Dear Jongin (the idiot),

Uhm, hi?

Well, this is awkward. I can't even remember the last time I wrote a letter, maybe during kindergarten? Or was it somewhere during Valentine's Day in highschool? 

Well, I gotta tell you, this is awfully awkward for me. Just thinking about writing this for you is embarassing for me okay, so just go on and read through all the word vomit that I'm about to throw up at you, you piece of y .

Let's see, before I'm going to start being cheesy and all flowers and rainbows with a slice of unicorns, let me say this just once.

Congratulations. You're finally cleaning the room. Well done, my son. Ha.

Considering the fact that you actually found this letter in the middle of the mess you created in the drawer closet drawer closet, (why can't you clear up those two places, I'm not your maid, idiot) I can easily assume that you're finally leaning how to clean. And I think it is safe to say that you might regret not finding this letter sooner by the time you finished reading this little.... confession.

I'm not really sure why I wrote this, I have this feeling like something big is going to happen, so I'm writing this beforehand.

Just for fun of it. :)

So.....

Should we go back to when we first met?

Let's see... I still remember that night, November 16th, was it? At an unknown time cause I'm far too cool to remember the time, okay. That was the moment, the very first time I laid my eyes on you. We were both dragged by our friends, so being the friendly human being I am (not) I went on and greeted you first, and I (sorta) got mad at you for not calling me hyung, daring to call me by my name (Why you disrespectful brat, you're younger than me).

But to think of it now, I was glad you didn't. You perfectly made that thin boundary between the two us disappear.

We started out as friends, stayed up late every night, just talking about random things and honestly, it was fun. I can almost tell you everything, about my worries, the secrets that I kept from others, you were that someone special to me.

I still remember teasing you with Kyungsoo, cause you two seemed so close together (Plus, you guys are just too cute playing footsies under the table, you think I didn't noticed?) but you keep telling everyone that you're straight as a pole, and would be a untill the day you die.

As if that would happen, considering your looks and that body of yours. 

Nope, don't you dare go over there, Byun. You don't wanna get a hard on while he's not here.

 As I'm writing this, you're somewhere I don't even wanna know cause all I know is that I'm not with you. *Please, imagine my sad puppy face here*

And getting a hard on while you're not here beside me is just no fun.

It's fun when there's the two of us.

And three's a crowd.

I was talking about the pillow, ert.

Anyways, sometime after we first met, I met Chanyeol. Do you remember him? I admit I had liked him from the first time I laid my eyes on him. Him being the happy virus he is, always making me laugh all the time. His smile, his laughs, his idiocy, everything. Then came the sudden confession from him, and I really wasn't expecting that, really.  Especially when he did it in front of you guys. So I went out with the giant, with the support that you gave me, I felt happy.

Sometime after that, Sunny came into the picture. She's a funny, nice and beautiful girl. You told me how you felt thrilled whenever you meet her, always laughing together with her, and I couldn't be more than happy (slightly proud like a mother I am. Ha.) when the two of you announced that you're together, and more importantly, you're happy.

It was somewhere during September, I told you about how Chanyeol seemed... distant from me. It wasn't noticeable at first, and at first I thought it was just my feelings, but then when you pointed it out... Yeah, realisation dawned on me. We spent nights just talking with each other, eating ice cream, which always ends up the same way; me crying and you trying to comfort me in any way possible. I must've been hard on you, right? I'm sorry, Jongin. But you stayed by my side all the time. And I promised that I'll do the same for you.

Then came the fated day, he did leave me for someone else. I changed, pretty abrubtly, me crying day and night with you standing as my last pillar of support. You know, it was really annoying on how you would always try to pick a fight with me just to distract me from bawling my eyes out again. And the last straw came when I started being cold and heartless. Not caring about the people around me anymore. And you were against the idea so badly; claiming that I have to stay being the little cute bunny bacon fresh from the frying pan hyung.

But to tell you the truth, I'm glad you did all that. For me.

