Everything changes, the world and the things on it. The rivers change size, holding more than they used to. The people change, their hearts beat differently and their bones grow stronger, so I shouldn't be surprised by all that I've changed, over the years.

02

Chapter

❝ Chapter 02: Stupid

He smiles as he declines the box of chocolates, saying something that makes the girl smile back. Although tears roll down her cheeks from the rejection, she leaves with a smile. He bows to her disappearing figure and walks back over, sitting on the bench. His school uniform crinkling as he does so.
“Isn’t that the fourth girl to confess to you this week?” I ask, looking up at Jongin as he shrugs his shoulders.
“Girls love me.” He says with a cheeky grin, I resist the urge to knock him backwards and off of the bench he sits on. He leans closer, resting his palm on my thigh to stop from planting his face in the dirt below the benches. “So do guys.” He says quietly, his cheeky grin turning into a cheekier smirk. I lift my hand up and press it to his cheek, pushing him back harshly; he loses his balance and lands on his back, on the dirt he was avoiding in the first place.
“You should get back to school, Jongin.” I say as I step over him, dropping his backpack onto his stomach. He groans as I start to walk away.
“Jongdae, you’re an !” He shouts after me, I laugh and shrug my shoulders, walking into the bathroom block that stands in the park we’re in. It’s near the high school Jongin attends, the same high school I was attending.

I walk inside of the small building and walk to one of the two sinks that line the dark cream walls, opposite the two toilet stalls. I stare at my reflection, running a hand through my hair as my phone buzzes with a message. I sigh and pull my phone out, looking over the message from Chanyeol.
‘Can you come over?’ His message reads and I send one back, telling him I can. I put my phone away and leave the bathroom block, going over to stand by Jongin, who has now moved back on top of the bench, his backpack sitting next to him.
“I have to get going, Jongin, will you walk me home?” I ask and Jongin perks up a little at my request, he looks up at me and nods. He stands and we begin to walk away from the benches and out of the fence that rounds the park.

We walk down the street slowly, the sun still high in the light grey-blue sky, like it’s about to rain. We walk with silence between us, down the uneven path. Jongin clears his throat, breaking the silence for a moment. We walk, getting closer to the apartment building I live in. It’s old, the outer walls made out of red bricks and grey concrete. I look up at the building, following its colours with my eyes, darkening against the greying sky. We slowly come to a stop at the entrance of the apartment building.
“I’ll see you later.” Jongin says, breaking the silence again – this time with his voice. I nod to him as he leans over, pressing his lips onto my cheek before walking away. I roll my eyes and wait for him to turn the corner before I start walking away, heading towards Chanyeol’s apartment.

Chanyeol and Luhan, although when they told me they planned to live together, at first I thought it was a great idea, they’re both loud-outgoing guys, but slowly the thought gave me chills. Maybe it was because after we – Luhan and I, broke up, I didn’t want to visit Chanyeol again. It shook things between us, putting Luhan in the way of our friendship. I told Chanyeol multiple times that I’d visit, as long as Luhan wasn’t there. As I head to his apartment now, I only hope Luhan’s not there.

