The second time Kyungsoo saw Jongin was not on a stage of any kind. In fact, it was a moment before Kyungsoo even recognized the dancer.

Kyungsoo was sitting in the gridlock of mid-morning traffic, as he let his gaze drift lazily over to the corner of 5th and 6th Street, where a figure on the curb had caught his eye. The person was wearing a full-body dog costume, complete with a head piece that hid the his entire head. He was holding a sign that said "Adopt a furry friend today!" and jumping around and dancing with exhausted enthusiasm. Kyungsoo felt a twinge of sympathy, as the oppressive July heat was overbearing even in the semi-air conditioned bus.

As he watched the guy in the dog costume, Kyungsoo thought he saw something familiar in the fluid movement of his hips. The figure waved the sign over his head and then spun in a four-turn pirouette, landing with his fist pumped in the air. It was executed with the familiar flawless form that had been haunting the back of Kyungsoo's eyelids.

When Kyungsoo reached his bus stop two blocks over, he turned around to walk back toward where the guy in the dog costume was spinning his sign around on the tip of his finger.

"Jongin?"

The overexaggerated, cartoonish jump of the person's shoulders made Kyungsoo smile as he stepped closer. Jongin tucked the sign under his arm and held up both his hands, with his palms facing Kyungsoo. The hands of the costume were built like mittens, but Kyungsoo still understood the message.

"10 minutes?"

His interpretation was confirmed by a vigorous nod of the head, not unlike an eager wag of a tail, that caused the long, droopy ears of the costume to swing back and forth.

"I can wait!"

Jongin clapped his hands eagerly with a little jump, and Kyungsoo marveled at how expressive the dancer could be with just his body, his face obscured by the costume. Even without music, Jongin's movements were rhythmic and precise, a far greater caliber than what deserved to be a human advertisement on a street corner.

When Jongin's shift was over, he lifted the dog mask from his head, revealing flushed skin and hair matted with sweat. He shook his head to loosen the damp strands. He was panting, but his grin stretched wide across his face.

"What are you doing, dancing on the curb like this?" Kyungsoo asked, reaching over to push the sweaty strands of hair out of Jongin's face.

The dancer gave an exhausted laugh and replied, "Could use a little extra income."

"But why don't you wait tables or work retail like the rest of us starving artists? You'll probably make a bit more...and suffer a lot less."

"I'm also doing it as a favor to my friend Yixing. He's also in the ballet company, but he helps run an animal shelter, as well. My only occupation is dance though. It's all I have. I'm just waiting for my big break. My dream is to audition for the New York Ballet Company some day..." He trailed off dreamily at the end.

It always surprised Kyungsoo how pure hearted, innocent, childlike even, Jongin was. While his stage presence exuded an aura of ual command and libido, it had startled Kyungsoo to discover that Jongin was...a total sweetheart. A dreamer, with stars in his eyes.

The last time Kyungsoo saw Jongin, he was wearing that same dumb dog costume. They had been in a sweet, bashful relationship for over two years. Jongin had talked about auditioning for New York, London, Paris, but things never quite worked out, so he was still a fixture on the corner of 5th and 6th Street, dancing his heart out to a symphony of strident honks and rubber against cement.

Kyungsoo had walked with Jongin to his curb that morning, and then he had gone grocery shopping on his own to buy Jongin's favorite cereal and restock on some other necessities. Kyungsoo was carrying the groceries up the staircase of their apartment building when he received the call. It was a dizzying jumble of verbs and nouns, but only three words managed to leave an imprint in Kyungsoo's mind. Jongin. Killed instantly.

And suddenly Kyungsoo was in freefall, gravity pulling him backwards. Every slam of his head against the concrete stairs loosened the rubble of his mind. When he hit the bottom, his thoughts drifted around his head in phrases, floating to the surface like debris.  Speeding truck. Out of nowhere. 5th and 6th Street. Killed instantly.

Every inch of his body was a different shade of agony, but on the inside, Kyungsoo was a blank canvas. He was consumed by a screaming, white nothingness as he laid in a crumple at the bottom of the staircase. He was on the last tendrils of consciousness when he heard a shout of alarm and the heavy thud of footsteps approaching him.

"I'm not a damsel in distress...don't carry me," he mumbled as he felt a strong, warm pair of arms gingerly lift him up bridal-style.

"Shh, it's okay, I'm taking you straight to the emergency room. You're going to be okay, just a few broken bones. Trust me, I'm a nurse," a low, unfamiliar voice said as Kyungsoo felt his surroundings transition from the cool apartment building to the oppressive summer heat. Kyungsoo's mind was hazy, and it felt even more so with his face pressed against the stranger's chest. He inhaled the man's soothing, yet somehow intoxicating scent until the last of his consciousness slipped away.

