Chapter Six

“Are you angry at me?”

I shook my head, then felt silly because Luhan wasn’t in the room with me. “No, I’m not,” I simply said. It was not so much of anger, it was more of a worry. I was becoming increasingly stressed about the relationship. I really couldn’t let anyone know, and I was trying to make Luhan understand that.

“You can’t let people know about us,” I sighed.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want anyone to find out, especially my parents.”

“Well, my parents know about this and they’re fine with it.”

I placed the phone on speaker mode and went on to reply Kai’s message on Facebook. “See, that’s the difference, Luhan. Your parents accepted that you’re gay, my parents have not, and probably will not.”

“Are you ever going to tell them?” he asked. I could tell he was getting choked up. I breathed out loudly and hesitated.

To be completely honest, I didn’t know. Initially, I hadn’t given it much thought at all because I wasn’t sure I would live for long. I couldn’t tell Luhan that, of course. And besides, now that my life finally seemed to move on as I once planned, I wanted more than anything to survive. That would mean that at some point, I would have to confess. There was no way I could keep it a secret forever, and it worried me.

What if they know? What if I get kicked back to square one? What if they think I’m weird?

“Sehun?”

I turned off speaker mode and brought the phone to the bed with me. “I don’t know… how,” I said softly. There was a long, nerve-wrecking pause on the line. I brushed my fringe away from my forehead. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m here,” he sniffed.

“I’ll find a way to tell them about us, just… not now, not yet,” I said. “Too much is going on for me. College, meeting new people. All that stuff.” Too much was at stake. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay. Don’t be. I understand.”

“We’ll get through this together.” It was supposed to be a promise, but it sounded more like a question. We’ll get through this together, won’t we?

“Okay. Are you free tomorrow? I’m thinking we could go…”

I pulled the phone away so I could look at the screen. Incoming all: Kai. “Hey, listen, Kai’s calling me, probably about some school stuff. I have to take this. I’ll call you back later, okay?”

“Oh, alright. Talk to you soon then?”

I checked the screen again. Kai was calling for the second time. If I don’t return his call as soon as possible, he would give up and call some of his girlfriends instead, and his line would be engaged for the next two hours. “Of course. I really got to go.”

“Bye. Love you.”

I hung up.

There are usually different emotions portrayed on the students’ faces on the first day of school. Some look forward to it, some cannot wait for the day to end, some keep looking around for familiar faces and/or other lonely souls to befriend, while some simply hop with joy when the orientation begins. For me, it was none of the above.

The first thing I noticed when I stepped into the huge school compound was that most students came in pairs or groups, and were huddled up among themselves, people watching and gossiping. I frowned and tried to stay out of their way. I wasn’t that eager to make friends.

I waited at the cafeteria for Kai to arrive. Although he was a second semester student and wouldn’t be attending the orientation event, he wanted to wish me luck personally. As usual, he was late. By thirteen minutes. “You’re late,” I chided.

He gave his hair a little tousle and grinned at me. “Fashionably late,” he corrected me as he adjusted his clothes. “So, how’re you feeling? Excited?”

“Quite. I’m not really feeling it yet.”

“You will, trust me,” he said. “I have to run to my first class, but I have a break at 11. I’ll text you and let you know where I’ll be.”

“Great.”

“See you later, man. Don’t stress out. It’s college! Have fun!” he exclaimed before blending in with the rest of the crowd. I sighed in annoyance. I was getting tired of the assumption that studious, serious kids can’t have fun at the same time.

I managed to survive the first half of the orientation nonsense. It was kind of cruel to put people in groups and force them to have fun and get to know one another, when they weren’t even taking the same course so the probability of them keeping in touch after classes officially begins was quickly approaching zero.

Come meet me at the table next to the course management office! Kai’s message read. I tried to recall where the office was and began mentally tracing the route to get there. I didn’t want to approach any strangers for direction because my lungs were acting up that morning and the last thing I wanted was for people to think I had tuberculosis.

It wasn’t difficult spotting Kai from a mile away because he talked like his volume was broken and permanently stuck at ‘high’. His friends were a lot like him, only they dressed a bit more crazily so his black and grey attire was easily distinctive from their rainbow-colored ones. He beamed and shot one arm up to wave at me.

