Jinki remembers asking Kibum to be his boyfriend over two years ago. He was nervous as fudge and shaking like a leaf but when Kibum said yes, it felt like his heart was going to burst from pure happiness. Now, Jinki’s heart is hurting, like it’s being compressed by a rock because his relationship is going downhill. There is no intimate face-to-face conversation, no cuddling and basically no physical interaction because his boyfriend is always on his phone.

Jinki admits that when he got his first smart phone he was quite smitten by the advanced technology and didn’t realize that he was neglecting Kibum until the latter cried in his arms, telling him how he felt unimportant. After that scenario, Jinki promised himself to make every moment spent with Kibum a memorable one since he’s going to be going off to college next semester while Kibum finishes his last year of high school.

However, the table’s been turned and the roles reversed because Kibum is now the one constantly on social networking sites, talking selfies and playing games on his iphone 5s. At first Jinki wasn’t bothered by it because Kibum had always wanted that particular phone when it was released and fortunately his aunt gave it to him as a present. Then Jinki noticed overtime that when they got they managed to meet up, since he was so busy due to last days of high school approaching, when spent time together, they didn’t really spend time together. Every now and then Kibum’s phone chimes and interrupt their get-together or Kibum is ‘just sending a quick text’.  It’s like Kibum doesn’t even care anymore. Who is he texting so much anyway? As the days pass Jinki’s hope of reviving their relationship or even trying to maintain whatever is going on between him and the other dwindles.

****

Jinki takes a sip of coffee and glances at his watch for the third time. The cold, bitter taste taints his tongue. He sighs and bites his bottom lip, his patience wearing thin. Just then a gush of cold air invades the diner and Kibum rushes in.

“I’m sorry.” Kibum laughs and slides in the seat opposite Jinki while rubbing his hands together to generate some warmth. “I left my phone at home and I had to turn back.”

“You had to?” Jinki asks, unimpressed.

Kibum takes a sip of the tea Jinki ordered a while ago and gags a bit. “Ugh! It’s so cold.”

“Yeah, well maybe if you just didn’t worship your phone so much..” Jinki begins but doesn’t continue.

Kibum’s gaze morphs into a glare. “Well someone’s pissy today.”

“Look.” Jinki interrupts calmly. “I didn’t call you here to argue. I think we’ve done enough of that for the past few weeks and I’m tired.” Kibum’s lips are taut but Jinki presses on anyway. It’s now or never. “I’m afraid that if you don’t change your attitude I refuse to stay in this relationship.”

Kibum’s jaw falls open in utter shock. He’s been caught off-guard. “Jinki.” He whispers, trying to remain calm. He can feel the tears building up behind his eyes. His eyes fall to his coffee mug, breaking eye contact.

Darn. Jinki may have been too harsh. In order to diffuse the tension that’s currently overwhelming them, he reaches forward to take Kibum’s wrist in his hand only for the other to jerk violently way from the contact.

“Don’t touch me.” He then jumps up and stalks off to the direction of the restrooms.

Jinki cups his face in defeat. He’s officially disgusted with himself for making the younger cry. But Kibum is not seeing the whole picture here; he refuses to see things from Jinki’s perspective. He doesn’t realize that the bond they’ve established and built on over a year or so is dissolving. Or..he knows exactly what is going on and wants it that way? Probably he’s already moved on and hurt that Jinki beats him in ending things between them.

A phone chime wakes Jinki from his stupor. Suddenly empowered by whatever coursing through his veins, he reaches over and reads the text. This is his first time snooping and it feels , quite strangely, gratifying.

I enjoyed the kiss. Did you?

After reading it, he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to feel. Should he feel betrayed? He didn’t know what or how to feel. He feels nothing. He feels like nothing. Numb. He’s brought back to reality when Kibum grabs his phone from his hold. He glances up to see the other’s eyes red and swollen from crying.

“What are you doing with my phone?!”

Jinki scoffs and looks away. He gathers his jacket and leaves the diner without another word. Kibum, confused, looks down at his phone and begins crying instantly.