I spot the large white building a few blocks away, Chanyeol’s building was large. I knew Chanyeol’s family was well off, his father was famous for inviting some sort of machine and his mother didn’t have to work – but I really knew how well off Chanyeol was, when he moved into the apartment. I walk up the short steps and through the entrance of the apartment building. The lobby was large, with cream-tone tiles that made zig-zag patterns on the floor and the walls painted in lighter cream. There were white chairs and lounges on one side and on the other was the receptionist desk, a set of three elevators line the wall off to the side.
I take my phone out and send a message to Chanyeol, letting him know I’m in the lobby. I pace around the lobby before my phone buzz with a reply from Chanyeol – telling me to head up to his floor. I do as the message says and go to the set of elevators; I press one of the golden-up buttons and step back. They tick for a moment before the doors to one slide open, showing the inside of the maroon-carpet and white panelled room. The man inside steps out with a boy, he gets one in return as I enter the elevator. I hover over the floor buttons for a moment before pressing Chanyeol’s floor – 16. In the building I live in with Baekhyun, there are only ten floors. In Chanyeol and Luhan’s building, there are twenty-four. I watch the small monitor tick by as it goes up each floor. Not stopping once until I reach the sixteenth and it stops with a soft ding.
I walk into the clean-cut white and cream hallway, lined with gold and brass light fixtures and white doors lined with gold numbers.
I walk down the hallway, making two turns and a short detour to stop at a mirror that hangs on the wall. I look at myself and brush a few fingers through my hair, fixing it a little. I shrug my shoulders back and walk to the door, number 2-0-4, Chanyeol and Luhan’s apartment. I press the white button and hear a soft chime of the doorbell.
It’s only a moment later that the door is pulled open and Chanyeol is standing there with a blank-worrying face. I enter and push my shoes off with each foot, slipping them into the white-comfortable house slippers. Chanyeol leads me into the main area of the apartment; the kitchen-dining-lounge area, all combined in one large room.

At first I was amazed by how good of a host Chanyeol was in his own place – in middle and high school, his ways of hosting were to give you a bag of chips, a bottle of a drink and to sit on his bed with a comic, and then to ignore you until you mention something about such comic – or a video game.
Now, Chanyeol was a great host, like he was trained. I would guess by Luhan, who from over the years learnt how to keep his guests entertained and happy – he attended hospitality classes for six months before dropping his major and transferring to a music academy. He did well there, and was as popular as he was in high school.

I stop in my tracks when I see him, lying on the couch with a glass on the fancy coffee-table. I look at Chanyeol and he sighs softly.
“I didn’t know who else to call. I’ve only seen him like this once and it was when you…” His words are stopped by Luhan sitting up and talking over him.
“Y-you broke u-up with me!” He hiccupped, his head rolling back. I stare at him before looking up at Chanyeol.
"You thought it was a good idea to bring me of all people?” I ask and he nods slowly, grabbing onto my arm lightly and pulling me over to Luhan. He sits me in the armchair next to the couch that Luhan is lying on. I shift a little, getting comfortable.
“Just…try to talk to him, or something.” Chanyeol says softly, patting my head like I was a child. “Maybe tell him that you don’t hate him.” He says before walking away and to the kitchen, leaving me somewhat-alone with Luhan. I stare at the obviously drunk man, who reeks of alcohol, so if his demeanour didn’t give it away, the smell did. I sigh lowly and run a few fingers through my hair, leaning back slightly.

“Luhan, what’s wrong with you?” I ask and he looks at me with a blank face, staring for a moment before pointing at me.
“You…y-you just…h-how did you d-do it?” He asks with a soft hiccup. I blink at him, shaking my head in confusion.
“How did I do, what?” I ask back and he leans forward, pouting his lips at me.
“H-how did you g-get over it, g-get over us?” He asks and I continue to stare at him, shaking my head.
“You’re drunk, you should go to sleep.” I say, turning to look for Chanyeol, but he’s gone. I stare at the empty kitchen with a glare, seething under a blank face. I turn back around slowly, looking at Luhan, who has now lied onto the couch fully, peeking up at me from behind a pillow.
“It seems as though I’ll be babysitting your stupid-self for a while.” I say softly, standing slowly and grabbing the glass that still sits on the coffee-table. I walk to the kitchen and place the glass in the sink and turn the tap on to let some water into it. I turn around to look at the still-very drunk Luhan, sprawled out on the couch. I tap my fingers onto the kitchen island, looking away from him and out the large windows that make up the end wall. I stare out at the scenery, the tops of trees and overlooking a fancy-private park. I look towards Luhan as I hear him groan, and roll off of the couch – onto the floor.