“Hey, Sehun! Glad to see you found the place!” he said. I forced a smile and nodded. “These are my classmates; Kyungsoo, Junmyeon, Baekhyun and Chanyeol.”

We exchanged greetings and then he pushed me down on the chair next to him. “How was it? Did you make any friends?”

“Not really,” I admitted. The tall guy – Chanyeol – cocked an eyebrow. I felt self-conscious all of a sudden. I didn’t want them to think I was a loner and at meeting people and making friends, even though sadly it was true. “I haven’t came across anyone that I’d like to hang out with, so far.”

That seemed to do the trick. They agreed that it was a bummer and that most of the new intakes were scrubs, whatever that was. “Don’t worry. It’s only your first day. Hopefully you’ll find people in the next few days,” Junmyeon said.

“Or, you can just hang out with us when you’re free,” Baekhyun offered, and Kyungsoo nodded next to him. “Good idea. We’re definitely not boring.”

I could tell, just by looking at their dressing style, that they were anything but boring. Boring people don’t dare dress like that, which posed another worry for me because I didn’t. Did that mean I was boring?

“What’s your major?” Chanyeol asked. He didn’t sound very friendly, more like he was still trying to judge if I was worth wasting his breath on. I almost asked him what his problem was, but stopped myself just in time.

“Modern applied music,” I said.

“Nice! Same as us,” Baekhyun said. “We’re taking two first year subjects this semester, so you can probably take the same classes with us. You can allocate your timetable slots some time later this week. Kai will let you know what time our classes are.”

“Absolutely.” Kai bobbed his head and gave me a manly hug, which made me feel strangely uncomfortable. “Sehun’s my best friend. We’ll stick together.”

It was a bad moment to cough, but I did. I tried to keep my mouth shut in case my lungs fell out of them. “Sorry,” I mumbled in between coughs. “Asthma.”

Kai went ahead to explain my condition to them. They listened attentively and responded with ‘ooh’s and ‘ahh’s once in awhile, except Chanyeol, who still looked like he couldn’t wait for me to go away.

“Sorry to hear that,” Kyungsoo said. “If you need help, I know a guy from the college of medicine.”

“No, I’ll be fine. Thanks. I’m getting better every day.”

Junmyeon checked his watch – Tag Heuer whoa – and stood up. “We have a lecture in ten minutes.”

“I have to get back to the hall for the orientation too,” I said.

“You know, if you want, we can sneak you into the lecture theatre. It’s huge and our professor normally doesn’t care who is or isn’t there,” Kai said, prompting the others to snicker along.

Chanyeol, again, didn’t think it was a good idea. “Really, guys?” He rolled his eyes and walked away. “I’ll be in class.”

Later on, when the head of department was giving the most boring speech I had ever sat through in my life, I received a text from Luhan. Hey, looking forward to see you later! Do you want me to pick you up from campus, or are you coming over on your own? xoxo

Crap. I forgot I had a date with him. Maybe I could tell Kai and let him know that I would be there at a later time, or something. I was only halfway through typing the message when my phone vibrated again. It was Kai.

We’re gonna go bowling! I told the guys you’re coming. Don’t let me down now.

I bit my lip and pressed my fist against my forehead, as if that would force my brain to come up with a win-win plan that wouldn’t jeopardize my reputation in the eyes of the cool college kids, or make my boyfriend unhappy. Before I could reply to either of them, there was another message.

Chanyeol thinks you aren’t coming. He doesn’t like you. I think you should definitely show up to piss him off. Ha.

I scoffed, earning me a glare from the guy sitting two seats away from me. I ignored him and began to reply Kai. There was no way I was gonna let Chanyeol win or say any ‘I told you so’s. Who was he to think I won’t be coming? .

I’ll be there, I typed and pressed send. Then, taking a deep breath, I returned to Luhan’s text and composed a reply for him. Sorry, I can’t come later. I’ll call you at night.

He would understand.

“Kai, if you want us to stay as friends, you’re gonna have to keep that girl away from me.”

He laughed, sending jagged sound waves across the line. “I can’t do anything. I think Jinri likes you a lot.”

“You think?” ‘Like’ was an understatement. She was clinging onto me like super glue. When she spoke, she sounded force