The sun was high above the cloudless sky and the humid air of the oncoming summer brushes past their lying bodies. There was no one except them two in the area but Jaejoong wanted to make sure. To believe that he had heard correctly, because Gyuri is talking about her future plan and Jaejoong isn’t quite sure he liked the idea.

 

“Say that again?” he sat up, peering down at Gyuri with inquiring eyes.

 

“I said,” she pulled off the arms resting just above her eyes and looked up at him “I accepted Yunho’s offer. I’m leaving right after graduation,” and up to the leaves shielding them from the rays of the sun.

 

Jaejoong stays quiet, his bicycle leaning against the tree they were under. Graduation is in two weeks and Gyuri would be free by then, and apparently, gone too. “Why?”

 

“Don’t you sometimes feel like… I don’t know, like you don’t belong in the place?” she asks instead.

 

The Gyuri that Jaejoong is looking at now has a serene aura but has dark clouds above her head and the weight of loneliness in her shoulders. He doesn’t know the feeling but he thinks it was sadness. “Do you?”

 

She peers up at him again but this time, with the eyes of some stranger, “All my life.” Then there was the thick silence, because suddenly, Jaejoong isn’t so sure of the person he’s talking to. The girl beside him wasn’t the one he had seen grow and used to know. Gyuri had always been unpredictable; however, what had been unfolded just now underestimates the said word.

 

“Will you come back?”

 

She sits up and shrugs her shoulders, there’s a hole in the left thigh of her pants. “Maybe, maybe not.” She pokes on it, the edges. Gyuri has a paper to turn up tomorrow and until now the papers remain unattended in her desk back at her room. She weighs her options. If she goes home now, she’ll be able to finish them just before midnight. If she stays, she’ll finish them before the dawn.

 

“Come on,” she turns on her side and Jaejoong is already on his feet, “It’s hot. Let’s grab something to cool down.”

 

Gyuri makes a mental note to buy sweets along the way for she needs them to stay awake.

 

 

---

 

 

One week before the finals and graduation, Gyuri pulls an all-nighters in Jaejoong’s house. There’s a lot need of studying and a lot need of concentrating. Mrs. Kim never forgets to bring her something to snack on in every break; she wonders if the elder had done the same when Jaejoong was in her position some three years ago. College was stressful; Gyuri now understands why the previous seniors had been all moody. Professors see that the best year to joke around is in senior year.

 

She comes down for dinner at seven fifteen and right on time, Jaejoong enters the house with a messenger bag on his left shoulder. She greets him and he pats her head, ascending the stairs to disappear in his room – in Gyuri’s temporary camp site. When he comes back down in a plain white shirt and basketball shorts, there’s already a mountain of bell peppers on top of his rice.

 

Gyuri hates bell peppers.

 

She eats two slices of mousse cake for dessert and thanks Mrs. Kim for a wonderful dinner before retreating back to her camp site – to Jaejoong’s room. Gyuri would’ve offered to wash the dishes but after two days of staying, back when Jaejoong still runs their high school like his own house and Gyuri as the loyal minion, Jaejoong’s parents forbid her of such house chore and strictly demanded her to just focus on her studying. Gyuri secretly likes Jaejoong’s parents more than he knew, more than they knew.

 

At ten thirty Gyuri hears the creaking of the door and the familiar sound of ceramic meeting the wood. She stops writing and leans back, massaging her shoulders and nape. It’s a sandwich this time, she notes. “Do you want me to bring you coffee?” she hears the springs of the bed behind her crying at the weight put on them

 

 A chicken sandwich, she corrects, as she takes another bite.

 

“Water is fine,” she turns around and Jaejoong is leaning against the headboard with a comic book in hand, “I’m not staying too late tonight. I need a rest.”

 

He hums, turning another page. “How many are left? Want me to help?”

 

“Two? Three?” he looks at her from his reading and she takes another bite, the one at the center of the sandwich.

 

“You’ll manage,” he says after a while.

 

There’s a light tapping on the door before it opens and Mrs. Kim’s head peaks in, a small smile on her lips. “Don’t stay up late you two, Jae make sure the doors are double locked before you sleep.” She turns to Gyuri – just before she takes the last bite of the sandwich – and does some movements with her hands and then she is saying, “Good night sweetie.”

 

The closing of the door brings a minute of silence in the room.

 

“She bids you good night,” Jaejoong is directly looking at her now, the comic book laid upside down in his lap, “Are you sure she’s not your mother?”

 

“I’m not so sure anymore,” she sticks her tongue out at him and turns back around, drinking the water in one go and placing the glass above the plate. Gyuri thinks she heard him muttering words underneath his breath, something similar to ungrateful brat and the likes, but smiles instead.

 

“Should I go?” he asks when silence ensues again and Gyuri starts diving her head in her books back. For some minutes Jaejoong considers crawling out of the room silently. But the protests of his bed springs are louder than he expected and when he looks at Gyuri, she’s staring right back at him.

 

“Don’t you wanna wait for me to kick you out myself?”

 

 

---

 

 

Jaejoong camps at the living room, squeezing his whole body to fit in the couch. At mornings, he waits until Gyuri is dressed for school before he scrambles in his feet and takes a bath then gets dress at record time. Living in a small town, he works at the post office as a clerk and rides his bicycle as means of transportation. Gyuri hitches every day, but Jaejoong doesn’t pick her up from college.

 

“Yunho called, I was gonna talk to you about it last night but you were too tired.”

