Another school year was over, and another summer break had begun. My classmates were off to internships in shiny office buildings, fetching coffee for apathetic supervisors in severe pantsuits and suffocating neckties. There were times when I wondered if I should’ve followed them into the big city, working to build a reputation that would land me a job after graduation, but then I realized that I would’ve been miserable if I’d done so.

So instead of drowning in coffee orders, I was elbows-deep in dishwater in a daycare center kitchen.

Camp Daisy. That’s what the owner decided to call the summer session, bringing to mind images of camping and canoes even though it was housed in a generic brick building in the middle of the suburbs. To be honest, I didn’t like the name. It sounded cheery, sure, and apparently it was appealing enough for the parents to feel safe leaving their children there during the day, but for some reason it brought to mind the character from The Great Gatsby whom I absolutely detested before making me think of the pure, delicate flower adorning the sign outside.

It was my second summer working at Camp Daisy with the high schoolers and other college students who did most of the work; the owners checked in intermittently to make sure that the place hadn’t burned down, but otherwise they tended to leave us to our own devices. Most of them were completely new to this job, leaving me to guide their training in the arts of sandwich making (remember that Junhong is lactose intolerant, so no cheese) and naptime (don’t forget to close the curtains) I had some help, but there were only three of us who had worked here last year. Besides me, there was Kyungsoo, the owner’s son, and Kyungsoo’s best friend, Chanyeol.

I’d loved working with Kyungsoo last summer. He was organized, diligent, and great with the kids.

And then there was Chanyeol.

Chanyeol got along with the kids as well as Kyungsoo did, if not better. Last year, he had charmed them with an array of silly facial expressions and letting them take turns sitting atop his shoulders during recess. But where Kyungsoo knew when to be playful and when to be serious, Chanyeol could be as immature as the children, pleading for more juice, bickering with four-year-old Jinri for use of the new box of crayons during one of the daily art sessions, and nicking some of the snacks for himself. Even though we were the same age, half of the time it felt like I was taking care of another preschooler.

It’s not that I disliked Chanyeol; he was friendly, and I appreciated his bright attitude. But by the end of my first summer working at Camp Daisy I was relieved to leave his childishness behind and return to university life.

“They’re all asleep, finally. Can I help with anything?”

I felt my raised eyebrows displaying my shock. There stood Chanyeol, leaning against the doorframe at the entrance of the fluorescent-lit kitchen. He was already tall before, but it seemed to me that he had grown at least another inch since last summer, and that his figure had filled out, making him less lanky than before. Where his hair had once been as unruly as that of an electrified poodle, it was now neatly cut closer to his scalp. He had changed on the outside, but despite his uncharacteristic offer to actually help me with work, I still would’ve wagered that on the inside he was the exasperating man-child I had dealt with last summer.

“Could you do the rinsing and drying? These dishes really need to be finished before naptime ends.” In the interest of the environment, Kyungsoo’s mother had insisted on reusable plasticware for lunchtime.

“Sure, no problem.”

The sounds of scrubbing and running water bounced off the kitchen walls. I glanced over to check the quality of Chanyeol’s work, expecting to tell him that he had missed a spot. But the dishes were practically gleaming.

“I’m surprised you came back.”

I was too preoccupied with scrubbing a particularly stubborn clump of residue from a plate to hear what he had said. “Sorry, what?”

“I didn’t think you’d come back for another summer. You always seemed so annoyed, like you didn’t enjoy it.”

I gave up on the plate, deciding that it needed to continue soaking in the soapy water for a while longer. “Honestly, Chanyeol, I probably just seemed annoyed around you.” I felt a little mean for saying it, but I didn’t want to lie to him.

“What do you mean?” He arranged all of the dried cups and plates into neat stacks.

“No offense, but there were a lot of times when you seemed more like a kid than a staff member. I definitely wanted to put you down for a nap at least once.”

“That sounds…suggestive.”

I scoffed. “Not like that, you .”

“Kidding. Sorry for making so much trouble for you.”

I thought I heard a smidgeon of hurt and embarrassment in his apology, but I wasn’t sure. Even though we had worked together for a whole summer, I didn’t feel like I knew him that intimately. “Don’t apologize. Actually, just forget I said anything.” Now I felt embarrassed, wishing that I hadn’t opened my big mouth.