When I tried to hurt myself, you were the one who stopped me.  (Remember that butter knife incident? Now that I think about it, that was plain stupid of me. LOL.)

When I cried, you were the one who comforted me, cradling me into your arms. (I've never been more thankful, so thank you, idiot.)

And when I confessed about my feelings towards that other person to you, you kept on listening to me with pure interest. (You're the best friend that I can ever have, but fear not, you're still an idiot to me.)

Do you remember? The year changed, and I decided to stop all those negative thoughts, and I became better with your help. It went well in my opinion, the amount of progress that I'm making to get over my heartbreak. And it was close to Valentine's Day when suddenly I was told that you broke it off with Sunny. Okay. What.The..

I even promised her that I'll be her bride's maid. You guys were so happy together, perfect if I might add too. I asked both of you multiple times. WHY? But none of you would tell me the reason. Well, it's your choice, and I can't interfere in whatever matter that is going on between the two of you,  but I assured that I'll always be there if you want need a shoulder to cry.

Then came that night. We got into a hot lip lock and it got heated up pretty quickly, but I don't want to be your first. I'm already dirty while you.. You're just too pure, Jongin. I'm not really sure how we got there, I'm guessing it's because I was ually frustrated? (Being untouched for three months is quite a record for me you know.)

It's already bad enough that you're kissing me back, but to force myself on you just because of my needs? I'm very aware that you're, in fact, a , I tried my hardest not to pounce on you, stopped myself from going further, and told you to do it with the one you love.  (Even though at that time I was talking calmly with a raging hard on thanks to you.)  But to tell you the truth, I didn't miss that slight disappointment in your voice when you say you would as you left my room.

Few days later, we went on fighting and playing around about kissing you and stuff with Yoona and Tiffany, I swear that was quite a funny sight to see (who the hell would come up with the idea that everytime Yoona came up with a cute act, I would kiss you once? Me. Ha.) and after that little party we were talking by ourselves and things happened. Honestly, it was weird too on how you seemed so willingly giving yourself up to me, your ity to me. So I treated you carefully, at every touch, making sure that you're okay with this along the way till the end. Before we know it, two sweaty bodies sprawled over the couch is enough as evidence of what happened between us.

To think of it, I felt sorry for staining the couch's innocence. I never felt more awkward than having guests coming to the house and sits on that exact couch. Even after I sanitized it five times. Ugh.

Afterwards, I really hoped that you'll ask me for assistance, since it was your first time, but you didn't. So I took the honour of carrying you up into your room even in those struggles that you put up to me, and readies myself for our broken friendship. We'll never be the same after this, I was very, aware of that, very, very well, Jongin.

But what you did next puts a halt in my steps. You called me over, asking me to stay by your side. I'm not sure if it was because I'm your first or you didn't felt like being left alone at the moment but I was happy deep inside, cause even after all of that, you actually want me to stay by your side. That night, we cuddled and teased each other, I was genuinely happy, after all that happened.

A few days later,  you seemed down, and I hated that since you're the one who would always try so hard to cheer me up. I kept bugging you about it, and after a long time convincing you that I'm willing to hear you out and help you in any way possible, you opened up to me.

Love.

You told me that you're in love.

With someone you shouldn't have.

I tried really hard thinking who could it be, making you seemed so... small. And vulnerable. It would be the perfect blackmail material. Ha.

But I'm still your  friend, and you helped me through my conflicts, it's normal for me to try helping you out. So I kept asking and telling you that you should be confident and confess. Come on, you're a guy with a huge . Balls. Whatever. (No pun intended, seriously) and we got into a fight just because of that reason. It was the first time I saw you being like this, you seemed so broken... and angry, like you're dying to tell me who it is, to confess, but you couldn't. Like there's something that is holding you back.

And somehow it slipped between all those curses that you directed towards me. You said you love me. Me, your friend.

