(Request from wolffoggirl)

You’re staring at the rain when you hear it for the first time.  You recognize the voice right away.  There is no mistaking it.  It’s Jaejoong.  You haven’t talked to him in a long time, but you’ve kept up with his singing career.  You hadn’t gotten the chance to get his latest CD, though.  That must be why you don’t know the song already.  You listen closely to the words.

“Look at my eyes.  Look at my eyes.”

You feel your heart thump hard in your chest.  You have heard this before.

“Let me show you what you’re missin’.  Let me show you what you’re missin’.  I’m your, I’m your paradise.”

You knock on the door in front of you.  Your heart was soaring.  You couldn’t wait to tell Jaejoong your good news.  You bounce a little in place, humming to yourself as you wait for an answer.  You wonder why he called you out of the blue.  Your best friend’s reasoning was, “I need to tell you something.”  Strange enough, you were taking out your phone to tell him your good news when he called.  You two always did have this weird way of knowing when the other had something to say.

Jaejoong opens the door.  He is dressed in a nice white suit shirt and black slacks.  The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and the top few buttons are undone.  He is looking at you with a small smile and his head slightly tilted to the left.

“Whoa.  What are you all dressed up for?”  You can’t deny that he was very y in that outfit.  Hell, he was always y, but you never thought about him that way.  You were just friends.

“You’ll find out in a minute.  What about you?  You’re looking unusually cute today.”  He looks you up and down then gives you a knowing smirk.  You look down at your outfit.  You’re wearing a jean miniskirt and a close fitting tee with the word “PINK” across the front.  Then you realize what Jaejoong said.

“Hey, are you saying I’m not usually cute?”  You put your hands on your hips.

Jaejoong laughs a little, holding his hands up in surrender.  “All I’m saying is that, you usually wear sweatpants and hoodies a lot.  You don’t like dressing up a lot.”

“Yeah, well, today was special.”  You cross your arms in front of your chest and turn your head, followed by a little “humph” to emphasize the gesture.  So maybe, you liked a little aegyo now and then.  It never hurts.

Jaejoong covered his mouth to avoid laughing at your cuteness.  “I’m sure it was, but you can tell me all about it after you come inside and I tell you what I’ve been dying to say all day.”  He beckons you to come in, turning his body so you can pass him.  You walk into his apartment, like you’ve done five million times before.  However, this time feels a little different.  You feel a nervous shiver run through your body, as if this is no ordinary news.

Jaejoong closes the door behind you and follows you down the hallway.  When you get to the living room, you understand the nervousness you felt.  The lights are dim and the curtains are closed.  There are candles on every table and shelf, giving the room a romantic air.  The coffee table is decorated with a small package and two wine glasses, glistening in the candle light.  A small bucket of ice is sitting on the ground next to the table, with a bottle of champagne angled out.

You can’t breathe.  The dark room seems to have taken the air right out of your lungs and refused to let you regain any oxygen.  This was the kind of thing you see in movies and never in real life.  That’s right.  It had to be a movie set or something.  Jaejoong was an actor.  This is just a set up for an oncoming movie and he was practicing a scene.  Right?

You turn to look at Jaejoong.  He’s not there.  You turn all the way around, looking in all directions.  Then you feel him behind you.  You turn around right as he grabs your hand and pulls you into the room.  “Jaejoong…” you start, but you have no idea what to say next.

“I’ve been waiting for this all day.  You have no idea how nervous I was on the phone.  I thought my knees would give out.  In fact, I think they are about to give out now.”  He laughs to himself.  “Silly right?”

He sits you on the sofa in front of the coffee table.  You find your eyes landing on the box on the table.  It has a little green bow on top.  You know what it is, but you don’t want to believe it.  This couldn’t be.  It’s impossible.  What’s worse is that all this is happening today.  Today when you…

“Jaejoong.”  You can barely hear it yourself, but Jaejoong stops whatever he was saying and looks at you.  He sits down next to you.

“Hold on just a second.  Let me say this first, before I lose my nerve.  I’ve been wanting to say this for a long time, but I knew I had to wait until you were over your break up with your ex-boyfriend.  I know we’ve been friends for a long time…”

“Jaejoong…”

“But I can’t help what I feel.  And I feel like…”

“Stop...”

“I love you.”

Your heart silently breaks into a million pieces and you feel like crying.  You would give anything to take back what he said and forget this whole thing ever happened.  You just stare at him, with no idea what to do or what to say.  Jaejoong looks back at you expectantly, as if he is waiting for some kind of answer.     

“Well, are you going to say anything?”  He puts his hand on your knee.  You jerk away from his touch and stand up, taking a few steps away.  You hold yourself, digging your nails into your arm.

“I have news for you too, Jaejoong.  The reason why I look cute today and the reason why I sounded so happy earlier when you called.  Today, I went on a date with him.”

The air of the room changed.  You knew that once you had told him, he would change into the protective best friend he always was.  You could feel his anger start to flare.

“You did what?”

