Taemin doesn’t know if he should cry or blame himself. It’s midnight alright and Jinki’s not sleeping in his bed… anymore. His chest hurts and his eyes burn from the intensity of his jealousy. It’s ridiculous. Why is he crying? He should be happy that Kibum and Jinki are talking after weeks of trying to avoid each other. He should be happy that the other members are elated that Jinki is back to his old perky self rather than his depressing state. He should be happy that they can all go a day without seeing Kibum shoot glares at Jonghyun, Minho pushing him around and without Jonghyun chastising him for everything he does incorrectly.

But he’s not happy. He’s not happy at all because these days Jinki is looking at Kibum like he used to before they fought and Kibum is a lot calmer and easy going with Jinki by his side. When Taemin thinks of them being together, he gags and thinks ‘that should be me’. And he reassures himself by saying during Jinki’s and Key’s split it was him. It was him. He can’t convince himself though because the past tense sets off his headache and he sobs even harder until he falls asleep in order to avoid the laughter coming from Key’s room.

When Taemin strolls self-consciously into the dining room, eyes swollen and red from the night before and voice hoarse and barely there, he lay his eyes on the most frightening sight. He tries to act cool as to not give rise to anyone’s suspicions (Jonghyun is walking by, oblivious to the sight that has Taemin transfixed) but his resolve is slowly crumbling.

Jinki has Kibum pinned to the side of the refrigerator and Kibum has his arms wrapped around Jinki’s neck and their faces are close and they’re whispering intimately to each other. Taemin wonders if he should whirl around and act as it never happened or go straight to the fridge, as he had intended to take a swig of water. He decides on his first option and turns to leave. Ever so coolly, his hand slips off the edge of the counter, causing a water bottle to slip and fall, garnering the attention of Jinki and Kibum.

“Taemin!” Kibum gasps in surprise and shoves Jinki off of him acting as if nothing was going on between them. Taemin scoffs quietly because he’s not stupid, he knows what going on between them and he hates it.

Kibum makes his way over to him and begins to talk but he doesn’t register anything, he’s not interested in what Kibum has to say. Instead he looks at Jinki who’s looking back at him with eyes full of terror as if he’s willing Taemin not to tell Kibum of their trysts. He wants to push Kibum to the side and land a fist on Jinki’s precious cheek and he wants to throw himself through a window because no matter how much he wants to hate Kibum, hurt Jonghyun, curse at Minho or fight Jinki, the fact is that he allowed himself to be used and he can only blame himself.

So he turns and stomps away and locks himself in his room.

Later there’s a knock at his door.

“It’s Jinki.” The person responds to Taemin asking who it is.

Taemin finds himself sliding out of his bed to open the door and he doesn’t miss how scared Jinki is as he looks to his right and left frantically before hastily entering.

Taemin locks his door and takes a seat beside Jinki on his bed.

“I’m sorry.” Jinki says as he looks at Taemin. “I’m sorry that I did this to you.” He thumbs away a tear that stains Taemin’s left cheek. “I’m sorry. I don’t know if you can or will forgive me but I truly am sorry.” Jinki chokes out, his heart aching from seeing Taemin cry especially because of someone as low as him.

For a while there’s utter silence as Jinki awaits Taemin’s response or reaction while Taemin is just looking down at his intertwined fingers in his lap.

“I- I don’t know, I can’t-” Taemin stutters trying to find the words to express himself. “Do you regret it?” He looks as Jinki.

“No.”

“Oh.” He laughs a little but it’s just for laughing sakes, nothing is funny and there’s nothing to laugh about. He only laughs a little.

“I’m sorry. Please don’t cry over a scum like me if-

Jinki is cut off when Taemin leans over and kisses him. Jinki’s taken by surprise and gently pushes Taemin away. “Taemin.” But Taemin climbs into his lap, straddling him and kisses him harder and longer.

“Taemin.” Jinki breathes.

“I love you! ” Taemin blurts. “Don’t you get it? I have for a while now.” He kisses Jinki again and grabs the front of Jinki’s shirt as if he’s afraid of letting go, as if Jinki will slip through his fingers.

Jinki manages to get himself away from Taemin and hurries to the door. “Taemin, I’m with Kibum. I’m sorry but you have Minho. I can’t betray either any longer.”

He turns the door knob.

“If you leave now,” Taemin says darkly. “I’ll kill myself.”

 Jinki cringes. “You can’t do that! Taemin, you can’t.! Think about your family, your parents, Minho, you can’t!”

“What about me?!” Taemin cries. “What about me?!” He walks towards his window and pushes it open. “I’ll throw myself out.”

“You won’t!”

Taemin sticks his foot out and Jinki rushes over and tackles him to the floor.

“Taemin!” Jinki cries. “Why?!”

But Taemin is beaming, his cheeks high and flushed from smiling so hard.

“You love me.” He says and Jinki is dumbfounded.

“Huh?”

“You love me.” Taemin says contentedly.

“Taemin I’m with Key.."

“I don’t care.” He puts his hand against the back of Jinki’s head and pulls him down for a kiss.

Later that night when Taemin lies awake (his legs tangled with Jinki’s and Jinki’s bare skin on his) long after Jinki dozes off, he thinks that he can handle it. He can handle Jinki loving him and Kibum.

I can handle it.

So when he gets up the next morning to an empty bed, he doesn’t worry because he hurries to the kitchen where Jinki will be preparing breakfast for all of them and sees the other alone by the fridge. He hurries over, turns him around and kisses him.

“You forgot your good morning kiss.” Taemin beams because he’s sure he’s the first to kiss Jinki because Kibum left the previous night for a show that he’s filming.

 

 

 

A/N: this was written a long time ago. :)