Boy In Luv

I want to be your oppa
I’m so hungry for your love
I want to be your Oppa
I’ll have you, just watch

 Another Thursday finds me back at Faerie Tales Kindergarten and back in the presence of the girl who has been haunting my thoughts. I've been infatuated with girls several times before this; believe me when I say, I've never wanted someone to share my feelings so badly. All guys like to hear the word "Oppa" right? Not once has she addressed me in that way. It's always "Jeongkook-ssi" or "Superstar." Can a person really be so oblivious to another persons feelings? 

I just want her to see me as a man. As an Oppa. As someone she can trust and love. I crave her attention. But all I get is a sweet, friendly smile and praise for how good I am with the kids.  

I stare at the door, attempting to prepare myself. Can you ever really be prepared to spend a day around someone you have feelings for? She may not know how I feel yet, but she will be mine. I'll make sure of that.

Why are you shaking up my heart?
Why are you shaking up my heart?
Why are you shaking up my heart?
Shaking up,
shaking up

I enter the building and am met with the usual smell of baking cookies, crayons, and sweet perfume. To think this strange mixture of smells was something I came to long for. It really put me at ease. I walk the hall, plastered with artwork by each child I had come to adore after a month of volunteering, until I found myself in front of the small classroom. The sound of twenty little excited voices meets me as I step inside. A mixture of 'hyungs' and 'oppas' can be heard as I am surrounded by the tiny humans I always look forward to seeing.

"Superstar! Welcome back. The kids have been giddy since yesterday about seeing you." The smile that has invaded my dreams graces the lips of Seung-Hee as she looks at me. My heart speeds up as my gaze lingers on her lips. Why? Why does she do this to me? Even on the days I think I can forget her, one thought of that smile sends my heart into a frenzy. I've never felt so shaken in my life.

"Really? I've been the same way, thinking about today." I turn my attention to the kids, hoping it will calm my nerves. "Are you guys ready for your lesson today?" I laugh as I am met with a chorus of 'of courses' and the kids run to their seats. 

"You really have them wrapped around your finger. I wish they were this excited about my lessons. Maybe it's because your a handsome older brother?" She grins at me, shaking me up unintentionally once more. This can't be normal. I smile back, sheepishly.

"Maybe?" I move to the front, center of the room and lean against her desk, facing the children as she takes a seat in the back, allowing me my chance to start the lesson. "Last week I asked you to make something that represented what you like about your best friend, right?" The children all nod and I continue. "Well, today I want to focus on love. First, I want you to tell me what you think of when I say love." Several kids raise their hands, eager to answer. "Okay. Sarang, what do you think of?" A cute little girl with a bow in her hair quietly answers.

"I think of mom and dad." Children really are some of the best people to learn from. They are so honest and genuine.

"Mom and dad? That's a good one. Our parents are usually the ones we learn about love from. Your name actually means love." She smiles and nods her head with vigor. "Now...Jun. What do you think of?"

"My brother playing with me when he comes home even though he is tired from work." 

"Very good. I remember when my brother would play with me when we were younger. It makes you feel good to know that someone will make time for you." I look at Seung-Hee, who is smiling in the back of the room. "Teacher, what about you? What do you think of when you hear the word love?" She looks a little surprised by the question and takes a moment to think. All the kids turn in their seats to look at her.

"I think about knowing someone's interests and quirks. It shows that you pay attention to them and that you care. I think that is what love is. When you see the worst in someone but you still think the world of them." She smiles again and looks around at her students. It is obvious just how much they adore her. A small girl that I had never heard speak out in class before, raises her hand.

"Yes, Seyoung?" The little girl turns to me before she answers.

"Is that like when teacher knows if we can't eat certain foods and makes a snack especially for us? My mom says I can't have chocolate, so teacher makes me cookies without chocolate chips. Is that what love is?" I see Seung-Hee blush slightly. 

"Yes. That is what love is. You guys have a wonderful teacher. She takes care of you and she loves you. The best kind of teacher is one you can learn from, but also one that wants the best for you." I give her a wink before going back to my lesson. "Now, I want you all to make a picture of something you think represents love. And if it is okay with your teacher, I hope we can center the rest of the day around the idea of love." They all look back at her once again, eagerly, and when she nods her head in agreement they all cheer. My hope for this day, is that I will finally take a step toward confessing my feelings. 

(Dad) Just how exactly did dad
ask mom out? Should I write you
a letter? What is this? I become
like dust in front of you

As I watch the kids from my seat, I begin to wonder how my dad had first approached mom. Did he just confess and hope for the best? Or did he plan some elaborate proposal? Suddenly I feel someone behind me and when I turn my head, I come face to face with my addiction. I can hardly think straight when she giggles at my surprise.

"Are you drawing anything? You told the kids to make a picture but, I think you should make one, too. Then we could show them how the idea of love changes as you get older." When she is this close to me, I can smell her perfume. It clouds my senses and I can hardly form the words to answer her. 

"I thought about that, too. I was just thinking of what I should draw." She nods and bites her lip as she thinks. Every little thing she does makes me lose my nerve. How am I supposed to confess if I'm like this? I could always write my confession. But seeing how this is going, I would probably chicken out. In times like these, I wish I was more like my hyungs. 