 

He makes a turn and Gyuri tightens her hold in his middle. The air brushes their hair to dance freely as they go. She leans her head against the length of his back and smiles at the old lady living at the intersection, a few blocks from the Kim’s residence, tending at her little garden.

 

“What did he say?” Jaejoong’s voice vibrates through her ears, comfortable and soothing.

 

The old lady waves at them, shouting a pleasant good morning. Gyuri closes her eyes; they’re not far from college now. “He already talked to his friend. I’ve got a place to stay and a job waiting in Seoul. Nothing big though, and I’m not expecting either.”

 

Jaejoong hums, not really answering or asking anything and works on the pedals twice. They speed through the canopy of trees lining the street, hiding from the rays of sun and stopping right in front of his Alma Mater. The gates were old, hinges rusty from the seasons changing every year. A man in uniform smiles at him, lines of wrinkles in his face serves as a proof of history the school stands for – as far as he knew.

 

They’ve seen better days.

 

Gyuri gets off and stands in his side. It looks innocent, the way she’s just standing there, but when she hugs Jaejoong goodbye and catches him off guard with a simple thank you. It was far from innocent. He tightens the hold and closes his eyes.

 

“Good luck,” he whispers.

 

She pulls away and smiles, “I promise to ace this last exam then we’ll have to pig-out tonight.”

 

He gives her a look but pinches the tip of her nose when she pouts. “Okay, but only if you do well.”

 

Gyuri promises him with her right palm up and waves him goodbye, just right in time at the sound of his phone ringing. He’s five minutes late, again.

 

 

---

 

 

Graduation is set on a Saturday. After the three day finals were over, Gyuri walks through the Thursday afternoon to the post office. It looked a whole lot older than the college school, run down from years of receiving stories from people not in town and delivering promises to people not in town. The multiple layers of paints due to the couple times of trying to liven it up had started peeling off, what’s underneath is the telltale signs of cement plastered all over the hollow blocks.

 

She sits at the bench beside the quaint structure and just under the tree shade, staring at the whole of it. She crosses her left leg over the top of her right; it looked a lot older and lonelier that way. Also, probably a lot older than what she had first assumed, and is weighing secrets that is up to par with what the wind is carrying. Jaejoong comes out minutes later, messenger bag in his shoulder. He turns back briefly and waves at the unknown figure inside the building. When he faces back, Gyuri takes out her phone.

 

She snaps a picture.

 

“Jae!” She calls out, stuffing the device back to its confines. “Over here.”

 

Jaejoong looks on the other side from where he’s currently searching and jogs up to her, messenger bag bouncing in his shoulder. “How long have you been here?”

 

She scoots on the bench. “Not that long.”

 

He sits down on the provided space and asks again, “Well, what brought you here?”

 

“I was thinking,” she drawls and looks back at the office. Other employees had started coming out, someone saw them and waves goodbye. Jaejoong waves back with a name. She vaguely remembers meeting the said guy from the market when they bumped with him. Another one follows suit, a lady in her late forties with graying hair and gentle smile. Gyuri smiles back and glances at Jaejoong. “If you’d come with me. I need to give her this.” She shows him the invitation from her school.

 

Jaejoong looks at her, smile diminishing with each second and ignoring the envelope in her hand. “Does she know?”

 

Gyuri nods.

 

“What did she say?”

 

She exhales and stands up, taking a few steps into the setting sun. The vast of blue had turned into a glowing orange with streaks of pink to make the curtain call dramatically beautiful. A lone star was already visible in the sky. Jaejoong stands up and pulls her by the hand. “It’ll get dark soon, we better get going.”

 

Gyuri doesn’t close her eyes when Jaejoong starts the ride. She watches the scenery passing by, holding tightly around his middle. The breeze was now colder than with the blazing sun earlier on the day.

 

“I haven’t told my dad,” they stop at the familiar apartment building. “But I think I’ll contact him when I get there. See how he’s going.”

 

Jaejoong nods at her, a small smile in his lips. “Go, I’ll wait for you here.” He ushers her with his lips and ruffles her hair to encourage.

 

“I’ll be back.”

 

Jaejoong watches her disappear; he’s got his weight leaning on one foot in the asphalt, his other foot remains at the pedal. The neighboring dog barks at him and he tries to shush it but fails when it did the opposite. Someone from inside the house reprimands it, voice roaring from the inside out. He smirks when the dog stops and retreats from the fence.

 

“I did not just see that.”

 

He flushes red when Gyuri appears in his sight, smiling mischievously at him. “That was quick,” he tries to change the topic.

 

“Yeah,” but Gyuri’s smile doesn’t left her face. “Are you seriously happy that you won over the dog?” She arches a brow.

 

He balances the bike back and Gyuri gets the message. “It was annoying, okay.”

 

“Really,” she teases.

 

“Shut up,” he starts slow, gradually getting hold of the other weight. “Hold on tight.”

 

“Always,” Gyuri leans her head against his back, and closes her eyes this time. The sky had turned darker already but the smell of fabric conditioner is still lingering in Jaejoong’s work clothes.

 

“Then, tighter.”

 

“Are you taking advantage of me?” She laughs when he groans, but did as she’s told.

 

 

 

When midnight came, Jaejoong shivers at the sudden lost of contact from the heat and get pushed further into the couch. But he doesn’t protest when it gets back with the additional warmth clinging at him. He moves for comfort and wraps his arm around it, Gyuri smells like his months old bed sheet.