He starts to crawl sluggishly into the hallway and I walk over, pulling him up slowly, and I realise just how heavy he is. I stop, and let him crawl into the bathroom. I screw my face up as he makes it, and just in time, it seems. I hear the belches and sounds of vomiting from where I stand. I take a few steps hesitantly and I peek around the door to see Luhan slumped against the toilet. I walk in slowly, pulling him back a bit as I flush the toilet. He leans backwards, into my legs with a soft sigh. I stand there, awkwardly for a moment before I lean over and grab a face-towel. I step away and to the sink, just opposite the toilet. I wet the towel and crouch down after facing Luhan again. I turn him around and press the towel to his cheeks, thankful he didn’t get anything on his shirt or in his hair. Luhan stares at me with tired-red eyes. I glance up a few times but I avoid looking at him fully. I move the damp towel over Luhan’s lips slowly.
“You’re so stupid, why would you get drunk over something so pointless.” I say to myself, shaking my head. I pull away quickly, so I don’t have to look at Luhan’s sad face. I bite my tongue and let myself run a few fingers through his soft-feeling hair. “Come on, Luhan.” I say, helping him up, but really he gets up himself. I hold onto him and help him out of the bathroom and to his room.

I stare at the simple and clean room for a moment, as we stand at the door. I shake my head and move Luhan to his bed and sit him down. As I move away, I feel his arms wrap around my hips, holding me in front of him.
“Luhan, you should rest.” I say, drumming my fingers on his shoulder.
“Rest with me.” He says softly, his arms tightening around me. I let out a soft sigh – no way of getting out of this unless I want to upset Luhan, and possibly Chanyeol.
“Alright, I’ll rest with you.” I say and his arms slowly loosen, letting me go. He crawls backwards onto his bed more and lies down. I hesitate for a moment before I walk to the door again, leaving it ajar and turning the light off. I use my phone to navigate my way back to the bed – even though the floor is clear of things. I lie next to Luhan on his large and comfortable bed. It’s nicer than my own. I turn onto my side, my back facing Luhan. I feel the bed move as Luhan does, I feel him move closer, his arm pulling me closer to his body and he lies back down – I’m trapped under Luhan’s arm over my waist. I hold still and sigh, relaxing once I realise he’s fallen asleep. I close my eyes after a moment, drifting to sleep myself. I haven’t slept with Luhan in over eight months, before we broke up. It was never in his bed, the only time I was inside of his apartment was when Chanyeol invited me over and even then I never went into his room. I didn’t know why, and I still don’t – why we never did anything in his bed, over my smaller and less-comfortable one. Maybe it was for kindness, so Chanyeol wouldn’t have to hear us, but I’m sure he’d leave even if he thought we were about to do something, that’s how Chanyeol was.

I wake a few hours later, shivering from the coldness. I turn onto my back to find Luhan gone from the bed, the door open more. I sit up and run a hand through my hair, looking around the very dimly lit room. I scoot off of the bed and walk out, peeking at the end of the hallway and into the kitchen, where Luhan stands. The sun is setting in the background, lighting everything up in oranges and pinks – it looks beautiful. I walk over slowly, standing on the other side of the kitchen island. He turns to me before he looks down at the empty hot chocolate tin.
“We ran out.” He says with a sigh, leaning his head against the wall. I shift from foot to foot for a moment.
“I’ll go get some.” I say, it was a moment of chance, to get out of the apartment and from Luhan – for a moment anyway. He nods slowly and I walk away, quickly going to the front door of the apartment. I push off the slippers I still wear and pull on my own shoes in a hurry. I pull the door open and walk out, letting it close behind me. I run a hand through my hair a few times, walking down the hallway with haste as I fix my clothes up, from my nap.