When Kyungsoo blinked away the drowsiness from his thick, dark lashes, he saw a tall figure standing in the corner of his room, gazing out the window with his back towards him.

“Jongin?”

The man turned around and quickly walked to Kyungsoo’s bedside with sweeping strides.

“Hey, I never got a chance to introduce myself. I'm the one who carried you… My name's Kris, we live in the same apartment building. I’m on the first floor. You’re Do Kyungsoo, right?”

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes to bring Kris into better focus. He had never seen the tall Chinese man before. With a face like Kris’s, as well as the height, Kyungsoo was sure that he would have remembered encountering the man.

The words tumbled out of his mouth. “Who are you how do you know me and why were you carrying me.” Kyungsoo’s compact size and portability had always been a sensitive point.

“You’re kind of a local celebrity, you know? How many people can say that they’re a professional makeup artist for the best ballet company in the region? I saw the most recent performance, The Waterbird, and I must say, your work was exquisite,” Kris gushed. Kyungsoo squinted at him again, but then stopped when he saw Kris’s gummy smile falter. He sometimes forgot how alarming his eyes could be.

Kyungsoo was taken aback by the compliment. Not that he wasn’t pleased, of course. It had taken hours of sketching and experimenting with colors and textures beforehand, but Kyungsoo had singlehandedly transformed the entire ballet troupe into brilliant birds of paradise for The Waterbird.

“Thank you, Kris. I must say, though...I’m surprised. With everything else that’s happening onstage, it isn’t everyday that the makeup artist gets recognized.”

“I’m really into art, you see. And I can appreciate good art when I see it.”

“Art? This isn’t art, it’s just playing with makeup.” Kyungsoo tried to sound breezy, but he was internally squealing with delight.

“Don’t be modest. What you do requires a special kind of skill and artistry. And your title is makeup artist, after all!”

Kyungsoo grinned shyly and looked at his toes. “Maybe you’re not so bad after all. But don’t think I’ll forgive you for carrying me.”

Kris scoffed in protest. “I lift and carry my patients everyday, and I haven’t gotten one complaint.”

“Patients?”

“I’m a nurse. I work the night shifts though, which is also probably why we’ve never seen each other. Well, actually, I’ve seen you. Um, I mean through ballet and stuff…” Kris trailed off awkwardly at the end and stared intently at the ground.

Despite his initial impression, it wasn't difficult for Kyungsoo to become fond of Kris. Kyungsoo came to appreciate Kris's gawkiness and his clumsiness with words. He had a sweet vulnerability to him, despite his intimidating appearance. He provided a gentle distraction from Kyungsoo’s loss.

Although he had managed to avoid the trauma of dealing with his thoughts about Jongin, Kyungsoo was brought back to reality three days after he was first admitted to the hospital. Until he had received the invitation to Jongin's funeral, Kyungsoo had been in a state of disbelief, not quite able to wrap his mind around the idea that Jongin was gone. But the creamy paper invitation was a tangible reminder of what had actually happened.

"I understand you want to attend his funeral, but you really shouldn't be moving around unaccompanied, for your own safety. Unless you have someone who is willing to transport and accompany you," the doctor told Kyungsoo.

He could think of no one that would be willing to help him climb four flights of stairs in his antiquated, elevator-less building. Nobody, except possibly a kind stranger who had done so already.

"Are you sure you want me to carry you around again?"

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. "I don't need you to carry me, Kris, just help me get around, okay?"

Kris smiled, his upper lip revealing dark gums. "Of course. You trust me?"

With a slightly cocked eyebrow, Kyungsoo took in the taller male, from the surprisingly soft lines of his face to the hands folded gently in his lap.

"Yeah, I think so."

But when it was time to make the arduous trip up the stairs, Kyungsoo was grunting and sweating within a few steps.

“Easy does it,” Kris purred gently, with a firm grasp on Kyungsoo’s elbow.

Kyungsoo whimpered pathetically and dropped his head on Kris’s shoulder. “Just leave me here...let me become one with the stairs...”

“Nope,” Kris said cheerfully, placing one arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder and another behind his knees to hoist him up into his arms.

Kyungsoo groaned in embarrassment, but allowed Kris to carry his limp body up the stairs to his apartment.

“Do you want me to wait outside, or…?” Kris ventured hesitatingly.

Shooting him a stern look, Kyungsoo responded, “Obviously. I don’t need you in here while I’m changing.”