"I'm sure you will think of something. It's not like you have never been in love before, right?" She says this with a teasing tone to her voice and I pray that she won't see my red cheeks. "Oh! You're blushing! You must have someone that has caught your attention. Wow...Superstar is in love." She pinches my cheek and I quickly push her hand away, embarrassed. All she does is giggle at my actions and I feel myself blush an even deeper shade of red. 

"I am not in love! It's just hot in here." I fan my face with my hands, hoping she will drop the subject.

"Okay, okay. I get it." She moves to the center of the room and claps her hands twice. "Alright everyone! It's time for lunch! Put your pictures away, you can finish them later. Today we will be eating outside, so grab your lunches and get in a line." The kids obediently form a line with their lunches and Seung-Hee leads them outside to a few tables in the shade. "When everyone finishes, I will give you all a cookie for dessert. Then we will play a game before you guys go play on the playground. Understand?" A chorus of agreements are heard before the kids begin to eat. "Superstar! Did you bring anything for lunch?" 

"No. I forgot this morning and didn't bring anything. I thought I would run and get something to eat while the kids played." I watch her as she walks towards me.

"Nonsense. You can have some of my lunch. I thought you might forget so I packed a little extra. And don't worry, I know you are promoting right now, so I made sure it was healthy." She grabs me by the arm and forces me to sit with the kids. "Besides, I'm sure the kids want you to eat with them." She flashes a smile before sitting across from me and giving me half of her packed lunch. Why is she doing this? Is she just being nice? 

"Thank you, Seung-Hee-ssi." She just smiles and nods, motioning for me to eat. I do so, and lose myself in thought over her actions. Does she like me? No way. I've forgotten my lunch before, she probably didn't want me to have to buy my food. Before I even realize it, the kids have already finished their lunches and are getting in a circle for the game. 

"Superstar! Jeongkook-ssi! Come on and join our game. Hurry!" I shake myself out of my thoughts and look over to the group. They all look at me expectantly, but I am still zoning out.

"Hurry, hurry!" The children call to me and I pick myself up and join the group in their circle on the ground.

"Okay, I'm here. What game are we playing?" Ironically, the only spot left in the circle was beside Seung-Hee. As if I wasn't already on edge...

"The game we are going to play goes along with today's theme of love. Each of you will tell two people something you like about them. First, you will turn to the person on your left and compliment them. Then, that person will say thank you, along with something they like about you, and after that they will turn to the person on THEIR left and continue the game. In case you are not sure what I mean, Sora, Superstar, and I will show you. Everybody pay attention." She turns to little Sora and smiles. "First, Sora, tell me something you like about me. It can be anything." The little girl takes a moment to think before speaking, excitedly.

"I like that you bring us cookies everyday!" Seung-Hee laughs and ruffles the girl's hair. 

"That's good Sora! Thank you. I want you to know that I like the way your cheeks dimple when you smile." Sora grins, the notorious dimples showing up cutely on her face. Seung-Hee then turns to me. "Superstar...what do I like about you?" She studies me for a second before continuing. "I know. Superstar, I think you are a very handsome man." She grins at me and my heart speeds up again. It's all I can do to keep from looking away.

"Thank you, teacher.  What I like the most about you is your charming personality." I force the words from my throat, surprised when an embarrassed blush doesn't color my cheeks. I turn from her as quickly as I can and continue the game. As each child gives and receives compliments, I go over her words. Handsome? She thinks I'm handsome? Maybe my plan isn't so hopeless as I thought. 

You make me so angry
and mad for no reason. I’m serious
but you make me into a loser,
who picks fights with you. Why do
I care so much about you? You’re
making a big boy act like a little kid
But I’ll turn things around. From just
knowing each other to becoming lovers

I'd like to say I am handling my feelings like an adult, but she has me acting out like a boy in love. The things I am doing now are like the actions of high school student. We are watching the children play and I can't seem to get her attention. So, what do I do? I pick a fight. It just frustrates me that I can't keep her attention for more than five minutes.

"I've been meaning to ask you this all day, but why did you put your hair up like that? I thought that style was only for little girls?" I pull on her hair for emphasis. "You look like Pippy Long-stocking." If I were being honest, I would tell her I thought it was cute. The style really suits her well. She glares at me and smacks away my hand.

"I thought it was cute. You seem to be the only one that has a problem with it." She turns her gaze to the kids again, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"I don't have a problem. It's just that you look like Pippy. Is that the look you were going for? You're even wearing striped socks!" I more, trying to keep her attention on me. "You don't even look like a teacher." I must have hit a nerve because she stands up and looks down at me, anger clear on her face.

"And what do teachers look like exactly? Older than me? More serious than me? Forgive me for dressing the way I like and becoming a teacher at such a young age. I didn't know I had to look a certain way to be a good teacher." This must not have been the first time she heard something like that. I see her eyes glisten with unshed tears and immediately regret my childish behavior. But how do I apologize? I can't just say "I'm sorry. I was acting like a jerk because I like you" can I? No! So I do what any BOY in love would do and avoid it. 

"I don't know why you're so upset. I didn't imply any of that. I was just saying you look more like a student than a teacher." Each word I say seems to make it worse but I keep going. "I mean, if I saw you on the street I'd think were in high school. Your clothes don't really say 'teacher' just so you know." She laughs in an unamused way, fighting tears.