As I walk outside I’m hit with the cold air of the night, and hit by light drops from a drizzle of rain. I pull my jacket up a little more, walking down the street. I head for the closest corner-store. I spot a store and head inside, walking around for a moment, only to notice how expensive things were. I sigh deeply and spot the hot chocolate that Luhan likes and buys. I stare at it for a moment, running my fingers over the price tag – with a little whimper.
“Excuse me.” A man says and I step back, he takes a tin of the hot chocolate and smiles at me. I stare after him as he walks away, wrapping his arm around a shorter man’s shoulders. I blink a few times, grabbing my own tin and walk away, going to the counter. I dig through my pockets, taking out my thin and old wallet. I set the tin down and the cashier takes it, running it through the scanner and tapping her polished-finger nails onto the top of the counter, waiting for me to take out the money. I hand it to her and she smiles-bitterly, checking the amount before printing a receipt and putting it on top of the tin, which she pushes closer to me. I take it and walk away quickly, leaving the corner-store. I sigh as I walk down the street, more rain starting to fall. I stop mid-street as it starts to pour. I let out a frustrated groan and start to walk again, almost jogging back to Chanyeol and Luhan’s apartment.

Once there, and inside the lobby I stop for a moment, sighing and pacing around before I decide to get into the elevator and back to the apartment. I shiver – shaking more than I would have liked. I get to the door and push it open, rolling my eyes a little as I find it still slightly open and unlocked. I enter and stop as Luhan stands at the other end of the hallway. He looks me over once and rubs his eyes, like he’s seeing something.
“You’re soaking wet.” He says as he walks closer, stopping just at the bathroom door. “I’ll get a towel, stay there.” He says, opening the door and entering it for a moment. I look down as he disappears from my sight and as I look up again, a towel is being wrapped around my shoulders.
“You should shower and change into warm clothes, you could catch a cold.” Luhan says softly, I can hear the concern in his voice.
“I’ll b-be fine.” I say, stuttering from the coldness I still feel.
“You don’t look like you’ll be fine.” He says, pulling me away from the entrance slowly and to the bathroom. We stop at the door and he pushes it open more, stepping forward to make me step back, and into the room. “Shower for as long as you need.” He says; look downward at my hands – still holding the tin of hot chocolate. He takes it from me, smiling a little. “You didn’t have to get this; I could have waited until the morning.” He mumbles, stepping out of the room.
“I’ll get you something to wear.” He says, closing the door behind him. I stand at the door for a moment before stepping back and turning to face the nicely-sized bathroom. Everything was white, tidy and clean. I let out a shaky sigh and pull my shoes off, dropping them by the toilet; I walk over to the shower. I turn the hot water on and moments later the room is filling with steaming-hot air. I don’t hesitate to strip out of my slowly-drying clothes. I let them drop onto the white tiles of the bathroom floor before I step onto the white-fluffy bathmat. I lean into the shower to turn the cold-tap, the water going from hot to warm. I step in and stand there, letting the water wash away the cold and replace it. I take a while, just letting the water run over me, in an effort to heat up. It works quickly and I decide to actually wash, using whatever’s on the shower’s white-shelves. Expensive smelling and looking body-washes and shampoo, not only does it look and smell good, it feels amazing as well. I finish and turn the water off slowly, stepping out of the shower and onto the white-fluffy bathmat and grab a random towel. I dry myself off and notice a set of clothes, folded and set on the sink. I stare at it for a moment before realising that Luhan probably came in and put them there, as I was showering. If it was someone else, I would have cared, but I didn’t. I dry off more before I pull on the soft-warm clothes and walk out, a pair of house-slippers sitting outside of the bathroom. I slip my feet into them and walk into the larger main.