 

 

---

 

 

“You’re graduating tomorrow,” Jaejoong states, lying on the grass, his bike was propped against the tree, messenger bag hanging on the handles. “Goodbye, College. Hello real world.”

 

Gyuri shifts on her side and pokes his cheek. “What did you feel when you were in my shoes before?”

 

Jaejoong frowns, eyes deep in thought, blinking a couple of times. Other groups of college students were at the park, obnoxiously loud at celebrating the end of semester and start of summer vacation. It brings back memories. “Happy.”

 

Gyuri waits for him to continue, but when he didn’t, she pokes him again. “And?”

 

“And…” Jaejoong turns to her with a smile, “There was nothing else at that time, I was just really happy. I don’t know, I’m finally out of school. No more teachers and their unrelenting school work that most of the times isn’t even relevant to the tackled course of subject, and believe me when I say that Mrs. Hwang has that kind of mind set.”

 

She frowns, “Aren’t you at least a bit, scared?”

 

He shakes his head, and then turns his whole body a second later. Jaejoong looks at her – calculating, he had called Yunho last night, reassuring everything. Gyuri’s not only leaving college, but everything else behind. “Are you scared?”

 

She ponders for it before she nods. “You won’t be there.”

 

Jaejoong was taken aback. He tries to search for something else, maybe a joke that will come at the end. But there was none and Gyuri didn’t hold back from his eyes. The booming laughters from the students were still loud as ever, it had been a while since he laughed out loud like them, when Yunho was still around.

 

“But Yunho will. He’s a friend, you’ll be fine.”

 

Gyuri nods at his smile, eyes trailing away from him and back into the sky. It was the same beautiful sky of setting sun.

 

 

---

 

 

Jaejoong helped her pack her bags that night, folding shirts to fit inside the duffle bag, in which majority was old, filled with memories under the sun, and new ones waiting to be written in the heart of their country. Gyuri comes in her pajamas, all freshen up and ready to call it a day. She walks around the bed and dumps her clothes in the hamper. It has a few of her other dirty clothes, buried along with Jaejoong’s.

 

“You’ll leave them here?” He asks, zipping the bag and placing them at the foot of the bed.

 

She sits at the middle, crossing her legs, “Yeah. I can’t carry them dirty.”

 

“But if you wash them now, it’ll be ready for tomorrow when you leave.” He gets off the bed and walks to his closet. He takes out an old sweat pants and a loose tank.

 

“Are you that eager to get rid of me?” She mocks but the bite was missing and her eyes look lonely.

 

Jaejoong tries to act indifferent. He shrugs his shoulders and turns to leave, shouting just as he closes the door. “My own bed is a lot comfier than the couch, anyways.”

 

 

 

Just before the clock strikes eleven, he crawls out of the couch and walks up the stairs. A faint glow of yellow seeps through the lining of his door frame, he opens it carefully and closes back. Gyuri was facing the other side, but her breathing describes how she’s pretty much awake as he is. He switches the lampshade off and sneaks into the blanket, spooning Gyuri into his arms.

 

“Why is it that I don’t wanna leave now?” Her voice was rough at the edges, strained from keeping her silence.

 

Jaejoong fights off the urge to turn her around, “You’re just scared is all.”

 

She searches for his hand and slips her fingers inside the spaces. “She never said anything when I told her. I guess she never really care.” She leans into the touch when Jaejoong nuzzles in her shoulder, sighing comfortably in the dark. She closes her eyes and squeezes his hand.

 

 

---

 

 

He gives her a bouquet of flowers but looks apologetic instead. “I tried to give her a call, but it was the husband who answered.”

 

Gyuri nods, “I already knew she wouldn’t come.” She smiles and inhales the flowers with her face slightly buried in them, fist tight at their hold. Jaejoong looks away.

 

He clears his throat, “Mom made a small feast, a celebration for your hard work and farewell, as well.”

 

The last words were almost inaudible but they managed to reach her ears. She inhales one last time and pulls the bouquet off from her face. Jaejoong doesn’t wait for her to look up, he walks ahead and goes at the parking lot.

 

His bicycle was a sore thumb in the middle of vehicles. It looked so out of place, leaning against the wall. Perhaps this is what she means, the reason for her awaiting luggage. He rushes to it. Gyuri would feel worse if she ever saw, Jaejoong knows. He feels.

 

Felt, as she holds him loosely.

 

The old lady at the intersection was waiting for them outside her gate. He slows down as they near, she was smiling happily with her warm congratulatory. He looks over his shoulder and sees Gyuri smiling back. They weren’t as big as the old lady’s but Jaejoong could tell it wasn’t forced.

 

“It must feel nice to have grandparents,” she mutters, staring into the blurry figure of the old lady as they go, still waving even though it would probably be only seen by no one aside from her.

 

Jaejoong sees their house roof and takes his time, sitting straight. The soft caressing cadence of air feels nice against his skin. They were five hour train ride from Seoul, Gyuri will be there at night time and Jaejoong will have his bed back. “Congratulations.”

 

“You already said them, doofus.” Gyuri hits his back but presses a smile at his spine.

 

“I know. I just…” He lets the air fill his words, stares hard at the pavement and stops right in front of his house. He doesn’t get off, neither does Gyuri.

 

She stares at the door, sounds of unidentified objects comes from the opened window just beside it. The air smells different, always different with this house. She fights against the admittance at the tip of her tongue and pinches Jaejoong instead and asks, “Why is your mom so loud whenever she’s frantic?”