***

It’s been two weeks since the ordeal and Jinki has been trying to do everything in his willpower to keep himself busy so that he’ll never have a moment to himself to think about Kibum. Plus, he’s preoccupied with getting ready for college next semester and trying to spend as much time with his friends since he won’t be able to see them when studying in the US.

Kibum called and texted him nonstop for a week after their last meeting but he ignored them all. Kibum is last person Jinki wants to see. What’s the sense of investing so much time and energy in a relationship in which you’re the only one committed to it? Jinki’s only 18, he deserves to be happy for a change.

***

Jinki presses his face down in his pillow in order to muffle his laughter. He couldn’t remember when the last time was laughed so harrrd til his tummy hurt. Taemin is hilarious. Texting Taemin is his hobby. They met when Jinki volunteered to do some after school tutoring to gain merits. Merits will complement his high school transcript. Soon after, his phone chimes once again, alerting him that there is another text. He eagerly unlocks his phone to see which joke Taemin has come up with now.

Hyung, if I tell you something you won’t be mad, right?

The smile falls from Jinki’s face.

***

“Thank you and have a good evening.” Jinki bids the secretary as he closes the door with his transcript in hand. As he turns towards the front office exit he sees Kibum seated by the door. He heart starts thundering. Should he say ‘hi’ or just walk fast? The internal struggle is tearing him apart.

Maybe if I walk fast enough he won’t see me.

Jinki almost gallops pass the other when Kibum asks if they can talk.

They are in the same diner in the same seating arrangement like they were six weeks ago. Who’s counting anyway? It’s not like Jinki cares.

“Are you dating Taemin?”

“Does it matter?” Jinki’s not dating Taemin. Taemin is too precious to be with a broken bird like Jinki and much too young at that.

“I guess not.” Kibum clears his throat. “Can I at least come to your graduation?”

“You can go anywhere you want, Kibum.” Jinki says.

“It’s not that Jin-” Kibum voice breaks, the dam breaks and tears streams down his flushed cheeks. “I’m sorry. I truly am. That text meant nothing to me. The kiss meant nothing to me.”

Jinki reaches forward and takes Kibum’s hand hands in his. “You’re not obligated to tell me anything anymore.”

“Why are you giving up on us?!” Kibum screamed in hysteria. “Did I mean so little to you?”

“Key.” Jinki whispered and smiled awkwardly at the unwanted attention from the other customers in the diner.

“Jonghyun kissed me.” Kibum confesses. “I didn’t kiss him back. Buy you wouldn’t believe would you? Jinki, you’re going to be on the other side of the world in a couple months. I won’t be able to see you in person, like this. I won’t see you around school. You won’t be a phone call away and to tell you to not go and pursue your dreams will be very selfish of me. But you don’t understand how that affected me, how it still does.” Kibum sniffles.

“Kibum.”

“I guess I used my phone to escape the impending reality of what may happen to us. I was so mad at you for leaving. You’re leaving, Jinki.” Kibum smears the tears away with the back of his palm.

Then it dawns on Jinki. Kibum’s attitude was a form of rebellion. I’m officially an ignoramus.

“And then when you broke up with me…” Kibum inhales deeply.

“I’m to be blamed as well. You’re not the only one at fault here.”

****

“I don’t want you to go.” Kibum complains and wraps his arm around Jinki’s waist. There is nothing on Tv and he wants to cherish this moment. He wants it to be so ingrained in his memory that it’ll satiate his longing for Jinki when he leaves tomorrow to return four months later in December around Christmas time.

“I’ll kik you every day.” Jinki promises and kisses the top of his boyfriend’s head.

“Kick me?” Kibum jokes. “How rude! Anyway just always have your phone nearby, yah?”

Then Jinki remembers a couple weeks ago their argument as a result of phone usage and laughs to himself.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing.” He replies. He turns so he can completely embrace Kibum in his arms. “I love you more than anything in the world.”