It was a new morning, my eyes flutter open, I try to adjust to the darkness in my room, I blink a few times with my eyes, my sight was used to the darkness now, I opened my ear and listen for noises in house, but it was to quiet, I tilt my head a little to give my right ear more space to hear, still nothing.

I slowly climb out bed, hoping my parents were just out and that's why it was so quiet, I slowly walk closer towards the living room, seeing my mum sitting on the couch, her face stained with tears, when she notice me,  she look at me her beautiful brown eyes where wet from the tears, and when you looked in them, you could see the emptiness, the sadness in those pretty eyes, I could felt the tension, I slowly walk towards the three sit couch and sit down next to my father, he was looking down without saying a word.

We sat there for a while, I could hear the clock ticking slowly moving forward,while we all sat still, I could hear sobs coming from my mum, I slowly took a deep breath, I turn my attention towards my mum, I tried to make jokes with her, to see her smile again, although her eyes where still empty.

I decided to take a shower, I rushed towards my room, leaving my parents behind, leaving the tension behind, but I could feel it following me. I got under the shower and put on my music, I could hear yelling coming from the living room, yelling from anger,  from pain, I closed my eyes and tried to push everything of, every sound, every painful word, I knew they didn't mean them, maybe at this moment they did, but they love each other.

When I was done I could hear music coming from my mother’s room, I sighs and tried to put on a smile, my mum asked with her hoarse voice if I had a nice shower, I answer her quickly not trusting my own voice, I slowly walk back towards my room, I sat down on my chair at my desk and took my diary.

Slowly...
Very slowly.. reaching closer
Very slowly touching the pen, very slowly taking a deep breath...
Very slowly picking up the pen, moving my hand towards my diary...
Very slowly writing letters, letters becoming words and words become sentences...
Very slowly pouring my heart out..

Dear diary
Again an new day,  ah day what I like to forget, it's still early, when I look outside I see smiles I hear laughter, the sun is shining brightly . And here I'm wishing it was over, this beautiful day, I wish I could sleep and wake up when my mum have a smile on her face again! Slowly I write those words down on here dear diary, slowly I feel tears leaving my eyes. I wished I was never born,  I don't see a purpose for me to be on this earth, maybe me dying is so much better, why did my sister die, maybe it was better if she was alive, maybe my parents would have a daughter to be proud off then.

Slowly very slowly I read the words again and again and feel a weight lift off my shoulders.
Slowly very slowly I lay my pen down.
Slowly very slowly I tilt my head to my right.
Slowly very slowly I see my mum hugging my dad and all is forgiven.
Slowly very slowly I close my diary.
Slowly very slowly I roll my eyes, put on a smile and walk towards my parents, wrap my arms around them and sighs relieved.
Slowly very slowly enjoying this moment.

_______________________________________

Hellloo you guys! I just wanted to make clear beforehand, this is not how I feel, this is not what I think. I just read an sad book about this girl always fighting with their mum and stepfather, losing her sister by an accident, and that’s why her parents are divorced, it’s a Dutch book and kind of forgot the tittle hehe. But so you guys know, this is not and I seriously mean it, this is not how I feel.