 

It was everything but a small feast. Mrs. Kim had gone all the way that Gyuri almost fell to her knees. Jaejoong tries to cover the sudden strain in her movements and reprimands his mother for forgetting his ice cream, of all things. He turns to his father and whines for not reminding her. It was a sight to see for a grown up man to be acting as such, but if not, the sadness would be easily noticed.

 

She lies in his bed after lunch and stares at the ceiling. Her duffle bag and backpack sits on top of his study table, she lets her eyes wander around the room. Jaejoong was like any other guy and a lot like not the same as well. He’s messy but kept their limits and cleans after the mess. He makes his bed but purposely forgets them during weekends. Posters that used to hang on the wall left their marks with dust frames for remembrance. She tries to recall what was once there, eyes lingering at the picture taped in his cabinet.

 

Over the time, Gyuri has forgotten what keeps Jaejoong motivated during his school days. But she will never forget the reason why she’s crying beside the grinning Jaejoong in the picture.

 

“What’s this?” Jaejoong asks, breaking her from tracking memory lane, leaning against the door. He walks inside and uses his foot to nudge Gyuri aside. She rolls her eyes but moves anyway. “Why are you sulking here?”

 

“I was planning on taking a nap,” she turns her head on the side. Jaejoong’s looking back at her. “Until you came and ruined the peace.”

 

“Did you call Yunho?”

 

She shakes her head, “But he congratulated me through message and said to text him back once I reach the station.”

 

He blinks a couple of times, seemingly uncertain for his next words. Gyuri pretends it doesn’t bother her. “I’m sorry. They were just really excited about your graduation. I told them to keep it simple.”

 

She smiles and pokes the tip of his nose. “It’s fine. It felt nice to know other people cares.”

 

Jaejoong catches her hand and holds it. Down stairs, the sound of screaming fans and his father’s victorious shouts of joy pierced inside the room. He missed the first goal from his favorite team. “You’re always welcome here, Gyul, always.”

 

Gyuri stares at their hands and swallows hard. There’s a sudden churning feeling in her stomach and it hurts that Jaejoong never says them straight but delivers the meaning right into her ears. She moves closer and lets her lids flutter to darkness. The smell of fabric conditioner and old sheets combined filters through her nose into comfort familiarity.

 

At three, she bids Mr. and Mrs. Kim goodbye with her backpack and duffle bag. Mr. Kim hugs her like that of a father she never knew. It was strange but not unwelcomed. Mrs. Kim had tears in her eyes, kissing her cheeks twice. She fights back the bitter liquid when she remembers that her own mother chose to ignore her at her graduation day. Rather, she bows at them properly and smiles genuinely at their kindness.

 

She’s got one hand around Jaejoong’s middle and the other holding the duffle bag in her lap when they pass the intersection and the old lady’s house. Her flower bed of daises were glowing under the sun, leaves are as green as the color of crayon left alone in her old room. When they pass by her school, she waves at the security guard until he was out of sight.

 

Jaejoong’s whistling all the way but it sounds melancholic.

 

The station wasn’t crowded unlike that time they saw Yunho off. She buys her ticket with trembling hands and returns back to Jaejoong once done. They wait silently for the next train to come.

 

“Here,” Jaejoong says, breaking the pregnant silence. He forces the envelope in Gyuri’s hand and the touch lingers for another minute. “If you ever miss us.”

 

Gyuri stares at the envelope. The train comes at three fifty but her ticket says four o’clock. She doesn’t get up and Jaejoong was hesitant but pulls her up and hugs her tight. She clutches at his clothes and buries her nose in his chest. Other passengers had started boarding the train, turning back around for a second goodbye to the ones left behind.

 

“Call me when you get there,” he whispers in her ears. “When you feel lonely, when Yunho’s not there.” She nods her head, inhaling the well known scent. “Tell me what happened with your father. I wanna know everything.” He pulls back a little and plants a kiss in her forehead, eyes cast away somewhere far from reality, “I care Gyul, and I never want you to leave.”

 

 

 

The train horns twice and she stares at the window. Jaejoong’s waving at her. He doesn’t move when the train does, Gyuri does. She stands up and cranes her neck, plasters her cheek against the cold glass. Jaejoong’s smile was small but it was enough. She sits back down and opens the envelope.

 

The stamps look familiar, like the ones at the drawer by his study table.

 

 

---

 

 

Yunho spots her immediately as she steps onto the platform despite the crowd. He looks so much like the last time they saw each other, still the same tall guy that had offered her a change in her life, still the handsome man she knew from Jaejoong.

 

“I’m glad that you’re safe,” still the same boy that hugs her like his own lost sister, like at the moment.

 

“I’ve never experienced such long ride before,” she smiles at him as he pulls back. “Boring, I had no one to talk to.”

 

“We all felt the same,” Yunho laughs, ruffling her hair. “Congratulations for surviving college. I would’ve bought you flowers but I forgot the last minute.”

 

“Bummer,” she sticks her tongue out at him but follows Yunho out of the station with excitement tickling her sides.

 

 

 

“My life’s never been this dramatic,” she stares in awe at the rooftop apartment in front of her. She turns to Yunho and points behind her, “Is this real?”