Kris held up his hands in surrender. “Hey, sometimes patients who have lost their mobility need a little extra help… Also, do you want me to change, too? I mean, I can wait in the car for you. But I know it can be difficult to face these kinds of things on your own…” He suddenly became fascinated with the texture of carpet outside of Kyungsoo’s apartment.

Kyungsoo looked back at Kris with surprise. He had already provided him with so much physical support, Kyungsoo hadn’t expected him to offer emotional support, as well. He hesitated for a moment. It felt almost wrong to take a stranger to Jongin’s funeral. But this was a kind stranger who offered to help Kyungsoo when he needed it the most. He had a feeling Jongin would understand.

“Sure, Kris. I would really appreciate it.”

The smile Kyungsoo received in return alleviated any uneasiness he might have had.

Kris had been right. Kyungsoo would not have been able to face the funeral on his own. As one speaker after another stood up to talk about Jongin- his life, his personality, his hopes, his dreams- it finally started to sink in. Jongin would never be able to fulfill his dream of performing in New York or to grace the world with his radiant smile again.

There was a long, winding line for guests to comfort Jongin’s family and pay their last respects to Jongin, who was resting peacefully in an ornate mahogany casket.

"I can't look. I think I need to go home now."

Kris nodded in understanding and helped Kyungsoo to his feet with a gentle hand under his elbow. Kyungsoo's vision was blurry with tears, but he noticed that Kris, too, had been silently dabbing at his eyes with a tissue. It had been a moving service, a brave attempt at trying to make sense of the senseless tragedy.  

They had been sitting too far in the back to be able to see inside the open casket, but Kyungsoo was secretly glad of it. He was sure that Jongin would have been made starched and stiff, dressed up in a suit bought specially for the occasion since Jongin never wore suits. He wondered absently what Jongin would have wanted to be buried in. Something casual- a tee shirt, basketball shorts, and his favorite sneakers. A snapback, too, probably. And no socks, of course. Or even that dumb dog costume. Despite the ruthless heat of the summer, Jongin was always happy, proud even, to wear that costume.

It is one year later when Kyungsoo sees that dog costume again, sitting by the window of the first floor apartment he shares with Kris.

It had been Kris’s idea for Kyungsoo to move in. While Kris had been happy to carry, and eventually support Kyungsoo up and down the stairs, his job made it impossible for him to be on call every time Kyungsoo wanted to leave his apartment. Since Kris lived on the first floor, he suggested that Kyungsoo stay with him for awhile until he regained full mobility. Kyungsoo had reluctantly moved in, but he never got around to leaving.

During the ballet company’s rehearsal periods, Kyungsoo had only the occasional freelance gig for local theater companies or even high school musicals. So Kris bought him art supplies to pass the time between performance seasons. Kris had also tried to teach him some basic art techniques, but Kyungsoo wasn't quite sold on Kris's "rhinoceros" sketch. He already had a working knowledge of color, so he watched some YouTube videos on the basics of perspective and composition. Soon, Kyungsoo was creating his own cityscapes in pale watercolor. Sometimes Kyungsoo and Kris would sit side-by-side with their easels in front of them to pass a quiet evening in each other’s company. Kyungsoo would look over at the bold, random smears of acrylic paint arranged across Kris’s canvas and ask what he was trying to create. And Kris would always pull a face of mock hurt, insisting that he was going for a realistic portrayal of some object in nature. Kyungsoo liked how easy it was to make fun of Kris, and how good-naturedly he took the teasing. It was easy to be with Kris.

It's been one year since Jongin’s funeral, and a couple days later it will be one year since Kyungsoo moved in with Kris. Kyungsoo isn’t quite sure which event to commemorate. He is working on a watercolor of the view of his street from his apartment window. It is one of a series several paintings of the same, identical view. He had been inspired by Claude Monet, who had painted the same Roman cathedral at different times of day to capture the movement and interplay of light as the sun passed through the sky. Kyungsoo knows that his level of artistry is not even a shade of Monet’s, but it is a fascinating exercise nonetheless.

When he glances back up at the sidewalk across the street, there is a tall figure standing there, facing him. The figure is wearing a dog costume identical to the one Jongin had worn, down to the dark brown fur and floppy ears. For a second, Kyungsoo can’t breathe. People are passing by, unfazed by the dog person’s appearance. It’s almost as if he is visible to Kyungsoo alone. Kyungsoo squeezes his eyes shut and rubs at his temples. If he is hallucinating, why did it take a year after Jongin’s death for him to start seeing things? When he opens his eyes, the figure is gone, but Jongin is still on his mind.

