We’re different

We know it from the start. When our eyes leaned in to each other. We know we can’t be together. But still... we fight for it.

You ARE nobody, and of course... I’m nobody.

You have a lot of things, a lot of people who love you. You have everything you want. Just pointed it and you’ll have it.

And me?

I am nobody. I just know you. You are my first friend and always be my only bestfriend. I am not happy. My family doesn’t love me. They said I’m burdened them.

But why...?

Why we must to fall in love with each other? Why we must feel this un-wanted feeling inside our heart? Why we must feel like this?

Why God make us fall in love with each other IF we can’t be together?

You said you love me.

And of course, I said back to you, I always loved you.

“ Be Mine only, “ is the last word I want heard from your mouth.

We can’t.

You ask why? Cause we just can’t.

You are very popular among the teacher and a lot of students know you. And I’m just a lost-puppy when I near you. You are very charmingly, and me? Ugh. I feel I can die in embarrassment if I near you.

But it doesn’t mean I hate spent my time with you, rite? The truth is I’m very having fun when I spent my time with you, and only you.

*

“ I Love You “

You kept say it to me. Every time we meet. You know, I DO love you too. But... we can’t! For god’s sake, can’t you understand it?

Our world is different!

Even thought our dream is same, as a dancer professional. But still, it’s just a little part of our similarity. There are still a lot of different things between us.

Talking about us, Is there any “us” between you and me?

Nothing as “us” between you and me. We just friendship. Not else. You are my bestfriend, and I’m your friend. I don’t think I can be your bestfriend too…

Bestfriend can’t love each other right?

“ Forget me, please! “

Is the hardest thing I’ve talk to you. No. Please, please don’t forget me. Just rid your feeling off from your heart, and I can continue my daily-activity.

Not like I felt annoyed by your feeling..

No, I’m happy for it.

It’s just… a lot of fear inside my heart. I’m afraid if someone curious about the real relationship between us. Oh yeah, I forgot, there’s nothing between “us” it’s “you and me”!

Every time our eyes met, we talked with heart. We speak without words. Every time our eyes met, we always change a meaningful gaze to each other.

Full of pain, desperate, hurt, miserable, angry, hopeless, full of sadness.

When you reach your limit, you knelt down in front of me, your eyes full of tears, and I can see a dark-aura around you. I can feel your pain too. It’s hurt me so much.

“ Please, I can’t stand it, please be mine only! I’ll protect you! I’ll protect you with my love! Please… I can’t live without you… “

My tears unconsciously start to falling down from my eyes. The man I love the most, is knelt down in front of me, just of my ing heart.

I move my body a bit and make my face same level with him. I wipe his tears with my thumbs. He hold in to my wrist as if don’t want to let me go.

“ We still can be friend right? Just find a girlfriend one, and I’m sure our love can change little by little, just forget me! We must move on, if we really meant to each other… trust me, we can find our way back to each other “

“ you promise? “

“ yeah, so stop crying! It’s hurt to see you cry…. I don’t want to see you cry… “

You smiled your charming smile to me, and… only me?

“ I don’t think I can forget you… it’s hard.. For sure… “

I your hear softly, “ trust me, you’ll find someone better than me, someone who deserve you and it’s not me “

*

That our last meeting.

The next day, you really try the best to avoiding me. Although our eyes always accidentally landed to each other. Talking without words.

When the day is come.

It’s your day. You sent me a simple message, four words, but it’s broken my heart into a piece.

To: my beloved person

From: my beloved bestfriend

I have a girlfriend

My tears start to falling down. My hand is shake, my legs is numb. I can’t even move. I was stunned. I was so lost from your message. You said you can forget me? But now... it’s only 3 days from our last meetings and you already have a girlfriend?

I try my best to not burst my tears. I can’t cry in front of people like this. And a lot of them know about me and him.

To: my beloved bestfriend

From: my beloved person

Congratulations.

That’s all I can write. I can’t think properly. He has a girlfriend. I’m nothing in his heart again. Ugh. This is what I want right? I should be happy.

Not like this…

*

Next day you ask me to come to coffee café. At first, I curious, why? Why we must meet again? We’ve already promised to not disturb our life. You live your life. And I live my life.

But now, I know the answer. You want to introduce your girlfriend to me. I forgot about I’m still his bestfriend.

“ Hey, this is my girlfriend, Krystal. She’s pretty, right? “

“ Oppa-ya! “ she punch your arms playfully,

I smiled half-heartedly to this beautiful girl. She’s indeed the most beautiful person I ever met. She has a beautiful eyes, a beautiful smile, a nice body, and.. a lot of perfect things in her.

Consider with me, I’m nothing.

He deserve her, and she deserve him.

I bit my bottom lips to hold my tears. I’ve already live with this kind of life. No one know that I’m exist. This my world, I can bear with it.

I’ve already live with 25^th years a broken-heart life. This my world, I can live with it.

I’ve already live with 10^th years live a one-sided love. I can bear with it.

A single tears drop from the corner of my eyes. Quickly I wiped it. But, God, you saw it already! You look at me with your worried eyes.

I don’t know why, but I can see love inside it. I change my gaze off from him. I heard he sigh and start to talk with her girlfriend. I try to breaths in and out, to calm my heart. I looked up and stunned at my seat.

This just my imagination or real?

I can’t see love inside his eyes when he talk with her girlfriend, I saw… pain, hurts, worried, or anything else except Love.

Why?

Is this just a lies?

Why he must lie?

Just to rid his feeling to me? If yes, how cruel am I? Tortured him cause I reject his heart, ask him to forget me, and push him to find a new girlfriend.

Just because I’m afraid of everyone’s reaction!

Aish. How can I do this to the person I love the most? I love him and that’s all I need right? I shouldn’t do this! We both hurt.

But now,

I think it’s too late to turn back. I just hope, he can be happy with her. Although his heart still for me….

*

Time passed so fast, and it’s already three month after you introduce your girlfriend to me. I don’t care anything about you and your life.

Our world is different, so why I always cling to you, nagging you, burdened you? I have my own life and I’m happy with it!

But still,

It’s lot of different now. No one hugged me if I’m sad, no one cheers me if I fall down, no one comforting me when I’m afraid.

I’m lonely.

But this is it.

My world life.

The End.

sorry for my bad grammar TwT