most loyal and trustworthy secretary. Eun Ae liked her. She was firm but a human. She knew when to be tough and when to loosen up. Eun Ae walked in, holding the door open.  

 

"Ah, Eun Ae. Not in Literature class- oh they must be new," Ms Kim said; glancing at Eun Ae then the boys behind her.  Eun Ae's lip formed a tight straight line. She gave a look to the secretary. Ms Kim chuckled lightly. 

 

"Yes, yes he's in. Mind bringing them in Eun Ae? I have to submit something important. So sorry dear," Ms Kim smiled at Eun Ae; the boys look as lost as ever. Eyes darting between the two. 

 

Eun Ae gave a curt nod before making her way behind the desk. She motioned the boys to follow. They followed like little lambs. Eun Ae turned the knob and greeted Mr Park, the school's most respectable principal.  

Like Ms Kim, he was fair and very kind. He could be strict if he wanted and Eun Ae was blessed to never be at the receiving end of his wrath. She'd seen others though and never did she disobey the rules ever again.  "Ah Eun Ae, new students huh? Why aren't you in class? It's your favourite class. Well no worries, you'll get it later, your Math teacher isn't in so Mr Kim can take over. He expressed his will to earlier so don't look so disheartened my dear,"  Eun Ae only nodded. The boys were even more lost. Probably wondering why both the secretary and the principal knew so well her timetable and treated her like their own daughter.  "As for you six fine looking young men, here are your timetables. Count yourselves lucky, you're coincidentally in the same class as Eun Ae here," the principal said; eyeing each and every one of them.  "Oh if you don't mind, please introduce yourselves," The boys nodded. The guy from earlier started.  

 

"I'm Byun Baekhyun, 22 years old," voice crisp and light, instantly gaining Mira's attention.  

 

Just like that, the boys introduced themselves one by one.  

 

The tall one was Park Chanyeol. Or just Chanyeol. 

 

The one with eyes like an owl was Kyungsoo, or D.O as he preferred. The tanned looking one was Kim Jongin or Kai. The emo-looking one was Oh Sehun or just Sehun. Lastly, the angel-looking like one was Kim Joonmyun or Suho. 

 

It wasn't hard for Eun Ae to memorize their faces and names. She was a natural at it. Eun Ae gasped as she felt like falling. Her head was hurting and she felt so weak and faint. She bowed and quickly left the principal's office. 

 

Once outside she fumbled for the little bottle; hands shaking as she poured out the content, cursing as more fell out with her shaking hands. She popped it into and swallowed it. Gasping for air as she did so. Eun Ae panted as if she just ran a marathon.  Eun Ae sat leaning against the wall with a hand to her heart. She tried to  even out her breathing. Once she decided she was fine enough, Eun Ae picked up the fallen pills.  She put it back into the bottle and then back into her bag. Eun Ae stood up just as she heard the familiar click of the door next to her. As she stood, she felt a rush of blood rushing to her head as she stumbled backwards. She held her head in her hands; feeling warm arms behind her. Eun Ae didn't remember anything. The last she remembered were several voices and then blackness. 

 

Eun Ae sat up. Blinking as she tried to adjust her eyes to the light. She was in her own room. She felt groggy. She felt like someone just stabbed her and brought her back to life. She felt sick and weak. Lastly, she needed that pill.  Eun Ae stood up only to stumble back onto the bed. Her head was throbbing and she felt so nauseatic. Her vision was blurry. Still, Eun Ae got up; hands fumbling everywhere as she tried to balance herself.  Just as she was about to fall down again, Eun Ae felt familiar arms wrapping around her. Eun Ae looked up; vision still hazy. She managed to make out a face. 

 

"Y-you... I-it was... You... All along." Eun Ae breathed.  

 

"Yes it's me. I leave and you turn into this? Eun Ae what did you do?"  

 

"M-me?! You! You did this. If you never left. If you never left me hanging, never left me at all. You know what happened after you left?! Do you?" Eun Ae managed a weak shout; tears forming in her eyes. 

 

"I had to. For your own good," 

 

"My own good?! My own good?! I got worse because of you! How is that for my own good? How Baekhyun how?!" "How..." Eun Ae managed before sobbing uncontrollably. Baekhyun pulled Eun Ae in his hands as she sobbed into his chest; wetting his shirt. Baekhyun her long black hair, breathing in the peach and vanilla scent he once loved and still does. 

