Jimin stands at the window in the living room, shadowed in the darkness of the light as he looks out at the deserted streets below.  His breath fogs up the window when he leans closer, fingers cold as they press into the glass.  He blinks slowly, counting each breath he takes, exhaustion a heavy weight of his shoulders but he can’t find any peace to sleep tonight.  He leans his shoulder against the window, cold glass permeating through his thin sweater, pressing mouth closer to the window and breathing deeply until the entire space in front of his eyes is hazed out by the fog. 

    He leans away from the window, from the night sky and the empty streets, from the fog slowly disappearing from the glass pane.  He turns his back on it all, eyes narrowing as he stares into the dark wash of the room, lightless as the shadows from the open window shift across the floor as he moves.  He looks down at his toes, curling into the plush fabric beneath his feet, they look small and fragile against the dark expanse of the carpet. 

    He tilts his head, sighing to himself before startling as a light is flicked on.  Had automatically reaching up to shield his eyes and he blinks slowly, vision swimming in dots of black and white.  Eventually the picture before him shifts into focus to show Hoseok standing across the room, eyes sleepy and sweatshirt slipping off one of his shoulder as he pressing fists against his hips.  His attempts at looking stern is ruined by the yawn he can’t control and the drooping of his eyes as he blinks too slowly and slightly out of focus. 

    “Why are you still up?” 

    “Can’t sleep,” Jimin murmurs, hand dropping back to his head as he tilts his head in the opposite direction.  

    “Yoongi and Namjoon still gone?”  Jimin flinches. Leave it to Hoseok, even more asleep than awake, to pinpoint exactly what it is keeping Jimin out of his bed at 3 in the morning. Annoyance sweeps through Jimin and he tries to bite his tongue, be respectful, but ultimately it’s a losing battle. 

    “We all share a room, I’m sure you know the answer to that question,” Jimin mutters, he knows it’s childish even as the words slip through his lips but he doesn’t attempt to hold them at bay, doesn’t even bat a lash as Hoseok rolls his eyes and frowns. 

    “Go to bed Jimin,” Hoseok orders around a yawn.  Jimin back goes rigid, because yeah Hoseok is older than him like more than half the others are.  And he’s relatively obedient and open to being told what to do most of the time.  But he isn’t a child that needs to be told when he should go to bed, he doesn’t need someone tucking him in and watching over him. 

    Jimin scoffs and turns his back on the boy, facing back at the window as a frown shifts over his mouth.  He can hear Hoseok shuffling across the room, knows by the sounds the boy is moving closer and Jimin’s entire body tenses, he’s not unfamiliar to being forced around, physically.  But he’s grown quite a bit since middle school and he can out power most if not all the other boys. 

    Hoseok freezes when the lock of the front door grinds, door creaking open to the murmur of soft voices as Namjoon and Yoongi stumble into the room.  They stand there a little confused, as they take in the scene before them.  Jimin doesn’t turn around, refuses to give into the urge.  Hoseok scratches at the back of his neck when Namjoon and Yoongi stare at him, halfway across the room towards Jimin. 

    “Something wrong?” Namjoon questions cautiously, slipping out of his shoes and coat, meticulously putting them away as Hoseok stares back at him. Yoongi silent at his side, following suit.  Jimin resolutely decides to just ignore them all until they drift out of the room, leaving him in peace before he’ll eventually wander to bed exhausted enough to get a few hours of sleep finally. 

    “Not particularly,” Hoseok mumbles, eyes shifting towards Jimin for a moment before snapping back.  

    “It’s a bit late to be up,” Namjoon says slowly, shifting further into the room carefully, looking towards Jimin’s back, easily noticing the tension the boy is wearing like armor. 

    “I was just telling Jimin to go to bed,” Hoseok says, rubbing at his eye with a curled fist.  Namjoon raises an eyebrow slowly, looking down at Yoongi when the older boy elbows him in the side softly. 

    Yoongi nods his head towards the room, pushing Namjoon softly.  The younger boy sighs and shakes his head, before motioning Hoseok over and heading down the hallway.  Hoseok murmurs softly, following behind Namjoon and complaining about people never listening to him. 

