Suho’s POV

“Irresponsible…”

The moment the words slipped out of my lips, my whole mouth burned with shame; it became a slow guilt, lava that seeped into the rest of my body. My gaze fell and remained trained on the ground underneath my feet, trying my hardest to sear a hole that I could disappear into.

On the way back to the dorm, I would find myself mindlessly following the other eleven…

No. Ten.

I corrected myself bitterly.

Other ten members.

Kris.

The other ten members noticed my detached idleness, and wisely put at least five feet of distance between us.

When I dropped my leaden body pathetically on my bed, I let my tears blaze trails of pure confusion down my face. Touching my mirror, I realized that in times like this, the first one I would go to for comfort was him. But no, that wasn’t a choice now. He wasn’t here anymore. He was not twenty nine steps down and the door to the left away anymore.

Why? Why now? What happened? Not when I, we, need you the most!

As I finally bid myself to sleep and dozed off in the small hours of the morning, I could taste the salt of my tears and grief.

When I blinked my eyes open, I was unaware that I had actually fallen asleep, and wandered blindly to the room he shared with Xiumin and Luhan in Korea. I could almost hear the soft incoherent mumbling in four different languages, and when I peeked in, a sudden pain twinged. The bed remained untouched, as it had been for days.

I didn’t remember falling over, nor did I feel the nervous shaking of my shoulder or hear the frantic calling of my name.

I didn’t particularly care either.

“You want to be more like Leeteuk and Yunho right? Child, my one piece of advice to you is from my heart: take care of him. Do not let him take the fall. Ignore the things that might happen to you. Ignore the fame. Do anything else, but do not let anyone fall alone. Or do you call yourselves brothers in vain? Do you mean it when you say EXO is one? That is the ultimate test of a leader. Look to your elders, Kim Joonmyun. Look at Yunho. Look at Leeteuk. Look at Taeyeon, even, and Onew and Victoria.”

The eleven of us had just wrapped up our first concert in China. As a final wish, we were allowed to sightsee the area, with Luhan, Tao, Lay, and Kr…no. Just Luhan, Tao, and Lay as our main guides. The chatter and energy was at an all-time high, an amazing feat in itself, especially since…

It’s been a month.

June 15^th.

I was listening patiently and with a practiced smile to Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s bickering. It was then when I saw a familiar figure standing in the shade of a tree, as if waiting for us, knowing that we would be passing by. The sun filtered just enough through the leaves to create a soft shadowing on his face, like a passing memory, fading into the dark.

Even without the light, I could recognize that height anywhere.

The talking had ceased. Strange. I hadn’t even noticed. With a sidelong glance, I figured that the others had noticed as well. Everyone had stopped. It was eleven pairs of eyes fixed against one.

Even from the distance, I could see that his usual “galaxy-hyun” face had been completely replaced with a sunken, tired look. He hasn’t been sleeping enough. Suddenly, a million thoughts and questions ran a mile a minute through my mind.

Are you eating? Are you taking care of yourself? Come back will you? Actually no, don’t come back. We’ve survived so far and trooped on without our Duizhang. No wait…

You left us. Why should we give you your position back? Our fans are split, our popularity has been shaken…we have been forced to turn against you.

Although, our vagueness on the matter was not a lie. Kris, I feel desolate, betrayed without you here. Years of training, even longer to prepare for debut. Can I not have you back? The family has been difficult to manage without the father.

From his spot across the street, he nodded in recognition. Without thinking, I returned the gesture. It was now or never. It’s either talk to him and risk EXO’s further plummet or turn around and continue to move on, with or without him. We’ve held on for this long. I looked at him again. He looked weak, out of his comfort. I wanted to go run to him, tell him that we were here. That he wasn’t alone. That he did not need to cry anymore. Our arms are open.

But I heard the others shuffle around me.

I pivoted, and walked off. I heard Tao’s soft whimper, but did not turn back. Kris, I hope you understand. There are the others I have to take care of. EXO’s future. Our future. Fate has been cruel to us, to me, to make this decision. Can you understand? Do not think of us as heartless. Do not hate us. Do not forget that we still love you. Honestly…

…there will always be a spot for you here, Wu Yifan.

One silent tear dropped onto my hand. I reached up to wipe my eyes. There were no more tears left to cry.

Kris, until next time.

A/N: I have no idea where this came from...just something I whipped up in less than hour. The idea popped in my head and I quickly wrote it down just to describe a little bit of the sadness and conflict that has been haunting EXO so far. I love all twelve of them, it's hard. Hard, I tell you. I wish the best to whatever the result. To each his own, almost.

I hope the writing wasn't too bad.

~Starfruit7