 

"I'm sorry Eun Ae ah. I really am. I know I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry Eun Ae ah... I'm sorry" Baekhyun whispered; words getting softer as he nestled his head in Eun Ae's hair. Eun Ae silently sobbed. 

 

The next time Eun Ae woke up, she was tucked up in bed. She panicked as she turned to look for him. Eun Ae sighed. "Why'd you leave me hanging Baek... Why? What did I do wrong?" Eun Ae turned away from the face that once brought her happiness. She got out of bed and headed to the bathroom for a shower.  

 

The Eun Ae she saw in the mirror was nothing like the Eun Ae in the past. This Eun Ae was a zombie. Emotionless. Before the arrival of Baekhyun, Eun Ae lived her life eating dozens of painkiller a day.  

 

'To kill the pain,' she thought.  

 

'The pain of losing someone,' 

 

Eun Ae lost so many people she practically lost count. Her parents, siblings, best friend and just recently Baekhyun. But he came back. Eun Ae looked in the mirror, internally debating between taking the pill or foregoing it.   

 

The one that caused her pain was back and yet he was the one that brought her out of pain the previous time her parents died. Eun Ae was confused, hurt. Everything was all coming back to her, the memories, the smiles and laughter shared. Everything. Eun Ae's heart ached just thinking about it. He gave her happiness and he also gave pain.  Eun Ae's head started aching, just like her heart. It's happening again. Eun Ae leaned against the wall, gasping for air. Eun Ae stumbled to the cabinet in the corner, shakily grabbing the bottle and pouring out the contents. Eun Ae slumped to the ground. Hand holding the bottle; pills strewn all over.  She couldn't control the tears falling down her cheeks. Her breathing got heavier as she debated once again. Her head hurt so much it was as if someone was splitting it from the inside.  

 

"Why do you make everything so difficult?!" Eun Ae shouted; pulling her hair.  

 

She thrashed around, swallowing pill after pill. Wanting everything to end. She just wanted it to stop. The pain, the misery, the confusion. Everything. Eun Ae just wanted it to stop. 

 

Eun Ae's scream was heard by no other than Baekhyun. He woke up with a start.  

 

"Eun Ae?! Eun Ae!" Baekhyun rushed to the bathroom.  "Eun Ae! Open the door Eun Ae!" Baekhyun was stumped. His heart was racing and he was, for the first time in his life, clueless about what to do.  

 

"Eun Ae, stay with me," Baekhyun said; as faint sobs were heard behind the door. "Baekhyun, save me. Save me Baek. Save me," Eun Ae said between tears. Baekhyun fumbled with the door, trying desperately to open. But it was no use. It was locked. He took a few steps back and slammed himself against the door. He continued this until finally the door opened. His shoulder hurt but that wasn't his concern.  "Eun Ae!" Baekhyun rushed and cradled Eun Ae in his hands. Her eyes were rolled back and her hands limp by her side.  

 

"Eun Ae please. Please Eun Ae don't leave me yet. Eun Ae! Eun Ae stay with me. I'm going to get help stay with me," Baekhyun sobbed.  

 

With a hand cradling Eun Ae's limp body, Baekhyun whipped out his phone dialing for the ambulance.  "H-hello? My girlfriend, she's not answering me a-and her eyes are rolled back and she's not breathing. What should I do? Please help. Please. Hurry," 

 

Baekhyun dropped his phone after the call and held Eun Ae in his arms. "Eun Ae I'm sorry. Please don't leave me. Please Eun Ae I beg of you. I know I hurt you but I won't do it again I swear. I really do. Eun Ae please," Baekhyun cried; shaking Eun Ae, believing that she would wake up.  

 

Distant cries of 'sir' and 'please' was all Baekhyun remembered as people in blue uniform carried Eun Ae into an ambulance and wheeled her off to the hospital where Baekhyun sat crying, cradling his head in his palms and whispers of 'she'll be fine' filled his ears.  It was hours till the doctor came out. So long that Baekhyun just had no more tears to let out. He was too tired to cry anymore. He was just so distraught and sad he couldn't cry anymore.  

 

But the pain in his heart never subsided, it only got worse. Especially when the doctor came out.  Her eyes were somewhat red, perhaps from exhaustion or from crying Baekhyun doesn't know. Her face however gave everything away. There was no peace or hope in her expression. She sighed softly and instantly he knew.  

 

"No! No no no! How can it be? Why didn't you save her. Why? What kind of doctor are you?! Why..." Baekhyun grabbed the doctor's shoulder; shouting. 

