"" -cut- "" -cut- "er" -cut- I drop the razor. The last one hurts like a . Maybe I cut an important vein or something, I don't know. But it did taste heavenly. The pain blocked any nightmares from coming. But like any other happy things, it must come to an end.

 As soon as the pain subsided, it all come rushing back like water from a broken dam. The dark and cold memories from the past flooded my mind again. . Why won't it stop. I hated it. And I hated myself for remembering it. I ought to cut again but then I doubted it. The water in the sink turned a few shade darker of red than usual. A sign that perhaps I've cut too much today.

I unclog the sink and the let the blood coloured water runs down into the drain. I watched the bloody water turn into a red cyclone before it goes down into the pipes. That cyclone thingy always fascinate me when I was in elementary school. I wonder where did that boy go. Oh yeah. He's dead! Died by the beating that he took from this harsh world.

 I fetched my first aid kit and rub the rubbing alcohol onto my cuts. Damn the sting felt nice. After the cuts was cleaned, I examined it. Damn, some of it is pretty deep. That'll be one hell of a job to cover up tomorrow at work. I might as well wear the new cardigan I just bought.

My scared skin is a revolting sight too look at. It makes me queasy. I decided to call it a day. Or a better idea, call it a life. Hahahahaha. 

As I walk out of the well lit toilet, I squint my eyes hard. Looks like I spent too much time in the toilet until I forgotten to switched on the lights in the house. Great, now even my home is envelop by darkness, not that I'm unfamiliar with darkness. I am the darkness one way or another. I walk back to my room. Stumbling onto a few sofas in the living room. Countless yelling and crying earlier this evening take its toll on me. I'm worn to the core. Even my throat feels sore.

After what seems like thousands of years, I finally arrive at my room and finally my bed. The only thing in the world that I can cuddle and pour my heart out without being judged by the mean eyes of society. you society and the way you treated people. you! 

I jumped into my bed. Never bother to take off my uniform. I'm tired of all this nonsense. All of the crap and that people gave me. I'm tired of-. No. Scratched that.

I'm not tired I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted of living in fear. Of living in the shadows. Of living in the darkness. 

Sometimes I wish help will come in the form of a fairy godmother and help me to sort out all of this happening inside of me. But I doubted that. They weren't real. Plus I think not even the nicest fairy will help me once they get a glimpse of my ed up mind. you Disney Princesses and your "happily ever after ending with your handsome princes" . Guess what? There's no such thing as happily ever after you fools. There's no such thing as 'happily ever after'. There's no such thing as 'happy'. 

I cried into my pillow for the umpteenth time that day. With nothing and no one to console me except the lullaby of the lonely wind and the cold hugs of the darkness, I exhaust myself to sleep.

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So this is the first chapter. Hope you like it. Annyeonghaseyo!!!