By the time Kris gets home the next morning, Kyungsoo has prepared a homemade pancake breakfast. It’s the only meal they get to share since Kris works all night and has to rest during the day. Kyungsoo had been concerned about Kris’s penchant for sweet foods right before bed, but he has learned to accept that his boyfriend has the taste palate of a six year old.

Kyungsoo doesn’t even realize that Kris had returned until he hears a soft, “Hey,” in greeting. He flinches, and leaps to his feet. He reaches out to give Kris a hug, but stops when Kris forms an “X” with his forearms.

“Let me change first, okay? My scrubs are a biohazard, I don’t want you to get sick,” Kris laughs.

Kyungsoo sits back down at the table with a sheepish grin. He always forgets in his enthusiasm and joyfulness at Kris’s return.

It is quiet, as usual, when they sit down to eat their pancakes together, but Kris notices a slight forlornness in Kyungsoo’s absentminded gaze.

When Kyungsoo starts putting the dishes in the sink, Kris hugs him from behind and asks gently, "Are you thinking about Jongin again?"

Kyungsoo removes the hands from around his waist so he can turn around to face Kris. "How could you tell?"

"I can always tell. Even when my mind can't pick up what's going on, I can always feel when you're thinking about him. Because it always makes me hurt right here." Kris takes Kyungsoo's hand and puts it on his chest, over his heart, enclosing Kyungsoo's small, dainty hand in his own.

"I'm sorry," Kyungsoo whispers. "I'm so sorry that I'm so weak, so broken... You're always taking care of me, I feel like such a useless burden..."

"Hey now, I don't ever want to hear you say that about yourself, okay? Kyungsoo, I don't care that you're broken. It is my privilege to be the one to put your pieces back together. My only fear is that someday, you won't need me anymore."

"Oh Kris," Kyungsoo sniffles, burying his face in Kris's neck.

“Jongin was a dancer, right? I don’t know if you know this, but I’ve actually got a few moves of my own…”

Kris starts moving his shoulders and it isn't until he starts bobbing his head that Kyungsoo realizes what his boyfriend is trying to do.

"Stop trying to dance, Kris, you're just embarrassing yourself."

"I possess no sense of shame," Kris deadpans and starts jerking his hips from side to side.

"Let me correct myself- you're embarrassing me."

"You know you love it," he laughs. But he stops “dancing” and pulls Kyungsoo closer. “I’ve been awake for over 20 hours, I think I need some rest now, okay?” He kisses the smaller male on the top of his head and lets go.

It’s unfair to both Kris and the memory of Jongin, but Kyungsoo can’t help but draw the comparisons.

Kris is stern on the outside, but soft on the inside in ways that Jongin was not. Jongin always had a wild, youthful kind of unpredictability to him. But Kris is a steady, calming presence, not unlike the rolling waves of the sea.

Jongin had a cute, boyish look that could instantly transform into a sultry aura with the right shade of eyeshadow and a dash of eyeliner. But even without makeup, Kris is handsome in ways that make Kyungsoo wonder if he's human.

Thinking about the is a study in juxtaposition. Jongin had ed into Kyungsoo with inexperienced enthusiasm, hips snapping quickly, relentlessly. Kris's s are a smooth undulation of the hips, always careful of Kyungsoo's needs and desires. Jongin had boyish energy and enthusiasm, while Kris has the smooth control of a man.

But it's the similarities that remind Kyungsoo of how he fell in love the first time, and why he let himself fall in love again. It's in the shy smiles and the spontaneous laughter that Kyungsoo finds himself connected to Kris in a way that reminds him of the link he had shared with Jongin. Similar to how Jongin had danced on the corner of the street, wearing that ridiculous dog costume, Kris is not afraid to make a fool out of himself. In fact, he manages to do so everyday, much to his boyfriend's amusement.

Despite his goofiness, there are some moments when Kyungsoo looks at Kris and feels his heart break. Working night shifts and seeing only a peek of the sun each day is no easy way to live. It is a testament to Kris's strength that he is able to keep eternal sunshine in his mind despite his midnight life. He never shows how tired he is, but sometimes after a particularly grueling day of work, Kris will just sit outside on their tiny porch, absorbing the rays of sunlight that have become a luxury to him. When Kyungsoo sees him unable to hide his exhaustion, it makes him feel a sadness that is bone-deep. Because of Kris, Kyungsoo never takes sunny days for granted.

Everything Kris does is for the sake of Kyungsoo's happiness. He knows that it makes Kyungsoo sad when he comes home tired, so Kris always smiles with the last vestiges of his energy when he walks through the door. But more and more frequently, he notices Kyungsoo thinking about Jongin. It makes Kyungsoo the worst kind of sad, because it's a sadness that Kris can't fix.