"Wow....and here I thought you were a professional. I don't really know what I expected when they told me an Idol would be coming here, but I guess I expected too much." She turns her back to me and walks over to where the kids are playing. This is what happens when I try to act cool. I ruin it. She was so nice to me all day and I go and act like a child, picking fights because I can't find a way to express my feelings like an adult. She just makes me so mad and I don't know why.

Even on days that won't go my way, a thought of her puts me in a better mood. But, when I am around her I get so angry. I guess it is because she is so naive to my feelings for her. She is making me lose it. It may not be easy, but I will change this relationship of ours. Instead of just being an idol, I will become her lover. 

If it’s with you, I think
I can go to a good college
ABCDEFGH Hakuna Matata
Your profile picture is the same
but why do I keep checking it?
But don’t misunderstand,
I’m not an easy guy

After their time on the playground, the children are taken back inside for nap time before they continue with their lessons. I help Seung-Hee get the kids settled down, constantly thinking of a way to make up for my behavior from earlier. When it seems that all of the kids have fallen asleep, I pull her out into the hall. She crosses her arms, clearly still upset with me.

"Look, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to upset you. I just..." 

"It's fine. I wasn't really mad at you. I was just taking it out on you. I'm sorry I overreacted. Lately, there has been comments made by teachers from other kindergartens. They say I'm unprofessional and lacking as a teacher." She sighs. "It has just been bothering me." Looking at her, I realize why I like her so much. It's because she is honest. It's because there is a lot that I can learn from her. 

"Don't worry about what they say. You're a great teacher. The kids love you and so do their parents. These kids are some of the most creative I've come in contact with." I put my hands on her shoulders. "That's what makes you great. You encourage their creativity. You allow them to be kids, as you should. You're the best kindergarten teacher around. Understand?" She laughs a little and nods.

"Yes, I understand. Thank you, Jeongkook-ssi." She walks back into the class and gently wakes up the kids. Once they have fully woken up, I instruct them to finish their pictures. By the time they have all finished, the day has ended and I have to say my goodbyes. After the last child has left, I go back into the classroom to help Seung-Hee clean up, while looking through the pictures.

"You know, I sometimes think children understand love better than adults. They are so innocent and see things so simply. Sometimes I wish I could go back and see the world as a child again." She looks at me from across the room.

"Me, too. That's why I became a teacher. I thought being around such honest innocence would help me retrieve some of that lost innocence again. Being around these kids really puts a lot of things into perspective." She walks over to see the pictures. "They never cease to amaze me. They enjoy such simple things. Fresh baked cookies. Playing with their friends. Spending time with their families. If adults treasured those things, I think we would all be happier." I watch her as she speaks. She really is an amazing woman. I learn something new every time I'm around her. 

"You're probably right. We seem to take everything for granted." We finish cleaning up in a comfortable silence and close up the school. "I guess I will see you next Thursday." 

"I guess you will. You are going to be on a music show tomorrow right? I will try to let the kids watch your performance." She puts her bag on her shoulder and looks up at me.

"Thank you." I notice my company van pull up and hope my hyungs don't do anything to embarrass me. "I will see you Thursday. Bye!" She waves and bows as I head for the van. I turn and wave once more before getting in. Before I can even sit down, the questions start.

"Is she the teacher you were talking about? I can see why you are so excited to go every time." I turn to look at Hoseok hyung and just shake my head.

"Hyung. It isn't like that. I just enjoy being around the kids." The other members scoff.

"Right. And it has absolutely nothing to do with the pretty teacher."  I ignore them for the rest of the ride and just look at my phone. Whenever I'm not around her, I always find myself looking at her profile. She hasn't changed her picture since I met her, but I continue to look at it everyday. If she knew this, she would think I was an easy guy. My members always tease me about being on my phone too much. I'm glad they don't know that most of that time is spent looking through her pictures. Even more, I'm glad that she doesn't know how much time I spend thinking about and checking up on her. 

I’m getting nervous,
I’m getting nervous
Who are you? Are you that great?
Why do you keep teasing me?
Just stop now, hold up, hold up

The weekend flies by and before I know it, it's Wednesday, the day before I have to face her again. I'm already nervous. How does she manage to have such power over me? She is a woman I met only a month ago and I'm already like putty in her hands. It seems like a joke. Who is she to make me like this? 

I was never this nervous before. She is is an affliction that just keeps getting worse. But still, I can't stay away from her. I keep going every Thursday. My sleep that night was filled with dreams of her. Why is it that I am only brave in my dreams? 

I wake up with the lingering feeling of her in my arms. I just wish she was something I could get over. Checking the clock, I am startled from my thoughts. I'm late. When I have washed up and put on my clothes, I rush out of the dorm and catch a taxi. I'm sure she will love this. Being late for my class with the kids...

When the taxi pulls in from of the school, I jump out after paying and run inside, only to be met with silence. What is this? Is there no one here? The usual smell of cookies and crayons is replaced with the smell of wet paint that seems to get stronger as I near the classroom. I peer into the room to find it devoid of everything but a single person. Seung-Hee. She turns and puts a hand to her chest when she sees me. 

"You scared me!" Setting down her paintbrush, she walks toward me. "What are you doing here? I texted you last night to tell you there was no school today." Confused, I take my phone from my pocket and look at my messages. Sure enough, there it was. I look at her and ruffle the hair on the back of head, embarrassed.

"I thought I was late so I didn't check my phone. Since I'm here already, is there anything I can do?" She looks around the room. 