 

Yunho nods, grinning as he steps ahead and unlocks the door. Gyuri follows behind, uncertain yet curious, eyes wandering from every nook and cranny inside the room. The place was small, obviously something that can be afford at a low rent to pay but Gyuri didn’t expect much, wouldn’t even have the money to afford one herself if she ever pursue her goal in Seoul without Yunho’s help.

 

“Kyuhyun’s out working,” Yunho’s voice takes her attention, head peaking from inside a room Gyuri assumes would be hers to stay. “This is my old room but it’ll be yours now.”

 

She stands at the door frame, “Where will you sleep?”

 

Yunho grabs a few things from the drawer before he answers, “I’ll room with Kyuhyun. You’ll meet him tomorrow, for now try to settle in. I have to go back to work, can you stay alone?”

 

Gyuri looks at the single bed, at the closet, then back at Yunho. She gets a glimpse of his ringing phone in his hand. “Yeah, thanks.”

 

“Are you sure? I can just call work.”

 

“Absolutely,” she takes a step inside and places her bag on the covers. “I’m also tired so there’s really nothing I want now aside from sleep.”

 

Yunho stares at her skeptically, “Fine then. If ever you’re hungry there’s food in the fridge, just heat it up. I’ll lock the door but in case something happens, call me right away. I promise to take you around the city in the coming days.”

 

Gyuri rolls her eyes, pushing Yunho out of the room, “Yes dad, I got everything.”

 

Yunho stops just at the door, gazing down at her. “Welcome to Seoul, Park Gyuri.”

 

 

 

Night time in Seoul is nothing too different, Gyuri decides.

 

 

---

 

 

Cho Kyuhyun is the same age as she is but a college drop-out unlike her. He met Yunho in the middle of his job hunting and the rest just followed suit as he retells the story of how they ended on a rooftop to Gyuri in front of a late breakfast. He’s wearing sweatpants and a shirt that looked like they came out in the depths of his closet, untouched since they were bought. Manners, he had said to Yunho when the latter eyed him.

 

“You’re reminding me of Yunho so much right now,” he says, mouth filled with bread and eggs.

 

Gyuri arches a brow, “How so?”

 

Kyuhyun swallows them, “When I first met him. So lost and too small for the city. But you also look different, I can’t tell how but I can sense it.”

 

Gyuri turns on her side, at Yunho. “Why is he weird?”

 

“Yah!” Kyuhyun’s voice went threatening but the lack of spite brought smiles onto Gyuri’s face.

 

“On second thought, I think we’ll be great friends,” she reaches for her cup of coffee and blows at the steam on top.

 

“Have you called Jae already?”

 

She stares at Kyuhyun for a while before she puts the cup down and runs towards her room.

 

 

---

 

 

Seoul in daylight is a whole lot different from her hometown. Everything is huge and small, from commercial buildings to boutiques. There’s also the ample amount of cafés in every corner, and noraebangs that are scattered around the place. People walking the streets wear suits and corporate attires in the morning, while a person with casual clothes comes out at midday and afternoons. But majority of them all flies at night.

 

Gyuri tells Jaejoong where Yunho had taken her in her phone calls at night, when the latter and Kyuhyun are on their way to work. She texts him everything she observes at day, and leave him voice messages at his working hours.

 

She calls Mrs. Kim from time to time, but never her own mother. Her dad’s new number is kept tucked in her wallet, weighing a ton of unanswered questions, but it’s Mr. Kim’s face she sees when she thinks of a father.

 

 

---

 

 

Her first job was at a fast-food chain, working behind the cash register. Gyuri’s shift starts at seven in the morning and ends at three in the afternoon. She smiles all the time, greeting strangers triple the amount she had met in her life in one day. On her third week, it’s Yunho she greets in the afternoon, exactly right before her shift ends.

 

“You could’ve told me that you were coming,” she says, taking the chair in front of him out and takes the liberty to sit. She picks from his fries and sips from his drink.

 

“Where’s the surprise in there?” He pushes his tray in front of her supporting his chin in his palm as he leans forward.

 

“That’s a good point I can’t argue,” she points at the unopened greasy burger then at herself, eyes quizzically staring at Yunho’s.

 

“That is yours actually.”

 

She beams, dismissing the sight of excess oil accumulated at the wrapper. “In that case, feel free to visit me anytime you like, in any day, except Sundays of course.”

 

 

---

 

 

Sundays, she spends time learning to play Kyuhyun’s Star Craft, asking for a rematch every losing battle. Kyuhyun obliges her until Yunho takes them away in front of the game and sits them in the dining table. He reprimands them both but laughs anyway.

 

Other times, they watch a rented DVD with microwaveable popcorn that gets burn each time. Kyuhyun eats them nonetheless, opting to leave the ones that didn’t pop inside the bag. At night, they call for a Chinese delivery, and two boxes of pizza. They lounge in the living room, fitting three bodies in a couch that look like it would break if anymore unnecessary movement is to be made while they watch some local show until Yunho gets up and returns with cans of beer in hand.

 

She calls Jaejoong before she sleeps, reassuring the person in the other line that she wasn’t drunk.

 

 

---

 

 

Kyuhyun takes her to the cinemas one time. Although the other repeatedly said that it wasn’t a date, Gyuri messages Jaejoong that she went in one while Kyuhyun was up in line for tickets. It was a horror movie, and by the time the credits rolled in, Kyuhyun’s laughing at Gyuri’s face, so fascinated it actually brought him to tears. She stomps in his feet and glares at anyone sending them weird stares.

 

“I’ve never had a good laugh in a while,” Kyuhyun says, suppressing another round of bubble.

