it had been about a week since yifan disappeared, their concert was a few hours away and although he tried to act okay, jongdae was far from that. the members had their ways of dealing with the situation: tao spent endless nights in the practice room singing songs to take away the pain, sehun wrapped himself up in yifan’s blankets keeping the elder’s plushies close to his side, yixing shut himself in his room composing melancholy melodies that fills the unwanted silence. 

jongdae groaned as he tossed and turned just thinking about what has happened the past couple of days. he was unable to get any sleep with all the thoughts running through his head. why did yifan leave? was it something the members did? was yifan doing alright? so many things were left unsaid and that left the young boy anxious. sometimes, he wished that this was all one huge nightmare- that he would wake up and see yifan smiling and shaking him awake, informing him about that day’s schedule. but no, that was not the case. that was his dream world and this? this was reality. 

yifan was gone and jongdae no longer had a tall chinese man to talk to in the middle of the night. there was no one to joke around with him in between m’s schedules, one who was so willing to teach him (broken) english and willingly put up with his weird ways. 

jongdae would cry, just like he did for the past couple of days, but there were no more tears to shed. just thoughts running in circles through his head. jongdae felt lost without his leader by his side. sure, junmyeon was still there but he felt empty, like a part of him was missing.

he sighed, carding fingers through his short hair. he grabbed his phone, pressing a random button to check the time: it was 4:27am. jongdae unlocked his phone, opened his photo app and scrolled through the many pictures he had saved, hoping that this activity would lift up his mood. he chuckled lightly at all the silly photos stored on his phone and paused when he came across a picture he cherished so much. it was a picture of himself and his senior, zhang liyin, in the middle of the sm the ballad promotions. both of them were looking straight into the camera, liyin smiling a beautiful smile that lit up the whole room and jongdae grinning widely from ear to ear.

he then recalled the one moment that liyin said she would always be there to listen to him whenever he needed her. she was there when no one else would help him with his chinese pronunciations in the middle of the night, when he needed some last minute vocal coaching and when he needed someone to calm him down with a song, so why would this time be any different?

he scrolled down his contact list and stopped when he found her name. he took a deep breath before pressing the call button. he held his breath as he heard the dial tone. it took about four rings before he heard a muffled “hello.”

“liyin noona?” he whispered into his phone’s mic.

“mmm...jongdae?” jongdae heard her raspy voice reply.

“ah, noona, never mind. i’m sorry for bothering you. just go back to sleep. you sound tired,” he shook his head, wondering why he even bothered contacting her. he was about to hang up when she quickly answered him, “n-no, wait, jongdae. it’s fine. what is it?”

“noona, it’s nothi-”

“well, it can’t be nothing if you’re up at this time.”

he stayed silent and though liyin wasn’t there with him physically, she knew that jongdae had his lips in a tight line- a habit of his when he knew he was in the wrong and the other was in the right.

“i thought so,” she teased. he heard the ruffling of bedsheets and he assumed that liyin was sitting up in her bed, ears ready to listen to whatever her junior and now close friend had to say. it was quiet for a few moments, save the sound of their breathing. the silence was killing jongdae and he felt his eyes begin to water.

liyin, as patient as ever, waited for the boy to talk but became more alert when she started to hear tiny sniffles.

“jongdae-yah?”

“i’m s-sorry, noona, i jus-” he broke down and liyin swore she heard the fragile boy’s heart break in two even though they were miles apart.

“i can't sleep. there's so much going on and i didn’t know who to go to,” he cried into his phone. “i usually go to kris-hyung bu-” he couldn’t help but weep and she felt a small pang in her heart when she heard the yifan’s name. liyin just wished she was there to lend the hurting boy a shoulder to lean on. 

“shh, jongdae. it’s okay. you’ll be alright.”

“n-no, noona, you don-”

“i know i may not understand what you’re going through, jongdae. but if you tell me, it might make you feel better,” she spoke with a soothing voice, a voice that jongdae could listen to days without end. 

“not now, noona. i don’t think i can do it, not yet,” he rubbed his eyes.

“that’s alright, jongdae. whenever you’re ready, just know i’m here,” her calming voice reassured him. she only spoke a few words and he already felt a tad bit better. he felt calmer, more relaxed and he was grateful.

“ liyin noona?”

“yes?” her voice went up a pitch. 

“c-can you…” he paused, thinking that it would be a weird request.

“can i what? it’s alright, jongdae. you can ask me, i don’t mind.” 

“can you sing for me? sing me to sleep?” jongdae requested, his voice barely above a whisper. he sounded like a lost child, looking for his mother and she couldn’t help but give in.

“you want me to sing for you?” 

“...you don’t have to bu-” he was cut off by the angelic voice he loved so much. she sang with so much emotion, he could feel it though they were currently apart. it sounded so pure, so raw and it was comforting. 

with you by my side, i know that there’s nothing else i should fear

his eyes fluttered to a close and he shifted in his bed with his phone pressed tightly against his ear, imagining liyin beside him, running her soft fingers through his hair, calming his nerves and his mind. 

all that i wish is to have you soar with me for eternity

a warm feeling coursed through his body and jongdae couldn’t help but shiver as she kept singing, hitting each note perfectly. he began to smile, glad that he had a guardian angel to watch over him in his time of need. 

you’re all i need - i just want to say how much i love you

his uneven breathing was slowing down into a regular, more relaxed pace as she sang through the chorus. she heard his steady breaths and light snores through her phone’s speaker and she was glad that the boy was finally getting the rest he deserved.

baby, you will last forever, my love

“good night, jongdae,” liyin murmured before she set her phone down and drifting off into a deep sleep, where the sweet boy waited for her in her dreams. 

-

the next morning, liyin woke up to a familiar text tone. rolling over, she grabbed her phone and opened the message.

thank you for everything, liyin noona. it was the best sleep i’ve had in quite a while. sorry for disturbing you during your beauty sleep (although you don’t really need it, just saying)

she giggled at the boy’s cuteness and quickly typed up her reply. anything for you, jongdae. 

anything?

anything.