I am matter, but I am nothing to you
I am nothing, but I matter to you

It's only been over 1 week since I left and yet so much has changed
Our text messages are so lifeless
I can tell you're getting tired of me  and it's only been over a week
There's no point in fighting a fight you can't win
That's why I don't even bring the conversation up 
I know you have moved on with someone else
Someone who you talk to more than me
Someone who talks to you like the old us
Someone who you see almost everyday 
But on this day, I saw you today
It was nice, almost like before
But it was different
Our conversations were filled with someone else
Talking about the person who I feel took you from me 
I know it wasn't intentional but I still have resentment
You ask me how I was these days, like we haven't talked in years
Feels like it anyways
I just simply say "I'm fine" but Really I have sat in my room crying for hours 
Crying for someone to talk to
Crying for a hug
Crying for love
Crying for our relationship
I know you tell me to talk to you 
And I use to
But we just have the same conversation
You cry
You say you're sorry
You say you'll change
But then I never feel a change
Today as I sat beside you, I feel farther away from you than ever before
Happy National Best friend's day

This is the first time I have said-wrote anything since I have left and it's a bit weird honestly. I think it's because today is National best friend's day and I got all emotionally thinking of him. But me; a young, successful, handsome man writing about my feelings in a diary book. I'll have to tell Zi about this, he'll laugh for sure. That is if he still wants to talk to me... Knowing it was a special day in the world, I flew back to Korea giving him the good news that I'll be staying here in my own apartment, so we can still see each other just like always. But in one week, we have changed so much. 

Like I have said in my "literature for The depressed" we barely talk anymore. I don't understand, we were so close and everything fell apart. I know it and he knows it too, he can't be this oblivious..can he? He's not as bad Lay, but sometimes I think his brain capacity just shrinks. I don't mean it a bad way though..it's just like he has tumour in his brain and his memory gets worse. 

Okay, bad joke Kris.

I know he has problems, why am I insulting him? These are things I would never say about Tao, my best friend. At least I thought he was. He's been with Lay or that Chanyeol lately. I have no problem with Lay, but something really grinds my gears with Chanyeol. Yes, I just referenced to Family Guy. I'm a Canadian after all.

Back in  debut days I use to have a good relationship with Chanyeol. He came in the company before I did and on the first day I arrived he greeted me with a huge smile, bowing 90 degrees at me. I was quite overwhelmed by his display of affection as he hugged me right after that. In Korea or even in Canada most people would find him annoying, but I couldn't help but admire his out going personality. Like everyone else in the company, I became good friends with him. He showed me how to rap and helped me with my vocal excersises and in return I helped him with his English which he will need if he becomes lead rapper. We really impressed our instructors because we really worked well together.

That all changed when we debuted.

Since I'm in Exo-M we were seperated for many months with promotions in different countires. Over that period of time I became very close to Tao. I always was but we became very close when he confinded in me and told me he was bi. I felt so touch that he told me and from then on we became best friends. We had mall sprees (Cause Tao loves his gucci what else is new?) and movie nights and "sleep overs" even though we lived together. But it was just us two and not with the other members. Actually sometimes my brother Kevin (Shin) would sneak in our dorm and crash our party -.- Annoying little thing but what are you going to do? Overall, Tao and I had a strong bond. That was until May 3rd. The day everything changed. The month that changed everything. The whole point of this story. My story.

First chapter done~ I know this isn't very good.. I will try to make it more clear in future chapters.

I hope you figured out who you and everyone else is. If not, later chapters will make it clear for sure