"Well, I'm only painting...you don't really need to stay. I can handle it myself." 

"I want to help. Just tell me what to do." That's when she smiles and I nearly lose myself. Before I can get control of myself she throws a big t-shirt at me.

"Change into that unless you want to get paint on that nice shirt of yours. I don't have any pants to give you, though. I'm just putting a new coat of paint on the walls. I can also fix something to cover your hair if you want." I nod and without thinking, pull the shirt I am wearing over my head in order to change. Being an idol, I'm used to changing my shirts in front of people. It wasn't until I saw her staring at me, eyes wide and cheeks red, that I realized my mistake. 

"Oh! I'm so sorry. I've been an idol so long, I didn't think about who I was with." She turns around and just nods as I quickly pull the shirt on that she gave me. I clear my throat and put my shirt in my bag. "Okay, I'm decent. Sorry, again." She turns to face  me again and waves her hand.

"It's okay. I just didn't expect it." She looks down at her feet before speaking again. "There are paintbrushes by the door and the paint is over by the wall I'm painting now. Get a brush and we will get started." She spins on her heel and goes back to painting.  She is unbelievably adorable when she is embarrassed. I grab a paint brush and go over to where she is. As we paint, we don't say much to one another. It is comfortable, though, these silences. I can't help but wonder if she feels the same way. 

After a few hours of painting my stomach begins to growl. Seung-Hee laughs at me and puts down her brush. "We can stop for lunch now if you want." She takes my brush and puts it with hers. "I brought sandwiches, I hope that's okay with you. Oh, and there is water in the fridge." She washes her hands and sets up a place for us to eat on the floor. "I'm glad you decided to stick around and help. It would have taken me twice as long to finish."

"It's no problem. I was already here. These sandwiches are great, by the way." She smiles and we continue to eat. I am startled from my thoughts when I feel her hand on my cheek.

"You have paint on your face. I'm sure I do too. You should let me cover your hair before you get paint in it." She pulls a bandana from her pocket, identical to the one covering her hair, and kneels in front of me. The smell of her perfume hits me again and I close my eyes. She secures the bandana on my head then sits back on her feet. "There. Now we match!" I open my eyes and nearly jump from how close her face is to mine. What do I do in a situation like this?

Hold me tight before I kiss you
Before my heart lets you go
Say what you want
Say what you want
What is it that you really want? x2

My eyes drift to her lips as they are pulled into a smile. What would she do if I kissed her? Would she push me away? Before I can test it, she stands up, leaving me in the floor with a heated face. Can I really keep this up? What if she never responds to my obvious feelings? Will I be able to move on?

I watch her bustle around the room, contemplating the route to recover from her. Maybe I should volunteer at a different kindergarten. Maybe then my heart would stop yearning for her. I just wish I knew what her feelings were, what she really wanted from me. She doesn't treat me as an idol, but as a person, and I like that. What do I have to do to get her to hold onto me? To call me Oppa? 

Why are you shaking up my heart?
Why are you shaking up my heart?
Why are you shaking up my heart?
Shaking up,
shaking up

We finish up the painting late in the day and I must say that I am much more tired than I expected to be. It looks great though. Never have I done anything like this before. It was a good experience. The masochistic part of me, though, was imagining what it would be like to paint an apartment or home that I shared with Seung-Hee. The sooner I treat this affliction, the better. 

"Come over here and I will get the paint off of your face." She motions me over to the sink, a rag in hand. I comply and stand in front her, my imagination running wild and torturing me even more. She wets the rag and begins to wipe the paint off of my face. At several points, her face came dangerously close to mine again. I could feel the wavering of my heart again. 

She shakes me up so much without even realizing it. It's so frustrating. I really don't think I can handle it anymore. I grab her wrist to stop her movements and she drops down from her tippy toes, giving me a questioning look. This girl, how can she be so clueless?

"Is something wrong, Jeongkook-ssi?" I let go of her wrist and run a hand through my hair in frustration. 

"Do you really not know what you are doing? I come here every Thursday to spend time with you. And you. You act like I am just another guy but you still shake me up." She gives me another look of confusion. "Never mind. It's nothing." I sling my bag over my shoulder.

"Jeongkook-ssi, wait. You should explain so I can understand. If there is something bothering you..." I put up a hand, not wanting to pursue the subject any further. 

"I will see you Thursday and I have your number. I'll text you when I feel like talking. Goodbye, teacher." I turn and leave her there in the empty room. I can't believe she really hasn't discovered my feelings. I may think I hide them well, but how can someone actually hide feelings that are as deep as mine? 

I decide to walk a ways before catching a cab to my dorm. I need the time to burn off some of my frustration. The dorm is hectic enough without me bringing my problems back. Should I try to approach her differently than I have been? At this point, it seems that spending time on Thursdays isn't enough to win her heart. 

My thoughts continue on this course until I find myself walking by the light of street lamps. I catch a cab and begin to form my next plan of action. The weekend is coming up and I could invite her to go shopping with me. There are several things I need for my lesson and having her opinion is always good. This is really my best idea. I am a grown man and I still rely on tricks to spend time with the woman I love. I will text her on Sunday. If I send her a text tonight, she will think I am an easy guy. I really hope this helps.

