Still with the head under the covers, I pulled out a hand and  started to search the clock, that was ringing since several seconds ago.  I stopped it with a punch.

Uncovered myself and looked at the next bed, where my roommate was still sleeping, with no sign of having heard the alarm.  Got off my bed and ran to his , giving short jumps because  the floor was too cold. I lifted his covers and got under them, next to  him.

-Yixing -I called him gently

. 
Nothing, he continued sleeping with his back to me.

- Xing xing xing - I insisted.

-mmm- he answered half asleep.

- It's morning - I said burying my face in his nape.

As response he turned slowly and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him.I did nothing,  stayed there beside his chest, feeling his breathing, his warmth, his heartbeat.  For me, being near yixing is ...  what gives me tranquility., what makes my days a little brighter . Day after day after day.

We stayed embraced like that until I felt the need and following the impulse started to give little kisses on his cheek

-Don't do that- He said moving away although was smiling.

- Why not? - I asked, feigning innocence. 

He took a deep breath before answering.

- Because we can't - said serious - You know it,  but you  love to make things difficult for me - he added, breaking the hug and starting to get up from bed.

 
I laughed at that affirmation although it wasn't true.

"It's difficult for me too"  I  wanted to say but  preferred to remain silent.

WE CAN'T. Those words echo in my head like a prohibition, a line that shouldn't be cross. Because we are men, no, because we're idols, we can't. And that single thought causes me a feeling of anguish and makes my chest hurt . Hurt that increases when Yixing leaves the dorm.

But then I think  that even if I can't have him,I'm lucky. By knowing someone as Yixing , for being able to be by his side even if only as a friend, by share things with him , laugh with him, I'm lucky. And for  know his feelings and know that in someway he belongs to me as I belong to him.

And that single thought  cheers me up and makes me smile.