 

"Baek..." Chanyeol said softly. 

 

"I..." the doctor couldn't say anymore and started crying silently. "I'm sorry," she whispered. 

 

"Let me see her," Baekhyun said solemnly. The doctor stepped aside as she sniffed. The other 5 boys patted the doctor as they followed suit, watching their own friend break down.  Even if she was dead, she was still strapped to the IV drip and machine Baekhyun didn't really know the name to. So they did try. Baekhyun thought.  

 

Baekhyun knelt next to Eun Ae. He held her hand and rubbed circles onto the back of her hand.  "Eun Ae ah. Why did you leave me? I was just planning on a dinner. Just the two of us at that restaurant you've been wanting to go to since we met. I had reservations made already Eun Ae ah. You better pay me back," Baekhyun paused as he laughed bitterly. 

 

His friends grimaced. Baekhyun has never become like this before. She must have meant a lot to him. 

 

"Baek, let's just go home, you need to rest-" Suho said softly. 

 

"I'm not going anywhere! If you want to leave, leave!" he roared; glaring at Suho. 

 

Suho was taken aback. Hurt but not as hurt as Baekhyun was.  

 

"Hyung... Can... can I stay? I believe in miracles you know... Maybe talking to her will bring her back.. Hyung don't lose hope hyung..." Sehun muttered softly. 

 

Baekhyun looked at him, eyes softening. "Y-you really think so?" he asked. 

 

"I believe in it too Hyung... " Kai piped up.  

 

"We all do Baekhyun," D.O said.  

 

"Baek, I'm sorry... But what Sehun said, I believe it too. We'll be outside," Suho said softly. Baekhyun mouthed a thank you as the boys shuffled outside. 

 

"You hear that Eun Ae? You're not dead. Funny huh? You know if it was the other way around, you'd probably be wishing I was dead right? Because I hurt you so much you resorted to taking all those pills. I should be dead huh? I mean why should you be the one dead? You're so innocent and pure. So full of life when I last left you. But look at you now, huh, all emotionless and just dull. What happened to my grace with love that I once fell for and still fall for? You are just like your name Eun Ae ah. Beautiful and always being a grace with love. Eun Ae don't leave me. I need my grace with love. I need you. Eun Ae, I love you." Baekhyun said; resting his head on Eun Ae's hand. 

 

He lay there for a while, his other hand draped across her waist.  Baekhyun was close to falling asleep until he felt something move. 

 

Baekhyun bolted up to see Eun Ae's eyes moving slightly. She gasped for air as Baekhyun ran outside and called for a nurse. 

 

Everything happened so quickly, an oxygen mask was strapped on and the heart rate machine was beeping continuously, until finally it slowed to a regular pace. Two beeps a second. The nurses promptly left leaving behind a shocked Baekhyun and 5 boys all in disbelief. 

 

Who knew a lie made up could actually work. Sehun was amazed. So miracles did happen. So their prayers really didn't go to waste. Baekhyun was talking to Eun Ae softly now. It wasn't long till they were smiling softly to each other. Sehun watched in envy as he saw love blossoming again in Baekhyun's eyes.  

 

Eun Ae stopped eating those pills after that day. She didn't need painkillers anymore. After all she had Baekhyun as her painkiller. And this time, he never left.  Days passed and Baekhyun and Eun Ae were finally back. Life came back to Eun Ae as she became a much more cheerful person. The real Eun Ae was back. And that day on that Eun Ae never left. 

 

Eun Ae radiated beauty in a way no one could explain. Her laughter were music to the ears of students and teachers, her smiles medicine to the sad. Baekhyun watched as his grace became what her name meant. Park Eun Ae. Grace with love. Eun Ae was grace herself and she toped it off with love. Love for others, love for Baekhyun. Love, for herself. Eun Ae didn't need painkillers no more. She had her own. And he was here to stay forever. 

 

Smiles were given and laughter shared, 

This lasted only for a bit, 

Pain was felt but quickly healed, 

Painkillers reduced not only by a bit. 

 

Love blossomed as smiles were exchanged, 

What happened in the past never to be spoken, 

What happens now cannot be changed, 

What promises made were never broken. 

 

You're my pain and my painkiller.

 

{Fin}

 

A/n 

 

Oh my gosh I apologise greatly for all the errors and lame story >< It's my first and possibly the reason why I died... So so sorry >< Leave a comment (about how lame it is don't worry I won't bite because seriously it ) bye >< 

 

*Kills self* boom!