These days, the word ‘girl’ in reference to herself feels foreign on Tiffany’s lips.

 

Not that she isn’t one, but each day its fit seems less and less, like a pair of jeans that are now too loose around the waist.

Tiffany isn’t quite sure when, but somewhere along the way her goals rearranged themselves and her responsibilities multiplied by a hundred to the tenth power. Her perspective changed from “get it done, and done well,” to “get it done well and take notes on why this will or will not work.”

Somewhere along the way she started investing more than just her energy into things and now she wasn’t a pawn, she was becoming her own chess player. And maybe that happens for every girl who gets older. Maybe that’s what happens for other people with normal jobs, who start from the bottom with no say or experience in what they’re doing yet inevitably, with time, become the commandeers in their own careers.

Yet with all the time that has passed, and the experience that has the ropes of the industry twisting expertly within her own hands, Tiffany still feels just as nervous as a rookie when the news breaks out and she has to duck quickly into the dorm before the storm of reporters outside completely ruin her lunch plans. She works quickly after the “surprise attack” (which was really a predetermined discomfort which she had found herself still dreading), shooting off a text to her friend apologetically.

“Sorry, something’s come up! Lunch another time?”

Then, she calls her manager.

“Don’t bother coming to the office,”
he says, sounding exhausted enough to make her stomach churn just a little guiltily,

“we’re confirming the statement. It won’t do much harm now.”

‘Shouldn’t I say something?’
Tiffany almost asks, but she already knows the answer.

At times like these when her human failings come to light, it’s better to let the mystical hand of the agency make her moves for her.

 

When everything seems like it will be ironed out to the best of its ability, Tiffany pulls out the instant ramen and turns on the TV. She sinks into the cool, white leather couch in the living room, no longer caring that she had gotten herself dressed up and had her hair done. Her heels are shuffled off casually and as a variety show re-run blares cheerily, Tiffany contemplates taking a shower and just changing into her sweats for a lazy day in.

She feels like she’s had too many lazy days, but things aren’t really ever up to her anymore.

Forty minutes later articles begin appearing on the internet. An hour later, there is a brief, breaking news report on the Entertainment News show that she was only half paying attention to.

Seeing her face plastered heavily on the screen, Tiffany wishes they chose a better photo.

Then, she hears soft, padding footsteps, and she whirls around to see blank eyes and thin set lips tucking pertly downwards.

“Congratulations,”
Jessica says flatly.

Tiffany matches her frown.

 

“You already knew.”

 

“And now everyone knows.”

The brunette makes to sit down, and Tiffany notes that she is still in her pajamas. The thin layer of her shorts hitch up just slightly, revealing strikingly pale, white legs as she pulls them up onto the couch and crosses them at the knees like a child. Her hair is straightened and slightly askew, and there is a grogginess in her face that softens the sharpness of her glance as she studies Tiffany.

Jessica talks carefully, which means her tone sounds all the more careless when she asks, “are you alright?”

Tiffany shrugs.

“There’s no reason not to be.”

She looks back to the Tv screen and Jessica hums in agreement, looking to the screen also that is covering a montage of secretly captured photos. A deep quiet envelops the both of them and Tiffany isn't sure that it is quite right. Between them there was no need for words. The silence spoke more than anything they said ever could. And yet, this quiet somehow wasn’t how they were. Studying Jessica who kept her eyes intensely trained on the TV screen, Tiffany wanted desperately for her to say something.

Instead, Jessica begins fiddling with her phone. She doesn’t seem to notice Tiffany for a long time until she’s shifting tensely on the couch. It is only then that the brunette says flippantly, “dating isn’t a crime, you know.”

‘And yet I feel like I’ve done something wrong,’ Tiffany almost replies.

The program runs for another ten minutes before Tiffany finally has enough and turns it off. She turns to the older girl, who is now deeply immersed with her phone, and raises an eyebrow.

“You’ve got any plans today?”

It comes out as an aggressive demand, but the other girl doesn’t take notice.

“No,” Jessica hums, rolling her shoulders and stretching slightly, “not anymore.”

“Why not? What happened?”

“Oh, you know, another one of my members got into a scandal. Now I’m guilty by association. The press will be trying to hunt me down now.”

Tiffany feels bad, but snorts at Jessica’s quip and the brunette looks up with a devious grin.

“Means I get more time in to sleep, though. Can’t complain too much.”

It makes her feel better, Tiffany realizes, having Jessica with her. Having one of her members with her makes her feel less alone, and she dimly wonders then whether she should have called Nichkhun earlier and whether she should call him now in order to keep the same feeling of comfort - safety even.

“I’m hungry. Let’s make kimchi fried rice,” Jessica announces suddenly.

Tiffany decides that Nichkhun can wait.

“Do you know how to make it?” She asks, curious.

“Yeah, you get the rice and put it in sesame oil, then you dump the kimchi in.”

“That sounds too simple to be right.”

“As long as we don’t die it’ll be fine.”

The barely there mischievous glint in Jessica’s eyes makes Tiffany smile. And she realizes then that she is glad that it is Jessica of all people who is there with her.

Out of all of them, she is the one who has everything the most put together. She is the mysterious, chic princess. People only know as much as she wants them to. And yet, with Tiffany’s own bumbles, she doesn’t look down - doesn’t get frustrated. Jessica sits by her side and still acts the same.

She is whimsical and maybe even careless, but only because she doesn’t want to scare Tiffany by making it a big deal. She takes her mistakes and her self as she is. She always has.

“Dating isn’t a crime, you know.”‘We’re on the same team. It’s not an issue.’

 

“Do you want an egg with your rice?” Jessica asks.

 

“I don’t know if I’m willing to risk it,” Tiffany banters.

 

But inside, she believes she’d risk anything since Jess has always been willing to put herself on the line for her.

 

The End.