When Kris asks if Kyungsoo is thinking about Jongin again, Kyungsoo tries to deny it at first. But then he finally admits to his "hallucinations" with tears in his eyes.

"You're going to think I'm crazy," he whispers.

"Not any crazier than usual," Kris murmurs into Kyungsoo's hair.

"I've been seeing Jongin again." He braces himself for the worst, but Kris just looks at him with a puzzled frown.

"What so you mean, Soo?"

"Sometimes when I'm sitting by the window, I'll see him standing across the street, watching me."

"Like...a ghost? What does he look like?" Kris is taking the news surprisingly well.

"Not really a ghost... He definitely seems like a solid entity. He's always wearing that dog costume he had when he was alive."

Kris looks at Kyungsoo with alarm now. "Oh my god, Kyungsoo. He might be some sick psychopath!"

"I don't know, Kris. I really think it's Jongin. Or some form of him. Nobody else seems to see him. And he always disappears. One second he's there. But when I blink, he's gone."

Kris is silent for a minute, the tiniest bit of tension pulling at the corner of his mouth. He speaks slowly, choosing his words carefully. "Look, I just want you to be safe. If you see him again, tell me, okay? Just in case it is some weirdo stalking you... I just want to make sure you don't get hurt."

Kyungsoo nods, but he isn't sure how much Kris would be able to help him.

The next time the figure in the dog costume appears, Kyungsoo is determined not to let it out of his sight. The figure raises his hand in greeting, and this time Kyungsoo lifts his own hand, as well. The figure waves back vigorously, and Kyungsoo smiles. It must be Jongin, it just has to be. Kyungsoo lifts one finger, silently asking, One minute, okay? The figure nods his head, and Kyungsoo rushes out of his apartment to the front entrance of the building.

By some miracle, the figure is waiting for him by the entrance of the building. Kyungsoo's heart pounds in his throat as he asks, "Jongin?"

The figure in the dog costume nods his head so hard that the fabric ears flap, and it's like the first time Kyungsoo saw Jongin on the corner of 5th and 6th Street. Kyungsoo reaches his arms out, and Jongin lifts him up and twirls him around. His body is solid, warm, and so alive.

"I can't believe...that it's you.." Kyungsoo sobs. He hadn't ever completely accepted that Jongin was gone. And now, it's like he has a second chance.

Tears trickle down Kyungsoo's face, and Jongin forms fists to make crying motions and then shakes his head. He nudges the corners of Kyungsoo's mouth so that his lips tilt upward and then nods his head as if to say, Smile, okay?

Kyungsoo laughs shakily, and then buries his head in Jongin's shoulder. He places his hands on the head of the costume and is about to lift it up when Jongin takes a step back and pushes Kyungsoo's hands away. Jongin shakes his head sadly, and Kyungsoo's heart clenches. Maybe Jongin isn't completely real, then.

Kris had been asleep all day, in recovery from the previous night's 16 hour shift. He wakes up in the evening, ready to start the cycle again. He saunters sleepily to the kitchen, but Kyungsoo isn't there, ready to pour him a bowl of cereal.

"Kyungsoo?" he calls out hesitantly. He hears no response, so he calls out again, panic trickling its way down his spine. He looks out the window and sees Kyungsoo...in the arms of a figure in a furry, brown dog costume.

"God damn it!" Kris growls, and sprints out of the apartment to the entrance of the building.

"Get away from Kyungsoo, you freak!"

Kyungsoo whips his head around in alarm at the sound of Kris's voice. "Kris, no, it's Jongin! Please, it's really Jongin!" he pleads as Kris wrenches him out of Jongin's arms.

Letting a feral growl rip through his lungs, Kris pushes figure to the ground, who doesn't even put up a fight. He kicks the fallen body. It feels warm, solid, human. It can't be Jongin. It has to be some kind of psychopath, pretending to be Kyungsoo's dead boyfriend.

The figure in the costume slowly tries to stand up, but soon Kris has him in a headlock. Kris wrestles off the head of the dog costume, but the rest just falls limply to his feet in a crumpled mass of brown fur. Kris stares down in shock. The costume is empty. Kyungsoo rushes over to the wrinkled pile of fabric. He kneels down to pick it up, but the synthetic fur disintegrates into a million grains of sand at his touch. Kyungsoo closes his eyes and lets the sand slip through his fingers, scattering in the wind like dandelion seeds.

A/N: Based on a dream I had while dozing off during chemistry class lmao.