We finished the dishwashing in silence.

The first week of Camp Daisy ended uneventfully. The new staff members proved themselves sufficiently responsible, the children were mostly well behaved, and not once did I have to ask Chanyeol to hand over the crayons. He’d actually been quite calm, being playful around the kids when needed, but also being helpful to the rest of the staff and – dare I say it – responsible. Perhaps Kyungsoo had finally succeeded in influencing his friend’s behavior. Perhaps…but I was afraid to speak too soon. A smooth first week was not enough to convince me that big, goofy Chanyeol had suddenly become an adult. A taller, more reliable more handsome adult.

I shook my head, willing the last thought to vacate my brain. There was no way I would ever be attracted to Chanyeol. Not even a little. I remembered that this was the guy who had gotten into a battle of tug of war with a four-year-old over crayons. Zero attraction.

Over the following week, the kids came out of their shells and started making new friends. Many of them were initially clingy towards the staff, but with time they depended on us less and felt more at home with those their own age. There was just one little girl who still seemed hesitant to join playtime or talk to the other children.

During afternoon snacktime, I kneeled beside her seat at the far end of the table. “Minji, are you alright? Are you having fun?”

Her protruding bottom lip and head shaking back and forth told me that she was not enjoying herself.

I placed a hand on her shoulder and maneuvered to try and meet her downcast eyes. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

She shook her head again, but didn’t utter a word. I frowned, becoming more unsure of what to do. “You should try playing with the others, okay? Don’t worry, they’re all really nice.”

She turned toward the other end of the table where a few of the other girls were trading cookies and chatting animatedly about who should play which character in their ongoing playground drama about a princess who had to save the neighboring pony-inhabited kingdom. She then forlornly pushed away what was left of her cookie and hopped down from her seat. I watched as she ran to the other side where a towering figure had appeared. Chanyeol scooped her up into his arms, giving her one of his toothy grins. “Hi Minji!”

She whispered something in his ear, cupping her hands around it and concealing her words from everyone else in the room. Chanyeol nodded, his mouth forming an “o” shape in understanding. He then gently set Minji down, holding out his hand for her to grab. Together the pair walked to end of the table where the girls were discussing the pony kingdom.

“Hey.”

I flinched, not expecting the person now standing beside me. “What’s up Kyungsoo?”

“It’s rude to stare. Also, I need you to help set up the tables for the math activities. Come on.” He tugged my arm in the direction of the cabinets where the counting blocks were kept, forcing me to remove my attention from Chanyeol and the girls.

“I wasn’t staring.”

“Sure you weren’t.”

I wasn’t, I mentally retorted. I was just worried about Minji and curious about how the situation would turn out. I was certainly not staring at Chanyeol or finding it endearing that he got along with the shy Minji and had managed to get her to actually speak.

That’s what I told myself.

The next day, I worked playground duty, filling in for the younger staff member who had called in sick. This was probably my least favorite of potential responsibilities of Camp Daisy; this was where the kids were most vulnerable to injuries, and the increased chances of scrapes and scratches made me anxious.

“Relax.” Chanyeol was my partner in overseeing this session of free play. “Why so tense?”

“I’m always afraid that one of them will get seriously hurt. They aren’t the most coordinated at this age, and the monkey bars look like they’re too high for them, right?” I bit at the inside of my cheek, nervous.

I felt his eyes looking down at me. “You care so much. Sometimes you seem more like their mom than a staff member.”

I kept my own gaze trained on the group of girls seated at the corner of the sandbox. It was the same group from snacktime, and Minji was with them, looking happier than I had ever seen her around her peers. “What is that supposed to mean? And what did you say to Minji? I’ve had so much trouble getting her to socialize, and yet…”

“Believe it or not, I was like her when I was little -”

“You? Quiet? I don’t believe it.”

“- so I just told her about how I made my first friend. And to answer your first question, I mean that you always act so responsible and so mature and…I really respect that.”

I finally unglued my eyes from the girls, turning to Chanyeol who was running a hand over his mahogany hair. Was he serious? I thought back to our conversation in the kitchen, still feeling a sliver of regret. “Chanyeol, I’m sorry. I was wrong about you.”

He knew exactly what I was referring to. “No, you weren’t.”

