You were 8 and I was not really all you’ve ever wanted in a girl. In fact, you were at that stage in your life when you couldn’t bother with trying to see the difference between a boy and a girl. You would plant your lips on anything that looked beautiful to you. You would run your stubby, dirty fingers through anything that caught your attention for more than 5 minutes. Because little Kim Jongin was always the kid who could not stay still. And 5 minutes is too long, you would whine. Much too long. If you wanted something, you would show how much you wanted it. Toys, food, books, people.

It was no wonder how confused you were that day Chanyeol punched you in the ear for kissing him on the nose. And also that day you walked into the girls’ bathroom because the boys’ bathroom stunk, and got pushed out pretty roughly by your girl classmates. There was also that incident when you got scratched by a stray cat when you tried picking it up and taking it home. You were always so confused. And that confused face of yours—with your cute little button nose all scrunched up, and your cheeks puffed out—is the face I miss the most.

Actually, it’s any of the faces you would make when I could still be around you.

It has been three years since my little Kim Jongin started hiding behind the almighty Kai.

I’m sorry I left, Jongin.

But, I’m back now.

So come back to me.