A bad bad girl on the outside
An even more bad bad girl on the inside
If you lose a guy like me, you’ll regret it
You checked my text message
but you’re not pressing send
The “1″ disappears,
making me so anxious

When Sunday arrives, I find myself sleep deprived and nervous. It can't be normal to get this worked up over one person. I feel like I've been put through an endless game of push and pull with her. One minute she seems interested in me and the next it's like I don't even matter. 

My plan is put into motion right after I wake up. I find my phone and immediately send her a message on KakaoTalk. "What are you doing today?"  I stare at my phone for a good five minutes until I see the '1' disappear, signifying that she has seen my message. Then I wait anxiously for a reply. While I go through my morning ritual, I periodically check my phone, becoming more and more anxious as the minutes pass by. 

She has seen my message so why haven't I gotten a reply yet? What kind of girl am I dealing with? I start repeating "bad girl" over and over like some sort of mantra. If my hyungs could see me now, they would think I was crazy. I throw myself on the couch and burry my face in the pillow. I should've gotten a reply by now. What is taking her so long? Just as I was about to give up, I get a message.

"I don't really have any plans today. Why?" I sigh in premature relief because she finally answered.

"I need to get some things for my class on Thursday. I thought I might ask you to come with me so I can get your opinion."

"Sure. Where should I meet you?" My heart speeds up again as I try to remember where the store was located.

"I will pick you up. Is that okay? It's better than wasting money on a taxi." I leave a note on the counter to let the members know I've gone out and grab the keys to our manager's car. He shouldn't be too upset about me borrowing his car. It might even keep me from being spotted. As I get in the car, my phone alerts me to a new message. 

"I'll be waiting then." She sends another message with the address and I drive off. The entire drive to her apartment is spent in anticipation of how this day is going to turn out. It almost feels like a date. No kids. No work. Just Seung-Hee and I. As I pull into a small parking, I see her standing there, rubbing her hands together to fight the cold. When she notices me, she runs to the car and gets in quickly. Without saying a word, she puts her hands against the heater.

"It's colder out today than they predicted." I turn the heat up, hoping to warm her up, before beginning the drive to the Lotte department store. She stays quiet for awhile before looking over at me.

"I didn't know you had a car. You always come to school in a taxi or in your company van." I glance over at her.

"This is my managers car. I borrowed it for today, thought it might keep me from begin seen." She nods and looks out the windshield. 

"What will you do if you get caught while we are in the store? It could cause a scandal." I don't miss the teasing tone to her voice as she speaks.

"I will just tell them the truth. That I am out with the teacher of the kindergarten I am volunteering at, buying supplies for my next lesson." She stays silent for the rest of the car ride and I can't help but wonder why. When we arrive at the store, I put on a hat and oversized glasses. "Do you think anyone will recognize me?" She looks at me from over the hood of the car.

"The only way you won't be noticed is if there isn't a single person in there that knows who you are." 

"Is it really that bad? I thought I did pretty good." She shakes her head.

"You will be caught the moment you step inside." She walks toward me, unwrapping the scarf from around her neck. "Lean down a little. My scarf might help  with your disguise." After leaning down, she proceeds to wrap the scarf, partially hiding my face. She steps back as if to admire her work and gives a swift nod. "Nice. Now, there is less of a chance that you will be recognized." She links her arm in mine, causing my heart to skip unnaturally. "Let's go!" She points forward and pulls me along, toward the entrance. I get the feeling that today is going to be an interesting day. 

Maybe I’ll buy a GPS navigation
(Quickly quickly quickly)
I keep trying to appeal to you
(trying trying trying)
Genuine feelings? (I got em)
Endurance? (I got em)
The only thing I don’t have
is your beauty beauty beauty

After we purchase the necessary supplies for the lesson and put them in the car, we make our way back inside to look around the rest of the store. So far, the day has consisted of many teasing jokes and recounts of the funniest moments we spent with the kids. It isn't until I hear her stomach growl that I realize it is already past lunch and nearing dinner time. 

"We should get something to eat. I know of a very good Japanese restaurant nearby, does that sound okay?" She chews on her lip as she thinks, then turns to me and smiles.

"That sounds perfect. I've been really craving hamburg steak." As I look at her for what seems like the millionth time that day, I am surprised once again. This whole day had been an eye opener. I thought I already knew a lot about the girl beside me, but today I realized there was much more I could learn. I discovered that she has always wanted to travel and try local foods from every country. She hopes to one day see the the children she is teaching now, graduate from high school. And she can't wait until the day she has her own family.

Through these little tidbits of information, I came to the conclusion that if there was a way to receive directions to a person's heart, I would gladly pay any price. This girl is a mystery and that is one of the reasons she appeals so much to me. One of the reasons I love her. Every moment with her is spent appealing to her. I try so hard to keep her attention, but it am always disappointed. 

We enter the restaurant and are seated to ourselves by request. I remove everything hiding my face and breathe a sigh of relief. "I was getting stuffy wearing all that." She laughs and takes of her coat and hat before leaning over the table and ruffling my hair. "What was that for?" 

"You have hat-hair. I thought that might help it a little, but I think I made it worse." She covers as she laughs at me once again. "I'm sorry for laughing." She gets herself under control and puts a serious look on her face. "So, Superstar. Is there really no woman in your life?" She pauses and I am a little taken aback by her sudden question. "I am a big fan of the After-school Club. I was watching the other night and BTS was on." 

