May 15th, a day where i turn a year older and wiser. Thoughts of happiness filled my mind thinking of how my members would celebrate my birthday this year like how they used to. They never failed to celebrate it with me every year knowing that i'm all alone here in Korea but somehow this year i cried not due to what i had expected but due to having celebrating my birthday all alone.

After 2 hours radio show with my fans and a suprise call from my dad wishing me a happy birthday through broadcast, i went back home to my dorm hoping for a suprise from the other members but i guess i put my hopes too high. The dorm was dark and quiet with not even a single soul lingering around. My heart broke instantly at the sight of an empty dorm with thoughts of not having my family near to me together on my special day. With a heavy heart i dragged myself on the couch and slumped myself down. Checking my sns account, all the other members were having a great time enjoying themselves. Tears roll down my cheeks without me realising, making me think back about the past where i always felt that i'm an outcast in the group and here i am in the same exact state as i am when i first join the group.

Pulling myself together, i went to the kitchen and found a kimbap in the frigde. "Happy Birthday Lee Soonkyu" i said to my ownself. Yes kimbap is my only companion on this lonely day. Feeling hopeless and sad, i went straight to my room. I tried to sleep it off with much sadness in my heart. How i wish my family were atleast here with me.

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The next day went pass as usual, the members still didn't say anything to me well except for Taeyeon through her instagram of course but with a picture of strawberries. Really now Kim Taeyeon? I still felt hurt and nobody knows, they don't even seem to remember what day it was previously. We had our concert as per normal n finally the day to Yoona's special day is here and wow guess what they had a grand celebration for her with all the cakes and such while all i had was a kimbap, all alone in the dorm with no one. The members even greeted her through their sns, wow well done girls. I sure am invicible to you girls aren't i? I tried my very best to hide whatever i am feeling, i tried to be happy for Yoona, i tried whatever i can to keep my sadness apart.

I guess i still am like an outcast at times, having to celebrate my day all alone and such, having to join the group at the very last minute and having my members not being there for me at times when i need them. I'm glad i still have my fans, or should i just say my Sunshiners. They were there when everyone else wasn't.

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Hehs i'm sorry, i just had to. My heart broke literally knowing that she celebrated her birthday all alone, and knowing that they go all out for Yoona's birthday. Aww soonkyu baby. :(