    Jimin is standing completely still, fingers curled into fists at his side and eyes narrowed in the general direction of the window as if it was the cause of all his problems, as Yoongi approaches him carefully.  He knows the boy is easily spooked.  It’s so easy to make Jimin clam up, whenever he feels pressured or back into a corner, he shuts down and shuts everyone out. 

    “Jiminnie,” Yoongi whispers softly, barely there touch of his fingers trailing over the back of the boy’s shoulders.  It has the opposite effect as to what he was hoping for, when Jimin impossibly tenses more and shifts away, turning to look at Yoongi.  His eyes are tight at the corners, narrowed and almost blank. Yoongi remembers when Jimin used to light up like Christmas whenever he would call out for the younger boy, how his body would hum and vibrate and lean closer whenever he brushed fingers across the boy’s skin.  The thoughts snake around Yoongi’s heart, squeezing tightly, because it’s entirely his own fault that all those things have changed now.  Everything is different and Yoongi still isn’t sure that it’s exactly what he really wanted, doesn’t know if he’ll ever know what it is he thought he was going to accomplish. 

    But Jimin is still up every night when he drags himself home, sitting in silence in the living room like he can’t sleep while Yoongi is still out there somewhere, doing something, maybe with someone else.  And while he isn’t - Yoongi is generally alone with his own self-depreciating thoughts and his lyrics and his music mixes - Jimin still waits wordlessly like he always did before. The difference now is that Yoongi is not welcomed home with an overwhelmingly warm hug, fingers that dig and grasp and burn themselves into the flesh across his back, there are no longer plush kisses pressed against his cheek and jaw and eventually his mouth. There is nothing but tense muscles and blank unseeing eyes and clipped words that snap and sting at Yoongi’s cheeks like a slap across the face. 

    “It’s late,” Jimin says, bites out the words slowly.  Makes to step around Yoongi, as his eyes shift down and away.  Yoongi reaches out without even thinking about it, slim fingers curling around Jimin’s wrist and holding tightly when the boy yanks away in surprise. 

    “Jimin wait,” Yoongi doesn’t know why he’s holding the boy there in place, doesn’t actually know what words he wants to say to the boy.  He just knows that he can’t take this anymore, he knows he broke something so precious but he doesn’t know how to make it all right regardless.  He’s too rough and too impatient, he thinks he has all the answers to every question the universe could possibly pose and maybe that’s more than half the problem there.  Yoongi is an arrogant, ignorant bastard most of the time. 

    “Hyung,” Jimin says slowly, looks down at Yoongi just slightly and something flashes across his eyes, something that has Yoongi’s fingers tightening and his body moving closer, into the boy’s personal space like he still belongs there. “Let go.” 

    Then it’s gone, just as fast as it was there, the blankness returns and Jimin closes him out with a slamming door in the form of forceful voice and narrowed eyes.  Yoongi can’t though.  He can’t let the boy walk away without attempting to choke out the words that have been lodged in the back of his throat for weeks. 

    “I’m sorry,” are the words that make their way out and they aren’t exactly the ones Yoongi would have chosen, but they are good enough because Jimin stops pulling away and stills completely.  If Yoongi didn’t know Jimin as well as he does he wouldn’t have even noticed the mild changes in the boy, the way his eyes slightly widen, the way his mouth quirks down into a frown at the edge before smoothing back out.  Jimin is biting at the inside of his cheek, something he only does when he’s worried or contemplative. 

    “I don’t think,” Jimin starts, gaze shifting over to Yoongi’s shoulder. 

    “I just,” Yoongi interrupts, panic scratching at the pit of his stomach, if he lets Jimin walk away now, this time he fears that things will be lost in this broken, awkward state for ever.  They’re debuting soon, the initial cause of all of this along with Yoongi’s own stupidity, they can’t debut with bad blood between them.  Neither of them are good at pretending, Jimin too naive to actually pull it off entirely and Yoongi doesn’t want to put on a face even being an idol is not going to change that about him.  “Just please, give me a minute.” 