"Ah. That. Well, yes, there really is no woman in my life right now. Why do you ask?" A small part of me is hoping that this is her answering my feelings. She shrugs her shoulders.

"You just seem like a man in love. You smile at random things, you blush when anyone mentions the idea, like right now. And your last art lesson was based on the idea of love. It just makes me think that maybe, you actually DO have a woman you admire." I touch my cheek and feel the heat under my fingertips. She is so perceptive about the signs...how can she not know it's all for her?

"Admiring and actually having a woman in my life are two different things." She claps her hands together.

"So there is someone! Wow, Superstar. What will your fans think?" I lean back in my chair and laugh.

"They would have to understand that I am at the age where I want to date. I'm sure we would be able to understand one another. It would be my  decision anyway. And, of course, I would take full responsibility for it, and the girl."

"Ooh. Such a cool guy. Whoever this girl is, she must be pretty extraordinary to have caught your eye." I look at her, baffled that she could be so blind to my feelings.

"You have no idea. She is absolutely gorgeous. Her personality is equally amazing. I don't think she realizes how I feel about her, though. I keep trying to appeal to her....she just doesn't seem to understand." Seung-Hee nods her head in ironic understanding. 

"Have you confessed to her? Maybe she feels the same way and just keeps rationalizing your behavior as something else. Some girls don't want to get their hopes up when they like someone. It makes rejection a little easier." The way she is talking, it seems like she is one of those girls. 

"I will confess when I feel confident enough. What about you? Is there anyone in your life that you admire?" She swirls the water in her glass around.

"Anyone I admire? Why don't I just tell you what admire? I'll tell you what I look for in my ideal boyfriend." I give her a slight nod so she will continue. She takes a deep breath and continues playing with her glass. "I want a guy who is very sincere with his feelings. Someone who truly loves me." Like me. "Someone who can endure through the hardships that we will face." Like me. "I've always dreamt of a man who will be able to handle my quirks." She grins at me. "So far, I haven't been very lucky." When our food comes, we eat without saying a word. 

This woman really is something else. 

How should I change for you?
Playing mind games? Two-timing?
I don’t know how to do that
But if you’re ever sick, don’t call 911 but call me
Tell me to cry, I’ll cry, tell me to smile,
I’ll smile, tell me to roll around,
I’ll roll around

After our dinner, we decide to take a walk in the park, before calling it a day. As the sun sets, the air around us grows colder and I notice that Seung-Hee is rubbing her hands together once again. I grab her arm to halt her steps and take the glove off of my right hand and put it on hers. "You look cold." I then take her scarf off and start to put it back on her before she stops me. 

"You will get cold it you take it off. If you forgot, you are a singer, you need to take care of your throat."

"And YOU are a teacher. You need to stay healthy for your students." She looks at me sternly, a look I had only ever seen her give the kids, before sighing.

"Fine. We will both wear it. Okay?" She doesn't let me answer before she begins to wrap the long scarf around the two of us. In moments like these, I wonder if she is purposely putting me through this. In a moment of bravery, I take her gloveless hand in mine, and put it in my coat pocket. I turn my gaze to the path in front of us before I have to meet her gaze.

"I don't want your hand to get cold. Or mine either. So,this is the only solution." Inwardly, I am as giddy as a school boy who is holding hands with his first love for the first time. Outwardly, I am trying to keep my cool so she won't suspect me. 

"You must be a player." She nudges me with her shoulder and glances at me from the corner of her eye. 

"I'm not a player. Guys like that tend to be unfaithful and play games with girls. Like push and pull. I don't know about things like that. I'm the kind of guy that would take care of my girl if she were sick. Would a player do something like that?" I look at her as I wait for an answer. 

"I guess not. Doing things like you are right now, though, is what I call being a player. You are using the temperature as a reason to hold my hand." 

"No. I'm really not a player. If you were my girlfriend, hypothetically speaking, I would do anything you asked me to do. If you wanted me to cry, I would cry. If you wanted me to smile, I would smile. If you wanted me to beg, I would beg. Anything you asked of me, I would do it." She stops walking and looks me in the eye, as if she is searching for something.

"Anything? So if I asked you to break up, you would do it?" I smile down at her and nod.

"If that was what you wanted, if that is what would make you happy, I would do it. My happiness would come second to the happiness of the one I love." I squeeze her hand lightly and wink at her. "This is all hypothetical, though." She nods once.

"Of course." She begins to walk again and I feel her tugging at my heart. This day has been beautifully torturous for me. So, when I hear someone scream my name, I don't know how to react. Seung-Hee notices my dazed expression and pulls her hand from my pocket with mine, and pulls me with her as she begins to run. 

"Superstar! Get it together." The screaming behind us seems to multiply as we run down the street in the cold winter air, but all I can focus on is Seung-Hee's warm hand holding mine. "Jeongkook-ssi!" I vaguely hear my name come from her lips and the screams behind us, but still I focus on her hand. "Oppa!" At first I think the word has come from behind me. Then I realize, when I look into Seung-Hee's worried face, that she is the one who said it. "Oppa, hurry! They are catching up. I don't want you to be caught up in a scandal." She says it again and finally I come back to my senses. 