“But I -”

“Hey guys!” Kyungsoo ran up to us, his yellow work polo adding glare to the sunny day. “It’s time to get everyone back inside.”

I hadn’t realized that outdoor time was already up, figuring that talking with Chanyeol had upset my sense of the minutes passing. “Chanyeol-”

“It’s okay, we can talk about it later if you want. Let’s get these rascals indoors.” He walked off and began shepherding the kids toward the building. He somehow got all of them quickly organized, including Minji who had run up to him and spoken more words than I had thought she was capable of, cutely rambling about how much fun she’d had with her new friends. All of a sudden, the once-annoying Chanyeol looked like a grown man capable of caring for his own children one day, yet he still had that goofy smile and a feeling of juvenile joy for life. These characteristics, their contradictions, and seeing them all in what I’d thought was such an unlikely package, made my head spin.    

Before I knew it, naptime had come and all of the kids were sound asleep. Two of the younger staff members were on dish duty this time, leaving me with at least half an hour to do as I pleased. The only problem is that I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. Lucky for me, someone else had an idea.

“Want to go to that sandwich place down the street? I’ll pay.” That had been Chanyeol’s offer. I tried persuading him to let me cover my own bill, but he had stubbornly refused. So there I sat inside the deli with a free lunch courtesy of Chanyeol, who was in the chair opposite me.

After a pensive sip of my soda, I started the real conversation. “Chanyeol, about earlier-”

“You really don’t have to apologize.” He momentarily paused to nibble at a potato chip. “You’re right about how I was last year.”

Clearly he wasn’t going to change his mind on that point, so I decided not to argue with him on it. “But Chanyeol, I have to say that this year, you’ve been so different. You’ve been helpful and diligent and…I don’t know, but you’ve really changed. In a good way.”

“So my plan is working?”

“What plan?”

“The one where I act my age and you’re impressed by it and you give me a chance.”

Okay, now I was really confused.

“I meant it when I said I respect you for being so mature,” he continued. “I kept trying to get your attention last summer, but you always seemed like you didn’t really want to be around me.”

“Sorry again.”

“No more apologies. So after that, I decided that I wanted to be more like you; acting like an adult, actually getting things done. When Kyungsoo told me that you might actually be coming back this year, I would really try it.”

“All because of me?” Who was this person sitting across from me? This wasn’t the Chanyeol I knew, or thought I knew.

“Not completely, but you make good motivation. I’m not a kid anymore, so I should probably start acting like it, right?” He poked at his remaining chips with his index finger.

“I guess…”

“And…I was hoping that you might respect me like I respect you. You’re really something, you know.”   

“Why do you say that?” I was astonished that Chanyeol held me in such high regard. It made me feel worse about how I had treated him before and cast him in a bad light.

“You keep everyone and everything in line, but without being aggressive or mean about it. And I can tell that you’re really smart and motivated. And you’re interesting. It feels like I can never completely figure you out.” Now he gazed straight into my eyes; the light in his were friendly, but it still incited strange stirring feelings inside me.

“Oh.” How was I supposed to respond to that?

“Do you think that…How would you feel about…”

 “About what?” I had never seen Chanyeol act so nervous before. He was just full of surprises today.

His shoulders rose and fell as he prepared to say what was on his mind. “I don’t want to end like last time where all we did was talk a little at work before going back to our lives like strangers. I want the chance to really get to know you.”

“Why, because I’m some puzzle that you want to figure out?” I couldn’t help but be skeptical, and I didn’t want to be treated like a game.

“Because you’re worth getting to know. Will you give me a chance? Please? I’d like to at least be friends.”

I perked up at that last part. “’At least’ friends? Did you have something else in mind?”

With a vague expression, he replied “Let’s start with friends. What do you say?”

I kept my lips sealed, internally debating. I didn’t have any real reason to turn down his offer. Before this summer, I would’ve cited his excessive playfulness and overall immaturity as reasons to have nothing to do with Chanyeol. But now here he was, saying how he admired me and wanted to get to know me, and showing that he had grown up over the past year. He acted less like a boy and more like a man, and it didn’t hurt that he now looked that way, too. Maybe we could become friends, maybe… we could become more than that. I felt my cheeks warm, thinking that I was getting ahead of myself.

“Okay. Let’s start with friends.”