    Jimin sighs, wiggles his wrist out of Yoongi’s grip but doesn’t move away.  He looks defeated enough for a moment that Yoongi almost wants to just stop it, let the boy go and leave it for them to muddle through.  But he just can’t.  Above everything else he tells himself; this is for the boy’s own good, Jimin deserves an apology, they can’t debut like this - the main reason he can’t let this go is because truthfully he can’t let Jimin go, he misses the boy, misses him so much that his chest aches with want every single day. 

    “I miss you,” Yoongi chokes out, leaning his head down onto Jimin’s shoulder.  And he can’t do this, he isn’t one for words and apologies and underneath everything he’s still a coward in the face of things that actually matter.  He feels Jimin shift and tense beneath him, feels the boy shuffle on his feet but Yoongi follows after him. 

    “Hyung,” Jimin says softly, sighing as if he’s giving into something tragic, as if he’s accepting a fate he doesn’t actually want. The sound grates against the side of Yoongi’s heart, pulling at the breaking edges and he moves away in an instant. 

    “I’m sorry,” Yoongi mumbles, looking down at their feet.  “I don’t.  This was stupid. I’m sorry Jimin.” 

    Jimin is the one grabbing him this time, strong fingers wrapping around Yoongi’s slim shoulder and pulling him closer, pulling him up into Jimin’s space.  Yoongi’s face drops into the curve of the boy’s neck without much thought, he curls into the warmth of Jimin like and the feeling of home is so unbelievably overwhelming that he thinks for a few extended seconds he might actually break down and start crying. 

    “Hyung,” Jimin starts, fingers lifting to run up and down the knobs of Yoongi’s spine, his touch soft as it burns through the back of his shirt.  “You just need to tell me what you really want.  I don’t understand, you said that we couldn’t - that you didn’t want to keep-“ Jimin stops talking like he doesn’t know what else to say, the words getting caught up and lost in the space between his brain and heart and mouth. 

    “I’m selfish Jimin,” Yoongi says eventually, voice a little firmer as he shifts back to look the boy in the eyes.  “You should know that well enough by now.  I’m a very selfish person and I’m sorry for that.” 

    “I never really minded,” Jimin says slowly, calculating each word he breathes out into the silence of the dorm as if he might run out of them.  His hands lift, curl in the hem of his shirt, before dropping back to his side as he shifts restlessly on his feet.  “I would have said something if I did.” 

    “I meant more now than before,” Yoongi says around a chuckle that’s lifeless and pitiful.  “I don’t really know what I’m doing most of the time, regardless of the fact I act like I do.  I don’t want you or any of the others to see me at my weakest.  And that’s bound to happen eventually, if this - if we had - if what we” 

    “It’s okay, I understand.” 

    “But I’m so selfish that I want to keep you Jimin,” Yoongi says, his voice so raw and open that it has Jimin stepping back and looking at him with wide eyes.  “I don’t want to give you up, even if it’s going to get harder for you. And maybe for that I’m even more sorry than I am about possibly breaking your heart.” 

    Jimin flushes, curls his toes into the carpet and shrugs.  Yoongi smiles fondly, reaches up to brush at the boy’s bangs. 

    “This is so embarrassing,” Yoongi mutters more to himself than Jimin.  The younger boy laughs then, small and soft but so real that Yoongi just stares at him.  And he knows it’s going to take a while, take work but Yoongi just isn’t willing to give Jimin up, no matter how stupid he was to think that’s what he wanted in the first place. 

    “You’re an idiot,” Jimin says softly, finger pressing into the curve of Yoongi’s cheek before the boy is walking away.  Yoongi stands there, mouth ajar and blinking slowly, dumbfounded. 

    “Yah!” Yoongi yells softly, scurrying after the boy who is chuckling softly to himself as he heads towards the bedroom. 

Seriously... how to drabble though.   Ya'll should talk to me on tumblr!  - leave me prompts thereeeee. or not. whatever.