I was shocked, really, I mean, why me? You're straight, I'm gay, obviously (Putting aside the fact that ed you into utter bliss the other night) and at that moment I really felt like hiding myself under a rock or in an endless hole or even under Tiffany's skirt so I could hide away from you. Even more when I heard that you had always loved me from the beginning. I felt so horrible. For not realising it sooner than should have been.

I wanted to get away from you. You're making a mistake by loving me.

But knowing that the one I trusted the most loves me, I have to give a proper answer.

At that time..  I had to admit that I liked you. (why else would I touched you- but it was because of my needs, of course) I didn't reject you, nor did I accept you. So we decided to try things out, and it went pretty well.

Today, I'm proud to say that I'm not afraid to tell the whole world about us.

I love you, Jongin. So much. 

Cheese alert, one hot greasy piece of bacon fresh from the frying pan, coming up.

Anyways, you and I got busier day by day with our work, eventually making us feel the slight distance, the noticeable gap between us. I admit that I really, really, REALLY don't like it, not one bit cause I seemed to miss you more and more as the texts and the calls was not sufficient to release those unspoken feelings. I want you by my side, nothing more, nothing less, and I'll be happy as long as we're together.

Then you dropped the bomb.

You tried to break up with me.

WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING. KIM JONG ING IN I SWEAR IF YOU EVER TRY THAT STUNT AGAIN I WILL RIP YOUR OFF AND SHOVE IT IN YOU SO DEEP NOT EVEN THE BEST DOCTOR IN THE WORLD CAN TAKE IT OUT.

I love you. Finally, you're getting what you always wanted. Why would you try to leave me?

Idiot.

Well, I guess I had you whipped so bad cause you did come back to me. Ha. I know you always will.

I bet you can't forget my perfect smile, the way I laugh, my lame attempt at jokes, the addiction to cold things, my side (obviously), my lovely side, my cute side, my perfect brown eyes, my small mole right above my lips that I always try to hide behind make up, my pale, slightly chubby cheeks, how perfectly our hands clasped together, my hips cornered by your arms, the way you'd call me dork and I'll call you idiot, and most of all... my soft tender sweet pink lips that you love to touch and taste every night, in reality or in your dreams.

That's what you said to me, okay, I'm just throwing it back right into your face.Don't tell me you've forgotten all of that.

And I could say the same to you. I'll never get tired of you, Jongin. Not before, not now, not in a million years after I die if that's even possible. Maybe till the heavens shall tear us apart.

Again, I love you.

Now, it's my turn to drop the bomb.

This will be the most romantic proposal that you'll ever get from me. For now.

Mr. Kim Jongin, will you marry me?

P.S.: The ring is in the far back of the envelope. Show up with that ring, and we'll go pick out our tux together, kay?. :)

P.P.S: And maybe some seshi time afterwards? :))

Love,  Byun Baekhyun.

Your Only Dork, Your Future Husband.

Placing the letter down, he tilted the envelope slightly and there, on his hand, is indeed a wedding ring. He laughed silently as as he slipped on the ring onto his finger.

A perfect fit. He must've been thinking about this for a long time. Dork.

Looking back at the letter, he should be doing what his his lover wants to. Slowly he stands and heads to the door and leaves the house to meet his lover.

Upon arrival at his lover's place, he glanced over his lover who's sleeping peacefully.

Slowly lacing their hands together, he kissed the lover's knuckle softly.

The only sound in the room being the heart rate monitor, beeping at a steady pace.

Jongin pushed the strands of hair that covers Baekhyun's face carefully with a sad smile on his face.

"Baek, I found the letter."

Silence.

"Baek, look, I'm wearing the ring now. " His voice starts to break.

Still, silence.

"Baek, wake up soon so we can go pick our tux together, kay?"

Tears falls down on his face, down onto Baekhyun's cheeks.

The latter is still in his deep sleep. 

Not knowing when he'll wake up.

Or if he ever will wake up.

The only sounds in the room being the two heartbeats, the beeping of the heart monitor connected to Baekhyun and the choked sobs from his one and only lover, Jongin.

"I love you, Baekhyun. Come back."