Luhan stands in the kitchen, pouring boiled water into two mugs. He motions to me to come over and I do. I sit on one of the kitchen islands-stools. Luhan sets a mug in front of me; I can tell by the smell that it’s hot chocolate. I lift my arms to pick the mug up, the sleeves of the jumper overhanging slightly – I push them up a bit and take the mug, I have a sip and set it back down.
“Thank you for getting this, Jongdae. You didn’t have to.” Luhan says and I shrug a little, playing with the handle of the mug.
“I couldn't let you get it, you didn’t look like you could navigate from here to the corner-store and back.” I say and Luhan smiles a little, nodding.
“Right, you were babysitting me.” He says and I nod back. He sighs softly and leans onto his elbows, on top of the kitchen island. He looks down at his steaming mug.
“Thank you for staying.” He says, running his fingers over the gold detailing that are on his mug.
“I couldn’t just leave you here alone.” I say and he chuckles gently, shaking his head and looking up at me.
“You could have. Or you could have called Baekhyun to come look after me.” Luhan says and I shrug, picking the mug up and holding it to my lips, taking a sip of the warm-chocolaty goodness.
“I’m still thankful for you, for staying.” He says and I shrug again, putting the mug back onto the coaster. He looks me over slowly, as if my still-damp hair was interesting.
“You seem different.” He comments.
“It must be the expensive shampoo I used.” I joke and smile a little; he lets out a soft chuckle. “Or the body-wash, Gold-Coconut-Rinse sure does sound like it could change what you looked like.” I say and Luhan shakes his head, smiling more.
“Alright, it’s getting late. You should go home.” He says, standing straight. I raise my eyebrows at him, pointing to the window over my shoulder.
“Do you really want me to go home, in that weather?” I ask as the sky cracks with lightning, as if it were waiting for my cue. Luhan shakes his head a few times.
“No, I don’t. You can stay here, then.” He says and I nod again.
“I’ll sleep on the couch.” I say. Luhan begins to protest and I stop him, saying that it’s fine.

I finish drinking my hot chocolate as Luhan does. I stand and walk around the island, going next to Luhan to put the mug in the sink to rinse. We stand next to each other, and closer than I meant for us to be. He looks at me and he moves aside slightly, letting me rinse the mug. I do so and dry my hands on the tea-towel he now holds. He glances at me, his face blank, like he’s trying to hold back any emotion.
“Hey, come here often?” I ask and he blinks, looking at me fully.
“Yes, do you?” He asks back and I shake my head.
“Nope, first time.” I say and I smile a little, letting go of the tea-towel and walking around Luhan, going to the couch and sitting down. He stands there, awkwardly, for another moment before walking over and sitting in the armchair I was in hours ago, when Luhan was where I lie, drunk.
“You’re still odd.” He comments and I look at him, nodding slowly. “But not as quiet.” He says with a soft hum.
“Do you still like quiet people?” I ask and he smiles a little.
“I guess my ideals have changed from quiet to…cheeky.” He says and I nod, leaning onto the arm of the couch.
“And I suppose those ideals will change again.” I say, closing my eyes and leaning onto my arm.
“I suppose they will.” He says and I hear him stand, the sound of lights flicking off and then the room behind my eyes is dark.

I wake up an hour later to Luhan putting a blanket over me and a pillow under my head. I surprise him by sitting up, he steps back, hitting his calves on the coffee table, he hisses a little, from the sudden pain. I yawn and reach out for him, grabbing onto his sweat pants – mid-thigh. I blink a few times, my eyes slowly adjusting the moon-lit room. I look up at him with tired eyes and his hand rests on my wrist, the one that holds onto his pants.
“Jongdae, are you going to make me stand here all night, or are you going to let go?” He asks and I shrug, keeping my grip tight.
“Dunno, can I have a hug?” I ask in my still-sleepy state. He chuckles softly and mutters an ‘of course’. Luhan leans over slowly, hugging me lightly, in an awkward manner. I let go of his hands and move to stand on my knees. I wrap my arms around his waist and hold onto him, he stands straight and I rest my head against his chest.
“You’re stupid.” I whisper, holding onto him tighter. “I’m stupid too.” I whisper again, closing my eyes. He doesn’t move, his fingers run through my hair gently. I slowly drift back to sleep, my grip loosening as I do. Luhan lies me back down and pulls the cover up, tucking me in a little.
“We’re stupid.” Luhan whispers as I fall back asleep.

 

★ Author's Note:

Okay, chapter two is up! This isn't as long as the first, but I don't want to make the chapters too long. I hope this is a good length either way!

Sorry for any mistakes, I have to stop writing in a sleep deprived state! Hope you like the chapter!