The Gift I Received from SS501

I don't like saying mushy words,
so i shall tell you a story instead.

SS501 is a group I didn't want to like at first because they're really popular even though back then all I heard was Hyunjoong. Until a friend I met online shoved to me tons of their songs to try and the rest is history. 

SS501 came to my country i think less than a year before their final appearance together as SS501. But I missed the final/only chance to meet them because of my own hesitance(we could only choose to meet one member and I couldn't choose and not to mention I had not much money so I was worried of my future n blabla if i spend the money i had...and ended up missing the only chance I had even though I was so close...see? that pic above was where they were and I was just outside. lesigh. don't tell me, I'm stupid i know it already.

But nah, that's not the story i'm going to share 

today, on this wonderful 9th anniversary of SS501,

I'm going to share with you, the gift I received from SS501.

shall we begin?

let's do counting first...

/breathe in breathe out/ aaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!

The gift I wouldn't change for the world. ughhh no lemme rephrase or better cancel that. too cheesy for me.

I've been in AFF for two and a half years more or less. And I've had people come and go. My first friend i feel genuinely connected to in AFF removed me without giving a reason, probly annoyed with my active ranting or over critical nature even to our own idols since 'fandoms' don't do that-umm but i'm not fandom. but yeah, i've also had close buddy who just drifted apart cuz she doesn't go to AFF much anymore. In short, things have been getting duller and duller as time went by, and the silent readers didn't help the situation. i didn't even know what i was doing in aff anymore....everyday felt so fking dull. no notifications at all.

That is, until SS501 changed my life. Or rather, /coughs/Youngsaeng?/coughs/

V one of my fav perfs ever from them if not my fav ><

There's this one girl who added me, which isn't strange, she subscribed to one of my stories(which i think can be said SS501-related too?) and i think replied to my generic thank you message n added me so it's acceptable. since i don't accept requests from those who don't talk to me. But then we don't talk anymore other than random blogposts response or stuffs since I'm kind of active with blogs here especially posting quizzes and random topic opinions and she would at times reply. I did see on her profile that the only thing we have in common is our interest in SS501 since we have different preferences for other groups. and her bias is Youngsaeng(socalled) which i had nothing to talk about so...yeah..../runs/

Then it started when I shared a video. specifically, a video that has Youngsaeng dancing together in a perf with his comrades that led to comments about Youngsaeng in my other unrelated posts that eventually led to prolonged conversation that went crazier and more imaginative by the day. And before a week, I proposed we take all our crazy exchanges to a fanfic where we can treat as a game and play and update everyday. And we become co-authors. It's amazing how we got very comfortable(are we?) so fast and could understand n trade each other's weird jokes which others who know me for years probly won't understand at all. We can kind of cross the line anytime...the lines i would be afraid to cross with other people in case they might be offended. i'm not so afraid of acting childish n embarrassing eventhough i'm not that young.

I feel like i can be just myself or whoever i want to be without the burden of being judged.

Then after seeing my continuous ranting, this person start commenting on my fics n you know how i hate silent readers, but at the same time, I was afraid too if she only comment out of sympathy since i don't have readers and always being whiny about my silent readers. And since we've gotten closer. But hey, nothing i could do to find the answer other than just be thankful now i have a reader who's not silent. She even supported my fics that aren't tagged with idols she like.

And then, she gave me a beautiful gift, a fic written for me, less than ten days after we start getting close(online) as buddies/twinnies. Whoever does that? Although i insisted i have no bias, but anyway, i'm thankful to her lol. and greatly touched bcuz she's the 2nd person ever to write a story for me all my life. I'm very grateful. I was so touched i even cried. haha. /slapped for being so sentimental mushy pfft/ She even made poster for my fic. who cares if she says it's simple and no great techniques or blabla...a sincere gift is much more precious than all the advanced techniques in the world, combined together.

Everyday, random conversations and daily lives are shared all over be it in wall,fanfic comment, blog comment, pm...everywhere...lol, AFF that had grown dull becomes an anticipated place again because of this person. Even though she's evil in fanfics and always bully me in our fic, but in virtual reality, she's one of the nicest person towards me, who often is just a dumping ground n rarely feel i'm more than just a stalking material. or someone who's only relevant for her topics that appeal to audience. but not really valued for herself or as a friend. But this person strangely feels different. Made me feel I'm a person. Not just a fact/info machine or stalking-toy device./even if she's my stalker/ or some amusing chatterbox. But just a person, who has same feelings as others. 

I may talk a lot, but that doesn't mean i can open up easily or be completely honest. The act of opening up itself feels scary. But being someone who's seen friendships come in and go out so casually...more sense of attachment grow (on my part) as we continue to spazz random meaningless spamming/spazzing about SS501 on a heavy flow on daily basis, like going on and on and on about kicking/throwing Hyungjun or shoving him to each other, or snatching/kidnapping Youngsaeng, ruining their image, arguing who's eviller among us, and stuffs so random you'd be terrifiedly weirded out. But seriously, our topic are 95% of the time, SS501-related or their characters in our fic, and another 5% or less, ourselves. That's how obsessed we are.

