Disclaimer: I don't own Royz, all of this is fiction, I don't make money from this. 

I stand in the back of the stage, next to Tomoya's drums. I have a perfect view on a certain blond-haired guitarist. It's mesmerizing to watch him play. At least, that's my opinion. The opinion of fangirls probably too. Other people... I don't know. I have always liked him. From the beginning of Royz, he was my favourite of the band. I liked the other guys too, but in a different way. Back then I thought it was because he was more friendly maybe than the others. Now I know that that makes absolutely no sense. All of them are nice and amazing in their own way. It's just that I have a little thing for Kazuki. Or not so little. I wish he would recognise me. But as I said, he stands in front of me, playing the stars out of heaven. Spotlights on him. I'm just a little person on the back of the stage, playing the instrument that is the hardest to notice in a song. Some people say that it doesn't matter whether the bass is there or not. Of course the other instruments are more important, but the bass is not unnecessary.

Kazuki walks to the middle of the stage, now starting his solo. He stands back to back with Subaru. When his solo is finished Subaru puts his arm around his neck and turns his head towards him. Then he kisses Kazuki. A stab goes through my heart. I want to look away, but I can't, I just can't. I wish I could, I only hurt myself by watching. I wish I was standing there in Subaru's place. That it was me kissing Kazuki. Subaru pulls away after what felt like an hour. I can finally look away from the spot. I look around the rest of the stage and I find Tomoya's eyes looking at me. I quickly avert my eyes back to my bass and put a fake smile on. Then I look into the crowd again. I hope they didn't notice me being slightly absent.

When the live was over we all went back to the hotel. There were three rooms booked. We decided who got which one by five straws of 3 different lengths. I picked one first. I just hoped that I had the same one as Kazuki. Subaru and Kuina were next. They picked the same straw and therefore shared a room. Then Kazuki. Apparently fate was on my side. Kazuki drew the same straw as me. I think I used all my luck at that moment, I didn't have any luck left after that, but back then I didn't know that yet. Tomoya got a room for himself.

I was happy. I got to share a room with the person I love. But that feeling of happiness didn't last too long. We were lying in our beds. Ready to go to sleep.

'Can I ask you something?' Kazuki asks. 'Yeah, of course.' I answer. 'Do you love someone? In a way you want to spend your life with that person, not in a friendly way I mean.' I smile. 'Yes.' That person is talking to me right now. 'How does it feel?' Yeah, how does it feel? How to describe it? 'It feels like... You want to be with that person the whole time and when he is with someone else, in a friendly way, you feel really jealous. Even if that person is not yours. And then you feel selfish because you want that person to be happy.' 'I love someone too-' There's another crack in my already broken heart...  The person he loves is very lucky to have his love. Kazuki continues: '-but I'm scared that he doesn't love me back and that if I tell him, it will ruin our friendship.' My throat tightens while I talk. 'Tell him. If it does indeed affect your friendship, then he probably isn't the friend you always thought he was.' 'Thanks Koudai, I think I'll tell him tomorrow.' Tomorrow, but... We're on tour... Then who..? 'Kazuki?' I ask. 'Hm?' 'Who do you love?' '...Subaru.' Subaru?! Seriously? How could I've been so blind? How is it possible that I didn't notice it earlier? I sigh. 'He is so sweet and beautiful and his voice, well, you know his voice, but everytime I hear him talking or singing, I just feel hypnotised or something.' Kazuki says. 'You really love him, don't you?' 'I've never loved anyone that much before.' I can feel my heart crumble more and more with every word he says. 'I hope everything turns out fine. I hope you'll be happy.' Even if I will never be. I hope I didn't sound to crappy. 'Thank you, Koudai. For being such a great friend and that you are always  there for me.' I get tears in my eyes. I want to be more that friends... 'I'm going to sleep now, I'm tired.' Damn, now I'm sure that my voice sounded pretty ed up. 'Are you okay?' Kazuki asks, concerned. I try to keep my voice as steady as possible. 'Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?' I smile at him. He probably notices that it's a fake one. 'Ow, okay, if you say so... Good night then.' I turn my back to him and soundless tears may finally escape my eyes.

It's the next day, just before the concert takes place. I feel terrible. Kazuki approaches me. 'Koudai, I want to tell him I love him, but I'm afraid he'll reject me.' 'It would be very hard to reject you, you know? Just go for it. I'll be there for you.' I give him another forced smile. It hurts to help him get together with Subaru, when I love him myself. How can that possibly not hurt? 'Thank you. I'll tell him after the live.' he says, smiling back at me. I sigh. His beautiful smile. I'm distracted while I make myself ready for the concert. I bump into Kuina while walking to the mirror to see if I look okay. 'Ow... Sorry Kuina. I was a little lost in thoughts.' 'Yeah, I noticed. Are you okay?' He asks. 'Yes, I'm fine.' No, I'm not. But the others don't need to know. I would only annoy them if I told them. And besides, I can't even tell Kazuki I love him. How would I be able to tell the others?