 

“You paid just to laugh at me, what an .”

 

“Who cares?” He drapes his arm around her shoulders and proceeds out of the cinema, “I had fun, that’s what matters.”

 

 

 

She forgets to call Jaejoong and blames Kyuhyun when she remembers a few days after.

 

 

---

 

 

Three blocks away from the rooftop apartment, Gyuri meets a new friend in the form of a cashier at the convenience store just around the corner. Kim Myungsoo was his name, a junior in college that has a smile of an angel, hiding the twinkling stars in his eyes that remind Gyuri of someone she knew. She tells Jaejoong of the younger through texts as she hides behind the shelf of instant noodles, observing the girl with an obvious hate towards make-up talking to Myungsoo.

 

She doesn’t tell him how she interrupted them after the girl’s fail attempt at flirting.

 

“She’s seriously trying so hard,” she says, eating popsicle while Myungsoo stares at her amusedly.

 

“Go out with me then,” she chokes on the treat, but Myungsoo sounded serious and it’s crazy but Gyuri’s already thinking of the possibilities. “So you’ll stop harassing every girl that tries to go out with me. You really don’t handle jealousy that pretty.”

 

Gyuri jumps from her sit and smiles down at Myungsoo, teeth stained with the popsicle’s artificial color.

 

 

 

She calls Jaejoong and tells him everything. Right after she hangs up, she calls Myungsoo and sleeps with his voice ringing in her ears.

 

 

---

 

 

Phone calls started getting lesser by the day and the amount of missed call starts coming in, until they also decreased in number, left forgotten much like the messages in her inbox.

 

 

---

 

 

The second time Yunho visits her, he wasn’t smiling. Still, his ordered food gets eaten by Gyuri with his consent. But they seem to be unable to move down from the moment Yunho voiced what’s in his mind.

 

“Stop forgetting to call Jae, he’s getting worried. If you can’t afford even a single call, then send him a message.”

 

 

---

 

 

Gyuri calls Jaejoong four days after Yunho’s visit. But it only took the first ring for Jaejoong to answer the call and Gyuri gets sentimental with memories under a certain tree.

 

“Hey,” she sits in bed, legs tucked under the blanket.

 

“Hey,” he greets back.

 

Months of not talking to each other and it already feels foreign. There was never a long silence between them two. If there were, it wasn’t cold like the one at the moment. Gyuri shifts her gaze out the window, Jaejoong’s waiting for her but Gyuri doesn’t know how to start.

 

“I…” she tries, darting out her tongue to trace a line at her bottom lip. “I’m sorry. I just-…I-...sorry,” her voice deflates at the end, not knowing what she’s really apologizing for. Perhaps for not calling back, maybe for accepting Myungsoo without consulting him first or it could be both.

 

Or.

 

“It’s fine,” she hears some noise, a door creaking open and close, probably vice versa. “I mean, you’re in a relationship now. It’s bound to hap–”

 

“We’re over,” she says, so hurriedly that what comes next is silence. “Myungsoo’s too young for me,” she adds, clutching the device tightly. She doesn’t say that the four months and a half in their relationship, Gyuri never let him kiss her good night, that Jaejoong was still the only one who had kissed her good night.

 

“Oh,” was what Jaejoong says.

 

It was also what she says, frowning at the unsettling feeling in her stomach. She waits for him to say something more, to ask questions, but there was none. And when Gyuri wakes up with the sun greeting a new day, she finds her phone out of battery lying in her pillow.

 

 

---

 

 

The calls never returned to how they were, messages also came in few. Still, Gyuri never answered them and asks herself why Jaejoong doesn’t send anymore.

 

 

---

 

 

Donghae comes in after Gyuri gets drag to the club Kyuhyun and Yunho’s working at. A general manager in profession and a real gentleman, he bought Gyuri a few drinks and asked for her number by the end of the night. Yunho eyed her when she complies but ignores even Kyuhyun’s voice in her head.

 

When they reach home, a man was already sprawled out in the couch. Gyuri doesn’t bother, rather, she went straight to her room and checked her phone. There’s an unknown number but that was it.

 

 

---

 

 

“Gyuri, this is Hyukjae, he’s a friend of ours. Hyukjae, Gyuri.” Yunho does the introduction, pulling the said boy into the dining table.

 

“Hi,” he sits next to Kyuhyun and steals a pancake.

 

“Hey,” she watches him, eating everything that was in Kyuhyun’s plate. The latter does protest but gets ignored and instead abandons his plate for a new one.

 

“He’ll be staying with us for the meantime. So you’ll have some company at night,” Yunho continues.

 

“What does he do?” Hyukjae was about to take the last stack of pancakes when he notices the still empty plate in front of him. He looks at Gyuri and shyly retreats his hand.

 

“He’s a dance instructor,” Kyuhyun supplies. “Got kicked out from his last apartment, again.”

 

“Watch it, I was never kicked out. The rent was too much so I moved out.”

 

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.”

 

“But that really was it!”

 

Gyuri looks at Kyuhyun then at Hyukjae and back at Kyuhyun. “Will I be really spending the rest of my nights with him?” she whispers.

 

Yunho smiles at her and pats her shoulder, “Don’t worry, he’s not that bad.”