I keep wondering when she'd get bored of me, because everyone at some point will get bored of the strong dose of me. Or when she would leave and ignore me like the rest. And it's been what? only a little more than one month? It almost feel like it's been so long I know her. Wow, so many had happened within just a month. AFF becomes the place I anticipate again. Because spazzing SS501 session cannot be missed. Our more current idols are all promoting, but it's SS501 that gives me a fan of theirs who's passionate enough to carry this spazzing package with me. We've done many absurd things on aff I would never have done on my own, all for our freakish love for SS501. or rather, obsession? lol. 

V the last song they sing after Snow Prince...so adorable..xD

We get excited easily because SS501 are excited-worthy. I can never love anyone out of obligation or loyalty alone, so don't look up to me for that. For me, love is not loyalty, support, fandomness, pride, obligation, unity, etc. love, is just love. If we love and spazz about SS501 all the time despite there are many shinier new bands promoting, it's juz cuz they're more spazzworthy to us, and with the five out of the world personalities, and voices, and songs, how is it weird at all? And I've said this many times but i don't belong to any fandom, at least I don't want to. Because I like to criticize my idols when i feel they deserve it. I don't praise all the time and from what I've seen so far(even if they won't admit it), fandoms usually love and support and praise and defend unconditionally/sometimes bordering irrationally. I can't do that. I refuse to. So, please don't mistake me. I'm just an average person who loves in her own way.

But being with this person I met made me feel that I belong somewhere. Even if I can't say it's the fandom, but I feel I belonged somewhere other than just my own existence for my own. A sense of family-like connection where I feel at ease to just be myself, with a person I met like a month ago. Brought to me incidentally by the obsession and love for spazzing we have for SS501 without the pressure to always regard them all highly with spotless flaw. Because we can even appreciate and accept n complaint about their flaws. If you've seen our fanfic, you'll see how we're not afraid to destroy the boys' (and our own) image. I don't think I'd dare to do that if it's not for this person. 

V mirror mirror on the wall, who's the prettiest of them all? i know my answer...xD

And this person seems to understand and cares way too much, too. When I feel horrible(which i often do), this person will stubbornly stick by and act like she's just that free and play along with our /throw Hyungjun at each other daily fight/ or stuffs, (she just loves Hyungjun that much, oh and Kibum too, and Jungmin and Romeo and Hyunjoong) so that leaves me with Youngsaeng and Kyujong /grabs them/ haa., yay. She wouldn't address my problems directly because she probably knows I hate to be pitied or anything, and that I'll tell as much as I want to tell anyway. Our time zone are five hours different from each other. So it's a little hard for us to be present together at the same time, but surprisingly we manage to do that a lot. (I'd find time anyway) We've reached and achieved many things I never even did with long time friends. And she has given me more than my long time friends as well. All in just a month and few days. Even if I'm always not affectionate and grumpy and gets mood swings a lot and keep ranting the same thing over and over again, and even if SS501 is the only thing that connects us since we don't share any other similarities in fav groups or anything well, maybe quizzes...xD, Thank you for not giving up on me or hating the annoying me(yet), and even though I'm bad at keeping my relationships with people...I hope ours uhm...would be as beautiful and lasting as long as SS501 friendship...?

From different individuals came from different walks of lives...

V one of my favs too >< (guess which song is my fav? xD)

to who we are to each other today. /vomits bcuz of cheesiness but dont u like cheesiness?/

All thanks to SS501, for sending me this one-of-a-kind gift that has led to so many great things.

The gift of friendship.

ps: And to 'you' yeah...no mushy words. this is already too brutally cheesy, i could die of it. /throws Hyungjun-bouquet at you n runs forever/ yeah....uhm, Thank you for always being the evilness counterpart to my angelic self. 

and please don't ask why we like throwing Hyungjun at each other. we just do. we don't have reasons/rationales behind our craziness. hyungjun is throwable. no, we don't hate him. We're just not boring.

i leave you with this beautiful thing from last year. See? They're still together psh. so, stop being too sad for them. if you really want them back together, let's all pitch in and set up a company and get them all together under it and produce their comeback...xD...i'd so love to do that if only there's enough support not just in words but real physical support lol...

...><...

why don't fans ever try to do that for their idols? fandom is huge. if everyone unite....you can be more powerful than even existing companies...

don't they sound so fking amazing?

lol at everyone messing up and jungmin step up as the vocal director but only instruct hyungjun? ok. xD /edit: and i just realized youngsaeng totally forgot all the lyrics....aish....lmao. 

^ and this, is from this year. look at how happy they are. i can never get tired of sharing this. xD

so don't treat them as history please. they're still relevant, current and being awesomely together as always.

Yes, that's all, i think.

Wanna share your stories?

go on...where else can you spazz without getting 'warned'?

Love is to be expressed.