A glance behind me spurs me forward with newfound adrenaline and soon I am the one pulling Seung-Hee along. She finally called me Oppa. Not superstar. Not Jeonkook-ssi. Oppa. We begin to put distance between us and my screaming fans. Luckily, we cross the street before the sign changes and the fans get stuck on the opposite side. We continue to run despite this, taking advantage of the opportunity to put an even greater distance between us. It isn't until we have run several blocks that we stop to catch our breath.

Seung-Hee looks behind us, breathing hard, and begins to laugh. Watching her, I can't help but laugh with her. After several minutes, we are able to get a hold of ourselves.

"That was crazy! I thought for sure they were going to catch us when I saw you zoning out." I look down at my shoes, embarrassed.

"Sorry about that. It just took me by surprise." That's when I notice that our hands are still tightly clasped together.  Instead of calling attention to it, I tug on her hand. "We should keep going. They might catch up to us if we linger here for too long." She walks beside me, her small hand fitting perfectly in mine. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. Some fans tend to get carried away."

"Don't be. It was actually really exciting. I almost forgot you were famous until that moment. It must be hard dealing with things like that all the time. And here I thought you had it..." I hear the girls behind us again and pull her into a small alley, pressing myself close to her so they won't be able to see us. "...easy." When the girls go past us, I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding and rest my forehead against hers with my eyes closed. 

I stay like that for a few moments until I catch my breath. When I straighten myself up, i notice the startled and red face of Seung-Hee. "Sorry. I didn't want them to catch us." I suddenly become very aware of how close we are and I take a step back, only to be hindered by the scarf that is connecting us. I quickly remove the scarf from my neck and clear my throat. "We should probably head back now. I'll get a taxi." I hail a taxi and we ride back to the department store in a slightly awkward silence. Once we are back in my managers car, I decide to break the silence.

"Today was fun. Even if we were chased by crazy fans." I turn on the engine and pull out onto the road. 

"It was. We should do this again. Only, in a less crowded place. It was fun, but it don't think I can run like that too many times."  Again? She is suggesting we do this again? Maybe I really am making progress.

I’m getting nervous,
I’m getting nervous
Who are you? Are you that great?
Why do you keep teasing me?
Just stop now, hold up, hold up

The ride to her apartment ends much sooner than I want. She unbuckles her seatbelt and puts her hand on the door handle but turns to me before she gets out. "Do you want to come in and have a cup of coffee?" My heart skips a beat once again because of her and I feel my nerves start to kick in.

"I...yes, I would like that." I pray she doesn't notice the slight shakiness to my voice.

"Great!" She hops out of the car and waits for me before she walks into the building. "I'm all the way on the top floor. I usually go halfway up on the stairs but all that running earlier has me tired." I can't help the smile that spreads across my face as we get on the elevator. 

The small space does nothing for my nerves. It still baffles me that she has the ability to make me this way just by being near me. It feels like she has been teasing me all day. From the innocent touches, to the talk of love. I am emotionally spent and I'm not to sure if I can handle any more. We exit the elevator on the 10th floor and walk down the hall, toward her apartment. 

"Not only am I on the top floor, I'm also all the way on the end of the hall." She laughs and my phone sounds with a new message. I pull the phone from my pocket and read the message. 

"Where are you at? We have an interview early in the morning tomorrow. Manager says you need to be back in thirty minutes." I look at Seung-Hee who has stopped to wait for me. She looks at my phone, then back at me.

"Do you need to go? It's alright if you do. I know you are busy." I slip the phone back in my pocket.

"I'm sorry. We have to be at the studio early tomorrow. I'm going to have to take a rain check on that coffee." She smiles at me and waves her hand.

"Go. It won't be good if you get in trouble with your manager." Without thinking I kiss her forehead swiftly.

"I'm going. See you Thursday." I almost miss the blush that colors her cheeks as I run to catch the elevator. It doesn't hit me until I get back to the dorm what I did. A belated wave of embarrassment washes over me. The next four days are going to be extremely long.

Hold me tight before I kiss you
Before my heart lets you go
Say what you want
Say what you want
What is it that you really want? x2

By the time Thursday rolls around, my nerves are shot and at times I'm not even sure I know my own name. I go through the motions of getting ready for class and never even glance at the calendar. It isn't until I walk through the doors of the classroom that I remember what day it is. Valentines Day. 

One look around the room proves that I am the only one who has forgotten. I smile as I watch the girls shyly give little boxes of chocolate to the boys. From the looks of it, they are all very excited for the holiday.  When they notice my arrival, I am overwhelmed by a chorus of 'oppas' as the little girls bring me boxes of chocolate.

"Thank you! You didn't need to give me chocolate, too." I stack the boxes on the desk and finally spot Seung-Hee in the back of the room. How did I forget what today was? 

"Oh! Jeongkook-ssi! I didn't notice you come in." 

"I just got here actually. Is it okay if I start my class?" 

"Of course! Go ahead. I have some things to do in the kitchen so they are all yours." She hurries past me and exits the room. She must be embarrassed because of what happened that night.  And it's back to Jeongkook-ssi. In order to distract myself I begin my class. Today I decided to make 'Magic Bottles' with the kids. I pass out the liquid filled bottles first, then the glitter and confetti. 

"I want you all to think about your last lesson with me. Magic and love are very similar. They are both hard to understand, hard to control, and beautiful. Now, I want you to think of the person, or persons, you love the most and put confetti and glitter into your bottles that reminds you of them. Understand?" Each child answers with a yes and begins to pick out what to put in their magic bottle. After an hour of finishing touches, Seung-Hee finally returns to the classroom with her arms full of little boxes. 