 

 

---

 

 

The first date with Donghae happens after the fifth week of them exchanging messages. Gyuri had worn a simple chiffon dress and had tied her hair up in a bundle of mess and borderline elegant, her borrowed heels meeting quite noisily against the floor tiles of the five-star restaurant Donghae made a reservation. She ignores the stares following them but cannot ignore the whirlwind in her stomach. Her hand comes up to brush her cheek, suddenly agitated at the light amount of powder she had put on.

 

A waiter comes to their table and it’s then Gyuri realizes how she’s unfit for the other.

 

“I hope you don’t mind, but I ordered for you too,” it’s a puzzle why Donghae sounded hesitant when it should be Gyuri. They both know she’s working at a fast-food chain.

 

“No, its fine,” she smiles, not so bright but not forced as well. “I’m actually glad you did. I don’t know what’s good. I mean what I’d like.”

 

There’s a relief in the way Donghae exhaled and it somehow put Gyuri at ease, “Well, I hope you’d like what I ordered for you. It’s my favorite.”

 

“It must be mouth-watering,” she laughed a little and when Donghae joins, Gyuri might have forgotten why she’s having second thoughts about him.

 

 

---

 

 

She gets welcomed by Hyukjae grinning down at her from ear to ear when he gets the door. And if in the past Gyuri would only answer him with a small smile before disappearing in her room and never come out, turns out that Hyukjae wasn’t that bad as what Yunho had first said, so she returns the grin and disappears from his sight but appears minutes later in a too big shirt and boy shorts.

 

“I sense there’ll be a second date?” Hyukjae asks in a tease as she sits next to him.

 

He’s watching an American film and although Gyuri isn’t a fan of foreign films, she’s glad subtitles were there. She flicks on the hem of the shirt, a small smile hiding in her lips, “Don’t go being nosy now.”

 

He laughs, “Hey, I was just asking. You came back looking like you’ve won the lottery. So is there any?”

 

She shrugs, basking in the indifference front but after holding in for some time, she giggles and it’s embarrassing but Gyuri doesn’t find it doing so in front of Hyukjae. As if she’d known Hyukjae enough and had seen her in more embarrassing way that she feels comfortable in her skin right now. It almost made her feel at home. Almost.

 

“. You like him!”

 

Gyuri shoves him away, feeling the heat creep from her neck as Hyukjae continues to gawk at her. “Shut up. I don’t like him like…like him, okay.”

 

“Then what’s with the sudden oh-I-feel-like-in-high-school-again face?”

 

Gyuri frowns– try, at least. “I don’t make that face.”

 

He tilts his head to the side, “Should I believe you?” He just stares at her before laughing out loud when Gyuri responds with incoherent noise, looking stupefied.

 

“By the way,” Hyukjae starts, recovering from his laughter. “Yunho said to call Jaejoong, or at least his mom. He says Mrs. Kim is missing you.”

 

If Hyukjae noticed the immediate change in Gyuri’s mood, he doesn’t say it.

 

But Gyuri can tell.

 

 

---

 

 

She pretends Hyukjae have said nothing and instead goes on her second date with Donghae. Only that the second date just so happens to be in a park with Donghae standing beside two bicycles. She knew how to ride one, grew up with scratches in her knees trying to learn as fast as she can in able to join the other kids racing with their bicycles up to the hill. Still, with all the gained experience, Gyuri prefers sitting at the back while feeling the gush of wind in her skin, likes holding on to something solid while fearing that gravity might pull her down.

 

Gyuri will never admit though.

 

And she’d rather pull Hyukjae down with her in the couch than call Mrs. Kim while alone in her room.

 

“Why are you manhandling me?” Hyukjae whines, prying off the hand in his wrist.

 

“Shh, keep quiet. I’ll be making a call.” She taps her phone and dials up a number.

 

“Shouldn’t I be leaving? Hello, privacy? Who’re you calling anyway?”

 

Gyuri puts a finger in her lips and sits up straight when a voice rings in her ears.

 

“Hello… Ah, I miss you guys too… Of course I’m doing fine… No, there’s no one right now… Yunho? He’s at work with Kyuhyun… How’s Mr. Kim?... I see… J-Jae? No, I haven’t had the time to call him. I’ve been too busy… Yes, yes… Okay, I’ll talk to you again soon. Please stay healthy. Bye.”

 

Gyuri doesn’t know why it felt more dragging than having to cycle around the whole park for hours.

 

Hyukjae stares at her; he opens his mouth but closes right after realizing he knows nothing of what had just happened.

 

 

---

 

 

The entire breakfast, Yunho’s staring at her. It gets on her nerves when he doesn’t leave her and asks him agitatedly what.

 

“Will you call Jae now?”

 

She heaves a heavy sigh and leaves the room.

 

 

---

 

 

The third, fourth, nor the fifth date with Donghae never happened. Gyuri’s back to that fast-food chain cashier that she previously is, welcoming strangers and taking orders. Sometimes she spends the rest of her afternoon idling around the city just to avoid Yunho. Other times, she fakes being exhausted and thus isolates herself in her room.

 

But when it’s just Hyukjae and her, she calls for delivery and demands for the former to pay.

 

“When I decided to crash in here, my mind was set on saving more money,” he says, throwing his wallet at the table. He eyes the pizza in front and grimaces at the amount of cheese but plucks a piece. “What happened with Donghae?”

 

“Didn’t work out,” she chews on her bite, flipping through the channel.

 

“What do you mean didn’t work out? Weren’t you like smitten with him?” He grabs the remote from her when they come across Running Man.

