Part One
Tuesday ThirdTaeyeon was sad.
It wasn't the kind of sad that could be explained. It wasn't the kind of sad that had a specific root. It was more of a feeling of blue. Perhaps it could be likened to crashing waves or maybe the occasional twinge of pain or two.
And so she sat in the library with a thick book, her glasses pushed up and her jacket folded neatly beside her. At least for a short period of time, she could forget her sadness. Detach herself from it. Escape from it. Escape from everything else.
She spent every free period in the library. Away from people. Away from hurt. Away from pretence. She needed some time to herself to collect her thoughts. It wasn't that she hated people - no. It was more of the fact that she hated herself. She hated herself for not being able to be a person that everyone liked, that everyone wanted to talk to. She hated herself for always being the second choice.
At least it was her favourite period. Tuesday third. There was no particular reason for that. Nothing really striking about it. Maybe it was just because the library was the most quiet then. And maybe it was her too.
Her.
But Taeyeon didn't want to think about her today. She never wanted to think about her. But she couldn't help it. And the fact that it was tuesday third didn't help either.
It was two minutes to ten.
Taeyeon sighed softly as she gripped the book a little tighter. She skimmed over the words a couple of times, reading but not quite processing.
Carpe Diem, the words read. Seize the day.
Then Taeyeon looked up and her heart did backflips. Was it even possible for someone to be so flawless? So effortlessly flawless?
"Hey," She took a seat on the spot next to Taeyeon.
Taeyeon smiled sadly as she read the sentence one last time.
Carpe Diem.
"Hey," Her own voice sounded empty, devoid of courage.
"TaeTae, I don't like you." She said quietly.
Then she laid her head on Taeyeon's shoulder.
It was always like that. She'd say one thing then do the opposite. It never made sense to Taeyeon. Not ever, not now. But Taeyeon liked it. At least, it was ambiguous. At least, she'd never get attached enough to get hurt.
At least…
Ha. Who was she kidding?
"Tiffany?" It felt nice, saying her name.
"Yeah?"
Taeyeon averted her attention back to the book. "Nothing."
She was reading a book about teenage love. It was about a girl who fell in love with a guy and a guy who fell in love with a girl. A mutual crush, ha! Like that was even possible in real life. It irked her so damn much, especially since … Especially since she didn't have a chance.
"TaeTae?" Tiffany's voice was as soft as a whisper.
"Hmm?"
"Hey."
Taeyeon couldn't help but smile. "Hey."
They spent the rest of the period like that. Taeyeon casually skimming through her book and Tiffany simply resting. It wasn't anything special. Not to Tiffany anyway.
But Taeyeon liked having Tiffany close. It felt special to her. Was there a reason for it? Probably, but she'd never admit it to anyone. Not even herself.
The bell rang shortly after, and Tuesday Third ended like how it ended every other Tuesday.
With a person's smile and another's silent heart.
--
Taeyeon was tired.
She really was. The week was hell and she hardly had enough sleep.
But she could get rid of the physical fatigue. She always could. But she never could forget the haunting thoughts that plagued her mind and - she glanced at her wrist - she could never get rid of the scars.
Taeyeon wished she was someone else most of the time. Those girls with the perfect hair, those people that knew exactly what to say and when to say it. How did they do it? Live life so perfectly? How could they be so blemish-free when all she was was a Pandora's box full of flaws?
It wasn't fair.
Taeyeon strolled down the walkway to her class. There was no rush, she was ten minutes early. Maybe she'd meet that girl by coincidence. Maybe.
And she did.
But she hated it.
"F*** you!" A familiar voice echoed through the narrow hallway.
The offended stuck her middle finger in the air.
The offender noticed Taeyeon and smiled.
"Hey TaeTae!"
"Hey."
If only it were the voice she knew.
---
Tuesday Third.
Taeyeon was in the library again. She had a new book and it was about a boy and a girl. Again. God, books like these pissed her off so much. Teenage love pissed her off so much. But still, she read them, one after another, over and over again.
It let her experience things that she could never have.
"TaeTae."
"Yeah?" Taeyeon looked up and she nearly choked.
Tiffany was so close. Close enough to… no. Her eyes were really pretty. Genuine. Happy. Sad.
"Nothing." Tiffany shook her head.
"Tiffany?"
"Hmm?" Tiffany went back to lying on Taeyeon's shoulder.
"I…" Her voice cracked. "Really like this book."
"Oh?" Tiffany's voice dropped to a calm whisper. "What is it about?"
"Teenage love."
---
Taeyeon never understood how the light tapping of her footsteps didn't affect anyone else. How was it that the simple smile that could stop her mid-breath was a trivial expression to everyone else.
It didn't make sense.
"Hey! Taeyeon!" Hyoyeon called out.
Taeyeon grinned. "Yeah?"
"We're going drinking later. You wanna come?" Hyoyeon smiled as she linked arms with Tiffany.
Her jaw tightened but she eased into a half hearted laugh. "You know I can't drink well."
"It'll be fun!"
"It's okay, see you guys tomorrow." As they left, Taeyeon's smile slipped away.
If only they weren't from different worlds.
---
TBC
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