"Have you finished your craft for the day? If so, I have Valentines gifts for all of you." I watch her pass out the candy and chocolates to her students, wondering if she has one for me. If she does, I convince myself that I will confess to her. As it so happens, she finishes handing out the boxes and I don't receive one. What happened Sunday must not have meant much to her. 

The rest of the day passes uneventfully. She has avoided me all day and I can't help but wonder if maybe I made a mistake. That girl I spent the day with isn't the same girl I am with now. I guess I should try to let her go, shouldn't I? 

I want to be your oppa
Why don’t you know my heart for you?
Even if you ignore me
Even if you act cold, I can’t push you out of my mind
I want to be your oppa
I will be your man, just watch
So that my heart can touch yours, I will run to you right now

We say goodbye to the kids at the end of the day and I linger outside a little longer before going inside to help Seung-Hee clean up. As usual, we clean in silence and I don't even notice her slip out of the room until she comes back with a decorated box. She comes up to me, a shy look on her face, and s the box into my hands.

"Happy Valentines Day, Superstar." She goes back to cleaning and keeps her back to me. I untie the ribbon and carefully open the box. I'm surprised when I open it and find, not chocolates, but sweet buns. I smile to myself and take one out of the box to try. One bite in and find that the buns are filled with chocolate. It seems unconventional, but I really do love breads. I watch her clean as I finish the bun, then I close the box. Suddenly I remember what was said about love in my last class. Love is taking into account someone's interests and taking time to honor them. Did she make me sweet buns instead of chocolate because she knows how much I enjoy eating flour based foods?

Instead of asking her, I walk up and hug her from behind. It was a spur of the moment decision, really. I hear her gasp from the sudden contact and I laugh slightly. "Thank you. For the sweet buns. I thought you weren't going to give me anything." 

"No problem...I didn't want to leave you out after giving all the kids candy." I can hear the smile in her voice and I tighten my arms around her.

"Is that really the only reason you gave them to me? I was hoping it was for a different reason." I sigh and rest my chin on her shoulder. "I have a confession to make. And while I have you here, I think this is the perfect time. I love you Seung-Hee. All this time, I have been trying to make you know my feelings, but you keep brushing them off. I don't want you to address me so formally anymore. I want you to see me as a man; I want to be your Oppa." I turn her around to face me, keeping my hands on her arms, afraid she will slip away if I let go. "I don't know how you have gone this long without realizing my feelings. Without knowing my heart." She looks down, away from me, but I keep going. "My feelings for you haven't changed at all. Even on days when you seemed cold and indifferent to me, I still felt love toward you."

"Jeonkook-ssi..." I shake my head.

"Let me finish, please. No matter what I am doing, you are the only thing on my mind. At rehearsal, at interviews, in my dreams; there is always you. Only you. It is driving me mad because you don't realize how much power you have over me. You make me more nervous than I get before shows. You even made me act like a kid. All I want is for you to give me a chance. Let me be your man." She doesn't look up from her shoes and I begin to lose hope again. "All I want is to move on from just being friends. I want us to be lovers. Can't you allow me that chance?" I squeeze her arms lightly, frustrated by her silent indifference.

When she finally meets my gaze, she is smiling."Oppa, I'm sorry you thought I was ignoring you or that I was being indifferent toward you. I didn't want to let myself like you because I thought it was impossible for you to share these feelings." She speaks quietly but I catch ever word she says. It can't be. How could we both be blind to one another's feelings? It seems absurd.

"Really? I had no idea..." I pull her into a hug, smiling as she wraps her arms around me, in turn. We stay in that embrace for several moments before I pull back and plant a kiss on her forehead, much like before. "I'm so glad you share my feelings. I've been trying to think of ways to get over you, but nothing seemed like it would work....I had you under my skin and there was no getting you out." I take her face in my hands, amazed that this girl, the girl who completely consumed my life, was now mine. A smile tugs at her lips and I catch myself staring once again.

Hold me tight before I kiss you
Before my heart lets you go
Say what you want
Say what you want
What is it that you really want? x2

When she speaks, I watch the way her lips move to form the words. "I guess I better hold onto you before you figure out a way to move on, shouldn't I?" She continues to smile and my attention stays on her lips. For the first time, it felt like everything was aligning perfectly. "Oppa?" Before I know it, my lips are on hers in a kiss that can only be described as perfect. The feelings that we had both been suppressing, were expressed through the kiss, both of us relieved to know we share the same feelings. The moment we part, I feel my heart swell with the joy of knowing that I no longer have to hide my feelings for her. 

I no longer have to wonder what she wants from me. It is no longer a question whether or not she is interested in me. I now have my answer. She had been wanting me just as much as I had been wanting her. As I hold her in my arms, I recall all the childish moments and all the signs that I missed when she had expressed her feelings plainly. I must have been out of my mind. Pushing a loose piece of hair behind her ear, I think back to Sunday and decide there is only one thing left to do. I look into her smiling face, kiss her forehead once again, and take her small hand in mind.

"I'd like to have that coffee now."

(AN: I hope you enjoyed this story! It was a lot of fun to write. If you have a request just leave it in the comments or message me. Give me a song and an idol. I will do my best to write you a story you enjoy. No or .)