 

Gyuri draws her knees up to her chest, “I wasn’t smitten, it just so happens that I actually had a good time that night. Plus, he’s a general manager, I might as well be working under him.”

 

“Wow, I didn’t peg you as someone who has insecurities.”

 

She smirks around her pizza, “I have a lot.”

 

 

---

 

 

Yunho doesn’t bring up the topic anymore, but Kyuhyun does give her looks from time to time.

 

One morning she wakes up with a new message from Jaejoong. She just stares at it, not touching the device. Around breakfast, she dazedly finishes her plate before she calls dibs in the bathroom. Everyone seems to be working just fine and Gyuri wonders why her heart skips a beat the moment she finally decided to tap her home screen. It shouldn’t, nor should she feel excited and anxious at the same time.

 

But it does do somersaults, and beats twice as fast when she reads the message.

 

Don’t forget to call your dad. That’s why you’re there in the first place.

 

She calls in sick for work, sits at the edge of the bed and stares at nothing.

 

 

---

 

 

Hyukjae finally breaks his silence after Gyuri watched his collection of foreign movies and is dangerously close to emptying his wallet. He forces her to sit down in the dining table and takes the sit across from her. They have an hour left before Yunho and Kyuhyun comes home.

 

“Tell me about this Jaejoong guy because I’ve been hearing his name and you’ve been acting weird. If he’s an ex then just call him and clear things up. I can’t have more pizza to stomach.”

 

Gyuri looks taken aback, like she wasn’t expecting it at all, for Hyukjae of all people to talk about it. But she sighs, and it suddenly felt tiring, avoiding everything. Maybe it does, because Gyuri finds herself opening and no one, not even herself, had the chance to stop the words slipping past through them. From telling Hyukjae how she felt unwelcomed in her previous town, to how Jaejoong admitted belatedly that he really doesn’t want her to leave.

 

 

 

Later, just before she retreats back to her room, Hyukjae asks her, “Why are you here then?”

 

 

---

 

 

She repeats the question to herself as she stares at her father’s number, asks herself again during her working hours, glancing around the chain filled with families dining-in. When she comes across the stamps, hidden somewhere in the depths of her duffle bag under Yunho’s bed, Gyuri asks the same question out loud.

 

 

---

 

 

The differences start sinking in when Gyuri inhales through the comforter and doesn’t smell the odd combination of fabric conditioner and months old sheets, when it’s a lot colder being covered by them than be exposed to the night breeze. When Kyuhyun walks around half but Gyuri doesn’t see any tattoos. When Gyuri sees the bell peppers she left aside as she does the dishes.

 

She notices that the room doesn’t have any dust frames lining the wall. That there are no stairs inside the flat to climb up and down, and that no one comes home at seven fifteen. Nor does anyone call her Gyul. And in general, it just felt different.

 

Gyuri had prolonged what she really came here for, she knew, is aware of it. But as she taps on the call and waits as it rings, it’s a little scary how she might not be prepared for this at all. Neither did she think of being directed to voice mail would hurt her despite having no expectations. Maybe it was better that way, not forcing to have a conversation with the man. Still, Gyuri can’t hide the longing when the voice greeted her a little cheerful that she almost didn’t recognize the weariness shadowing it.

 

She breathes.

 

“Hey, dad. I hope you still remember your daughter. I’m in Seoul right now, for almost a year actually. And I- if you ever go back in time, will you have taken me with you? Because I left someone and I think I’m in love with him and I miss him but I miss you, too, so much. I miss you dad.”

 

Gyuri gets startled not by the sound ringing in her ears, indicating the end of her message, but by the sudden wetness in her cheeks. After all, she had hoped only to realize that everything has been right on track.

 

 

---

 

 

It was a Sunday, they were playing video games and Gyuri’s losing pathetically when she opens about it.

 

“I’m sure I got scared but not because of what I told him,” she starts, staring at her lying character. “It wasn’t entirely a lie though. What feared me most is that one day he’ll get bored of me. Or that I’m just a sister to him. Jae always say that I’m like a family to them but the truth is, I’ve always been jealous how he has one while I have none. So I accepted Yunho’s offer thinking I might complete myself once I met with my dad but I think what I did, broke what was already complete.”

 

The silence was deafening, the sudden admittance caught them by surprise, even Gyuri herself. For when she exhaled, it never felt this refreshing to finally let out something.

 

“Remember when I say that you’re different from Yunho?” Kyuhyun starts, and the way he looks at her is a bit disturbing, like he knew all along. “He belongs here while you belong somewhere else.”

 

She smiles sadly and looks down, because Kyuhyun really did knew while Gyuri turn a blind eye assuming it will fade away. In her peripheral view, she catches her phone being pushed towards her.

 

“Call him,” Yunho whispers, gentle and understanding.

 

 

---

 

 

She finally calls him, after drinking a few bottle of beer thinking it might help her have the courage. It did, but Jaejoong sounded so awfully familiar to home and comfort on the other end of the line that Gyuri starts trembling and feeling all kinds of endearment. She tries to clear and ended up with her heart beating erratically and her eyes welling up with more belated realizations.

 

“I miss you.”

 

She bit on her lips and cries her eyes out.

 

 

---

 

 

Morning comes with a headache and a new message from Jaejoong. She fumbles on her phone and opens the message with an unexpected anticipation.

 

Come back home, Gyul. To me, come back home.

 

She reads it over and over again before she stumbles out of the room, waking everyone with her voice.

 

“I’m going home.”