The live is over before I know it we all go to a little bar at the beach. We were near the beach the whole day and I was really looking forward to go to the it. Now we sit around a table with a beautiful view on the see, talking about the live. Kazuki is looking at me. He hasn't talked to Subaru yet, I think he's going to do that now. I smile encouraging. Kazuki averts his eyes to Subaru. 'Subaru, can I talk to you for a second, outside?' 'Yeah, sure.' They walk outside. I see them talking. They stand there so that I can see them both from the side. The sun is setting, which causes that I only see their silhouets. I hope that Subaru doesn't hurt him, but on the other side, if he doesn't love him back... I might have a chance. Wow, stop! How can I think that?! That's so selfish! I'm selfish. Kazuki loves Subaru, he'll never love me I guess I have always thought that in the back of my mind, but now I sort of thought it a little louder or something. I already felt terrible, now I feel guilty too for thinking it. I see Kazuki putting his face in his hands. He probably confessed and is now feeling ashamed. Subaru takes his hands in his own and pulls them away from his face. He says something. Then they get closer with their faces and they kiss. It feels like I get a punch in my face and kicked in my stomach, then being pierced by knifes and threwn in front of a train which crushes me. 'About time they finally got together.' Kuina says, who is also looking at them. Kazuki puts his arms around Subaru's neck and Subaru lays his hands on Kazuki's back. It hurts so ing much. And then to think that I helped them with it! I feel a hand on my wrist, which pulls me up. 'Come on, you don't need to see this.' It's Tomoya. I let myself be leaded to another place where I can't see them anymore. It's over, there is definately no single chance left that Kazuki will ever like me in that way anymore. I sink to the floor, lean against the wall and hug my knees against my chest. Now I notice that tears which had already started to flow are now streaming down my face. I feel myself being hugged. Tomoya rubs soothingly over my back. It doesn't really help. The image of them kissing is burned into my sight and I can't focus on anything else.

The next few days are a blur. I answer people and just do as I always do, but I don't think about all that. I can only think about Kazuki and Subaru. I lie in my bed thinking once again about it. Then there's a knock on the door. Kazuki comes in. 'Hi. I...I want to talk with you.' 'Yeah, of course.' He sits next to me on the bed. 'I think I made a mistake. With Subaru.' He says. 'Why? You love him?' 'That's the point. I thought I loved him, but I realised that I'm already in love with someone else.' 'What? Who?' I ask. 'Someone of who I don't know will love me back.' I don't want to hear it. I can't bear to go through this again. It's bad enough that he chooses two people over me. How selfish that may sound. If he asks me, I can't help him again. I start: 'I can't-' He puts his hands on my head and kisses me. What is he doing? 'I love you, Koudai. I'm sorry I didn't realise it before. Will you be my boyfriend?' I can't believe it. He loves me back! A big smile appears on my face. 'Yes, of course I will!' I want to hug him, but I lose my balance and...

I wake up. No! It was a dream. It wasn't real. No... Tears slip from my eyes. It seemed so real. If only it was true. The pain in my heart is now stronger than ever. Is it possible to die on a broken heart?

It's two months later, the tour is over. We finished practising a while ago. I was collecting my stuff, getting ready to go home. I see Kazuki sleeping on the couch. His head is on Subaru's shoulder, who is also sleeping. He used to do that with me.

Kazuki doesn't need me anymore. He doesn't ask me how I am anymore. He doesn't play stupid games with me when we are driving somewhere. He certainly never shares a room with me anymore. He never asks me for help or if I want to go for a walk with him. It's all kind of small things that he doesn't do anymore, but it were those small things mattered to me. He does them with Subaru now. I don't think I can ever fall in love again, not only because I still love Kazuki so, so much, but also because I never want to go through this pain again. I watch them silently, I don't want to wake them. This was what Kazuki wanted. I should be happy for him that he found the love of his life. I feel a pressence beside me. It's Tomoya. We got a little closer, since Kazuki and Subaru got together. He is there for me, now that Kazuki isn't anymore. I told him that I loved Kazuki for so long. He knew it already. I didn't need to tell him. Apparently, it was more obvious than I thought it was. Tomoya is always trying to help me now, when I'm having a hard time. He puts a hand on my shoulder. 'It still hurts, doesn't it?' He asks. I answer:

'You have no idea.'