You hear him stand up and stomp over to you.  He turns you to face him, none too gently.  “You promised me you would never get back together with him.  We’ve been over this a hundred times.  He’s no good and you know that.”  He was gripping your shoulders tightly, hurting you.

“Jaejoong.  Stop you’re hurting me.”

“I’m hurting you?  Have you forgotten what that jerk has done to you?  And now you are back together with him?  How stupid can you be?”  He shakes you hard.  You can see the anger in his eyes.  The veins in his neck are popping out, as they always do when he is this mad.  His hair is slightly covering his left eye, making him look even scarier.  His chest is heaving in and out, pushing on the shirt, threating to pop the buttons off.

“He’s changed, Jaejoong.  He said that he was different now and that he was sorry for everything in the past.  We had the best date we’ve ever had today.  He was sweet and caring and…”

“You really believe that bastard?  How could he have changed so dramatically in three months?  Guys like him never change.  He may be nice to you for the first couple of weeks, but then he’ll be just the same as he was before.”

“That’s not going to happen this time.”

Jaejoong growled in his throat, then grabbed your arm dragging you behind him.

“Ow, Jaejoong.  That hurts.”  You tried to resist him, but he jerked you along with him squeezing your arm tighter with every step.  He drags you into the bathroom and throws you against the counter.  You turn around right as he turns on the light.  He looks even scarier in the bright light.  Then he lunges toward you.  He turns you around so that you see yourself in the mirror.

“You see that scar under your eye?  You remember how you got that?  You got that after he back handed you and his ring left a huge cut under your eye.  The nurse said that you were lucky it wasn’t any higher, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to see.”  He grabs your arm and holds it up.  “You see that scar on your forearm?  That’s where he threw a picture frame at you and the glass cut you so deep that you had to have blood transfusions to stay alive.  Want me to continue?”

You couldn’t help but let the tears fall.  He was right about all those things.  Jaejoong was always the one to drive you to the emergency room at 2:00 in the morning.  He had convinced you to break up with him and also let you stay at his place until your ex-boyfriend had stopped sending the death threats. 

But Jaejoong didn’t understand.  You loved him and he was always very sweet.  There were just a few times when he lost his temper, but those times had always been your fault, so you deserved to be punished for what you did.  No matter what, you still loved him.

“He different now Jaejoong.”

Jaejoong wheeled you around to look at his face.  “I’ve told you how I feel about you now, are you really going to get back with him instead of being with me?”

“Jaejoong, I…”

“I have always been there for you, have I not?”  You look away, trying to avoid his burning stare.  “Look at my eyes!” he yells.  You slowly look back at him.  His face has changed now.  He doesn’t seem angry anymore.  Quite the opposite.  He seems upset.  You can see his eyes shining in the light of the bathroom.  Water is gathering in his eyes and you see him struggle to hold them back.  “I can make miracles happen, Jagiya.”

Jagiya?!?!  He’s never called you that before.  He actually hated little nicknames like that.

“You know, that I’ve lost everything important to me.  I don’t want to lose you too.  I don’t want you to go, please.  If you start going out with him again, I’m afraid he’s going to do something horrible to you.  How long will it be before he loses his temper again and ends up killing you?”

The tears come more rapidly to your eyes.  Jaejoong lets you go and backs away slowly.  He backs into the wall almost slipping on a towel that had been left on the ground.  His head is hanging from his shoulders, hair covering his face completely.

“When will you realize that I’m your paradise?”  This last question is no more than a whisper.  You head starts reeling at the terrible mistake you’ve made.  But you know how dangerous your boyfriend can be and you dare not back out on him, or else who knows what he will do.

“I’m sorry, Jaejoong, but I can’t.”  The words seemed to echo in the air.  The tension in the room broke.  Instead of being full of anger and sorrow, there was nothing now.

“If that’s how you feel, then I’m afraid I can’t be your friend anymore.  Get out.”

You collapse to your knees.  How could he say that?  The words had no meaning to him, yet they broke everything left inside of you.  You feel like you are going crazy, but you don’t know what to do.

You stand up slowly and start walking out the door.

“Wait.”

You look at Jaejoong.  He walks over to you and wraps his arm around you.  Before you realize it, he takes your chin and pulls your face to his, kissing you.  You get a little shock, but don’t resist.  His touch is so gentle, nothing compared to how your boyfriend’s is.  This kiss proves that you’ve made a terrible mistake, but there is no way to turn back the clock.

When Jaejoong pulls away, he looks deep in your eyes.  His face is covered with tear trails, making this moment the worst of your life.

You hear your name being called by the nurse next to the emergency room sign in desk.  You raise your hand and start rolling your wheel chair over to the desk.

“Miss, this is the third time this month you’re in here for x-rays.  Is everything alright at home?”

She starts to push you back to the x-ray room you were now so familiar with.  “Yeah.  I’m just really clumsy.”

“Last time you said you fell down the stairs backwards, the time before that you said you ran into a door frame.  What did you do this time?”

“I tripped and fell onto the coffee table.  The thing ended up breaking into a million pieces.  I guess I need a new living environment.  The one I have now is bent on killing me.”